A WOMAN'S VIEW ~ Lenore Buth

Education for life

    Now that school is back in session around here, people are shopping--and talking. What children need most seems to be a popular subject. "Good teachers!" says one parent.

    "Good schools, with a lot of choices," says another.

    "What counts most is IQ," says the third.

    "Uh-uh," says the fourth. "Without a healthy self-image, none of the rest matters. Kids who feel good about themselves will make it, no matter what."  

    All agree that they want their kids to have a good life and be able to hold a well-paying job. Hey, that's the American dream.

    Yet the "good life" really is more than the sum of these very good parts. Think how many times we see accounts of individuals who overcame poor teachers and schools, even troubled family situations and poverty, yet went on to achieve remarkable goals. 

    As for the super-intelligent types among us, they may be supremely educated and much-admired, but that doesn't necessarily equip them for living. We once knew a terrifically interesting fellow, a brilliant individual with a string of degrees. The simplest stuff of daily life baffled him, even something as basic as replacing a burned-out bulb in a light fixture. 

    Or take those who become famous and acquire great wealth. They make the news, yes, but often for messing up their personal lives yet again. I've never met a parent who wanted that for their kids.

   Like it or not, parents influence their children more than any other factor, and every survey of teens and young adults bears that out. So even though our darlings, especially teens, argue against it, they do care what counts with Mom and Dad. So it's worth asking ourselves, what do our kids think matters to grownups in their lives? Sometimes our children (and grandchildren) pick up mixed messages we don't know we're sending.

    Casual conversations with friends speak volumes to the kids in our lives. Suppose I meet a friend at Starbucks. The younger generation hangs at the next table, guzzling their fruit smoothies while we sip our Lattes. She's telling me about the Oprah show she saw, and I say, "Oh, man, what I wouldn't give to have her money! All that money, all those houses, people at her beck and call . . . what a life that would be!"

    Later I tell my kids--and mean it--"Remember, money can't buy happiness. That's not what matters most."

   Do you think my child will pay more attention to another "mommy lecture" or to what Mommy said to her good friend?

    I'm guessing it's the latter, so it's crucial to watch what we say, but more than that. First we need to know what we truly believe and what we stand for, then talk about it. We can't assume our kids are able to pick through and discern what's important to us. We need to say the words.

    If integrity makes our list, we point out individuals who demonstrate that, in small ways as well as big. We keep watch for when one of our kids acts kindly or considerately. Be sensitive in speaking praise, perhaps waiting for one-on-one time. Dad gets to hear about it, too. Then tell Grandma (or another friend) how kind and thoughtful this child is, preferably when the youngster can over hear it. 

    As for grades, keep them in perspective. Kids may study hard and do their best, yet fall short of being tops in their class. Let that be enough and say so. Don't we say that's what we want, that they study hard and do their best? When grades alone top the list, pressure to copy someone else's work increases. So does the feeling of not measuring up. 

    So we applaud the efforts, whatever the results. "You worked hard!" is music to the heart.  Searching out something we admire encourages them to keep on, keepin' on. Say "Good job!" as often as you can. (Isn't that what we all long to hear?)

    School is one thing, life is another. Every part of it gets easier when we have a personal cheering section, at any age. Words matter. So do hugs. 

    Our kids need to know we love them, not when, not if, but as they are. Period. They respond to that as a plant responds to sunshine.

    Here's to shining brightly!    

    Lenore

    

 

 

 

    

Looking out on the world

    These past weeks I've been brain-weary, trying to put together this blog.It's been one trial-and-error after another, which seems to be my style. Of course, I made it more complicated by choosing to personalize the look of it rather than just use one of the excellent pre-designed banner templates. One of my husband's photos would be just the thing, I thought, which turned out (for this rookie) to take awhile. But finally, finally, here we are.

      The photo you see across the top gives you a sense of what we see from our back deck. We delight in watching this ever-changing panorama of sky, as well as looking over a bit of open space. My favorite trees, the huge, gnarled old oaks that drag the ground, stand sentinal, as they have for a century or more. Picture a walking trail winding through this. Occasionally small flocks of wild turkeys gobble their way across, sometimes invading backyards and strutting down the sidewalks of our little community. In the cool of the morning and at dusk our resident trio of deer may stroll the open space, enjoying nibbles of the now-dry grass. Morning to night we hear birdsong, everything from Mockingbirds to Mourning Doves.

      As we look beyond our "wildlife preserve" we see hundreds of roofs and treetops. The busy street running through guarantees background traffic noise, but we ignore that and look to the grassy hills beyond, where more ancient oaks punctuate the terrain. Off in the distance--on a clear day--we glimpse the Sutter Buttes, known as the world's smallest mountain range. If you've been to northern California, you know the look of our area.

     Each day ends with a sunset. Some sunsets, like the one you see at the top of this page, make us gasp with awe. We stand transfixed and silently watch the incredible kaleidescope shimmering before us, often forgetting to grab the camera. Always, one verse comes to mind, the only one that fits: 

"Be still and know that I am God."   (Psalm 46:10)

    Do we know we're blessed to live here, and are we thankful? Yes. But do we always stop to drink it in? Sadly, no.

    I think that's how most of us are with life, too. We're often as blind to the wonder of our lives as to the magnificence of another sunset ... or another dawn.

   Each sunrise officially signals the new day. Maybe yesterday we messed up royally, but today the slate is clean and we get a fresh, new beginning. Once more we can choose how we'll live the unsullied twenty-four hours before us.

    Some days our hearts brim with joy, while others leave us weeping. Most days we label, "just routine." Truth is, no day is routine. Like every sunrise and every sunset, each day is one-of-a-kind, with no instant replays to be had. 

    That's true with the people in our lives, too. We so easily take them for granted, especially the ones we know we can count on. We forget to say, "thank you," and sometimes we forget that love takes care and feeding, like a delicate plant that can wither and die.

    As for mothering--or any kind of working with kids, well, you know how it goes. We get caught up in all the "doing" and forget to just pause and marvel at the mystery unfolding before us. Each child is a unique creation, an individual, like no other human being on earth. Yet somehow God trusts us with this child's care and shaping and guiding, day after challenging--and rewarding--day. We're allowed to be on the scene for the miracle.

   Whatever age we are, it's worth remembering that tomorrow may never arrive. That sets the true value on today: precious. Irreplaceable. A time to savor and cherish. Something to live, not just get through.

    For me, at least, mastering this skill looks to be the work of a lifetime. But I am learning, and I'm praying for eyes to see the beauty of each day and each person in my life. I don't want to miss any part of it.

    So here's to 20/20 vision of the heart!

    Lenore Buth