A Woman's View

Mother love that strengthens our children

You've probably seen that TV commercial of the mother and her college-bound daughter in the cell phone store.  

Both of them talk and weep at the same time, so their words get lost. Daughter tries to reassure her "Hover Mother" they won't be out-of-touch, while the (male) clerk remains mystified.                                                        

Google "hover mothers" or "helicopter parents" and you'll find pages of reading from all over on this hot topic

Hovering starts early

One account described parents who carefully choose a safe neighborhood near schools. Then they declare it's "too dangerous" for their children to walk or bicycle to school alone. They say, "I just want to be sure you're safe, Honey."

What would any normal child conclude? Life is scary.

Maybe that accounts for the twice-daily traffic jams In our quiet, low-crime community at the beginning and end of every school day. Sunshine or rain, cars line up for blocks along tree-lined streets. Watchful moms--and some dads--wait near the crossing guards, ready to walk their kids home. (Parents of middle- and high-school students wait down the street, as instructed.)

Good intentions may be misguided

Planting fear makes children feel powerless. 

Our call as loving parents is to help our kids grow strong within themselves.

Instead of hovering, we get our child ready for the "what ifs" of life. Talking it through and offering specific actions can produce courage and calm thinking, like youngsters in news stories who escaped harm by running away, screaming loudly or calling 911.

Somebody helped them be mentally prepared.

Love doesn't gallop to the rescue every time our child calls. Take the youngster with a habit of "forgetting" crucial homework or even lunch. No more lectures. No more temper. First comes a warning, then one rescue. After that Mom says, "Sorry, Sweetie. You're on your own. Talk to your teacher and see what you can work out."

Call it tough, or label it a taste of how the world works. A learning step toward being responsible.

We stay tuned, but from a distance. It's as if we hold up a sign that reads, "We believe in you!" If they stumble, we pick 'em up, give 'em a hug and encourage them to try again.

As Christian moms we want our child's long-term best. Working through situations like this on their own imparts the sense they can deal with whatever comes.

Our mission as parents is to love our kids and let them go

Teens and young adults learn to make wise decisions by (sometimes) making unwise decisions. We allow them to try--and sometimes fail--and learn.

Is this easy? No! Sometimes it feels like the hardest thing we've ever done. The near-hysterical mom in the cell phone commercial would be the type who delivers daily wake-up calls to her child's dorm room. (Yes, it happens.)

Moms feel separation anxiety, too. We look at the years we invested in protecting our child, wanting to make sure she grows up with only happy memories. We wonder how our beautiful children can get along on their own.

If not before, now's the time.

Setting our children free, ready and willing to live without us, bestows a love gift that keeps on giving.

Moms never stop praying

We love our children best when we leave "hovering" to the One who knows the end before the beginning. He never takes His watchful eyes off our loved ones and He knows what they need most. Our task is to keep on praying and trusting.

Here's a Bible verse to encourage us:

. . . The prayer of a righteous [mother} is powerful and effective.       --James 5:16  NIV  (If you don't feel "righteous enough," read Romans 3:22-24 and 5:19.)

Lovingly,

Lenore

 

 

What do we do with those old messages from childhood?

Not long ago a group of us were talking what makes us who we are.

One man said, "I'm an adult, I make my own decisions."

A woman said, "That's not as easy as it sounds. My mom used to freeze us out when we misbehaved. I I hated it, but once I had children, I found myself doing the same thing. I had to fight against going all cold and silent. Getting past those old patterns from childhood took me a lot of years and a lot of prayer."

Heads nodded all around the room.

Then another gal said, "I see that in my husband. He's just like his dad. Neither one of can turn off work and relax."

After that everyone in the room had a story of how their growing-up years influenced them as adults, sometimes in a good way, sometimes not.

We leave imprints on our children, too

From the beginning we want to be good parents. We want our daughters and sons to grow up healthy and balanced, with sound values and faith that will carry them through.

The trouble is we're human. We slip up and give way to our feelings. Our frustrations spill over into everyday family life.

Without even trying, our kids pick up the best of us. And the worst of us.

What about all those "memorable messages" we think we're imparting? Here's what family counselors say. What influences our children most deeply is how we live and what we say all those "ordinary" times when we think they're paying no attention.

