A Woman's View

If you're an imperfect mom, this one's for you

Welcome! You're among friends who understand each other. Comfortable? Good. Now, let's talk.

Take it from one who knows, children can survive imperfect parenting. 

I don't know about you, but I started off with the delusion that I would be a mom who did all the right things "right." I would be always smiling and sunny, always patient, always wise. Maybe every new mother cherishes that impossible dream.

Yet no matter how hard I tried, I kept "failing." I was like that duck in the cartoon, calm on the outside and paddling furiously underneath.

I remember those years as one long, unending prayer: "Lord, please help me." And day by day, sometimes moment by moment, we all got through those years together.

Too bad it took me so long to learn the most important word in a mom's vocabulary: Relax. It's an imperfect world and we're all imperfect moms and it's gonna be okay.

If I could have glimpsed the future 

I would have caught a peek at so much joy. Our family numbers eighteen now--and growing. Although separated by miles, we're close in heart.

Last spring we spent four days with seventeen of us in the same rented house away from town, cooking and eating all our meals together.For some it had been years, so we all got reacquainted, especially our grandchildren, now young adults.

Oh, did I mention we all have strong opinions? About everything?

That many people in the same house for a few days could be trouble, so my husband and I prayed beforehand for family harmony. Happily, it seemed everyone else wanted the same thing and peace reigned. Each one talked of their sense of belonging and what family meant to them. They still do.

Put simply, we enjoyed each other. Nearby tourist attractions beckoned, but nobody wanted to leave. It was nonstop laughter, talking and teasing. Mingling and pairing off. Hugging. My husband and I smiled so much our cheeks hurt.

An old formula for strong relationships still works

I've read a ton of books and articles about parenting. The common theme in so many boiled down to one basic principle: How we treat each other matters. That either draws people together or leaves deep hurts.

Hmm. Doesn't that sound remarkably like this teaching?

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. --Luke 6:31

We're to look through the other person's eyes and treat each other with respect and kindness. Within the family it flows both ways between parents and children. Our actions and our words create the world we live in.

Respect builds a bridge to carry us through tense times when we don't feel loving.

That implies we accept each other's quirks, too. We do that with friends. Can't we do the same with family?

Love looks like that.

I fail, you fail, we all fail

So we give up the blaming and lay aside past stumbles. Instead, we fasten on verses of hope like these, God talking to His people in Isaiah 43:18-19:

Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! . . . I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.   

We're His people, too. God's "new thing"can heal and restore. Once it permeates our hearts and minds we'll give up dreaming of perfection and love our own as they are. Perhaps we'll even accept and forgive our imperfect selves.

Every day is mother's day, because being a mom is a privilege and a purpose. Besides, it keeps us growing. For life.

Here's to finding JOY in each day!

With love from your fellow learner,

Lenore

A lift for moms--and all of us

Sometimes tales from long ago refresh our hearts with hope and truth. This is one of those stories.

Once long ago a mother in the country we know as Algeria watched her brilliant 16-year old son walk out of her life.

Worse yet, he renounced the Christian faith in which she raised him. Nothing she said could change his mind.

She thought her heart would break.

Predictably, the young man took up with the wrong crowd and indulged himself in worldliness, even fathering an illegitimate child at age 18.

His mother, Monica, did what moms have done ever since Eve. She wept and prayed and prayed and wept.

For more than a decade young Augustine pursued the teachings of famous philosophers of the time in an effort to explore all things intellectual and thus achieve happiness.

Instead, he experienced recurring bouts of severe depression and grief.

His thirtieth birthday came and went and still he searched. Still his mother wept and prayed.

Finally he scraped bottom. One day he fell on his face in despair, sobbing, and cried out to God. Then it seemed he heard a child's voice chanting, "Take and read. Take and read."

He opened a Bible to Romans 13 and read verses 13-14. At once his heart was changed.

Augustine soon was was baptized and became a strong believer in Christ. Not so long after that, his mother Monica died, her heart at peace.

That same man, once the despair of his mother, wrote these timeless words

God loves each of us as if there were only one of us.

