A Woman’s View ~ Lenore Buth

Why being a mom is a privilege, from start to finish

That word "privilege" may sound over-the-top, especially if you're having a bad day.

Every child starts as a newborn. A miracle.

If you don't think that's a miracle, just ask any couple with fertility challenges whether conceiving a child is routine. So many obstacles could--and often do--interfere with one sperm and one egg coming together at just the right time.

In that instant, for every human being,  the codes for life are set in place. For instance:

• Male or female.
• Hair color and whether it will be curly or straight.
• Body type and eventual adult height.
• Shape and size of the hand and fingernails.
• Adult foot shape and size, as well as toe length and toenail shapes.
• An aptitude for the creative arts, for science, language or math, or for the more practical, such as building and mechanical.
• Personality type, whether calm and laid back, high-maintenance, thoughtful, moody or upbeat.
• A natural athletic ability or a preference for more quiet pursuits like reading.

All this and more are determined at conception. That's proven fact, as surely as a giant oak tree hides within an acorn. 

What's more, each one is known to God. In Jeremiah 1:5 God says, "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you . . ."

No two alike--and that's a challenge

Any parent of more than one child quickly notices their individuality from birth. One cries more than the other. One sleeps all night early on, while the other thinks nights are party time. One wants to be cuddled, the other not so much.

One toddler climbs on every piece of furniture in the house and opens closed drawers and cupboards at least once a day. The other plays happily with toys all alone. One "talks" all the time, while the other seems a born observer. One takes every "No" as a personal challenge meant to be defied. The other hears "No!" and wilts, then finds something else to do.

It seems God designed motherhood as an equal-opportunity personal growth program.

For life.

Getting from here to there

No youngster makes it to adulthood without passing through their adolescent years. That can be a stormy time for everyone, so don't count on winning any popularity contests around home. All you can do is hang in there and keep on loving them. (And praying.)

"Love" can be misunderstood. Carol Burnett discovered that when her daughter Carrie, who died at 38, got into drugs. In a recent TV interview she told the story of those hard years.

Carol said something like this, "I was naive and thought I could be her friend. I finally realized that wasn't helpful. I had to be a parent and love my daughter enough to let her hate me. It took a long time, but eventually she conquered her addiction and we became best friends.

"Now I tell everyone, Love your kids enough to let them hate you sometimes. Be a parent."

Carol's advice on parenting applies in all stages of rearing our children. It's not a popular theory, but it makes for strong adults.

The joy of observing

Life itself is a miracle. My husband and I are aware of that because both our moms died young. They missed out on so much They missed out on most of their grandchildren, for instance.

So my friend, enjoy your days. Don't waste a moment of your life. Love the people who love you and if you're a mom, rejoice in your privilege of helping to shape human beings. 

And don't forget to thank the Giver.

With love,

Lenore

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So you have a strong-willed child? Rejoice!

You may be thinking, Easy for her to talk. She doesn't know my life.

Maybe not, but I'm another mom with a strong-willed child. I remember that deep-down weariness because it seemed everything became a hassle. I longed for someone to tell me, "You will survive and one day you will be glad." 

Nobody did.

So I too often got stuck in wanting to "win." Life would have been easier for both of us if I had concentrated on strengths instead.

Eventually I came to see the blessings--for all our children and for me.

I know now you can count on this

• God gave you each child--and He don't make no junk, as the saying goes.
  
  
• You're the woman entrusted with mothering this challenging child, so you two are just right for each other. (See previous point.)
  
  
• More than any other influence, you set the tone for your children's entire lives. That's an awesome privilege!
  
  
• Struggles between you and your SWC are as predictable as dust gathering on flat surfaces. It takes two to make a battle, so pray for strength and bite your tongue.  Try to view each skirmish as a teaching tool for your child. And for you.

Why do I need to be taught?

Ah, that's the surprise. I look back now and realize how much I grew during those years.  I developed patience--and I'm not by nature a patient person. I read a ton on parenting and interpersonal relations. I learned about choices and strategies and cause-and-effect. I gained confidence. Needless to say, I grew in faith and learned to pray more deeply. 

