A Woman's View

Mother love that strengthens our children

You've probably seen that TV commercial of the mother and her college-bound daughter in the cell phone store.  

Both of them talk and weep at the same time, so their words get lost. Daughter tries to reassure her "Hover Mother" they won't be out-of-touch, while the (male) clerk remains mystified.                                                        

Google "hover mothers" or "helicopter parents" and you'll find pages of reading from all over on this hot topic

Hovering starts early

One account described parents who carefully choose a safe neighborhood near schools. Then they declare it's "too dangerous" for their children to walk or bicycle to school alone. They say, "I just want to be sure you're safe, Honey."

What would any normal child conclude? Life is scary.

Maybe that accounts for the twice-daily traffic jams In our quiet, low-crime community at the beginning and end of every school day. Sunshine or rain, cars line up for blocks along tree-lined streets. Watchful moms--and some dads--wait near the crossing guards, ready to walk their kids home. (Parents of middle- and high-school students wait down the street, as instructed.)

Good intentions may be misguided

Planting fear makes children feel powerless. 

Our call as loving parents is to help our kids grow strong within themselves.

Instead of hovering, we get our child ready for the "what ifs" of life. Talking it through and offering specific actions can produce courage and calm thinking, like youngsters in news stories who escaped harm by running away, screaming loudly or calling 911.

Somebody helped them be mentally prepared.

Love doesn't gallop to the rescue every time our child calls. Take the youngster with a habit of "forgetting" crucial homework or even lunch. No more lectures. No more temper. First comes a warning, then one rescue. After that Mom says, "Sorry, Sweetie. You're on your own. Talk to your teacher and see what you can work out."

Call it tough, or label it a taste of how the world works. A learning step toward being responsible.

We stay tuned, but from a distance. It's as if we hold up a sign that reads, "We believe in you!" If they stumble, we pick 'em up, give 'em a hug and encourage them to try again.

As Christian moms we want our child's long-term best. Working through situations like this on their own imparts the sense they can deal with whatever comes.

Our mission as parents is to love our kids and let them go

Teens and young adults learn to make wise decisions by (sometimes) making unwise decisions. We allow them to try--and sometimes fail--and learn.

Is this easy? No! Sometimes it feels like the hardest thing we've ever done. The near-hysterical mom in the cell phone commercial would be the type who delivers daily wake-up calls to her child's dorm room. (Yes, it happens.)

Moms feel separation anxiety, too. We look at the years we invested in protecting our child, wanting to make sure she grows up with only happy memories. We wonder how our beautiful children can get along on their own.

If not before, now's the time.

Setting our children free, ready and willing to live without us, bestows a love gift that keeps on giving.

Moms never stop praying

We love our children best when we leave "hovering" to the One who knows the end before the beginning. He never takes His watchful eyes off our loved ones and He knows what they need most. Our task is to keep on praying and trusting.

Here's a Bible verse to encourage us:

. . . The prayer of a righteous [mother} is powerful and effective.       --James 5:16  NIV  (If you don't feel "righteous enough," read Romans 3:22-24 and 5:19.)

Lovingly,

Lenore

 

 

A lift for moms--and all of us

Sometimes tales from long ago refresh our hearts with hope and truth. This is one of those stories.

Once long ago a mother in the country we know as Algeria watched her brilliant 16-year old son walk out of her life.

Worse yet, he renounced the Christian faith in which she raised him. Nothing she said could change his mind.

She thought her heart would break.

Predictably, the young man took up with the wrong crowd and indulged himself in worldliness, even fathering an illegitimate child at age 18.

His mother, Monica, did what moms have done ever since Eve. She wept and prayed and prayed and wept.

For more than a decade young Augustine pursued the teachings of famous philosophers of the time in an effort to explore all things intellectual and thus achieve happiness.

Instead, he experienced recurring bouts of severe depression and grief.

His thirtieth birthday came and went and still he searched. Still his mother wept and prayed.

Finally he scraped bottom. One day he fell on his face in despair, sobbing, and cried out to God. Then it seemed he heard a child's voice chanting, "Take and read. Take and read."

He opened a Bible to Romans 13 and read verses 13-14. At once his heart was changed.

Augustine soon was was baptized and became a strong believer in Christ. Not so long after that, his mother Monica died, her heart at peace.