Thou hast created us for Thyself and our hearts are restless until they find their rest in Thee.

Seek not to understand that you may believe, but believe that you may understand.

The years of pain and wandering worked spiritual depth in Augustine and it comes through in his writings.

He turned his superb mind to learning more about Jesus and pondering what faith meant and authored many books still treasured by believers. 

This story still speaks--to each of us, whatever our life situation 

Nuggets of truth leap out at us.

• Never give up! Not on anyone or any situation. You've heard me quote Jeremiah 32:27 before:

        "I am the LORD, the God of all mankind. Is anything too hard for me?"

• If you're a mom, never doubt what your love and your faith are worth to your child.

Your tender, loving care of your children helps them grow into themselves. As you model faith, they notice, even when they seem oblivious.

We are called as moms to be faithful. To reach out, even when we're not sure anyone sees or hears. To make the first move, again and again and again. To keep on praying and yes, sometimes, to keep on shedding tears.

To never give up.

Our loving Father knows. He cares. And He uses all of it, all our pains and all our griefs. Within our children.

Within us.

God bless you with His strength and peace, my friends,

Lenore

What do we do with those old messages from childhood?

Not long ago a group of us were talking what makes us who we are.

One man said, "I'm an adult, I make my own decisions."

A woman said, "That's not as easy as it sounds. My mom used to freeze us out when we misbehaved. I I hated it, but once I had children, I found myself doing the same thing. I had to fight against going all cold and silent. Getting past those old patterns from childhood took me a lot of years and a lot of prayer."

Heads nodded all around the room.

Then another gal said, "I see that in my husband. He's just like his dad. Neither one of can turn off work and relax."

After that everyone in the room had a story of how their growing-up years influenced them as adults, sometimes in a good way, sometimes not.

We leave imprints on our children, too

From the beginning we want to be good parents. We want our daughters and sons to grow up healthy and balanced, with sound values and faith that will carry them through.

The trouble is we're human. We slip up and give way to our feelings. Our frustrations spill over into everyday family life.

Without even trying, our kids pick up the best of us. And the worst of us.

What about all those "memorable messages" we think we're imparting? Here's what family counselors say. What influences our children most deeply is how we live and what we say all those "ordinary" times when we think they're paying no attention.

Parenting would be easier if we were rearing peas in a pod

God made each of our children (and each of us) one-of-a-kind. What we learned with Child A probably won't work as well with Child B. .

It helps to remember that God gave us each child, whether they came by birth, adoption or through marriage. Even if  we can't quite figure out one of them and another "drives us crazy."

What's more, He equips us to be the mom or dad who loves and helps shape these particular young individuals.

At the same time God stretches and shapes you and me, too, through them.

Viewing our parents through an adult perspective

It helps to take a fresh look and realize our mother and/or father dealt with stresses and problems we didn't see and couldn't have understood.

Our imperfect parents made mistakes, just as we do. They coped as well as they could manage. Loved their kids as well as they were able.

Don't we do the same?

You and I can count up all the ways our inadequate mom or dad hurt us and/or let us down and spend the rest of our lives nursing our pain.

Or we can sift out the good and give thanks, then pray our children will do the same for us.

So we walk on in faith

Anytime you think you're in over your head, remember who gifted you with each child. Remember who your children are--and who you are: 

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made. --Psalm 139:13-14

For we are God's workmanship, created in "Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. --Ephesians 2:10

Silence harmful old messages by calling verses like these to mind. Store them in your memory or write them down, so you're ready whenever old thinking creeps in. Whenever I feel shaky or uncertain I find it helpful to read or say Bible verses aloud.

Think of it as planting a new reality in your mind and heart.

Think of it as finding a way to forgive and move on.

Moms, did you know cinnamon could be dangerous?

We moms pray for our kids all their lives, that God would keep them safe. But have you ever prayed about cinnamon?

Yep. Turns out it has become a real danger for preteens and teens.        

Oh, it's not the cinnamon on a yummy breakfast roll or a piece of fragrant cinnamon toast that  causes problems. 

