Albert Einstein talks about human relationships--and Frank Loesser's story proves it out.

 Who knew Albert Einstein had something to say about human relationships or rearing children? 

That's what came to my admittedly quirky mind when I heard a quote attributed to the man who came up with the theory of relativity. Here's what he said:

“If you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing it is stupid.”   

 

At first I laughed, but then the simple truth of those words hit me.  

I thought about what that principle means in human terms and how we relate to other people in our lives. We so casually expect spouses and family member to fit into the slot we design for them. Then we expect them to perform as we think they should.

 

I've done that. Maybe you have, too.

 

A couple of days later I heard a radio program celebrating the 100-year anniversary of composer Frank Loesser's birth. We've all tapped our toes to the music of this wildly successful composer and lyricist. He composed Guys and Dolls and How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying, as well as composing over 700 tunes used in movies, on the Broadway stage and on radio. He wrote the scores for more than 60 films.

You would think his family would be bursting-their-buttons proud, wouldn't you?

Well, no. He grew up in a musical family, with a pianist father, where classical music     reigned. Frank dropped out of City College of New York after only one year and tried various jobs, then ended up performing in a night club with a singer. This did not fit parental  expectations for their musically gifted son. His older brother Arthur, a.k.a., the "good son," fit into the family mold, giving numerous piano concerts and recitals. Later he served on the faculty of the Cleveland Institute of Music, becoming head of the piano department.

Big brother Arthur always looked upon his younger brother as the black sheep of the family. (Probably his parents did, too.) Arthur never considered Frank's remarkable achievements in the world of music to be valid or significant, because he labeled that music decidedly "lowbrow." Apparently he never wavered from that view.

Isn't that a shocker? Yet I think there's a lesson here for all of us. Even though most of us don't go to the extremes of Frank Loesser's family, we easily fall into the same trap. Whether it's our marriage partner, our child or anyone else with whom we interact, we conjure up a picture of what this person "should" be. 

When those individuals don't live up to our expectations, we feel disappointed and let down. We weigh them in our balance and find them wanting. 

I don't know about you, but I do it to myself, too. I have a long list of "shoulds" for myself. Some of them have nothing to do with who I am or what I could actually do. That never prevents me from raking myself over those guilt coals for all the ways I "fail."

So I have a question for you and for me. Do you know any "fish" that find themselves being expected to climb walls? How's that working out? Ever get caught in this net?

Albert Einstein wants to know.

Blessings,

Lenore