That same man, once the despair of his mother, wrote these timeless words

God loves each of us as if there were only one of us.

Thou hast created us for Thyself and our hearts are restless until they find their rest in Thee.

Seek not to understand that you may believe, but believe that you may understand.

The years of pain and wandering worked spiritual depth in Augustine and it comes through in his writings.

He turned his superb mind to learning more about Jesus and pondering what faith meant and authored many books still treasured by believers. 

This story still speaks--to each of us, whatever our life situation 

Nuggets of truth leap out at us.

• Never give up! Not on anyone or any situation. You've heard me quote Jeremiah 32:27 before:

        "I am the LORD, the God of all mankind. Is anything too hard for me?"

• If you're a mom, never doubt what your love and your faith are worth to your child.

Your tender, loving care of your children helps them grow into themselves. As you model faith, they notice, even when they seem oblivious.

We are called as moms to be faithful. To reach out, even when we're not sure anyone sees or hears. To make the first move, again and again and again. To keep on praying and yes, sometimes, to keep on shedding tears.

To never give up.

Our loving Father knows. He cares. And He uses all of it, all our pains and all our griefs. Within our children.

Within us.

God bless you with His strength and peace, my friends,

Lenore

What do we do with those old messages from childhood?

Not long ago a group of us were talking what makes us who we are.

One man said, "I'm an adult, I make my own decisions."

A woman said, "That's not as easy as it sounds. My mom used to freeze us out when we misbehaved. I I hated it, but once I had children, I found myself doing the same thing. I had to fight against going all cold and silent. Getting past those old patterns from childhood took me a lot of years and a lot of prayer."

Heads nodded all around the room.

Then another gal said, "I see that in my husband. He's just like his dad. Neither one of can turn off work and relax."

After that everyone in the room had a story of how their growing-up years influenced them as adults, sometimes in a good way, sometimes not.

We leave imprints on our children, too

From the beginning we want to be good parents. We want our daughters and sons to grow up healthy and balanced, with sound values and faith that will carry them through.

The trouble is we're human. We slip up and give way to our feelings. Our frustrations spill over into everyday family life.

Without even trying, our kids pick up the best of us. And the worst of us.

What about all those "memorable messages" we think we're imparting? Here's what family counselors say. What influences our children most deeply is how we live and what we say all those "ordinary" times when we think they're paying no attention.

Parenting would be easier if we were rearing peas in a pod

God made each of our children (and each of us) one-of-a-kind. What we learned with Child A probably won't work as well with Child B. .

It helps to remember that God gave us each child, whether they came by birth, adoption or through marriage. Even if  we can't quite figure out one of them and another "drives us crazy."

What's more, He equips us to be the mom or dad who loves and helps shape these particular young individuals.

At the same time God stretches and shapes you and me, too, through them.

Viewing our parents through an adult perspective

It helps to take a fresh look and realize our mother and/or father dealt with stresses and problems we didn't see and couldn't have understood.

Our imperfect parents made mistakes, just as we do. They coped as well as they could manage. Loved their kids as well as they were able.

Don't we do the same?

You and I can count up all the ways our inadequate mom or dad hurt us and/or let us down and spend the rest of our lives nursing our pain.

Or we can sift out the good and give thanks, then pray our children will do the same for us.

So we walk on in faith

Anytime you think you're in over your head, remember who gifted you with each child. Remember who your children are--and who you are: 

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made. --Psalm 139:13-14

For we are God's workmanship, created in "Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. --Ephesians 2:10

Silence harmful old messages by calling verses like these to mind. Store them in your memory or write them down, so you're ready whenever old thinking creeps in. Whenever I feel shaky or uncertain I find it helpful to read or say Bible verses aloud.

Think of it as planting a new reality in your mind and heart.

Think of it as finding a way to forgive and move on.

Moms, did you know cinnamon could be dangerous?

We moms pray for our kids all their lives, that God would keep them safe. But have you ever prayed about cinnamon?

Yep. Turns out it has become a real danger for preteens and teens.        

Oh, it's not the cinnamon on a yummy breakfast roll or a piece of fragrant cinnamon toast that  causes problems. 

Rather, it's "the cinnamon challenge," which at first sounds silly and harmless, like many acttivities that catch on with adolescents.

This one goes beyond risky to extremely dangerous.

