A Woman's View

How would you complete this sentence, "I would be happy IF . . . "?

Have you ever said anything like this?                     

    If only I meet the right man and fall in love, then all my dreams will come true. 

    If only we had better communication then our marriage would be perfect.

    If only we had a baby I know it would draw us closer. 

    If only I were a better mother . . .

    If only he were a better father . . .

    If only our kids went to better schools . . .

    If only my husband earned more money . . .

    If only we had a bigger/newer/nicer house in a better neighborhood, then life would be perfect.

    If only our children finish school and get good jobs and marry the right people then I can stop worrying about them.

    If only I knew all our family had salvation in Jesus Christ I could be at peace.

    If only I had the body I used to have . . .  

    If only growing older weren't so scary . . .

    If only . . . then . . .

    If only . . .

    If.

Each of us has a list of if onlys and they vary over a lifetime. I know from experience how easily they drag us down and make us discontented.

What about the here-and-now?

Mythical thinking keeps us dreaming of a place where everyone and everything is--or could be--perfect, as if we were princesses in a fairy tale.

Um, there ain't no such place.

And if we spend too much time in Make Believe Land we miss out on the sweet reality of our lives, like watching our children grow into themselves. (That doesn't end with their teenage years, by the way. It's a lifetime process.)

It's as if we put on blinders and don't see change and growth in our family members. When we don't even notice how they stretch and gain understanding, why should they keep trying?

Worst of all we overlook God's daily blessings to us, large and small, so we miss out on the joy and neglect to say, "Thank you, Lord."

Energy we invest into wishing goes missing from our family relationships and friendships.

If we want to change, we're on our own

Except we're not, of course. First comes our willingness, our choice to live in the now and to love in the now. What God said to the Israelites applies to us, too. From Deuteronomy 30:19:

I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live.

Then we ask for help from the One who never takes His eyes off us.

God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.   --Psalm 46:1

When we feel overwhelmed by past failings, we turn to the One who makes all things new.

If anyone is in Christ he (or she) is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come.   --2 Corinthians 5:17

If we wonder how to be "in Christ," we can find the answer in John 3:16 and 17. That's the starting place and the ending place.

Hope you don't mind, but I think of you readers as friends, even though we probably haven't met. Thanks for stopping by! I'd love to hear from you, so your comments, please.

Warmly,

Lenore

 

 

Looking at the up side of the down side

My husband and I came out of families that watched every cent. My parents joked about pinching every penny until it squealed. In my husband's family the theme was:

"Use it up, wear it out. Make it do or do without." 

As newlyweds we expected to do the same. With less. 

Now we look back and see how those years of pulling together strengthened the glue in our marriage bond.

That principle still works

Each of us, married or single, needs support.

Most of us can name a number of people we know who feel stuck in hard times. If there's any sunlight in this present down economy, perhaps it's this. Misery may not love company, but there's something comforting in not feeling so alone.

Recycling and "re-purposing" and shopping thrift stores are hot topics. Discount stores and dollar stores feature crowds. 

A lot of people share the same chummy boat.

Lowered expectations kept us from feeling sorry for ourselves

Our recently affluent society taught us all to consider what was billed as "the good life" to be the natural right of each one of us.

That delusion did no favors for anyone, especially when the economy turned shaky.

Perhaps now more than ever our family members and friends need from us what my husband and I got from the older-and-wiser people in our lives. They told us, "Give it some time. You're just starting out."

When disappointments came, somebody would come alongside and say, "Well, that's life. Be patient. Something will come along eventually, so keep on praying and trusting."

Sometimes we wanted to answer, "Oh, sure, easy for you to say."

Yet there they were, survivors, and that's what we wanted to be, too. So we took their words as hard-earned wisdom.

What mattered most, then as now, was that we were in it together

My husband and I started out with a big advantage. We loved each other and we both loved the Lord. That's what we built our life on.

Whatever came, we pulled together and tried to support each other. Along the way we picked up wisdom, too, and grew stronger, as individuals and as a married couple.

Those of us who've have lived awhile know the song in our hearts won't last if it depends on wealth or material possessions or even on "perfect" children.

Anything we can touch or hold in our hands can go poof! in an instant. As for perfect human beings, they have a distressing way of revealing occasional imperfections from time to time.