Parenting would be easier if we were rearing peas in a pod

God made each of our children (and each of us) one-of-a-kind. What we learned with Child A probably won't work as well with Child B. .

It helps to remember that God gave us each child, whether they came by birth, adoption or through marriage. Even if  we can't quite figure out one of them and another "drives us crazy."

What's more, He equips us to be the mom or dad who loves and helps shape these particular young individuals.

At the same time God stretches and shapes you and me, too, through them.

Viewing our parents through an adult perspective

It helps to take a fresh look and realize our mother and/or father dealt with stresses and problems we didn't see and couldn't have understood.

Our imperfect parents made mistakes, just as we do. They coped as well as they could manage. Loved their kids as well as they were able.

Don't we do the same?

You and I can count up all the ways our inadequate mom or dad hurt us and/or let us down and spend the rest of our lives nursing our pain.

Or we can sift out the good and give thanks, then pray our children will do the same for us.

So we walk on in faith

Anytime you think you're in over your head, remember who gifted you with each child. Remember who your children are--and who you are: 

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made. --Psalm 139:13-14

For we are God's workmanship, created in "Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. --Ephesians 2:10

Silence harmful old messages by calling verses like these to mind. Store them in your memory or write them down, so you're ready whenever old thinking creeps in. Whenever I feel shaky or uncertain I find it helpful to read or say Bible verses aloud.

Think of it as planting a new reality in your mind and heart.

Think of it as finding a way to forgive and move on.

Moms, did you know cinnamon could be dangerous?

We moms pray for our kids all their lives, that God would keep them safe. But have you ever prayed about cinnamon?

Yep. Turns out it has become a real danger for preteens and teens.        

Oh, it's not the cinnamon on a yummy breakfast roll or a piece of fragrant cinnamon toast that  causes problems. 

Rather, it's "the cinnamon challenge," which at first sounds silly and harmless, like many acttivities that catch on with adolescents.

This one goes beyond risky to extremely dangerous.

How could common, wonderful-smelling cinnamon be a hazard? Melissa Arca, M.D., laid out the facts in her Sacramento Bee article of April 10, 2012.

According to Dr. Arca, the cinnamon challenge amounts to a public dare--and what adolescent can resist a dare? That's part of the problem. The other part is it doesn't sound particularly hazardous, even to adults. What could be so bad about swallowing a simple tablespoon of dry cinnamon in under 60 seconds without drinking anything?

Here's the catch. Cinnamon cannot be dissolved by saliva alone.

Dr. Arca says once a person has that much dry cinnamon in their mouth and tries to swallow it, gagging and choking immediately follow. What's more, the choking usually leads to vomiting and sometimes, to aspirating cinnamon into the lungs. Lung collapse may follow, or pneumonia. Some who try it even end up on a ventilator. Kids with asthma are extremely vulnerable and could experience a severe attack.

She advises immediate medical intervention, which strikes me as an unrealistic statement. What kid would try this while their pediatrician--or parent--stands nearby?

Because Dr. Arca stated that poison control centers report a recent spike in calls about the cinnamon challenge, I checked the website of the American Association of Poison Control Centers.

They AAPCC issued a press release warning dated March 28, 2012. In it they explain that powdered or ground cinnamon quickly coats the mouth and throat, which interferes with swallowing . Breathing difficulty follows and teens may unintentionally breathe the spice into their lungs. This can cause pneumonia and/or a serious attack for asthmatics.

Social media takes it viral. Again 

Predictably, teens and preteens want to post "funny" videos of themselves or someone else attempting to pull it off on their cell phones or on YouTube.

That's why you can Google "the cinnamon challenge." It has its own website, Facebook page and Twitter handle.

Even Wikipedia lists "cinnamon challenge." That entry notes that cinnamon contains coumarin, a moderately toxic chemical compound. It also notes that European health agencies have warned against ingesting "large amounts" of cinnamon.

We might write this off as a fad, just more amusing antics of the young if it weren't life-threatening.

Building in strength to resist dares like these 

Most parents, grandparents and caregivers already warn youngsters over and over about the need to be cautious and careful. Every day in every way.

(As you've probably noticed, kids specialize in tuning out such lectures.)

It seems to me a more hellpful strategy is to aim our efforts at helping our kids develop inner strength--and the sooner, the better. That means talking to our children from little on about making good choices.  It helps if they see us living this out ourselves.

