By now it's old news that the Fifty Shades of Grey books and the recently released movie are big hits.
So far the Fifty Shades books have sold over 100 million copies and first weekend movie audience broke records.
People who track such things say most book buyers were/are women and it's estimated 68% of that initial movie audience was female.
All I can say is, I don't get it.
A thumbnail sketch of the plot
- I haven't read the books or seen the movie--and don't intend to--but probably everyone knows the general plot of this fiction: The handsome "hero" is named Christian and he was sexually abused as a teenager. Supposedly that accounts for his twisted views of sex. He vows he will always be the Dominant.
- Christian spots a lovely 21-year old virgin-by-choice, Ana, and in effect, stalks her. She's attracted to him and a relationship develops. His obsession with sadomasochism turns her off, but she's convinced love will change him. She agrees to be his Submissive and to follow his orders . . . without complaint. He introduces her to "The Playroom." (She calls it "The Red Room of Pain"--and that's exactly what it is for her.)
Here's what puzzles me:
- Correct me if I'm wrong, but don't women say they want their real men to be sensitive?
- Think how many females are passionate about empowering women and equal rights for women.
- Female employees across the land frequently complain male bosses and co-workers don't treat women with equal respect, even suing for sexual harassment.
- Schools and workplaces insist on regular sensitivity training, especially for males.
What's the difference?
The self-centered Fifty Shades "hero" deliberately inflicts real pain on Ana and enjoys it. How is Christian different from the boyfriend or husband who beats up or sexually abuses "his" woman?
In Fifty Shades Ana knows her lover is sick, but over and over she compromises her values, believing her love will heal him in the end.
Abused women often say something like this: "I knew he needed help, but again and again I stayed because I thought eventually my love would change him."
Why is the Fifty Shades account considered "romantic" while the other is judged cruel and inhumane?
Three questions
- Would that kind of relationship appeal to you?
- Would you want it for your daughter(s)?
- Would you call it "love?"
The close-to-home trap
Many would say, "Aw, those books and the movie, they're just entertainment. Just for fun. I would never take it seriously."
Are you sure?
Can you wall off the words and movie images in your mind so they have zero effect on your thinking about the sexual relationship between a man and a woman?
Are you sure words from the books and images from the movie will never flash into your mind when you and your husband have sex?
Fifty Shades is an empty substitute for love as it's meant to be
Our Christian understanding of love between man and woman never even hints at whips and chains, with a Dominant and a Submissive. Here's what Jesus said in John 15:12:
“This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you."
In Ephesians 5:21, the Apostle Paul counseled mutual submission:
Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
Love and the sexual relationship between husband and wife are meant to be rich and fulfilling, each one wanting the other's good.
The problem for moms and dads
"More is caught than taught" is still true.
Children learn the most when we think they're not looking. Or listening.
Whatever their ages, children don't miss a thing. They file away whatever they pick up, considering it reference material on how to live.
They do as we do--and value what we value--more than they do as we say.
Picture a mom telling her daughter she needs to value herself and insist on being treated with respect and telling her son to be sensitive and respectful toward women.
What are they to think when they hear their mom giggling and raving over Fifty Shades and the like with her girlfriends?
Which message will speak the louder?
Why should any of this matter to us?
The success of these books and the movie mean one thing: From now on, anything goes.
Fiction writers and producers and people that fund media projects need successes. The $$$ generated by Fifty Shades will affect everything we read and watch on a screen from now on.
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What once might have been viewed as perverted will become "normal."
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In overt or subtle ways, our society will be changed--and we Christians won't like it very much.
We live in the real world and our kids are growing up in it. All this makes it vital that we talk honestly with our children and grandchildren about healthy Christian sexuality. They need a clear understanding long before they're ready for sex. Otherwise, how can they tell the false from the true?
And who will tell them if we don't?
Lovingly,
Lenore
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