Call that a "trend" that won't go out of style.

Let's encourage each other

Life is easier to handle when someone tells us they care about us. Married couples can say it to each other and parents to their kids, whatever the age. Let's not stop there. What about the single person who doesn't have an on-site cheerleader?

Something as simple as, "I believe in you and I know God will get you through this," can lift a tired heart for days.

Even better, pass on a favorite Bible verse that encourages you. I like to underline verses in my Bible and I keep an informal list on the blank pages in the back, so it's ready when I need it.

Here are two of my favorite sections. Isaiah 40:27-31 promises that when we're weary the Lord will renew our strength. Jeremiah 29:11-13 tells us God has a plan for us, to give us a hope and a future.

Hope. This most valuable gift we can give costs us nothing. All it takes is that we turn our thoughts beyond ourselves. That we say to someone else the words we long to hear ourselves.

At the least we'll grow into an individual others like having around. And who knows? Perhaps we'll start a new trend.

Warmly,

Lenore

 

 

 

 

 

Let's not settle for hearts and flowers and all the rest

February can be risky territory, especially for husbands.

Maybe it wouldn't be if it weren't for all the ads that run this time of year, all touting, "Show your Valentine you care!"

All a guy has to do, according to the advertisers, is buy what they're peddling. Flowers, diamonds, chocolate-dipped strawberries, sexy lingerie, even footed all-in-one pajamas--everything but Chia pets. It's advertising hype, pure and simple, but it plants the idea, at least in us women. 

I confess I wasted a few February 14ths because my sweet husband didn't show up with something. When that happened, he'd say, "Oh, Honey, I forgot. I'm sorry!" And he was.

I'd mouth the words, "That's okay," and paste on a phony smile, telling myself to grow up. 

Enter The Big Chill.

Living teaches a greater truth

Compared to the other 364 days of the year any Valentine's Day, anniversary or birthday settles into a more realistic perspective.

What matters most is how love plays out day-after-day.

*Love holds his extremely pregnant wife while she wails, "I'm huge! And I can't get any shoes on except flip-flops!" then replies, "I think you've never been more beautiful."

*Love eats his bride's latest kitchen experiment and pronounces the strange-looking mixture, "Delicious."

*Love says, "I'll take care of the kids over the weekend. You go to that conference with your friends. We'll be just fine."

*Love says, "No, no, no. You're the one who deserves a new coat. Mine's good for another winter."

*Love puts the coffee on because he knows she needs a cup to get going in the morning.

*Love overlooks bulges and mastectomy scars and her tendency to lose track of time.

*Love sees the girl he married even when she walks with a cane and sometimes doesn't even remember his name.

And vice versa.

Mutual loving kindness and consideration nourish a marriage, just as regular feed and water help a rosebush bloom and thrive.

An anytime checklist

Many of us are familiar with 1 Corinthians 13, which often is spoken at weddings.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking. It is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs . . . It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails . . . And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

These verses provide a sort of plumb line, even though none of us can love this way day after day.

Let's rejoice in what is

I know now what matters more to me than celebrating Valentine's Day is the enduring love between my husband and me. I count that more precious than all the diamonds in South African mines.

When it comes to special days, I think we miss an amazing, humbling point. You and I hold the power to make every day a special day for the man we love--and ourselves. .

Maybe that sounds too simplistic, but it's true.

So let's Keep It Simple, Sweeties!

Lenore

Your comments welcomed!

Secrets of building a lifetime marriage

That sounds, well, a bit nervy, doesn't it?

Anniversaries do that to us, don't they? Make us look back and try to see deeper.

My husband has been my one-and-only love since he first smiled at me, way back when we both were young and stupid.

Back then we thought ourselves lucky--and blessed--to find each other. Now we realize how blessed we are to still have each other.

When we vowed to love each other for life we had no doubts. Sure, it helped that divorce was less common then, but it was more than that. We felt we had something special going between us. (Still do.) Later on we understood how that unquestioning mindset helped us through.

Inevitably, rough spots arise in every marriage. That's when our shared resolve that we both signed on for life served as a bridge to get us back to closeness.

Truths I've picked up over a lot of years

• It's not up to our husbands to make us happy.
  Despite the stuff of romance novels and movies, our happiness is up to us.
  