Rather, it's "the cinnamon challenge," which at first sounds silly and harmless, like many acttivities that catch on with adolescents.

This one goes beyond risky to extremely dangerous.

How could common, wonderful-smelling cinnamon be a hazard? Melissa Arca, M.D., laid out the facts in her Sacramento Bee article of April 10, 2012.

According to Dr. Arca, the cinnamon challenge amounts to a public dare--and what adolescent can resist a dare? That's part of the problem. The other part is it doesn't sound particularly hazardous, even to adults. What could be so bad about swallowing a simple tablespoon of dry cinnamon in under 60 seconds without drinking anything?

Here's the catch. Cinnamon cannot be dissolved by saliva alone.

Dr. Arca says once a person has that much dry cinnamon in their mouth and tries to swallow it, gagging and choking immediately follow. What's more, the choking usually leads to vomiting and sometimes, to aspirating cinnamon into the lungs. Lung collapse may follow, or pneumonia. Some who try it even end up on a ventilator. Kids with asthma are extremely vulnerable and could experience a severe attack.

She advises immediate medical intervention, which strikes me as an unrealistic statement. What kid would try this while their pediatrician--or parent--stands nearby?

Because Dr. Arca stated that poison control centers report a recent spike in calls about the cinnamon challenge, I checked the website of the American Association of Poison Control Centers.

They AAPCC issued a press release warning dated March 28, 2012. In it they explain that powdered or ground cinnamon quickly coats the mouth and throat, which interferes with swallowing . Breathing difficulty follows and teens may unintentionally breathe the spice into their lungs. This can cause pneumonia and/or a serious attack for asthmatics.

Social media takes it viral. Again 

Predictably, teens and preteens want to post "funny" videos of themselves or someone else attempting to pull it off on their cell phones or on YouTube.

That's why you can Google "the cinnamon challenge." It has its own website, Facebook page and Twitter handle.

Even Wikipedia lists "cinnamon challenge." That entry notes that cinnamon contains coumarin, a moderately toxic chemical compound. It also notes that European health agencies have warned against ingesting "large amounts" of cinnamon.

We might write this off as a fad, just more amusing antics of the young if it weren't life-threatening.

Building in strength to resist dares like these 

Most parents, grandparents and caregivers already warn youngsters over and over about the need to be cautious and careful. Every day in every way.

(As you've probably noticed, kids specialize in tuning out such lectures.)

It seems to me a more hellpful strategy is to aim our efforts at helping our kids develop inner strength--and the sooner, the better. That means talking to our children from little on about making good choices.  It helps if they see us living this out ourselves.

No way can we keep our kids in a cage, like exotic birds. They're growing up in the real world. Moms and dads need to equip them to live in it.

Teach them the line you probably heard from your mom:

It doesn't matter what someone else does or says, it's up to YOU to choose what you will do. 

It's as true now as ever.

Talk empowerment instead of restrictions

Especially during their adolescent years, youngsters ache to belong. Some habitually look around them to see what others are doing, then mimic it. Blame it on the desire to be popular or on fear of being left out. 

At any age, real strength and freedom come from within, from quietly knowing who we are and what we stand for. If our children have a faith background they'll have an advantage during adolescence. Christian kids learn early on about the difference between right and wrong. They also hear often that God loves and forgives them even when they mess up.  

Helping our kids establish and rely on their inner standards is like equipping them with inner armor. Knowing what's good and right and true gives them a sure path through the hazards that lurk all through these preteen and teen years.

Hazards like the cinnamon challenge, all the things youngsters will view as fun, nothing more.

Maybe that's why we keep on praying.

Blessings,

Lenore

Rediscovering the real treasure in life

Imagine my shock to discover the post I thought had published last week mysteriously disappeared instead--and I didn't catch it. Mea culpa, my friends. Hope you like this slightly revised reprint from November 8, 2008. Thank you for reading my blog!

"Did you ever study Ecclesiastes? So much of it seems written just for me."

I smiled at my friend. Her random question immediately transported me back to a weekend when our girls were growing up and I was drowning in child-rearing. That's when a few verses from Ecclesiastes became my life-line.