Would I have gained so much if every day had been a breeze and mothering came easy because we had four adorable, compliant kids?

Probably not.

Useful parenting techniques, especially with SWCs

• Keep your voice calm, which will help calm your child. (This also works in emergencies.)
  
  
• Take charge now, while you still can. Waiting until "later" risks having too many habit patterns will be set in stone.
  
  
• Give up ending your directions with, "Okay?" --unless you mean to give your kids a choice whether to comply. SWCs need to know what's what.
  
  
• Be concise. Gently state what you expect in as few words as possible. Repeat the same words as many times as necessary.  A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.                 --Proverbs 15:1
• The SWC wants to be respected and they have feelings, too, so don't ridicule your child.
  
  
• SWCs want to feel in charge, so allow choices, any of which you can live with. Do the same with foods. (You'll develop creativity.)
  
  
• As much as possible try to give at least a five-minute warning with usual trouble spots like bedtime. Then your SWC can choose to go off to bed as if self-directed.
• Say what you mean and mean what you say. Otherwise your SWC will pay little attention to your words.
  
  

Periodically take a look into the future

Trust me, the same qualities can become strengths when wisely used. That strength will enable your SWC to set goals and stick with them, no matter the obstacles along the way. Isn't that a quality you admire?

Know you're just right for mothering each one of your kids because, after all, each one is a gift from God.

Here's a great verse for us moms.

I can do everything through him (Jesus) who gives me strength.                                                                                    --Philippians 4:13

Love,

Lenore

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Researchers find happiness has a ripple effect. So does love ...

    News flash! Researchers at Harvard University have combed through data from a twenty-year study of more than 4,700 people. These medical sociologists recently issued their findings, and you will be stunned to learn them. Writer Rob Stein reported it in the December 5, 2008, edition of the Washington Post.

    Hold your breath ... Here's the central point of their conclusions: Happiness is contagious.

     Some of us figured that out on our own. Ask any husband or wife or child in any family, and we've all lived it out. When Mom or Dad gets up in a bad mood, the whole family soon catches it--and vice versa. As this study states, the ripples spread wider, too. When one parent has a bad day at work and comes home in a snappish mood, the other snaps back. Then we fuss at our kids ... who fuss at the dog. 

    So let's ignore what looks silly on the face of it and concentrate on what's true and right. In our marriages and with our children, we owe it to each other to "put on a happy face"--and follow it up by being pleasant. 

    People not only respond to happiness. They (we) also respond when love is shown.

    Years ago my husband and I spent a weekend at a Marriage Encounter, a gift we gave ourselves.  (In case you're unfamiliar, Marriage Encounter does not present itself as a means to "fix" troubled marriages. Rather, it's billed as a way for couples to strengthen good marriages.) It was a time of hearing excellent, down-to-earth presentations by couples who were in different stages of marriage. Each had faced challenges along the way--and grown together.

    Everything centered around building the marriage relationship and communication. One principle brought me up short ... and stuck with me:

Love is not just a feeling. Love is a daily decision.

    That sounds counter-intuitive, doesn't it? Yet it's true. Let's face it, there are times when even the strongest marriage relationships hit a dry spell. Especially during those times it helps when a wife and husband have resolved to live by this truth.

    Think about it. Action follows decision. Suppose we're in a dry spell. We can decide to give in to the mood and freeze out our marriage partner. Or we can decide to love, to act in loving ways, even though in the beginning it may feel a bit insincere. We persist. We speak love. Sooner or later we'll notice we actually feel more loving, as well. Inevitably, the mood around Ye Olde Homestead lightens ... and our children notice, too.

    Of course, you and I have heard this truth before. Jesus said it In Luke 6:31.

"Do to others as you would have them do to you." 

    Whether we're on the giving end of showing love, or on the receiving end, it's a happy place to be! So don't bother keeping track. Just savor the joy!

    Here's to living in love, every day!