  
• We marry human beings, not fiction heroes.
  Their idea of "romance" and ours often (usually) are not the same. Chalk it up to differences in the way males and females think.
  
  
• Subtle hints almost never work. Guys don't do subtle.
  Being female we know how to sulk and do the silent treatment. This enables us to ruin any good day or great evening for both our partner and ourselves. I haven't found that much fun, have you?
  
  
• It's not fair to expect our husbands to make everything "right" in our lives.
  They are human beings, as limited in their capabilities as we are.
  
  
• Making our husbands feel good about who they are costs us nothing except thoughtfulness.
  Besides, isn't that what each of us wants for the man we love? (Quite often he'll reciprocate.)
  
  
• When our husbands totally focus on a problem or a project, it's not because they're shutting us out.
  Most men naturally compartmentalize their thinking. Most women can keep several plates spinning all the time. We are endowed by our Creator with certain inalienable qualities.
  
  
• Being opposites can be a good thing.
  Like most other couples, my husband and I sport individual strengths and weaknesses. I used to fret over that. Now I know we complete each other, so I actually appreciate those same traits.
  
  
• Mutual trust is like gold.
  Trust takes a long time to build and can be lost in an instant, so it's worth guarding. Affirming our husband's faithfulness and integrity from time to time seems a small thing, but our words can mean more than we know.
  
  
• Respect nourishes love.
  That means we resist the temptation to put each other down in front of others, even with "humor." If we want our kids to respect their father, we need to watch how we speak of him--and to him. Save complaints for when we're alone.
  
  
• Simple kindness makes life better for both.
  We adjust and make allowances for our friends without getting upset. When we do the same for our husbands we bless their lives--and ours.
  
  
• It helps keep the spark alive between wife and husband when we make it "we" before "you" and "you before "me."
  Unless nurtured, marriage relationships can wither, even die. That means Mom and Dad's relationship comes before The Children, except during their infancy and/or emergencies.
  
  
• A life together built on shared faith in God helps a couple withstand life's storms.
  That faith provides a "why" to hang on and keep loving through whatever comes. If we're spiritually single, faith provides strength and comfort.
  
  
• Most of the time we get back what we give out.

Consider what I've written as what it is: truths learned during many years of marriage. Maybe something will prove useful to you. Anything to add?

Now please excuse me, it's time to turn off the computer . . .

Lenore

Top tip for stronger relationships: Examine your feedback

Maybe that sounds too simple. Or maybe it's that obvious.

Call it one of those "light bulb moments," at least for me. Successful businesses covet our good will, so they make us feel valued.

Isn't that what you and I want to feel in our personal lives?

What got me thinking about this stems from my recent online order for a couple of "used" electronic items from a major seller. Originally I specified "used, in good condition," then later did a rethink. I decided to amend my order and substitute the same item in "used, like new" condition." I knew that often means "open box" rather than used and returned, so the extra $20 would be well spent.

I called the seller's customer service, expecting another long, frustrating experience with a person who wouldn't understand what I was saying the first time around. Here's what I got instead.

• This representative listened attentively, with respect and courtesy. Without argument, he tried to accommodate my request, but at that point in the shipping process, he couldn't. He expressed his regrets that my call came too late in the process to make the change.
• Then he volunteered to call me the day after I received my order and check whether the original order turned out to be satisfactory.

I did not wait by the phone.

Surprise! "Kev" called when he said he would. When I reported the device did not function correctly and I needed to return it, he took action without being asked.

• He immediately Emailed me a pre-addressed, prepaid return address label for the defective device.
• When I assured him I wanted the same "like new" item I had requested earlier, he set up the order blank. All I had to do was fill in my charge card info after we hung up. "Kev" would check later to make sure my order went through okay.
• He specified one-day shipping--for free.

I was speechless.

The replacement product arrived as specified, even before the seller had time to receive the defective product I shipped back.

Obviously, this business grasps the importance of customer satisfaction because after each call I got a request for feedback.

Companies work hard to build relationships and good will. How about us?

Since then I've been asking myself, Do I let the people in my life know I value them?

It's fair to say, I think, that most of us would say "thank you" to a restaurant employee who refills our water glass. How often do we say it within our own families? A neighbor does a kindness like bringing in our garbage can when we're out for the day, but we don't bother to call or say thanks. A lonely aunt writes us and we "forget" to answer or call.