By any standard, our life was good. My husband and I dearly loved each other. No big problems, good health, four great kids. Any fool would be thankful, but right then, not this one.

I yearned for ... something, but I wasn't sure what.

One morning a newspaper announcement of a women's workshop called my name. "Wish I could go," I told my husband over lunch. "It's only an hour's drive from here and I'd love to have a break. But it starts tonight."

Then that terrific man I married (who wanted his wife back) surprised me, as he often does. "Go! The girls and I will be fine."

I hugged him and right away called the number listed. Yes, they had space. Hallelujah! I dressed and packed in a frenzy of anticipation. I only knew the speakers would be Christian women from a neighboring state.

Was I naive? Yes. Desperate for a breather? Yes!

A few hours later I waved goodbye to those beautiful ties that bound me with love. I drove off with a smile, giddy at the prospect of nobody calling, "Mommy!" for forty-eight hours.

At the hotel I walked into a large room full of women I did not know. Being anonymous suited me just fine. I just wanted to be in a safe, quiet place and maybe pick up something useful.

The conference theme was Ecclesiastes and five minutes into the first speaker's talk, I knew why I was there. That conviction deepened as the evening went on. 

Getting to the root of my discontent

For months I had been reading and hearing the same points everywhere I turned. I owed it to myself to "accomplish" something, so I could be fulfilled, they said.

Just being a wife and mother could never satisfy my deepest needs, they said, only waste my potential for greatness.

Certainly I should not be under the "domination" of the sweet, quiet man who loved me, they told me.

I hadn't consciously bought into these theories, yet they lodged insidiously within my mind and heart. Little by little, they painted my thinking in a wash of dull gray.

Learning from Solomon

This theme verse leaped out at me, especially because of the mindset I walked in with:

Yet when I surveyed all that my hands had done and what I had toiled to achieve, everything was meaningless, a chasing after the wind ...                                                                                   --Ecclesiastes 2:11

We focused on Chapter Two, where Solomon relates his goals and dreams, his great success and wealth, and the emptiness he felt. Our speaker asked a rhetorical question: Had we noticed anything like that around us?

Solomon's phrase drummed in my mind: "chasing after the wind."

We looked at life, marriage and the joy of piling up years together. 

Leaders also delved into how every day moms--and dads--help shape the next generation, planting faith and values that carry over. That presses lasting meaning and significance into every twenty-four hours.

Truth gently smacked me and woke me up, then moved in to stay. My life mattered, just as it was.

Everything from mopping up spills to mashing potatoes formed a tiny part of the mosaic of our family. Each day counted for more than I could guess.

Was this news to me? No. But thinking through those verses in Ecclesiastes replenished my spirit and reminded me what I already believed.

No longer would I look "out there" to set my standards and gauge my "fulfillment" by someone else's measuring stick. I drove home singing--and praying, impatient to hug my husband and daughters.

Nothing changed about my life but me ... and that changed everything.

Here's wishing you clear thinking and a fresh charge of joy every day as you journey on!

Lenore

Ever had one of these "a-ha moments?" Your comments welcomed!

Reasons to love family dinners

Sometimes we lose sight of the best things in life and don't even realize it.

Like eating dinner together as a family, for instance.

Many people consider that an outdated relic of a simplistic past. I think it's more than that. Sharing a family meal symbolizes what we long for, a deeper connection with those we love.

Sure, it's quicker to stop for fast food or hit the drive-through, maybe eat in our cars. Some of us eat takeout in front of our laptop or TV. In a multitasking life it seems, well, natural. Besides, at the end of a hectic day who wants to cook and clean up? After all, this is 2012.

We save time, yes, but we may lose what matters more.

For once, TV models the good stuff

Maybe you're you a fan of the hit TV show, "Blue Bloods," as I am.

Writer David Hitbrand looked into what attracts this show's consistently large audience and identified what's my favorite part. Here's a quote from his piece in The Philadelphia Enquirer, November 20, 2011:

The sentimental majority opinion holds that it's the show's weekly dinner scene, during which four generations of Reagans -- presided over by the patriarch (Len Cariou) -- bicker, spar and celebrate one another.

