You're read the recent news stories. Some "experts" announced that fathers are mostly irrelevant in a child's life. Kids do just fine, they say, maybe even better, when raised by two lesbian partners. Other psychologists maintain that children show no negative effects when reared by two female partners or two male partners.
Agree or disagree? Do children gain anything from growing up in a home with a (female) mom and a (male) dad?
I say Yes. Picture the preschooler trying to summon up courage to go down a slide but frozen by fear at the top. Mommy says, "Oh, Honey, if you don't want to go down this time, that's okay. We can try again."
Daddy says, "Aw, c'mon. You can do it! Just shut your eyes and let go. I'll be here to catch you at the bottom."
If the child comes down and bumps at the bottom, crying, Mommy is ready with hugs, cooing, "There, there, you'll be okay. You don't have to try again until you're ready."
Daddy says, "Hey, that's a good start! Now just go up there and try again. You'll be so proud of yourself! Then we'll go get an ice cream cone to celebrate."
And so it goes, all through life.
I think children need both sides of that equation, the soft, warm, nurturing comfort of Mom, but also the encouraging prods from Dad.
When I think of my dad I can't remember anything remarkable he said. All I knew was he loved me. He loved my three sisters. And he loved my mom. I remember once as a young child watching entranced as these two people laughed and whirled around the kitchen, something they never did in "real life." But they looked at each other as though there were no one else in the world. I didn't understand it, but I knew that somehow it was wonderful.
I know now that I grew up blessed.
I never saw that love fail, not even through the last couple of years my mother slid slowly into dying from ALS, otherwise known as Lou Gehrig's Disease. She was 58.
All the years of my growing up, my dad was there. I could have written a long list of all the ways I thought he could be "better." Only later did I understand what it takes to "be there" through whatever comes.
That stability--and the faith in Jesus that under-girded it--provided the certainty that our family life rested on a rock. It honestly never occurred to me that Dad might think of fleeing the stress of a wife in ill health and seeking out an easier life.
That wasn't who he was ... and I knew it. We all did. We were poor in earthly goods, but rich in having parents of strength of faith and character. Money comes and goes. But faith, integrity and stick-to-it-faithful lasts.
My father died years ago and I appreciate him more with every year that passes.
What I know for sure is that imperfect comes with being human. A dad being around day after day, being a man his kids can look up to and count on, gives his children a lifetime gift.
Researchers may reach conclusions to the contrary, at least somewhat colored by the times we live in. Surely many single parents do all they can to make sure their children get exposed to role models of the opposite sex. It's tough to rear children alone, yet many single parents do a fantastic job.
But this I know for sure. The two sexes remain unique and children benefit from growing up with the blend. A mom can love her children with all her heart and be a wonderful mother. But she cannot be a dad.
So I say thank God for every father who faithfully loves his children and offers a solid base they can count on. Dads never will be--and never should be--unimportant.
Blessings and joy,
Lenore
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