We assume the people who love us will help us out and love us the same, even if we take them for granted. But who among us wants to be taken for granted? Not me!

Someone said we all wear an invisible sign that reads, "Please tell me I matter."

Still, old habits are hard to break. Where will we find our motivation? As usual, Jesus said it best, this time in Luke 6:31, in what we call the Golden Rule:

"Do to others as you would have them do to you."

That's simple--and profound. To build a stronger marriage, a stronger family or a stronger friendship, we speak the love and show the love we want to receive.

Now there's a resolution that will challenge us, but the payoff is guaranteed.

I'd love to hear your stories!

Lenoere

For the days when you've had it with being a wife and mother

I don't know your name, but this one's for you.

You're feeling over-used and under-appreciated. Enough is enough.  

I remember days like that. Days when once again you gave your all and once again no one noticed.  

One I won't forget was an ordinary day

I sighed big sighs, but my husband, on his way out the door, didn't pick up on my cue. I stamped my foot and said, "That's it!"

He sat down again and asked, "What's 'it'?"

I started spewing pent-up complaints and frustrations.

My husband listened without a word. When I paused to breathe he said, "I have to go. Let's talk about this tonight." Then with a half-smile and a shoulder pat, he headed off to his day.

Shifting Gears

In the meantime I had to finish preparing to entrance an audience. I was to speak that afternoon on marriage.

I was not in the mood to entrance an audience.

I went over my notes again and read again the old poem I planned to use as a wrap up. This time it hit me right in the pride.  

OUR OWN

If I had known in the morning how wearily all the day

The words unkind would trouble my mind that I said when you went away,

I had been more careful, darling, nor given you needless pain;

But we vex our own with look and tone we may never take back again.

 

Yet though in the quiet evening you may give me the kiss of peace,

Yet it well might be that never for me the pain of the heart should cease!

How many go forth at morning who never come home at night!

And hearts have broken for harsh words spoken that sorrow can ne'er set right.

 

We have careful thought for the stranger, and smiles for the sometime guest;

But oft for "our own" the bitter tone, though we love our own the best.

Ah, lips with the curve impatient, Ah, brow with the shade of scorn,

 'Twere a cruel fate, were the night too late to undo the work of the morn!

                                                                                        --Margaret E. Sangster     

Tears dissolved my list of grievances. I couldn't escape the question, What about my husband's needs and wants?

Before I had prayed, "Oh, Lord, let him hear me."

Now I prayed, "Oh, Lord, let me hear You, always."

The line that would not let me go

I kept hearing one line, "How many go forth at morning who never come home at night!" 

I had no guarantees I would see him or my children again.

I promised myself I would never again say hurtful words just before I parted from a loved one. Instead, I would smile and say, "I love you," every time.

Thank God my talk went well and my husband returned safely that night.

Before he could say a word I grabbed him and hugged him and asked his forgiveness. Then I told him how much I loved him and how thankful I was to be his wife. Clearly, he had not expected that response.

How could I have missed knowing that my strong, silent husband needed my love and appreciation as much as me, maybe more? 

A poem written more than one-hundred years ago began a change within me. Within both of us and the way we communicate. It bears fruit within our marriage to this day.

Fruit that is sweet.

Q: What do you think of the poem?

Lovingly,

Lenore

Defy the odds! Know what makes for a good marriage

Want your marriage to last a lifetime?

Then forget all the articles and TV programs about what a marriage should be. 

No two marriages are alike. How could they be, since no two humans are alike?

Besides, marriage relationships need time to grow, like plants and trees and every other living thing.

We don't start kindergarten and immediately know what we know by the time we've earned our Master's degree. We don't leave our wedding ceremony knowing our partner--or ourselves--as well as we will after years of marriage.

Concentrate on what matters most

As with building a house, it starts with laying the foundation. Builders plan and erect structures to withstand stresses of wind and weather. So they reinforce the foundation, the beams and the roof, all to ensure stability.

We need to do the same with our marriages.

Why not build your marriage on the Rock? My husband and I have been married for years. Each of us already was rooted in Christianity, so we just lived as a couple the same way we lived as singles.