No way can we keep our kids in a cage, like exotic birds. They're growing up in the real world. Moms and dads need to equip them to live in it.

Teach them the line you probably heard from your mom:

It doesn't matter what someone else does or says, it's up to YOU to choose what you will do. 

It's as true now as ever.

Talk empowerment instead of restrictions

Especially during their adolescent years, youngsters ache to belong. Some habitually look around them to see what others are doing, then mimic it. Blame it on the desire to be popular or on fear of being left out. 

At any age, real strength and freedom come from within, from quietly knowing who we are and what we stand for. If our children have a faith background they'll have an advantage during adolescence. Christian kids learn early on about the difference between right and wrong. They also hear often that God loves and forgives them even when they mess up.  

Helping our kids establish and rely on their inner standards is like equipping them with inner armor. Knowing what's good and right and true gives them a sure path through the hazards that lurk all through these preteen and teen years.

Hazards like the cinnamon challenge, all the things youngsters will view as fun, nothing more.

Maybe that's why we keep on praying.

Blessings,

Lenore

Declare a "joy break" and refresh your heart

Most of us could use a transfusion of smiles and energy about now. So sit back, put your feet up and watch these beautiful children. You won't want to miss a move.  

Even if you've seen this before, I promise it will make you smile all over again and give you an energy lift.

 

Fifth-graders who live in the Yupik Eskimo village of Quinhagak, Alaska, pop. 555 at the 2,000 census, put this together as a school computer project, intended for other Yupik villages in the area. 

By now more than 1,200,000 people have viewed this performance of the "Hallelujah" chorus from Handel's Messiah.

Take a moment to marvel at what God can do with the work of one individual.

In 1741, George Frideric Handel considered himself something of a failure. Then he composed the entire score of Messiah over a period of 24 days. He is said to have felt God gave him the music, but he could not predict how this music would endure.

He could not have imagined that 360 years later, Eskimo children in a small Alaskan village would treat us to this creative performance accompanied by a choir singing the "Hallelujah" chorus.

Tthe teacher of this class in that small Eskimo school could not foresee anyone in any other place would ever see this video.

There's a lesson here for you and me

As  individuals and as moms and dads we cannot know what God will do with our work--or our child's work.

Handel composed many other musical works, but  only his "Hallelujah" chorus is sung and hummed all over the world. His Messiah is performed every Christmas season by choruses and choirs in huge cities and in tiny villages on every continent. At the time he could not have guessed the value of his work.

I can't help thinking of this Bible verse.

For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.     --Ephesians 2:10

That verse wasn't aimed only at Handel and other famous people. It speaks to you and me, too.

Think you're on a treadmill and going nowhere?

Perhaps today you question the value of your life. Maybe you're facing your first Christmas alone after losing a loved one.

If you're a mom, your family most often notices what you do when you don't do it. Put a positive spin on that. Being taken for granted also means your family knows they can count on you.

Forget looking elsewhere to find your particular "good works." You're living with them. What's more, the family life you create, the love you pour into your days will live on in your children. Every day you are coloring their lives--and their picture of life.

Joy comes from giving ourselves fully and from knowing that what we do matters, whether we see the end result or not. God is faithful. What we do in faith will live on, one way or another.

Believe it. Let that truth put fresh energy in your tired body.

Then look again at the smiles on the faces of those Eskimo school children and sing Hallelujah! in your heart.

Someone needs us, needs our kind words, needs our encouragement. Those are gifts, too.

Now, let's enjoy this wonderful Christ-mas season of giving ourselves,

Lenore

 

Teaching your kids about sex. When, where, by whom?

Every day children absorb messages about sex, either implied or in-your-face.

They soak them up from Mom and Dad. From TV cartoons and sitcoms. From the neighbors and from what teachers say and do, as well as from sex education classes.

Truths and errors drip into young minds. Kids fit them together like pieces of a puzzle and come up with their picture of what it means to be a "male" or a "female."

Prescription: Start early to lay a solid foundation

It's not possible to grab our kids and run because, well, we live in the world.

Our best strategy is to help our sons and daughters lay down solid footings on which they can build sound lives.

Call this equipping what it is: your privilege. 

It's never too early and never too late. You will bless your children for life.

The idea is to make this part of casual everyday conversations. Help your children know the values you hold. Talk about the "whys" as well as the "what."