"That scene is the favorite of so many people," says "Blue Bloods" executive producer, Leonard Goldberg. "Italian people, Jewish people, Greek people -- they all say the same thing: 'That's my family.' "

The Reagans do more than eat together

As they prepare the meal and work together, then sit down at their huge dining table, they depict a healthy family in action.

• They do a lot of one-on-one sharing in the kitchen.
• They begin their meals with thanking God for their food and often, for each other.
• They do "celebrate" each other. For any child or adult, there's something really sweet about having another family member praise us in front of the rest.
• They talk and listen to each other with respect, even when they disagree. Younger family members participate, too. Sometimes an adult corrects a youngster or offers a principle to remember.
• They leave the table reminded they are family, they are one.

Building family bonds in our own homes

I know a couple that early on resolved to eat their evening meal together and worked around a crazy schedule. Then as parents they wanted to stay tuned-in to how their children viewed their world. They started sharing daily "highs" and "lows" over dinner. Each one named their best and worst points of the day, in as much detail as they liked. Mom and Dad spoke their joys and concerns, too--with discretion.

These normal children sometimes protested and could be moody or quiet. "Some nights they'd say, 'recess' for both their high and their low," the father says with a smile. "We never tried to talk them out of it because they lived their day at school, not us.

"We learned to listen with more sensitive ears. Often it seemed nothing happened, but over time highs and lows proved a wonderful tool. When our children grew into adolescence they took over reminding us anytime we forgot. By then they understood the value of these built-in openings to share hurts and feelings.

"Along the way my wife and I gained insights into our children. Conversations became more meaningful and so did our our prayers. Without question this daily sharing strengthened the love and closeness within our family."

No skills training required

Getting your family on this new track may feel bumpy and awkward at first, so be patient. After awhile you'll find what works. To begin just gather everyone around your dinner table. Keep it fancy or plain, serve sandwiches or steak, your choice.

It helps to remember the goal is simply to establish a routine that helps draw your family closer. The resulting sense of connectedness can melt away a lot of strain.

(By the way, it works well for wives and husbands, too.)

Lenore

 

Declare a "joy break" and refresh your heart

Most of us could use a transfusion of smiles and energy about now. So sit back, put your feet up and watch these beautiful children. You won't want to miss a move.  

Even if you've seen this before, I promise it will make you smile all over again and give you an energy lift.

 

Fifth-graders who live in the Yupik Eskimo village of Quinhagak, Alaska, pop. 555 at the 2,000 census, put this together as a school computer project, intended for other Yupik villages in the area. 

By now more than 1,200,000 people have viewed this performance of the "Hallelujah" chorus from Handel's Messiah.

Take a moment to marvel at what God can do with the work of one individual.

In 1741, George Frideric Handel considered himself something of a failure. Then he composed the entire score of Messiah over a period of 24 days. He is said to have felt God gave him the music, but he could not predict how this music would endure.

He could not have imagined that 360 years later, Eskimo children in a small Alaskan village would treat us to this creative performance accompanied by a choir singing the "Hallelujah" chorus.

Tthe teacher of this class in that small Eskimo school could not foresee anyone in any other place would ever see this video.

There's a lesson here for you and me

As  individuals and as moms and dads we cannot know what God will do with our work--or our child's work.

Handel composed many other musical works, but  only his "Hallelujah" chorus is sung and hummed all over the world. His Messiah is performed every Christmas season by choruses and choirs in huge cities and in tiny villages on every continent. At the time he could not have guessed the value of his work.

I can't help thinking of this Bible verse.

For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.     --Ephesians 2:10

That verse wasn't aimed only at Handel and other famous people. It speaks to you and me, too.

Think you're on a treadmill and going nowhere?

Perhaps today you question the value of your life. Maybe you're facing your first Christmas alone after losing a loved one.

If you're a mom, your family most often notices what you do when you don't do it. Put a positive spin on that. Being taken for granted also means your family knows they can count on you.

