That sounds like a pointless statement, I suppose ... or maybe wishful thinking. Yet isn't that what we all long to do, from the day our children are born?
Becoming a parent is like tapping into a vein of miracles. What parent hasn't fixated on tiny fingers and toes, imagining the future of our children? That miracle never stops, because all through their childhood years we marvel as we watch our kids change and develop.
Some of us start off on this adventure feeling confident. After all, we've read stacks of books and observed all the ways other moms and dads mess up. We have no doubt we can avoid all those pitfalls. As a friend put it, "The only time I had all the answers on how to raise kids was before we had any."
New parents often burst with pride. Others panic, afraid they're not ready. One new mom said, "I feel like I've been appointed 'it' for everything in my child's life!"
Actually, that's not so far from the truth. After we become parents it's up to us to provide TLC, food, shelter and guidance, 24/7. Which one of us ever feels ready for that?
Before long we realize we have more questions than answers. That state-of-mind turns out to go on all through our children's growing-up years, even though we're growing and stretching, too.
So how do we "bless our children?" We give them what every human being longs for: the sense of being accepted and loved without ifs, ands, or buts. Some of us have experienced that and possess an inner security our entire lives. When we haven't, we may spend our lives trying to live up to what we think our parents wish we were.
Most of us would judge that freedom to be a lifetime gift, but how do we give it?
It seems to me it's more than just saying, "I love you," over and over. We also study each child, not just their behavior, but their strengths and weaknesses. (If one or more of your children seems out-of-sync with you, or challenges you, welcome to a very large club.) As we do that we're more able to cooperate with who they are, the individual God made them to be.
How do we "cooperate?" Imagine you want to play an instrument. You don't make music with a violin by blowing on it and you can't play a clarinet with a bow. Even gifted performers still need to respect the inherent qualities and capabilities of their instrument. So they study and they learn and they practice until they can bring out its music.
No two kids are alike, not sisters or brothers, not even twins. Each of us is one-of-a-kind. We bless our children when we allow them be who they are and find ways to help them develop the "music" inside themselves. To do that we keep on learning and growing--and praying--so we can parent them in ways that fit with who they are.
By now you're wondering if my husband and I always followed this excellent way as we reared our four girls. We loved them dearly, and we tried with all our hearts and all our might, but we failed in lots of ways. We still do. Why? I've never found a better explanation than the Pennsylvania Dutch saying I spotted on a hearts-and-flowers wooden plaque:
"We get too soon old and too late smart."
Parenting turns out to be a lifetime growth opportunity. Who knew? So we start where we are, taking a good, long look at our children and ourselves. If we feel in over our heads, we seek out guidance. That may be a trusted, comfortable friend with older children, one who can mentor us and give us a wider perspective. It may be our pastor or a counselor that's been recommended. (First take time to check and be sure the lives of people you turn to stack up with what you want for your own.)
We give our kids a solid place to start from when they know we value them as individuals. Of course we need to plant the other good stuff, too, for balance. Is this easy? Almost never. Yet I've found that God is faithful to supply us with fresh strength for each day. One more thing. As we help our youngsters develop into the people God made them to be, we're doing the same for ourselves.
Through the days of this year, let's do more than speak our blessings to our children and families. Let's be a blessing, as well.
When you doubt your capacity, remember that our needs never outstrip His supply!
Lenore
Agree or disagree? Your comments welcomed!