Arm your kids with the truth about sexuality and with right values. "Sexuality" and "sexual identity" go beyond body parts and sexual intercourse and involve the whole person. Males and females think differently and respond differently, both in body and mind.

Our Creator built that into us.

Are there variations between one male and another male? One female and another female? Of course, but none so striking as the differences between one gender and the other.

Mom and Dad are teaching all the time

Have you noticed that youngsters pay the most attention when you're not talking to them?

Your kids watch Mommy and Daddy and think that's how males and females are supposed to relate. When you treat each other with respect and speak well of each other, you give them a strong model to live by. Your love pats and long kisses bear witness that being married offers a lasting attraction.

What kids observe at home, day after day, outweighs whatever they may be taught in sex education classes.

Even teenagers, in numerous surveys, overwhelmingly name their parents as their most important influence.

What else can you do?

Make it a point to watch allowed television shows with your family, so you can help your kids catch innuendos and blatant sexual messages and identify sexy clothing. Talk about shows after they end. See if your kids picked up subtle messages and correct wrong impressions.

As you help your youngsters connect the dots they'll develop their own internal filters. Over time your children will begin to look and listen to life's pressures with better judgment, even when you're not around. They'll be wiser as they use their computer(s) and all the other techie marvels. 

Tell it like it is

From the beginning, use the correct terminology. (If you're not sure what that is, buy a reliable book written from a Christian perspective.)

Whatever you say, frame it in the context of God's perfect design. If you read the first two chapters of Genesis, you'll notice He saved the best for last: Adam and Eve. Human beings. He told them to be fruitful and increase in number.

God saw all that he had made and it was very good. And there was evening, and there was morning--the sixth day.              Genesis 1:31

As Christian parents, help your children develop God's view of sexuality. His good gift. Too precious to be squandered in thoughtless and casual ways.

Too wonderful to waste.

You can do it!

God gave you your children, more of his good gifts. He would not entrust you with your ohildren without empowering you for your task.

Peace and joy,

Lenore

You've heard of Helicopter Parents, but what of Helicopter Kids?

"Helicopter Kids" take awhile to develop. All their lives they've known they could count on their loving parents to be there for them.

You might say parents hovered.

These youngsters learned to depend on them for support. In everything. Over time these youngsters become uneasy about making a move without first checking with their parents.

Sounds sweet, right? Most moms and dads would be thrilled if their kids asked their opinion(s) or advice before the problem instead of after.

But here's the rub. At what stage do these young people become able to make decisions and work out problems on their own, so they can live on their own? 

Tracing the background

Loving parents worry about who or what lurks on the Internet, on the streets and in their own front yard. No wonder they clutch their child's hand and won't let go while in a store or in the mall. If they momentarily lose sight of their children, they panic.

These kids hear, "Now, you be careful!" and "Don't you ever go off with a stranger! If a stranger bothers you, scream as loud as you can, you hear me?"

Many kids grow up on this as a daily diet. At school they get more warnings. Even if the shooting at Columbine and the disaster of 9/11 happened before they were born, they see replays regularly. They live with drills and metal detectors and school lockdowns.

No wonder they are afraid.

No wonder their parents want to protect them.

Enter the cell phone

Cell phones appear to be a way to quiet fears on all sides. Parents and kids can stay in touch at all times. Youngsters can check in with their working parent(s) after school. When children are given a cell phone, they get the admonition to immediately return their parents' calls.

Peace, it's wonderful. Parents assume they can always know where their children are and kids can reach their parents at any time. Any time they have a problem.

Sounds like a good strategy, doesn't it?

Tim Jordan, M.D., a behavioral pediatrician who counsels school kids in the Chesterfield, MO, area, is not so sure. He says, "Kids are raised to need their parents for everything: problem solving, resolving conflicts with siblings and friends, handling adversity and challenges. College students text their parents for help and reassurance; it's hard to cut that wireless umbilical cord." 

Jordan thinks the same reasoning compels young people to constantly text and  Facebook their friends--another kind of hovering. Simply put, when they're not connected, they're uneasy. Adults tell them they need to take timeout for quiet thought and reflection, but that doesn't feel right.

They need to be in touch, need to feel connected at all times.

