It's the season for talk of wiping slates clean and making new starts.
If you're like me, you remember too many new starts that fizzled out.
Too often I drag yesterday's worries into the New Year. Still, putting up new calendars all over the house feels like walking into the unknown. My pulse quickens.
New Year's always reminds me of a long-ago friend
We met "Haruki" at a gathering to welcome a visiting business group. This Japanese man spoke English fluently. That made it easy to talk and talk we did.
Our conversations continued after his visit in our area was over, although writing him felt a bit stilted. His letters were friendly, but more formal. I weighed each word, not wanting to offend by using an American term that didn't translate well.
Just before New Year's we received a long letter from Haruki. Never before had he revealed his inner feelings. Now they poured out.
His letter went something like this:
My dear friends,
I write this to you because I trust you. We have a custom to end the old year by facing our faults and leaving our troubles behind so we can start the new year with nothing weighing us down. This past year I failed grievously and I must confess to someone I know will not betray me.
It is embarrassing, but I must tell you. When I was in your city last summer I met up again with an old friend. Mindy. She traveled many miles to come to the seminar, as did I. Neither of us knew the other would be there.
I saw her blonde hair first, then I heard her soft drawl. My heart turned to water, just as the first time I saw her. She smiled at me, tears wetting her cheeks, too.
You see, fifteen years ago I was an exchange student at her college. We fell very much in love. I longed to marry Mindy. She took me to meet her parents and I asked permission to marry their only daughter. Those kindly people could see our love and they said yes.
Then I took courage to call my father and tell him I wanted to marry an American girl. His voice turned cold and stern. "No! I will not allow it! You must marry the young woman we chose for you. If you go ahead with this, you are no longer my son. You will be dead to me and your mother and your brother. Forever."
What was I to do? I was a good son, an honorable son. I could not disgrace my family. So I went home and married my father's choice for me. She is a good woman and we have two boys. I would not dishonor her or my sons.
But, oh, when I saw Mindy I felt weak with joy. I knew it was wrong, but we spent every moment together. Nights, too. I could not help myself. Mindy never forgot me, either, and has never married. We both suffered so much pain. Now we had another chance and it was as if I came alive again.
In the end I could not shame my wife or my sons. So at last Mindy and I said goodbye again, both of us crying as we did before. I went home to my empty life. I am doing my duty, but I still think of Mindy constantly.
I cannot speak of this to my wife, so I speak my guilt to you. Now that I have confessed, I will enter the New Year sadly, but with a clear conscience.
All we could do was pray for Haruki, then write to tell him about the Savior who paid for all our failures and sins once and for all on the cross.
Nice story, but what does that have to do with me?
Evaluating the past year is a good thing, no matter who we are or where we live. That alone can lighten our load of problems and relationship issues.
Confessing our wrong thoughts and actions to God and to the person(s) involved may free us from the millstone of guilt. Resolving interpersonal conflict may be as simple as a telephone call, writing a letter, or meeting someone for coffee at Starbucks and talking it over.
That might involve apologies and tamping down one's ego, letting the other person "win." This may taste bitter for awhile, but it seldom kills. Once we realize we're as flawed as the next person a lot of strain goes out of life.
Whatever it takes it's worth it, whether it's healing a rift or shedding our guilt at the cross. It's the way to nurture inner peace, any day of the year.
May you have a good year, my friend. Here's my prayer for you:
Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times in every way. The Lord be with you all. --2 Thessalonians 3:16 ESV
With love,
Lenore
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