A Woman’s View ~ Lenore Buth

Moms, stand tall and proud...you are your child's biggest "advantage" in life

 Note: Dr. Benjamin Carson has been in the news, it seems a good time to re-post an  article I wrote on him way back in 2009. Even more it's the story of his mother and her courage. This is a bit long, but I promise it will lift your heart.

    Have you ever doubted yourself and your ability to give your children what they need? Have you wondered how to help them develop inner strength and live a purposeful life? A recent television interview reminded me of an amazing woman, Sonya Carson. With limited education, she reared two sons alone and coped with challenges most of us can't imagine. I've admired her for years,  ever since her older son told his family's story at a convention we attended.   

   Benjamin Solomon Carson, M.D., is a pioneering neurosurgeon, a motivational speaker and a Medal of Freedom winner. His brother, an engineer, designs aircraft parts.

    How did Sonya and her two sons get through tough times--and what can she teach us? Quite a lot, I think. 

   Sonya and her husband separated when Ben was seven and his brother, Curtis, five. Divorced and alone, she determined to provide for them--and she did. Sonya worked two or three jobs, mopping floors, taking whatever jobs she could find, always for low pay. Often she came home to find her sons asleep in front of the  television set. 

    In the beginning they lived with relatives in a Boston tenement. Then they moved back to Detroit and into Government housing. Each day the boys got themselves up, then walked along the railroad track to school. Classmates called fifth-grader Ben the dumbest kid in class and made jokes about him. 

    One day he brought home a report card that changed his life. His mother read it carefully and she was not happy. "You're a smart boy, Bennie! You can do anything you want to do. I know you can do better! If you keep up like this, you'll end up sweeping floors or on skid row. That's not the kind of life I want for you--and neither does God."

    Sonya asked God, whom she calls her friend and partner, for wisdom. A day or so later she imposed a rule and pledged her sons to honor it. They were to come home immediately after school. No playing outside until after their homework was done. No hanging around after sunset in the dangerous halls and public areas of their high-rise. Television watching would be limited to two programs per week, to be viewed only after their homework was done. Furthermore, each boy was to read two books a week from the neighborhood public library, then write a book report which she would critique. Neither the complaints of her sons, nor the criticism of her friends swayed her decision.

    "I know you boys have good minds," she told her sons. "If you can read, you can learn just about anything you want to know. The doors of the world are open to people who can read."  

    Before long the boys became well-known to the friendly librarians. Each week Sonya Carson carefully checked and read her sons' book reports, then asked them questions and offered encouragement. (Years later Ben realized his mother, with only a third-grade education, could not have deciphered many of the words he wrote.)

    Bennie first read his way through the section on animals and then tackled books about rocks. The crushed rocks along the track now fascinated him. Soon his new-found knowledge impressed his teacher and classmates. By the middle of his sixth grade, Benjamin led his class.

    Yet all along Ben struggled with his violent temper, which led to frequent confrontations with classmates. At age fourteen he came to a turning point. In the heat of rage he stabbed a friend who simply had changed a radio station. That boy's heavy metal belt buckle saved his life. Terrified at his own fury, Ben ran home and locked himself in the bathroom with the Bible. He stayed there for hours, praying that God would help him deal with his temper. He turned to the Book of Proverbs and found many verses about anger. The one that struck his heart was Proverbs 16:32:

"Better a patient man than a warrior, a man who controls his temper than one who takes a city." 

     Ben vowed that with God's help, he would control his anger, rather than his anger controlling him. Since that time, he says, he never lost his temper again.

     After that he poured himself into his studies, graduated high school, entered Yale in 1969, then went on to medical school. At the early age of thirty-three, Benjamin Solomon Carson, M.D., became the director of pediatric neurosurgery at Johns Hopkins. He pioneered in separating co-joined (Siamese) twins. In 1987 he and his 70-member team, in a twenty-two hour surgery, successfully separated the Binder twins, who were joined at the head. Both survived.

     Today Ben Carson continues to pioneer new techniques and pray before each surgery. He and his wife, Candy, have three sons. The pair launched a foundation that awards scholarships based on academic excellence and commitment to the community. So far they've awarded over 3,400 scholarships. A committed Christian, he still reads from the Book of Proverbs, morning and evening.

    In interviews, Ben Carson discounts the lifetime effect of poverty and racial prejudice. "My mother used to say, 'If you walk into an auditorium full of racist, bigoted people ... you don't have a problem, they have a problem.' ... The person who has the most to do with who you are and what you become is you."