Hovering interferes with practicing for life

Dr. Jordan believes we're rearing a generation of hovering helicopter children. "It is not preparing them to enter their adult lives with confidence and the skills to be responsible, successful and resilient. Grounding their 'choppers' will take a shift in our thinking as parents and as a culture."

Here's the enduring truth. Every human being learns and grows by trying and failing, by learning from their mistakes and experiencing pain. 

The call for loving parents is to gradually increase freedoms while also ramping up their child's responsibilities.

Unless we allow our children to make decisions and work out problems on their own, then allow them to fail, we cheat them. They miss out on the chance to live and learn while we're on the scene, ready to pick them up and encourage them to try again.

Lacking that, they won't grow in self-confidence. They're likely to stay where it's safe.

With Mom and Dad. For life.

Lovingly,

Lenore

How to speak hope, even when the unthinkable happens

When our sense of security crumbles, as it did after 9/11, or when our personal world gets shaken up, how do we cope?

What do we tell our kids? 

Times like that we may feel empty, but our children and family members look to us for strength and stability. We may be shaking inside, but they think of us as security.

That's true for children of all ages, even when they've happily settled into their own lives. Often they look to us for reassurance and for clues on how to deal with life. 

Even when we have nothing left to give.

So we do what moms and wives have been doing since the beginning of time. We give anyway. 

We take our thoughts off what was lost and talk about what is left.

We speak hope that comes from beyond ourselves. Hope that's based on more than what we see and think and feel, based on faith.

Faith in the One who promised to be with us, no matter what, no matter where and to be our strength, even when we have none left within ourselves.

How do we protect our children?

We can't, not really. We can grab their hands so tightly it cuts off their circulation and follow them around like bird dogs, but there's no way to absolutely ensure they will never hurt, never be disappointed. We watch over them, of course, and every day we commit them to God's protection, asking Him to watch over them.

We can hug them and comfort them and speak the love we feel. 

Nobody ever gets too much love.

How do we model living in faith?

I don't know about you, but I used to think at some point I would arrive at a more, um, exalted state of being. I would "graduate" to being--and feeling like--a hero of faith.

Not so far.

I've found when I'm running on "empty," the best way to refuel is to spend time in the Word.

If you're not sure to start, here are a few verses I've marked in my Bible.

God is my refuge and strength, an ever present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the sea . . . The LORD Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress.      --Psalm 46:1, 11

I lift up my eyes to the hills--where does my help come from? My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth. --Psalm 121:1-2

The LORD gives strength to his people; the LORD blesses his people with peace.  --Psalm 29:11

The LORD is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble. Those who know your name will trust in you, for you, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek you.   --Psalm 9:9-10

You and I can't stop the evil in the world--and yes, there is evil in the world. Every year the 9/11 remembrances prove the point.

But we can stay planted in the Lord. Then when our children and loved ones turn to us, we'll be ready with love and with strength that comes from the Lord.

Lovingly,

Lenore

Music practice, torture or a gift?

Have you attended any piano recitals or school band concerts recently?

If you're the mom or dad or grandparent of one of the young performers, you barely breathe until the last note ends. A few who are blessed with the gift of music relish every moment and never need to be reminded to practice. Most youngsters, however, at least once in awhile balk and complain and beg to quit. It takes a motivated mama to refuse to budge when her darling wails, "I don't want to do this anymore!"

Our four girls did their share of moaning and groaning, too, but I stood my ground. Heartless? I didn't think so, because I knew how essential to keep going. I love music and have sung all my life, but I didn't stay with the piano long enough to play well. My parents thought if I had to be nagged to practice, it wasn't worth it. At the time I rejoiced.

Then I grew into an adulthood and realized I cheated myself.

Like every other mom, I discovered it's no fun being The Enforcer. Practice inevitably equals (boring) repetition. Yet that's the price of mastering any instrument--or just about anything in life, for that matter. 

What's a parent to do?

First of all, believe that music is worth the trouble. If you don't believe it, neither will your children. Then stomp your, umm, size six stilettos and stand your ground.

Focus on what music does for a child.

• Youngsters who have a hard time academically often make it through school because they play in the band or sing in the choir.
• Research reveals that music helps develop areas of the brain not reached by the visual or by language.
• Music (and art) can be the pressure release that keeps a troubled kid from blowing up.
• Learning to play an instrument--or carry a tune--builds self-confidence.
• Band and chorus members learn to work as a team and follow direction.
• Belonging to a group gives a sense of belonging.
• Performing in recitals and concerts develops poise in being before an audience. 
• Every one of these qualities can be useful in adult life, whether personal or in a career.