How could common, wonderful-smelling cinnamon be a hazard? Melissa Arca, M.D., laid out the facts in her Sacramento Bee article of April 10, 2012.

According to Dr. Arca, the cinnamon challenge amounts to a public dare--and what adolescent can resist a dare? That's part of the problem. The other part is it doesn't sound particularly hazardous, even to adults. What could be so bad about swallowing a simple tablespoon of dry cinnamon in under 60 seconds without drinking anything?

Here's the catch. Cinnamon cannot be dissolved by saliva alone.

Dr. Arca says once a person has that much dry cinnamon in their mouth and tries to swallow it, gagging and choking immediately follow. What's more, the choking usually leads to vomiting and sometimes, to aspirating cinnamon into the lungs. Lung collapse may follow, or pneumonia. Some who try it even end up on a ventilator. Kids with asthma are extremely vulnerable and could experience a severe attack.

She advises immediate medical intervention, which strikes me as an unrealistic statement. What kid would try this while their pediatrician--or parent--stands nearby?

Because Dr. Arca stated that poison control centers report a recent spike in calls about the cinnamon challenge, I checked the website of the American Association of Poison Control Centers.

They AAPCC issued a press release warning dated March 28, 2012. In it they explain that powdered or ground cinnamon quickly coats the mouth and throat, which interferes with swallowing . Breathing difficulty follows and teens may unintentionally breathe the spice into their lungs. This can cause pneumonia and/or a serious attack for asthmatics.

Social media takes it viral. Again 

Predictably, teens and preteens want to post "funny" videos of themselves or someone else attempting to pull it off on their cell phones or on YouTube.

That's why you can Google "the cinnamon challenge." It has its own website, Facebook page and Twitter handle.

Even Wikipedia lists "cinnamon challenge." That entry notes that cinnamon contains coumarin, a moderately toxic chemical compound. It also notes that European health agencies have warned against ingesting "large amounts" of cinnamon.

We might write this off as a fad, just more amusing antics of the young if it weren't life-threatening.

Building in strength to resist dares like these 

Most parents, grandparents and caregivers already warn youngsters over and over about the need to be cautious and careful. Every day in every way.

(As you've probably noticed, kids specialize in tuning out such lectures.)

It seems to me a more hellpful strategy is to aim our efforts at helping our kids develop inner strength--and the sooner, the better. That means talking to our children from little on about making good choices.  It helps if they see us living this out ourselves.

No way can we keep our kids in a cage, like exotic birds. They're growing up in the real world. Moms and dads need to equip them to live in it.

Teach them the line you probably heard from your mom:

It doesn't matter what someone else does or says, it's up to YOU to choose what you will do. 

It's as true now as ever.

Talk empowerment instead of restrictions

Especially during their adolescent years, youngsters ache to belong. Some habitually look around them to see what others are doing, then mimic it. Blame it on the desire to be popular or on fear of being left out. 

At any age, real strength and freedom come from within, from quietly knowing who we are and what we stand for. If our children have a faith background they'll have an advantage during adolescence. Christian kids learn early on about the difference between right and wrong. They also hear often that God loves and forgives them even when they mess up.  

Helping our kids establish and rely on their inner standards is like equipping them with inner armor. Knowing what's good and right and true gives them a sure path through the hazards that lurk all through these preteen and teen years.

Hazards like the cinnamon challenge, all the things youngsters will view as fun, nothing more.

Maybe that's why we keep on praying.

Blessings,

Lenore

To spank or not to spank, that is the question

Mention the word, "spanking," and people go ballistic.

One loving parent says, "I think spanking is barbaric!" Another, just as loving, says, "Sometimes spanking is the only way I can get their attention."

Surveys indicate a majority of young children in this country are spanked regularly.

Experts and professionals who show up on TV and write articles in magazines mostly rail against the evils of spanking. They often cite studies that seem to prove

physical punishment leads children to become more aggressive.

One "doctor mom" who writes in our local newspaper believes children should not be spanked. Period.

You and I read articles like this and think, Well, she ought to know." 

All parents need to do, she says, is practice positive reinforcement and validate the child's feelings. As an example she explains even 2-year olds can understand--once you explain--why they must not touch a hot stove. You listen, you allow them their feelings,  you set boundaries and voila! 