    Lenore

    Question: What do you think? Your comments welcomed!

 

Two little girls give us tips for living

You've probably seen the story about the Walmart employee who found a little red notebook in the store's parking lot.

The 20-year old whose job was to corral shopping carts on a cold night could tell someone put lots of effort into writing it. He wanted to find its author(s) and give it back.

Eventually two cousins were located, ages 8 and 10. One news story reported they wrote it because of pesky younger siblings. Another stated the girls wanted to start a Follow the Rules Club in their school.

Their story quickly made the news and the Internet and "went viral," as they say. 

Why not borrow this strategy for your family?  

Suppose you got each of your kids a small spiral notebook and gave them a week or more to write down their own "rules for living."

Or make it their understanding of your family's rules. (Mom and Dad could do the same.)

Then compare notes at your next family meeting. Pop some corn and make it a party. Count on lots of laughing and teasing and groaning.

Can you think of a better way to know what your kids are thinking? Or to try to make sure everyone understands the same rules in the same way?

K.eep  I.t  S.imple,  S.weetie 

Let each child write with their natural spelling and grammar, as these girls did. Here are a few gems from their now-famous notebook.

• Clean up  your messes
• Don't bite the dentist
• No talking back
• Ware your seatbelt 
• Lisen
• No steeling
• Dont get in other peoples business
• Say excuse me
• Dont keep saying please if someone says no
• Try to make things fair

Let your kids write their books their way--and get ready to be surprised at what they come up with.

You can make this an all-in-the-family exercise or just the younger generation. Promise there will be no scolding or penalties, just talking and understanding each other better.

Maybe this sounds too simple to bother with, but it's not. If everyone in your family harbors a different understanding of what goes in your family, future problems are almost inevitable.

A principle to live by

It helps to give your kids a reason to live up to family rules that's bigger than "because I said so." Here's one that goes all the way back to Solomon's time, Proverbs 20:11, from the New Living Translation:

Even children are known by the way they act,
    whether their conduct is pure, and whether it is right. 

That's just as true for grownups like, um, you and me. Thanks be we believers are covered by God's grace in Christ (John 3:16.)

Still growing along with you,

Lenore

 

 

 

 

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God don't make no junk!

That's bad grammar, I know,

but the phrase imprinted itself on my mind ever since I attended an anti-stress workshop years ago. The leader began with those words and had us repeat it after him, again and again.

It's not a bad slogan for beginning a new year, especially after a year that featured lots of what someone labeled "stinkin' thinkin" on all sides.

Borrowing from that workshop leader, I say, "Enough, already!"

If we adopted that technique it would work like this

The leader would ask, Do you think it's hopeless because you lack some essential qualities to reach your goals? He had an answer: God don't make no junk!

Are you going through a rough patch in your marriage or in your job? Well, cheer up. God brought you and your spouse together and provided that job. And God don't make no junk!

Are you feeling in beyond your depth with being a mom or a dad? Never mind. God obviously considers you able to handle it or He wouldn't have made you a parent. Besides, God don't make no junk! Count on Him to supply wisdom as you need it and strength for each day. 

Do you struggle with health problems? Do you or one of your kids have physical or mental challenges and you worry about what comes next? Take heart, you'll be able to handle it, because God don't make no junk!

A look into what this means

I thought of that workshop when I watched this wonderful YouTube a friend sent. Every time I play it, I smile through a few tears.

And can you hear those words? God don't make no junk!

 

 

I suggest we adopt a new slogan for 2013, one we can pull up anytime we're feeling unsure about life or the future.  

God don't make no junk--and He don't make no mistakes, either.

You and I can walk unafraid, confident we'll be able to handle whatever comes.

For proof we can go deeper than that catch phrase and turn to Bible verses like this one, Psalm 29:11:

The LORD gives strength to his people; the LORD blesses his peoople with peace.

"His people" includes any of us who love the Lord, so this promise is for us, too.

Thanks for stopping by, my invisible friend. Hope you found something here that blesses your heart.

Love,

Lenore

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