So if you're a mom who is weary of listening to your child complain about practicing, take fresh courage. Even gifted children need to develop their talents. That means practicing. And trying. And failing. And trying again. In between come the wailings and gnashing of teeth, your child's and your own.

Hang in there. Consider your child's music study worth the price of listening, comforting, prodding and encouraging, worth the cost of lessons and gas money. 

The point is not to develop star performers. It's to help your kids learn to persevere even when they want to quit. Stick with it for awhile. As they develop competence they'll begin to enjoy music, probably more than they'll admit to you.

Look at the bigger picture, at the character strength that will develop in your daughter or son as they learn to go beyond their moods.

You'll be giving your children a gift for life. Count on it.

Peace and JOY,

Lenore 

If you've ever felt like an "invisible mother," this one's for you

Most of us moms have had times when we've thought (or said,) "Nobody notices  
what I do around here unless I don't do it!"

Someone sent me a piece about being a mom and I love it. I think you will, too. Sorry, I could not find the name of the author of The Invisible Mother. She's a mom and tells of being with a group of friends, all chic career women, and feeling a bit dowdy.

As she looked around at her friends she wondered what she had to show for her life. One woman had just returned from a trip to London and presented this mom with a beautifully wrapped package. Let's pick up the story right after she unwraps her gift.

 . . . It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe. I wasn't exactly sure why she'd given it to me until I read her inscription: "With admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees." 

A story of legend in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, "Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof? No one will ever see it."

And the workman replied, "Because God sees it."

I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, "I see you. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does.

"No act of kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you've baked, no hockey/soccer/piano/Scout/school meeting, no last minute errand is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will become."

I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on. The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.

When I really think about it, I don't want my son to tell the friend he's bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, "My Mom gets up at four in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for three hours and presses all the linens for three hours and presses all the linens for the table."

That would mean I'd build a monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, he'd say, "You're gonna love it here!"

As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we're doing it right. And one day it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible mothers.

So, here's to you, fellow cathedral builders. Remember, you're not in this alone.

When you feel invisible, remember He who promises to renew your strength sees everything you do. He can use it all and turn it all to good. Trust. Keep going in faith. Whether you know it or not, every day you are building people. (By the way, this doesn't stop once our children are grown and living their own lives.)

Peace and JOY,

Lenore



Mom's most effective way to teach her children

Let's face it. Kids sniff out phoniness faster than a bloodhound after a bank robber. 

Youngsters assume their observations on How Adults Really Live are way more accurate than the frequent parental blah, blah, blahs they hear.

Every day situations provide built-in object lessons that prove (to them, at least) whether we mean what we tell them.

 No wonder they stay alert, ready to pick up on how Mom (and Dad) respond in one situation or another.

 *  A cashier gives Mommy change for a $20-dollar bill when she paid with a ten-spot. 

*  Mom falls for a gorgeous pair of shoes--another gorgeous pair of shoes. She leaves the bag in the car until her husband goes off to a meeting, then hides the shoes in the back of the closet. Some time later she wears them and Dad says,  "New shoes?"

 *  A casual friend calls about going out to lunch and Mom answers, "Sorry, I'm already committed for the day," which isn't true.

*  Mother takes Daughter shopping and finds the perfect prom dress, one that fits like a dream. Miracle of miracles, both of them like the same dress. On the way home reality hits. That dress cost twice as much as Mother planned and it has to go back. So she delivers the sad news. "Honey, we have to take this dress back."

Daughter replies, "Oh, no problem, Mom. I'll just tuck the price tag inside and wear the dress Saturday night. Then Monday we take the dress back to the store and you get all your money back. That's what all the girls do."  

What's a mother to do?

Over and over we choose how we deal with life. Our choices determine which lessons our children take away. If our actions back up our words they learn one lesson. If not, we teach another.

Tough, but true, 24/7. 

Whenever we lose heart it's good to remember that moms and dads hold a unique position, even today. In every survey teens still say their parents are the biggest influence in their lives. That means we impact the next generation, too.

Sounds to me like an honor and a privilege, reason to celebrate, every day.

How about you?

Lovingly,

Lenore