Why parents sometimes feel threatened

A mom told about taking her three rambunctious boys to McDonald's. They did what preschool boys always do. Jabbed and poked and teased in the waiting area and swung on the shiny railing.

Once they got settled in their booth, the boys started in again. Kicking under the table. Older brothers calling the youngest a baby" and him whimpering. Trying to gross each other out, which called for a collective, "Eww!"

Then she noticed everyone else in the place watching them and frowning, clearly disapproving.

"Rick wanted to settle them down with a little swat on their behinds. I really thought one of that crowd might report us to Child Protective Services, so we gathered up our food and kind of slinked out."

For the record . . .

My husband and I agreed spankings would be rare at our house and they were. Each of our four girls, however, got at least one.

We lived along a straight-shot country road with a dip in it, so drivers would not have seen a toddler in time to stop. With a roomy fenced yard, our kids had plenty of room to run. That's why every single day I warned them, "You must not go outside the yard! Do you understand me?"

And every one of them stole out of our yard at least once.

So I would swoop down on our pint-size adventurer and administer five or six swats right away. It wasn't anger that drove me, but fear for their lives. I had to be able to trust these little girls would stay in our roomy, well-fenced yard, even when I wasn't on hand.

By then we both would be crying. I would hug her and kiss her and not bring it up again.

Know the "why" and know yourself

Spanking our children is hard--and it should be, I think. And we need to be sure we're not just trying to show we're bigger and more powerful than our kids.

I know now that it was good we kept spankings rare in our family. Our girls got the message that Mommy and Daddy are in charge and family rules are meant to be kept.

(P.S. It's good to get that established early, while you're the tall one.)

God bless you,

 Comments?

 

Rediscovering the real treasure in life

Imagine my shock to discover the post I thought had published last week mysteriously disappeared instead--and I didn't catch it. Mea culpa, my friends. Hope you like this slightly revised reprint from November 8, 2008. Thank you for reading my blog!

"Did you ever study Ecclesiastes? So much of it seems written just for me."

I smiled at my friend. Her random question immediately transported me back to a weekend when our girls were growing up and I was drowning in child-rearing. That's when a few verses from Ecclesiastes became my life-line.

By any standard, our life was good. My husband and I dearly loved each other. No big problems, good health, four great kids. Any fool would be thankful, but right then, not this one.

I yearned for ... something, but I wasn't sure what.

One morning a newspaper announcement of a women's workshop called my name. "Wish I could go," I told my husband over lunch. "It's only an hour's drive from here and I'd love to have a break. But it starts tonight."

Then that terrific man I married (who wanted his wife back) surprised me, as he often does. "Go! The girls and I will be fine."

I hugged him and right away called the number listed. Yes, they had space. Hallelujah! I dressed and packed in a frenzy of anticipation. I only knew the speakers would be Christian women from a neighboring state.

Was I naive? Yes. Desperate for a breather? Yes!

A few hours later I waved goodbye to those beautiful ties that bound me with love. I drove off with a smile, giddy at the prospect of nobody calling, "Mommy!" for forty-eight hours.

At the hotel I walked into a large room full of women I did not know. Being anonymous suited me just fine. I just wanted to be in a safe, quiet place and maybe pick up something useful.

The conference theme was Ecclesiastes and five minutes into the first speaker's talk, I knew why I was there. That conviction deepened as the evening went on. 

Getting to the root of my discontent

For months I had been reading and hearing the same points everywhere I turned. I owed it to myself to "accomplish" something, so I could be fulfilled, they said.

Just being a wife and mother could never satisfy my deepest needs, they said, only waste my potential for greatness.

Certainly I should not be under the "domination" of the sweet, quiet man who loved me, they told me.

I hadn't consciously bought into these theories, yet they lodged insidiously within my mind and heart. Little by little, they painted my thinking in a wash of dull gray.

Learning from Solomon

This theme verse leaped out at me, especially because of the mindset I walked in with:

Yet when I surveyed all that my hands had done and what I had toiled to achieve, everything was meaningless, a chasing after the wind ...                                                                                   --Ecclesiastes 2:11

We focused on Chapter Two, where Solomon relates his goals and dreams, his great success and wealth, and the emptiness he felt. Our speaker asked a rhetorical question: Had we noticed anything like that around us?