Forget looking elsewhere to find your particular "good works." You're living with them. What's more, the family life you create, the love you pour into your days will live on in your children. Every day you are coloring their lives--and their picture of life.

Joy comes from giving ourselves fully and from knowing that what we do matters, whether we see the end result or not. God is faithful. What we do in faith will live on, one way or another.

Believe it. Let that truth put fresh energy in your tired body.

Then look again at the smiles on the faces of those Eskimo school children and sing Hallelujah! in your heart.

Someone needs us, needs our kind words, needs our encouragement. Those are gifts, too.

Now, let's enjoy this wonderful Christ-mas season of giving ourselves,

Lenore

 

Search out the heroes around you

Maybe you know one. 

  

Maybe you are one. 

 

I can hear you saying, "Yeah, sure."

 

Well, I'm not kidding. Heroes come in all shapes and sizes and ages. Sometimes they're in the spotlight and their stories make the news.

 

Most of the time, however, nobody notices.

 

Think about the dads--and moms--who go off to work every day, mostly without complaint. Consider the ones who got a pink slip. They could sink into a heap on the floor, but they don't. Instead, they look at the people they love and keep going.

 

Include the ones who every day they wave a smiling goodbye to their spouse and their children, then go back inside and clean up the fallout of family life. All day, every day, they do a few of the million things it takes to keep a family going.

 

Hardly anyone pays much attention.

 

Living with uncertainty 

 

Over the four years I've known one married couple who have lived with precarious paychecks. You would never guess that by their smiles. They always talk about how God watches over them. These two model unwavering faith, especially for their three children.

 

Don't forget the moms and dads who know the pain of watching their child struggle, whether with school, with drugs or emotional illness, or just with living. These parents sought out the most-qualified professionals they could find, but see little to no progress. Time passes with little evident progress, yet they keep on praying and encouraging, keep on believing. 

 

Who can imagine the anguish of watching your child suffer through a serious, perhaps life-threatening illness?  Some care for failing spouses or parent(s.) Even as sadness depletes their emotions and exhaustion saps their strength they pour out love, all the while mourning what was and will never be again.

 

Some heroes wear uniforms and serve in the Armed Forces. All the while their wife or husband or parent(s) prays fervently and waits. They may return home alive, but injured, changed, whether emotionally or physically. On the long road back all the wife or husband or parent can do is keep on loving and keep on praying.

 

Heroes, every one of them.

 

Take a closer look in the mirror

 

See that hero looking back at you?

 

You're a hero because you stay, no matter what, and keep on loving, being faithful. Whatever may be missing in your life, every day you decide again to keep on loving as if. As if you were fulfilled. As if your husband or your son or daughter displayed every quality you once envisioned.

 

You do this because you promised. Because God made you a mom.

 

You often think you don't do enough. You cry over the times you get impatient or lose your temper. You pray, because you know you're not strong enough on your own.

God sees. He knows. Here's a promise for those days you feel overwhelmed.

Do you not know? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.          --Isaiah 40:28-31  

 

Lovingly,

Lenore

 

 

 

You've heard of Helicopter Parents, but what of Helicopter Kids?

"Helicopter Kids" take awhile to develop. All their lives they've known they could count on their loving parents to be there for them.

You might say parents hovered.

These youngsters learned to depend on them for support. In everything. Over time these youngsters become uneasy about making a move without first checking with their parents.

Sounds sweet, right? Most moms and dads would be thrilled if their kids asked their opinion(s) or advice before the problem instead of after.

But here's the rub. At what stage do these young people become able to make decisions and work out problems on their own, so they can live on their own? 

Tracing the background

Loving parents worry about who or what lurks on the Internet, on the streets and in their own front yard. No wonder they clutch their child's hand and won't let go while in a store or in the mall. If they momentarily lose sight of their children, they panic.

These kids hear, "Now, you be careful!" and "Don't you ever go off with a stranger! If a stranger bothers you, scream as loud as you can, you hear me?"

Many kids grow up on this as a daily diet. At school they get more warnings. Even if the shooting at Columbine and the disaster of 9/11 happened before they were born, they see replays regularly. They live with drills and metal detectors and school lockdowns.