   That philosophy probably stems from from Sonya Carson's frequentl admonition to her sons: "You do your best, and God will do the rest."

    She lived that principle through their growing up years. "My job was to prepare them. And I turned to God for help every inch of the way," she says. Later, Sonya studied and obtained her GED, then went on to junior college and  a successful career.

    So next time you hear some talking head drone on about youngsters who have "no chance to succeed," remember the Carson boys. Growing up, they fit into every dismal profile: a single-parent home; below the poverty line income; substandard housing in a bad neighborhood; under-funded schools. 

     You'll have days you feel life is too hard, or think you lack what it takes. If money is tight, you may fear you're shortchanging your children. Then call Sonya Carson and her courage to mind. Think of the rich gifts she gave her sons in that dismal setting! She spoke courage when she didn't know how she'd get through the week. She set limits for her children, always encouraging them, always speaking faith and confidence. They grew strong from within--and so did she. 

    Not once did she walk alone. Neither do you, if, like Sonya, God is your friend and your partner.

    Just invite him along on your journey ... and be at peace. I know He will not let you down.  

    Blessings,

    Lenore

QUESTION FOR YOU:  What have you learned about coping with challenges? Your comments welcomed!   (Click on the word, "comments" in the small print at the end of this post.) 

    Note: To read more, Google "Benjamin Carson, M.D." Or watch reruns of the TNT movie, "Gifted Hands," starring Cuba Gooding. It's based on Ben Carson's book by the same name. His earlier book is "Think Big."  

       

A never-quit spirit makes up for deficiencies

Few who watched the London Olympics could look away from the shots of Oscar Pistorius, a strong, triumphant athlete.

There he was running on two carbon fiber blades shaped like scythes. Although he failed to qualify for the 400 metre final, this South African counted it a victory simply to compete on an equal basis with "normal" runners.

If you followed his story, you know Oscar was born without fibulas, the long bones that run from knee to ankle. That November 22, 1986, his parents, Sheila and Henke Pistorius, as any of us would, wondered what kind of life lay ahead for their newborn.

Early on they consulted with some of the best doctors in the world. These physicians advised a procedure that left them reeling: Ampute their baby's legs below the knee. Soon.

Doctors assured them their son would face less difficulty learning to walk and would have better mobility all through life. Surgeons performed the amputation before Oscar's first birthday.

Six months later technicians fitted the toddler with his first prosthetic legs.

Never shrinking back

This remarkable family was crazy for sports. Oscar grew up rejecting physical limitations and trying everything, egged on by his mom.

He played rugby and water polo and also wrestled. In 2003 a rugby tackle resulted in torn knee ligaments. Doctors advised him to get into sprinting to rehab his leg and his coach quietly began shape Oscar for a running career.

Through it all, Sheila Pistorius cheered him on. According to her son, she cut him no slack. "She always said the loser isn't the person that gets involved and comes in last, but it's the person that doesn't get involved in the first place."

Henke and Sheila divorced sometime during Oscar's childhood years, after which the three siblings saw little oftheir father. .

Sheila Pistorius died when Oscar was fifteen. In an interview with News24.com, he said his  mother "left an indelible mark on me."

What keeps him going

It's heady stuff for any athlete to compete in the Olympic, but Oscar never forgets the source of his strength. He discussed that with Nico Bougas (Assist News Service (ANS) dated June 9, 2012.)

Oscar grew up in a Christian home and accepted Christ as His Savior “more or less before I could remember. God is the most important person in the world to me. If I’m on the right patch spiritually, it helps with everything else.”

Asked why he needs Christ in his life, he says: “Because He is the reason for my success and the one that takes me from strength to strength. Christ makes all the difference. He aids me in my struggles and makes my glories that much greater.”

The ultimate prize

Like many athletes, Oscar has a tattoo, which he got one sleepless night in New York City. It’s a verse from Corinthians: “I do not run like a man running aimlessly.’’

To be specific, the verse is 1 Corinthians 9:26. If we add verse 25, we understand what Oscar Pistorius means:

Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that  will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. Therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly . . .

The crown stands for salvation through faith in Jesus Christ, which brings us eternal life in heaven.

Here's to living with purpose--with or without a tattoo. 

Love,

Lenore

Mom, you can plant a "can do" attitude, even if you're living in a "can't do" world

If you don't believe that statement, just ask Benjamin Carson, M. D. At age thirty-three he became director of pediatric neurosurgery at Johns Hopkins Hospital in Baltimore, a post he still holds.

He probably grew up in privilege, with doting parents who spared him from struggle and discouragement. Right?

Wrong.

