Sometimes it seems our society has it backwards.
Maybe we do, too.
On news broadcasts and television, the ones who get in trouble and the "stars" get mentioned, way more than the good guys. That can be true in everyday life, too.
Years ago I attended a convention workshop with a woman I'll call Phyllis, who said to me, "I get so discouraged sometimes, because I don't know where I fit. Thought maybe in this workshop I'd finally identify my spiritual gift. As usual, nothing there. I have no talent, either, so there's not much I can do at my church. I can't play the piano or the organ, can't even carry a tune. I can't teach and besides, I'm not good with kids. I'm a lousy cook. I guess when God was giving out gifts, He just passed right on by me."
Later I met another woman, let's call her Kate. She said, "I saw you talking to a lady I used to know. She lived in the same tiny town I do until she moved away. Phyllis attended our little church. We're so small we don't have many boards and committees. When something needs doing, we all pitch in and work together.
"This works real well for us," she said, "most of the time. We hit a slump awhile back. One Sunday the coffee guy went to make coffee and went to the cupboard where we kept the coffee supply. This time the cupboard was bare. He had to make a quick run to the convenience store.
"That same week the lady whose turn it was to clean went to get paper towels and toilet paper out of the supply closet. There wasn't any of that, either.
"After church we drank our coffee and talked, like always. One fellow said, 'Somebody's falling down on their job around here. The last few Sundays the sidewalk and the front steps of the church haven't been swept. And did you see the window on the front door? Some bird flew by and left a souvenir. Nobody even wiped it off.'
"Then everyone else chimed in with other complaints. None of us seemed to know who had been doing it before. Then somebody asked, 'Sounds like we're falling apart around here. What's changed?'
Nobody seemed to know. Finally my husband said, "Only change I can think of is that Phyllis moved away."
"You should have seen our faces," Kate said, smiling. "How could we be so blind? Maybe it was because we never saw her in action. Oh, we knew that she never missed church, always sat in the same pew, seemed friendly enough. That Sunday morning we realized for the first time how she blessed our lives.
"You see, Phyllis is one of those people who never says much. I guess we just never noticed her. She never asked for praise, never turned in a bill, so she kind of faded into the woodwork. The worst thing is we never said, 'Thank you.' We felt terrible for being so blind, of course. We wrote letters and all that, but all that time none of us ever said a word or gave her a pat on the back. We just took Phyllis for granted."
Don't we all do that, even with people we love?
Parents do that with their children. The good kid, the one who almost never worries us and always finishes homework on time ... without threats. The one who doesn't misbehave gets less attention. parents come to expect they always will and fail to comment or praise.
We can do that in our marriages, too. Take the husband (or wife) who goes to work and comes right home every day, the one who has a faithful heart full of love. Sometimes we assume that's commonplace. After awhile we can get so used to it that we expect it. We take for granted those offers of help without being asked or that encouragement when we're down, rather than appreciating the love gift.
The truth is, the good people live in the same world as everyone else. They get tired. They face pressure. They get cold and hungry and want to quit.
But they don't. They stay. They do what they're supposed to do, without lectures.
So today I'm resolving all over again to notice and say thank you when my husband fills my car with gas, as he so often does. And when he, the one with a talent for it, keeps track of our finances. I too easily take him for granted.
When I do that we both miss out.
I want to say that word, write that note, make that call that makes another person smile. They matter to me and bless my life. They won't know unless I say so.
Our words can mean the world to someone else. Proverbs 25:11 puts it this way: "A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in a setting of silver."
I want to speak my love and thanks while I can. Years ago I copied this old poem. (Sorry, I don't know who wrote it.) The author writes about love, but makes a timeless point that fits us all.
If you're ever going to love me, love me now while I can know,
All the sweet and tender feelings which from real affection flow.
Love me now while I am living; do not wait until I'm gone
and then chisel it in marble - warm love words on ice-cold stone.
If you've dear sweet thoughts about me why not whisper them to me?
Don't you know 'twould make me happy and as glad as glad can be?
If you wait till I am sleeping, ne'er to waken here again,
there'll be walls of earth between us and I couldn't hear you then.
If you knew someone was thirsting for a drop of water sweet,
would you be slow to bring it? Would you step with laggard feet?
There are tender hearts all 'round us who are thirsting for our love;
why withhold from them what nature makes them crave all else above?
I won't need your kind caresses when the grass grows o'er my face;
I won't crave your love or kisses in my last low resting place.
So, then, if you love me any, if it's but a little bit,
let me know while I am living; I can own and treasure it.
Has anyone ever lit up your whole day with a kind word? A compliment? A word of love?
Tell the rest of us and give the hero in your life some praise. You'll lift up the rest of us, too. Just click on Comments in the fine print at the end of this post.
Now, my friends, let's speak what's in our hearts ... while we have time.
Blessings,
Lenore
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