We didn't know how blessed we were. Looking back, we see how our unity of faith strengthened our marriage bond. When we hit those inevitable rough spots we turned to the Lord, together or separately. 

Never once did He let us down.

Who can say if we had it in us to stay committed without His strength and our mutual trust in God?

Cut each other some slack

Every one of us knows what we want and what would make us happy. When our marriage partner fails to live up to our ideal picture, we feel cheated. We sigh. We complain. It seldom occurs to us that we're fixated on his faults and blind to our own. 

How much better for the marriage if we simply stick with the premise that each of us is doing the best we can.

For example, a frequent complaint of wives is, "We don't communicate!" or "I can't get him to talk to me!

You've done it. I've done it. Way too long into our marriage I understood it's wired into us females to be verbal. Talking makes us feel good. It's as if we don't know what we think until we talk it over with someone. It's as if we have to talk it over before we can make sense of our lives.

That's not how guys think.

There's a good book, fun to read, that lays this out clearly. It's entitled Men Are Like Waffles, Women Are Like Spaghetti, by Bill & Pam Farrel. Their basic concept is that men are able to compartmentalize, to wall off one part of their lives from another and keep them separate. (Waffles.) For women, however, every part of their lives touches every other part. (Spaghetti.) 

That concept, as silly as it sounds, can help us understand problem areas in our marriages. (Pam and Bill have appeared on Focus on the Family and have a resource-packed website: http://love.wise.com/index.php)  

Wine that ages is more mellow and flavorful. Marriages, too.

Remember these beautiful lines from Robert Browning?

"Grow old along with me! The best is yet to be, the last of life, for which the first was made. Our times are in his hand who saith, 'A whole I planned, youth shows but half; Trust God: See all, nor be afraid!'"

By now my husband and I know the truth of Browning's words. The "best years" truly are worth hanging on for!

Believe it, my friend.

Lovingly,

Lenore

Get a Happiness Fix any time of the day or night

Want to take a stroll through quicksand?

That's what we do anytime we start fixating on what's wrong with our lives. Or our husbands. Our kids. Our jobs. Our houses. Post it on the bulletin boards of our minds and check it frequently. Whenever we think of something new--and we will--we pencil it in at the bottom.

Molehills grow into mountains in no time. Guaranteed.

It's way too easy to go down that track. Trust me, a person could get stuck in that groove.

There's another way            

Instead of a gripe list, what if we write down what's good? We could look for reasons to be thankful instead of reasons to complain.                 

Most of us spend our days apart from our family members. Maybe we don't know their challenges and what they deal with as well as we think we do. It's worth thinking it through and asking some questions. We may alter our outlook a bit or a lot. 

A Canadian proverb says it well.

"Walk a mile in my moccasins to learn where they pinch."

Voila! The Happiness List

Suppose we looked for what's good instead. Suppose we called it a Happiness List or maybe, a List of Blessings.

Start with your husband and write his name at the top of a plain sheet of paper. Or you could use a title such as, "What I love about about ____."

List no less than ten things. If you run out, look at small things. He brushes his teeth, doesn't he? Put it down.

Then branch out and do the same for each child--and in-law kids, if you have them. Ditto for anyone you tend to see in a negative light.

Betcha you'll discover what everyone who tries this learns. Once you start focusing on the good, you will find more. Without even trying your attitude will change.

In the beginning it may feel artificial. No matter. Your goal is to replace stinkin' thinkin' with the good stuff.

Tape your list(s) up where you can't help seeing them. Read them at least once a day, sometimes out loud and always thoughtfully. Soon you'll be noticing worthy qualities you overlooked before.

Consider reading your list(s) as a "happiness fix." Indulge freely whenever you need a lift.

By now you may be thinking this gesture is minor and undramatic to make any difference. Au contraire, my friends. Big changes often start with something small.

As always, it starts and ends in our minds. And hearts. By no coincidence that's where we find the deepest pits of quicksand. One thing is sure. If we're stuck in the muck, we need help to climb out. We need a new vision of life.

The verse that comes to mind is Psalm 51:10:

Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me.

That says it all, doesn't it? A "right spirit," that's my prayer for you--and for me. Always.

Lovingly,

Lenore

 

Take another look at the Real Dad(s) in your life

When you think of your father--or the father of your children--what pictures play in your mind?