Dr. Carson grew up in a ghetto in Detroit.

His divorced mother, Sonya, dropped out of school in the third grade and cleaned houses for wealthy homeowners. She often left home early in the morning and returned after dark.

Benjamin Carson did have one big advantage. His mother never stopped believing in God--or in him. Over and over she told him, "Learn to do your best and God will do the rest."

The real story behind Benjamin Carson, M. D.

Sonya Carson spoke encouragement to her sons out of faith, not personal experience. At age thirteen she married a much older man and became a mother at eighteen, when she bore her first son, Curtis. When her second son, Benjamin, was eight, Sonya discovered her husband "forgot to mention" his other wife and family. She took the boys and moved in with her sister in Boston, then divorced her husband.

Two years later Sonya, Curtis and Bennie moved back to Detroit and into a ghetto high-rise, all they could afford. To support them Sonya cleaned houses for wealthy homeowners, sometimes three or four in tandem. She resolved she would do the best cleaning job her employers ever had. Somehow she managed to pay expenses and says with pride, "I took food stamps only one time, for a few months."

Not surprisingly, her sons did what their friends did. After school they played outside, then came in and watched TV. They struggled in school, especially Ben. His mother told him, "Bennie, you have to work harder. You have to use that good brain God gave you. Do you understand me?"

He did, but other kids taunted him that he was the dumbest kid in the world and he began to believe it. Before long Bennie brought home a report card full of Fs.

Sonya did not know what to do, so she prayed. "Lord," she said, "if You can take nothing and make a world out of it, You can take my situation and make it work--for the boys' sake."

Soon she had a plan and announced new, strict rules. Her sons could watch only two TV programs per week and had to choose them in advance. What's more, each week they were to read two books from their neighborhood library, then write a one-page book report and give it to her.

Over and over she told her boys, "Learn to do your best and God will do the rest."

Bennie started hanging out at the library. After awhile, one of the librarians took an interest and began pointing out books he might like. He soon developed an interest in rocks and science.

When her sons handed their mother their book reports, Sonya went over them and asked questions with a thoroughness that did not telegraph her own lack of education.

God had shown her how to handle a crisis. "After that," she said, "I would pray for guidance and afterward know what to do."

Before long Bennie began to surprise classmates and his teacher by answering questions with right answers. By the end of the school year he was one of the best students in class.

Like Mother, like sons

Learn to do your best and God will do the rest.

Sonya Carson lived by that principle as she cleaned homes. As a result, no client ever wanted anyone else to clean their homes. Her sons heard those words so often the principle became their indelible mindset, too. Both of them excelled in school.

Even though they lived in a high-rise ghetto, where going out into the halls after dark could mean risking your life. 

Curtis, the older son, became an engineer.

Benjamin became a world-famous pediatric neurosurgeon who brings hope to patients, including parents of conjoined twins, who find little hope elsewhere. 

Bennie, the "F" student, became one who debates famous proponents of evolution and atheism.

Benjamin Carson, M. D., author of four books, named by the Library of Congress as one of 89 "living legends." 

Sonya lived out her words, too. Years later she earned her GED. She followed that with college classes and became a successful interior decorator.

This story sounds almost unbelievable, except that Sonya so clearly relied on God all along. It's as Jesus told His followers in Matthew 19:26:

   . . . with God all things are possible.

Sonya's Power Source can be ours

In Matthew 11:28, Jesus says,

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.

 All we need to do is ask--and then trust.

Lovingly,

Lenore

Your comments, please.

Sorry this ran so long. The day my husband and I heard Ben Carson speak, not one person coughed or shifted in their chairs. I've never forgotten his riveting story--or his mother's courage. If you want to know more about Ben, Google his name. Read his biography in Wikipedia, which tells of his surgery on conjoined twins. His book, Think Big, (Zondervan) tells a lot about his mother and his philosophy of life. The movie, "Gifted Hands," based on his first book by the same name, is available on DVD and features Cuba Gooding. For a fascinating article, go to www.icr/org and in the search box, type in his name.

Here's proof that labels and diagnoses need not define a life

Sometimes problems crowd in on us, don't they? That makes it a good time to remind ourselves about a few of the individuals who actually faced the big hurdles.

You probably know of Joni Eareckson Tada, who as a teenager was paralyzed from the neck down in 1967 when she dove into a too-shallow lake and broke her neck. During her initial bout with depression she found a deeper faith in God and also a new calling. She speaks to groups, does television interviews, has authored fourteen books and is a fine artist. God has used her to bless countless people with or without physical challenges. (Google her name to learn about the organization she founded, Joni & Friends, a resource and advocacy organization in the disability community.)

