Strong-willed kids come into the world ready to spar, just for the fun of it.
I haven't met any moms who find it amusing. Neither did I.
That's a mistake, one I made, too.
I could have laughed more. Instead, I viewed our moment-by-moment contest of wills as a big deal.
After all, I was the grown-up. My job as the mom was to make it clear which one of us was in charge. Right?
Sounds easy enough. Except these small someones arrive convinced they're meant to rule the world, certain if they hang on long enough, if they absolutely, positively, indubitably never give in gracefully, sooner or later everyone else will understand that, too.
It took me awhile to realize part of me admired the formidable strength within this pint-size individual.
Now I know that's the place to start, the place of appreciation. If you've been blessed (and yes, I use that word deliberately) with a child who possesses a will of iron, be glad for that inner steel.
Instead of seeking to stamp out that strong will, resolve to cooperate with these God-given traits.
Our task as moms is to help this child learn to handle the strength within and live in a world of authority figures. (Like parents and teachers and later, bosses.)
It helps to understand that strong-willed kids view everything as a contest, one they intend to "win." To them, giving in, obeying, feels like losing.
What's more, they think it's fun to push us to our limits, just to see if we still mean it.
And they never get tired of testing us.
Wish I could say I possessed great knowledge. That's not true. Through trial, desperation and lots of mistakes, I stumbled onto some better ways to cope.
As a public service, I pass them on to you.
* Never say it unless you mean it, but if you say it, make it stick.
* Be consistent. Don't say one thing one time, then another thing the next time. If you do, your child will test you every time. One lapse and you'll have to start all over again from square one.
* Allow plenty of time and don't try to rush this youngster. Plan ahead and give fifteen-minute warnings. These kids need time to process. That allows them to "decide" to comply with what their parents want them to do. Since they "decide," they feel they're in control.
* Use a stove timer or carry one around with you. Let the timer "announce" bedtimes, moments left before leaving, etc. Somehow this electronic authority doesn't stoke up the child's arguing genes.
* Allow choices. Forget telling this youngster tp wear read or wear blue. Rather, provide alternatives. That preserves (their) dignity and you'll keep the peace.
* Stand your ground. If today you're too tired or not in the mood to make it stick, tomorrow you start over. You get to choose which stresses you more, pulling yourself together or starting over next time.
* Look for what's good. Every coin has two sides. So does every situation and every confrontation with this small, determined chunk of humanity.
As moms we're called to help each of our children grow strong and able to function without us. Strong-willed youngsters already know they're tough. They prove it by never taking "no" for an answer.
It's up to us moms to help them learn to use that innate strength wisely and function in the world.
Probably you'll hit a day now and then when you feel overwhelmed. Then turn to that reliable source of encouragement, the Bible. Here's one of my favorites, 1 Corinthians 10:13, this time from The Message.
No test or temptation that comes your way is beyond the course of what others have had to face. All you need to remember is that God will never let you down; he'll never let you be pushed past your limit; he'll always be there to help you come through it.
On really bad days say it over and over ... and believe it.
Once we remember that both this challenging child and we ourselves are Designer Originals, we can relax. After all, He knows our stress limits. He knows what we can handle. He knows why we're suited to be the mother of each one of our children.
That means we do have the strength for what we're meant to do. Help is as near as our prayers.
So here's to learning--and remembering--what we moms are meant to do. And here's to recognizing the strengths in each of our children. And here's to helping them develop into the individuals God designed them to be.
And us, too, since we not only raise our children. Our children raise us. They challenge us and stretch us and help us grow.
None of us emerges from rearing our children the same as we were.
So here's to appreciating the strengths--and weaknesses--within each one ... and to rejoicing in what we're given!
It will be the making of us.
Blessings and JOY,
Lenore
Question for you: What have you discovered in rearing your children? Click on "comments" below and share your findings.