Solomon's phrase drummed in my mind: "chasing after the wind."

We looked at life, marriage and the joy of piling up years together. 

Leaders also delved into how every day moms--and dads--help shape the next generation, planting faith and values that carry over. That presses lasting meaning and significance into every twenty-four hours.

Truth gently smacked me and woke me up, then moved in to stay. My life mattered, just as it was.

Everything from mopping up spills to mashing potatoes formed a tiny part of the mosaic of our family. Each day counted for more than I could guess.

Was this news to me? No. But thinking through those verses in Ecclesiastes replenished my spirit and reminded me what I already believed.

No longer would I look "out there" to set my standards and gauge my "fulfillment" by someone else's measuring stick. I drove home singing--and praying, impatient to hug my husband and daughters.

Nothing changed about my life but me ... and that changed everything.

Here's wishing you clear thinking and a fresh charge of joy every day as you journey on!

Lenore

Ever had one of these "a-ha moments?" Your comments welcomed!

Reasons to love family dinners

Sometimes we lose sight of the best things in life and don't even realize it.

Like eating dinner together as a family, for instance.

Many people consider that an outdated relic of a simplistic past. I think it's more than that. Sharing a family meal symbolizes what we long for, a deeper connection with those we love.

Sure, it's quicker to stop for fast food or hit the drive-through, maybe eat in our cars. Some of us eat takeout in front of our laptop or TV. In a multitasking life it seems, well, natural. Besides, at the end of a hectic day who wants to cook and clean up? After all, this is 2012.

We save time, yes, but we may lose what matters more.

For once, TV models the good stuff

Maybe you're you a fan of the hit TV show, "Blue Bloods," as I am.

Writer David Hitbrand looked into what attracts this show's consistently large audience and identified what's my favorite part. Here's a quote from his piece in The Philadelphia Enquirer, November 20, 2011:

The sentimental majority opinion holds that it's the show's weekly dinner scene, during which four generations of Reagans -- presided over by the patriarch (Len Cariou) -- bicker, spar and celebrate one another.

"That scene is the favorite of so many people," says "Blue Bloods" executive producer, Leonard Goldberg. "Italian people, Jewish people, Greek people -- they all say the same thing: 'That's my family.' "

The Reagans do more than eat together

As they prepare the meal and work together, then sit down at their huge dining table, they depict a healthy family in action.

• They do a lot of one-on-one sharing in the kitchen.
• They begin their meals with thanking God for their food and often, for each other.
• They do "celebrate" each other. For any child or adult, there's something really sweet about having another family member praise us in front of the rest.
• They talk and listen to each other with respect, even when they disagree. Younger family members participate, too. Sometimes an adult corrects a youngster or offers a principle to remember.
• They leave the table reminded they are family, they are one.

Building family bonds in our own homes

I know a couple that early on resolved to eat their evening meal together and worked around a crazy schedule. Then as parents they wanted to stay tuned-in to how their children viewed their world. They started sharing daily "highs" and "lows" over dinner. Each one named their best and worst points of the day, in as much detail as they liked. Mom and Dad spoke their joys and concerns, too--with discretion.

These normal children sometimes protested and could be moody or quiet. "Some nights they'd say, 'recess' for both their high and their low," the father says with a smile. "We never tried to talk them out of it because they lived their day at school, not us.

"We learned to listen with more sensitive ears. Often it seemed nothing happened, but over time highs and lows proved a wonderful tool. When our children grew into adolescence they took over reminding us anytime we forgot. By then they understood the value of these built-in openings to share hurts and feelings.

"Along the way my wife and I gained insights into our children. Conversations became more meaningful and so did our our prayers. Without question this daily sharing strengthened the love and closeness within our family."

No skills training required

Getting your family on this new track may feel bumpy and awkward at first, so be patient. After awhile you'll find what works. To begin just gather everyone around your dinner table. Keep it fancy or plain, serve sandwiches or steak, your choice.

It helps to remember the goal is simply to establish a routine that helps draw your family closer. The resulting sense of connectedness can melt away a lot of strain.

(By the way, it works well for wives and husbands, too.)

Lenore

 

Protect your children--and yourself--from getting boiled

Have you noticed how what shocks us at first we hardly notice after awhile?