Probably it's not the wise, kindly, perfect dad from TV reruns like, " Father Kno ws Best." There Jim Anderson always did the right thing and knew what to say. 

The trouble is real dads have to be a father without a script.

To keep wishing our fathers (or our husbands) would somehow morph into The Perfect Father is, well, a waste of time.

I fell into that trap, too. I spent a long time thinking, Why didn't he ... ? Why don't you ... ?

I didn't understand how my thoughts, spoken or unspoken, got in the way of my seeing what was right in front of me.

For example, my own imperfect father all his life loved my mother and his four living children. What's more, he faithfully loved and served the Lord all his life.

Why did I so long undervalue what was so familiar?

Becoming a father is the easy part.

It's being a dad, day after day and year after year, that stretches and grows a man. Love drives them to stay. Love that goes deeper than just-right words from a script. 

Which brings me to the good man I'm still crazy about. We met when we both were too young to have good sense, and we fell hard. I couldn't have known that quiet, good-looking fellow would turn out to be the gentle, strong, patient man he became, but God knew.

Is he perfect? No. (Am I? No!) Have I ever complained about him or to him? Yes. 

I think they call that marriage. A husband and wife growing together. Making allowances for each other's flaws. Riding out the storms ... together.

If I ever expected moonlight and rosebuds 24/7, I learned that's the stuff of Hollywood, not real life. Even for Christians in a good marriage, some days love brims over, other days it feels like a drought.

Commitment, marriage, carries us through as we love and grow together.

It turns out that makes regular deposits in an account, a marriage account. At this point in our lives we know it's true: The longer you invest, the richer the dividends. 

Our family now includes four sons-in-love, as well as eight grandchildren. That makes at eighteen, but another (full-grown) is on the way.

Now as always, we are imperfect, every one of us. Each of us disappoints one or more of the rest of us at times. Like most families, we have our moments and we don't all agree on everything. That's okay.

We've learned that building closeness within a marriage, a growing family or a grown family does not just happen. It takes speaking love and doing love, step by stumbling step. It takes putting our family-ness before our individual preferences, because we are family, we are one.

The formula rests on enduring Truth, as usual:

Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.                                                                               --1 Peter 4:8

Blessings and JOY,

Lenore

Avoid divorce with a Marriage Insurance Policy

Recent news reports and gossip programs about divorcing couples in the public eye have the rest of us are talking about it.

We all know people who assume divorce is inevitable.   Not true. It is true that a marriage takes care and feeding. For life. Love, by itself, is never enough.

It would be easier if we didn't start off believing the last line of fairy tales, "And they lived happily ever after."

There ain't no such thing, not for two (imperfect) human beings who share a life, day after day. Besides, no one is happy, happy, happy without fail, 24/7.

Someone has said it's no big secret how to grow a strong marriage. Here's the formula:

We before You

You before Me.

"We." What nurtures and strengthens our marriage comes first, before either partner's personal desires. 

You." I place my husband (wife) and what he needs and wants ahead of having it my way--and vice versa. (If that sounds belittling, think how sweet life could be if both lived this way.)

Last comes "Me," what I want, what I need to be happy, the way I want things to be.

That does not mean personal needs and wants don't count. Think of it as a gauge for what matters most. The question is, Would this make our marriage relationship stronger or weaker?

When husband and wife aim to live this way, each in effect tells the other, you and what you need from our marriage come before what matters to me.

All this echoes Philippians 2:4:

Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.

This never feels natural. Inside we're all two-year olds, yelling, "I want it my way!"

Real life calls for give-and-take. Inevitably, some days it will be all about him and other days it will be all about me.

Again and again we will fail. Still, trying is better than not trying. When we slip up, we forgive each other--and ourselves. That trumps nursing hurt feelings and growing bitter. It's possible to get very lonely stuck on a cold hill of injured pride.

Is it ever too late to make a new beginning? Except in cases of abuse, the answer is no. It's best when both marriage partners commit to it, but even if only one changes--and perseveres--the effect can be positive.

A husband and wife who seek to live like this develop an enduring bond. Each one feels safe with the other. Trust grows. Love grows and blooms again.

Is it easy? Never, but it gets easier.

Is it worth it? Always.

Just ask any husband and wife who've been married for many years. 

Peace and JOY,

Lenore