History is full of overcomers who chose to keep going instead of giving up. One man, raised in extremely humble circumstances, became a storekeeper and went broke. After that he ran for office and lost election after election. We know that "failure" as Abraham Lincoln. 

How about the student labeled "mediocre" in chemistry, whom we know as Louis Pasteur, the scientist?

Or a boy called "too stupid to learn," who went on to develop the theory of general relativity, effecting a revolution in physics. Albert Einstein became known as the father of modern physics and was one of the most prolific minds in human history.

Then there's the boy called dull and hopeless, who flunked the sixth grade, the one we know as Winston Churchill.

Tell a youngster who loves to sketch and draw that he has no talent. He surprises everyone by growing up to become famous as Walt Disney.

Take a couple who survived a Nazi concentration camp and feel their pain when he is paralyzed from the waist down at age four. They could not know their boy would grow up to become internationally acclaimed concert violinist, Itzhak Perlman, who consistently plays to sellout crowds. 

Could a person born with cerebral palsy who never managed to speak clearly ecome a minister and a much-in-demand public speaker? Ask David Ring, who speaks to over 100,000 people every year at conventions, in churches and at gatherings. His recurrent line is, "What's your problem?" (Google his name if you want to know more about him and hear the details of his story.)

I read a list like this and ask myself, "What's your problem?"

Suddenly everyday frustrations shrink to their proper place.

After all, peace does not come from problem-free living. Once again the Apostle Paul says it best, in Philippians 4:7:

And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Here's to joy-in-the-midst,

Lenore

Does faith in God make a difference when we face obstacles?

It's a line we hear a lot, especially on talk shows and newscasts, "He/she never really had a chance."

Oh, yeah?

Meet Anthony Robles, a senior at Arizona State. In March, 2011, he captured the PAC 10 NCAA Wrestling Championship in the 125 lb. class. This came after a season in which he scored 36 wins and 0 losses. 

Imagine the shock his 16-year old mother felt as she gazed at her son for the first time. Their problems looked to be insurmountable. 

Not necessarily.

"My mom always told me when I was younger that God made me this way for a reason and I didn't understand what that meant," Anthony says.

He told one interviewer he can't remember ever feeling sorry for himself. His mother and stepfather raised him to believe he could do anything he set his mind to.

"I grew up thinking that way. I didn't think of my condition as something that could hold me back. I just thought this is how God made me and I'm going to make the best of it . . . . "

So seven-year old Anthony decided it took too long to put on his prosthesis and abandoned it for crutches. Nobody thought he could do it, but he rode a bike at age five and later played football. A few years ago in the fall he covered the ASU one-mile track in ten minutes. By spring he did it in eight. Regulars got used to seeing Anthony lifting weights, "running" mile-after-mile on the track and climbing the Stadium stairs as part of his training. He even climbed rocky Squaw Peak with his team, making it to the top in half an hour.

"My parents raised me to believe there was nothing I couldn't do," he says.

Coach Thom Ortiz says Anthony never asked for nor expected any special treatment. That reflects his mother's attitude. She told an interviewer. "He is a blessing. Don't treat him like he's something, but don't treat him like he's nothing, either. Just treat him like Anthony."

After college he plans a speaking career. This young man won't need any visual aids, because he is one. He has a powerful message about living with challenges. "It doesn't have to be a missing leg. You could have any obstacle in your life . . . Don't stay concerned with the negatives--what can hold me back, what my disadvantages are. I stay focused on the positive thing--what I have, what I can do."

Judy Robles fascinates me as much as her son. What enabled her to stay instead of walking away from her one-legged son? What kept her from becoming an alcoholic or getting strung out on drugs? Where did she find the strength to go on as she watched her little boy struggle and fall down, again and again?

She could have handled it by saying, "Oh, you poor thing. Here, let Mommy do that for you." Instead, she taught Anthony that God made him the way he is for a reason and if he set his mind to it, he could do anything.

Two kinds of mother love. Two kinds of motivation.

Since we know Judy Robles is a Christian, it seems reasonable to think she depended on God and on Bible verses like this for comfort and to keep her going.

I can do everything through him who gives who gives me strength.                                                                                --Philippians 4:8

You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book 

                                                                              --Psalm 56:8 (New Living Translation)

So what do you think, does faith in God make a difference in how we face obstacles?

You tell me. 

Lovingly,

Lenore

Note: Quotes come from the numerous newspaper and magazine articles I found when I Googled "Anthony Robles."