Call it a demonstration of the "Frog in the Kettle" phenomenon. A frog would never stay in a pot of boiling water--unless the water in the pan started out cold. If you raise the temperature oh, so gradually, the frog will adapt to his or her environment.

It's the same with you, with me and especially with our children

Whatever our surroundings, we learn to adapt. Plunk us among positive people and we become more upbeat. Drop us into a crowd of folks who gripe all the time and we start complaining, too.

Parents create the atmosphere that counts most

Although children gain knowledge and impressions at school, home is where their basic foundation of life is formed. What their parents think matters more than all the rest.

From early on our children absorb our attitudes, right or wrong. If Mom and Dad think life is scary, their kids will, too. If we grumble that nobody treats us fairly or that you can't trust anyone, our daughters and sons accept that as truth. Act as if people around us are good people and our kids will consider the world a friendly place and be optimistic about their chances in it. 

This principle holds no matter what our level of income may be or where we live.

We give our kids a gift--or a handicap--by the atmosphere we create within our family.

 Insulating our darlings

The culture we live in intrudes and colors our thinking, at every age. Television gets blamed most often. What matters even more is how we view it within our families. When something objectionable or untrue is shown, do we let it pass with no comment?

If we do, we just awarded our seal of approval.

It doesn't stop there. Everything from the Internet to conversations with friends and neighbors to what they pick uup in school drips into young minds. Adults can process information through an adult perspective and their experience. Children and teens swallow it whole.

Because we can't be with them 24/7, it's vital to equip them with their own inner guidance system.

• Individuals who clearly understand the difference between right and wrong acquire an internal plumb line and make wiser judgments.
• Kids who can reason and use logic discern untruths more easily.
• Children who pray when they're unsure feel more confident.
• Youngsters who understand that Jesus loves them and watches over them feel less afraid of the dangers (real or imagined) around them.

(By the way, these principles work for adults, too.)

Froggie adapted to his environment and it killed him. What about us?

Whatever we think of the world we live in, most of us don't consider it ideal. Tragic headlines about the rich and famous clearly show what happens when individuals embrace this society without reservation. Most parents and grandparents consider that our worst nightmare.

It's our privilege to be entrusted with rearing our children or to be a grandparent. What we say and do matters more than we think. That's an honor, not a burden. I confess I didn't always recognize that. Maybe you didn't, either.

So we start where we are. If we remember who we are and ask God's help, he will strengthen us and deepen our faith. He will enable us to be the lights and the lifters within our own families.

Send forth your light and your truth, let them guide me ...    --Psalm 43:3

Surely God is my help; the Lord is the one who sustains me.   --Psalm 54:4

The LORD gives strength to his people; the LORD blesses his people with peace.     --Psalm 29:11

I've found you can trust the Lord. He loves you and your children. He'll fill in your empty spots and be your strength.

God bless you!

Lenore

Teaching your kids about sex. When, where, by whom?

Every day children absorb messages about sex, either implied or in-your-face.

They soak them up from Mom and Dad. From TV cartoons and sitcoms. From the neighbors and from what teachers say and do, as well as from sex education classes.

Truths and errors drip into young minds. Kids fit them together like pieces of a puzzle and come up with their picture of what it means to be a "male" or a "female."

Prescription: Start early to lay a solid foundation

It's not possible to grab our kids and run because, well, we live in the world.

Our best strategy is to help our sons and daughters lay down solid footings on which they can build sound lives.

Call this equipping what it is: your privilege. 

It's never too early and never too late. You will bless your children for life.

The idea is to make this part of casual everyday conversations. Help your children know the values you hold. Talk about the "whys" as well as the "what."

Arm your kids with the truth about sexuality and with right values. "Sexuality" and "sexual identity" go beyond body parts and sexual intercourse and involve the whole person. Males and females think differently and respond differently, both in body and mind.

Our Creator built that into us.

Are there variations between one male and another male? One female and another female? Of course, but none so striking as the differences between one gender and the other.

Mom and Dad are teaching all the time

Have you noticed that youngsters pay the most attention when you're not talking to them?

Your kids watch Mommy and Daddy and think that's how males and females are supposed to relate. When you treat each other with respect and speak well of each other, you give them a strong model to live by. Your love pats and long kisses bear witness that being married offers a lasting attraction.

What kids observe at home, day after day, outweighs whatever they may be taught in sex education classes.

