You probably remember last week's news story from Cranston, Rhode Island, where the High School principal banned the traditional Father-Daughter Dance.
It started when a mother complained, "My daughter does not have an active father in her life, so she can't attend. "It's not fair!"
This same school district lost a court fight last January, so officials were skittish. They knew this one, too, might run up to several hundred thousand dollars in legal fees and court costs. They caved.
Now at Cranston High, no more "gender-discriminatory" activities such as annual Father-Daughter Dances or Mother-Son Baseball Games, even though most students--and parents--previously looked forward to them.
The ACLU commended the District for banning such "inappropriate" activities.
Recapping the earlier case
Another girl complained, "This school has a prayer mural painted on the auditorium wall. "I'm an atheist and don't believe in God, so it's not fair!"
When the school refused to remove it, mother and child went to the ACLU. They sued--and won.
Now a canvas covers this mural. Except for its beginning, "Our Heavenly Father," and its ending, "Amen," this reads like any school's code of good conduct.
No mom or dad needs to go to Rhode Island to hear, "It's not fair!"
Every child is born thinking, It's all about ME.
Part of our job as parents is to help our kids grasp at an early age, "Oh, no, it's not."
We're called to teach them and role-model how to deal with life and to live in society.
Some would say these Cranston incidents and rulings taught students to respect the rights of other people. Others would say these young people learned something else: If you apply enough pressure and threaten to sue, you can get your own way.
Similar practices exist in many schools, as well as in sports activities
Most of us probably remember teachers marking mistakes on our papers with their red pencils and giving letter grades. When we wailed to our parents we didn't get much sympathy. They told us, "Well, study more and work harder and you'll get better grades next time."
These days many schools avoid giving letter grades because it makes some kids unhappy. Teachers avoid red pencils because red looks, well, too harsh.
Once winners in sports and contests got trophies and ribbons at the end of the season. Non-winners complained, but parents and coaches would tell them, "That's life. Not everyone wins. You'll do better if you practice more and get tougher. Practice makes perfect."
Somewhere along the line experts--and moms--decided this kind of talk might injure self-esteem. Now every child gets an identical award, which is thought to be kinder and gentler.
But is it, really?
Hothouse plants wilt easily when exposed to weather
Even though they look luxuriantly healthy, such plants are inherently weaker. They need exposure to the elements to toughen up so they won't wilt when the sun shines hot or the winds blow.
Children and teens are much the same. Sure, we mean to be loving when we aim to shelter them from pain. But that deprives youngsters of experiencing what makes them stronger, ready for life on their own.
Few professors or bosses are impressed by the words, "It's not fair!"
So our best way of showing love to our growing children and teens is to allow them to experience the normal ups and downs of life before they leave home. That's when we're right there, ready to give them a hug and say what feeds their strength, "Aw, c'mon now. You'll live. Next time you'll be wiser and you'll handle yourself better. Now go get 'em!"
To me it comes down to what Jesus said in Luke 6:31:
Do to others as you would have them do to you.
AS we would have them do. None of us would willingly choose to be on the receiving end of what makes us weaker.
Don't we owe our children the same?
Agree or disagree?
Learning along with you,
Lenore
