We may never meet face-to-face, but I hope over time you'll catch a sense of who I am. In case I come across as a woman who fancies herself some sort of expert, let me clear up any confusion.
Let me be the first to say, I'm not an expert. I'm just a woman who has lived awhile, and I mean to be a friend. I hope now and then I pass on something you can use in your life.
Whatever age or stage of life we're in, each one of us continually treks through uncharted territory. The best analogy I ever saw was that it's like taking the test first, then receiving the textbook after the test. I often ask myself, Why couldn't I have known then what I know now?
Ever been there?
Take being a mom, for example, which equals one surprise after another. Beforehand none of us really grasp what it means to have your child constantly moving from one new phase to another. About the time we think we have a handle on it, our darling moves into a new--and bewildering--phase. The other big surprise, at least for my husband and me, was to discover that what we thought we had "mastered" with our first child didn't necessarily translate into parenting our second. (Or our third. Or our fourth.) Each much-loved daughter arrived as a new case study and plunged us back into not-knowing-as-much-as-we-thought-we-did.
We gained confidence along the way in managing the nitty-gritty of daily life. But to figure out what made any of our four daughters tick remained a mystery we tried to solve. They grew physically, while we grew emotionally and spiritually, trying to cope.
Back then books on parenting were fewer, and those I checked out seemed divorced from real life. (Intellectual analysis wasn't what I was looking for.) I couldn't ask my mother or mother-in-law because the latter died of cancer when our first child was nine months old. My mom dealt with serious health challenges for years, the last being ALS (Lou Gerhrig's disease.) She died at age fifty-four. Although both of our fathers later remarried and were happy, somehow easy communication with these two good women never developed.
During those happy, busy years on the farm I often felt awash in child-rearing. I had one wonderful friend a bit older than I who, thanks be, was on the same wave length. Her three kids were several years older than ours, so she seemed a wellspring of wisdom to me. After all, she had experience! Her children had been the ages of ours--and she was still smiling. Blessedly, my friend had a listening heart.
So when I felt swamped, I'd call and ask, "Do you have a few minutes to talk?" That wonderful woman never said, "No." So I'd drive the half-mile or so between our farms and she'd welcome me in with a hug. We would sip fresh coffee while sitting at her old round oak kitchen table while I poured out my heart, sometimes with a few tears. She'd listen intently, then speak the words I longed to hear: "You'll be okay," or "Don't worry, they'll grow out of it."
Sometimes she'd stare off in the distance, then say, "Yeah, that's really hard, isn't it? I don't have any answers. But one thing I know for sure, God will get you through this."
After an hour or so I'd head for home feeling encouraged, strengthened. Later I would realize she hadn't given me new information, but rather spoke what I already knew. But I needed to hear someone else repeat those truths aloud ... someone who had been there, done that.
Think of me as that sort of friend to you. Just a woman who has learned a lot along the way ... and continues to, day after day. (That still surprises me; I had supposed at some point one would have all the answers.) I know now we never stop learning and growing. Neither do the people in our lives. So we're guaranteed the "opportunity" to keep on learning and being stretched for as long as we keep on breathing. That's a wonderful thing. Honest!
Right now perhaps you feel like Queen of the World. Or maybe you're chewing your fingernails, sweating out what will happen with one of your kids ... or with your own life.
Wherever you are in life, hang onto the truth:
- You are stronger than you think.
- As long as you're breathing, you can begin again.
- When you talk to God in your prayers, don't play games. Speak what's on your heart, openly, honestly. He won't be shocked.
- Whatever road you're walking, you need not travel alone. Just ask and Jesus will walk with you, strengthen you, his arm around your shoulders.
May you have at least one good friend--and may you be a friend to someone who's walking a few steps behind. (Remember, that makes you "an expert.")
Blessings,
Lenore
Your thoughts?