No wonder they are afraid.

No wonder their parents want to protect them.

Enter the cell phone

Cell phones appear to be a way to quiet fears on all sides. Parents and kids can stay in touch at all times. Youngsters can check in with their working parent(s) after school. When children are given a cell phone, they get the admonition to immediately return their parents' calls.

Peace, it's wonderful. Parents assume they can always know where their children are and kids can reach their parents at any time. Any time they have a problem.

Sounds like a good strategy, doesn't it?

Tim Jordan, M.D., a behavioral pediatrician who counsels school kids in the Chesterfield, MO, area, is not so sure. He says, "Kids are raised to need their parents for everything: problem solving, resolving conflicts with siblings and friends, handling adversity and challenges. College students text their parents for help and reassurance; it's hard to cut that wireless umbilical cord." 

Jordan thinks the same reasoning compels young people to constantly text and  Facebook their friends--another kind of hovering. Simply put, when they're not connected, they're uneasy. Adults tell them they need to take timeout for quiet thought and reflection, but that doesn't feel right.

They need to be in touch, need to feel connected at all times.

Hovering interferes with practicing for life

Dr. Jordan believes we're rearing a generation of hovering helicopter children. "It is not preparing them to enter their adult lives with confidence and the skills to be responsible, successful and resilient. Grounding their 'choppers' will take a shift in our thinking as parents and as a culture."

Here's the enduring truth. Every human being learns and grows by trying and failing, by learning from their mistakes and experiencing pain. 

The call for loving parents is to gradually increase freedoms while also ramping up their child's responsibilities.

Unless we allow our children to make decisions and work out problems on their own, then allow them to fail, we cheat them. They miss out on the chance to live and learn while we're on the scene, ready to pick them up and encourage them to try again.

Lacking that, they won't grow in self-confidence. They're likely to stay where it's safe.

With Mom and Dad. For life.

Lovingly,

Lenore

How to speak hope, even when the unthinkable happens

When our sense of security crumbles, as it did after 9/11, or when our personal world gets shaken up, how do we cope?

What do we tell our kids? 

Times like that we may feel empty, but our children and family members look to us for strength and stability. We may be shaking inside, but they think of us as security.

That's true for children of all ages, even when they've happily settled into their own lives. Often they look to us for reassurance and for clues on how to deal with life. 

Even when we have nothing left to give.

So we do what moms and wives have been doing since the beginning of time. We give anyway. 

We take our thoughts off what was lost and talk about what is left.

We speak hope that comes from beyond ourselves. Hope that's based on more than what we see and think and feel, based on faith.

Faith in the One who promised to be with us, no matter what, no matter where and to be our strength, even when we have none left within ourselves.

How do we protect our children?

We can't, not really. We can grab their hands so tightly it cuts off their circulation and follow them around like bird dogs, but there's no way to absolutely ensure they will never hurt, never be disappointed. We watch over them, of course, and every day we commit them to God's protection, asking Him to watch over them.

We can hug them and comfort them and speak the love we feel. 

Nobody ever gets too much love.

How do we model living in faith?

I don't know about you, but I used to think at some point I would arrive at a more, um, exalted state of being. I would "graduate" to being--and feeling like--a hero of faith.

Not so far.

I've found when I'm running on "empty," the best way to refuel is to spend time in the Word.

If you're not sure to start, here are a few verses I've marked in my Bible.

God is my refuge and strength, an ever present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the sea . . . The LORD Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress.      --Psalm 46:1, 11

I lift up my eyes to the hills--where does my help come from? My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth. --Psalm 121:1-2

The LORD gives strength to his people; the LORD blesses his people with peace.  --Psalm 29:11

The LORD is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble. Those who know your name will trust in you, for you, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek you.   --Psalm 9:9-10

You and I can't stop the evil in the world--and yes, there is evil in the world. Every year the 9/11 remembrances prove the point.

But we can stay planted in the Lord. Then when our children and loved ones turn to us, we'll be ready with love and with strength that comes from the Lord.

Lovingly,

Lenore