I know, I know, that sounds too simple. I wouldn't believe it, either, if I hadn't lived it.
You see, for years I lived by circumstances.
Too often my mood rested on factors such as whether I got up with a headache. Whether it was raining. Whether the baby wailed or my husband seemed anxious.
The typical stuff of every day could turn me depressed or grouchy in no time.
Times like that I wasn't much fun to live with.
Oh, I did apologize with my well-worn apology. It went like this, "Sorry, Hon, I can't help it. That's just the way I am."
Enter "The Worry Clinic"
Then our daily newspaper started running this syndicated column by Dr. George Crane. Three times a week I devoured every word, but in the beginning I carried on a running argument with him in my mind.
I checked Dr. Crane's New York Times obituary. He wrote that column for over sixty years, until shortly before he died in 1995, at age 94.
Dr. Crane, a trained psychologist and a physician, always described his advice as "old-fashioned horse sense."
Which it was, I suppose. I remember one of his oft-repeated statements word-for-word.
"Act the way you want to feel and soon you'll feel the way you act."
The first time I read that it made no sense, but it opened my mind a crack. He had a favorite theme, that what we feel stems from what we think.
Here's a loose translation of how Dr. Crane explained the process:
You can change your thoughts as deliberately as you change stations on your radios or channels on your television sets. Switching your mind to another frequency is just as easy. All it takes is some practice.
That bumped me up against an uncomfortable fact I didn't want to face. I kind of liked being able to justify myself with,"I can't help it. That's who I am."
First I was shocked. Then I prayed.
Time's a'wasting
I became aware how our children reflected my moods. Before there was one sometimes-mopey mom. Now four sometimes-mopey copycats lived in the same house.
No wonder I pounced on Dr. Crane's "horse sense."
He primed readers not to expect an overnight transformation. The captain of an ocean liner can't turn 180 degrees all at once, he said Neither could we.
But, he promised, we could turn one degree, 180 times.
Before I had prayed for God to change me, then waited for it to happen.
Now I understood my part of it was to act in faith. That is, I needed to pray and trust, yes, but then move ahead and act as if God already answered and changed me. As time went on these actions began to feel "natural."
After awhile I could see how small, incremental moves brought big benefits. Home became a happier place--for all of us.
Branching out from Dr. Crane
I read the Bible and underlined verses. I haunted the public library and brought home stacks of books on personal growth, marriage and parenting. I took notes when something "hit me and fit me," as a friend used to say
Older books, newer books, it didn't matter. I devised my own criteria.
1.) Did the principles in this book conflict with what I believed as a Christian or with my personal values? (If so I set it aside.)
2.) Did the author use jargon or explain concepts in plain English?
After years of reading and living, here's what I know is true
- It's not the circumstances of our lives that determine our mindset; what matters most happens between our ears.
- Our emotions do flow out of what we feed our minds, just as Dr. Crane said.
- We are not alone. The power to help us change is available. All we need to do is ask.
The LORD gives strength to his people; the LORD blesses his people with peace. --Psalm 29:11
Now, what do you think?
Blessings,
Lenore
Comments