A Woman's View

How to speak hope, even when the unthinkable happens

When our sense of security crumbles, as it did after 9/11, or when our personal world gets shaken up, how do we cope?

What do we tell our kids? 

Times like that we may feel empty, but our children and family members look to us for strength and stability. We may be shaking inside, but they think of us as security.

That's true for children of all ages, even when they've happily settled into their own lives. Often they look to us for reassurance and for clues on how to deal with life. 

Even when we have nothing left to give.

So we do what moms and wives have been doing since the beginning of time. We give anyway. 

We take our thoughts off what was lost and talk about what is left.

We speak hope that comes from beyond ourselves. Hope that's based on more than what we see and think and feel, based on faith.

Faith in the One who promised to be with us, no matter what, no matter where and to be our strength, even when we have none left within ourselves.

How do we protect our children?

We can't, not really. We can grab their hands so tightly it cuts off their circulation and follow them around like bird dogs, but there's no way to absolutely ensure they will never hurt, never be disappointed. We watch over them, of course, and every day we commit them to God's protection, asking Him to watch over them.

We can hug them and comfort them and speak the love we feel. 

Nobody ever gets too much love.

How do we model living in faith?

I don't know about you, but I used to think at some point I would arrive at a more, um, exalted state of being. I would "graduate" to being--and feeling like--a hero of faith.

Not so far.

I've found when I'm running on "empty," the best way to refuel is to spend time in the Word.

If you're not sure to start, here are a few verses I've marked in my Bible.

God is my refuge and strength, an ever present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the sea . . . The LORD Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress.      --Psalm 46:1, 11

I lift up my eyes to the hills--where does my help come from? My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth. --Psalm 121:1-2

The LORD gives strength to his people; the LORD blesses his people with peace.  --Psalm 29:11

The LORD is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble. Those who know your name will trust in you, for you, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek you.   --Psalm 9:9-10

You and I can't stop the evil in the world--and yes, there is evil in the world. Every year the 9/11 remembrances prove the point.

But we can stay planted in the Lord. Then when our children and loved ones turn to us, we'll be ready with love and with strength that comes from the Lord.

Lovingly,

Lenore

Avoid divorce with a Marriage Insurance Policy

Recent news reports and gossip programs about divorcing couples in the public eye have the rest of us are talking about it.

We all know people who assume divorce is inevitable.   Not true. It is true that a marriage takes care and feeding. For life. Love, by itself, is never enough.

It would be easier if we didn't start off believing the last line of fairy tales, "And they lived happily ever after."

There ain't no such thing, not for two (imperfect) human beings who share a life, day after day. Besides, no one is happy, happy, happy without fail, 24/7.

Someone has said it's no big secret how to grow a strong marriage. Here's the formula:

We before You

You before Me.

"We." What nurtures and strengthens our marriage comes first, before either partner's personal desires. 

You." I place my husband (wife) and what he needs and wants ahead of having it my way--and vice versa. (If that sounds belittling, think how sweet life could be if both lived this way.)

Last comes "Me," what I want, what I need to be happy, the way I want things to be.

That does not mean personal needs and wants don't count. Think of it as a gauge for what matters most. The question is, Would this make our marriage relationship stronger or weaker?

When husband and wife aim to live this way, each in effect tells the other, you and what you need from our marriage come before what matters to me.

All this echoes Philippians 2:4:

Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.

This never feels natural. Inside we're all two-year olds, yelling, "I want it my way!"

Real life calls for give-and-take. Inevitably, some days it will be all about him and other days it will be all about me.

Again and again we will fail. Still, trying is better than not trying. When we slip up, we forgive each other--and ourselves. That trumps nursing hurt feelings and growing bitter. It's possible to get very lonely stuck on a cold hill of injured pride.

Is it ever too late to make a new beginning? Except in cases of abuse, the answer is no. It's best when both marriage partners commit to it, but even if only one changes--and perseveres--the effect can be positive.

A husband and wife who seek to live like this develop an enduring bond. Each one feels safe with the other. Trust grows. Love grows and blooms again.

Is it easy? Never, but it gets easier.

Is it worth it? Always.

Just ask any husband and wife who've been married for many years. 

Peace and JOY,

Lenore