Even teenagers, in numerous surveys, overwhelmingly name their parents as their most important influence.

What else can you do?

Make it a point to watch allowed television shows with your family, so you can help your kids catch innuendos and blatant sexual messages and identify sexy clothing. Talk about shows after they end. See if your kids picked up subtle messages and correct wrong impressions.

As you help your youngsters connect the dots they'll develop their own internal filters. Over time your children will begin to look and listen to life's pressures with better judgment, even when you're not around. They'll be wiser as they use their computer(s) and all the other techie marvels. 

Tell it like it is

From the beginning, use the correct terminology. (If you're not sure what that is, buy a reliable book written from a Christian perspective.)

Whatever you say, frame it in the context of God's perfect design. If you read the first two chapters of Genesis, you'll notice He saved the best for last: Adam and Eve. Human beings. He told them to be fruitful and increase in number.

God saw all that he had made and it was very good. And there was evening, and there was morning--the sixth day.              Genesis 1:31

As Christian parents, help your children develop God's view of sexuality. His good gift. Too precious to be squandered in thoughtless and casual ways.

Too wonderful to waste.

You can do it!

God gave you your children, more of his good gifts. He would not entrust you with your ohildren without empowering you for your task.

Peace and joy,

Lenore

You've heard of Helicopter Parents, but what of Helicopter Kids?

"Helicopter Kids" take awhile to develop. All their lives they've known they could count on their loving parents to be there for them.

You might say parents hovered.

These youngsters learned to depend on them for support. In everything. Over time these youngsters become uneasy about making a move without first checking with their parents.

Sounds sweet, right? Most moms and dads would be thrilled if their kids asked their opinion(s) or advice before the problem instead of after.

But here's the rub. At what stage do these young people become able to make decisions and work out problems on their own, so they can live on their own? 

Tracing the background

Loving parents worry about who or what lurks on the Internet, on the streets and in their own front yard. No wonder they clutch their child's hand and won't let go while in a store or in the mall. If they momentarily lose sight of their children, they panic.

These kids hear, "Now, you be careful!" and "Don't you ever go off with a stranger! If a stranger bothers you, scream as loud as you can, you hear me?"

Many kids grow up on this as a daily diet. At school they get more warnings. Even if the shooting at Columbine and the disaster of 9/11 happened before they were born, they see replays regularly. They live with drills and metal detectors and school lockdowns.

No wonder they are afraid.

No wonder their parents want to protect them.

Enter the cell phone

Cell phones appear to be a way to quiet fears on all sides. Parents and kids can stay in touch at all times. Youngsters can check in with their working parent(s) after school. When children are given a cell phone, they get the admonition to immediately return their parents' calls.

Peace, it's wonderful. Parents assume they can always know where their children are and kids can reach their parents at any time. Any time they have a problem.

Sounds like a good strategy, doesn't it?

Tim Jordan, M.D., a behavioral pediatrician who counsels school kids in the Chesterfield, MO, area, is not so sure. He says, "Kids are raised to need their parents for everything: problem solving, resolving conflicts with siblings and friends, handling adversity and challenges. College students text their parents for help and reassurance; it's hard to cut that wireless umbilical cord." 

Jordan thinks the same reasoning compels young people to constantly text and  Facebook their friends--another kind of hovering. Simply put, when they're not connected, they're uneasy. Adults tell them they need to take timeout for quiet thought and reflection, but that doesn't feel right.

They need to be in touch, need to feel connected at all times.

Hovering interferes with practicing for life

Dr. Jordan believes we're rearing a generation of hovering helicopter children. "It is not preparing them to enter their adult lives with confidence and the skills to be responsible, successful and resilient. Grounding their 'choppers' will take a shift in our thinking as parents and as a culture."

Here's the enduring truth. Every human being learns and grows by trying and failing, by learning from their mistakes and experiencing pain. 

The call for loving parents is to gradually increase freedoms while also ramping up their child's responsibilities.

Unless we allow our children to make decisions and work out problems on their own, then allow them to fail, we cheat them. They miss out on the chance to live and learn while we're on the scene, ready to pick them up and encourage them to try again.

Lacking that, they won't grow in self-confidence. They're likely to stay where it's safe.

With Mom and Dad. For life.

Lovingly,

Lenore