A WOMAN'S VIEW ~ Lenore Buth

How to be happier in the marriage you're in

Here's a question to ponder: Are you "all in" in your marriage?

That is, where do you rank your marriage relationship in your value system?

Some wives and husbands are consumed--and fed--by their jobs.

For couples with children, either one or both may place their children's needs before everything--and everyone--else.

Still others concentrate on their personal growth and interests such as music or sports or physical fitness. That's what fills them up as individuals.

It's easy to assume the relationship between wife and husband kind of takes care of itself

As one husband said, "Well, we're married for Pete's sake. Isn't that enough of a statement?"

A wife said, "We don't have much one-on-one time anymore, but someday we will. He loves me and I love him and well, it's restful to just relax and not try so hard."

Always, the danger is that one or both spouses may feel a nagging sense something is lacking in their marriage.

Can a marriage grow strong on leftovers of time and energy?

A green plant stuck in a dark corner and watered "whenever" may cling to life, but it will be a pitiful, spindly thing. Something like that happens to a marriage relationship left on its own to wait until everyone and everything else is taken care of.

Like any living thing, a marriage needs care and tending if it's to thrive instead of wither. 

Here's the good news. What nurtures the marriage also feeds and buoys up the marriage partners. 

If this sounds like a win-win situation, it is.

I need a turnaround. Where do I start?

Before you do anything else, pray for fresh eyes to see, a teachable spirit and courage to change. Trust me, you'll need all three.

It's tempting to first identify all the ways your spouse needs to change, but that's a waste of time. The only person you or I can change is the one that looks back at us from our mirrors. 

Try making a list of what's right instead. Use your smart phone, your computer, or plain old paper and ballpoint pen.

Whatever means you choose, hang onto this list.

Now start writing. Don't quit until you've written down ten or more qualities or habits you truly value in your wife or husband. Read it out loud to yourself.

Keep your list handy

Reread your list every day. Add to it as you spot additional pluses--and you will, now that you're looking for what's good.

One more thing--and this may be the most important--don't keep it to yourself.  Compliment your husband or wife and be specific, even if it feels unnatural at first.

Pay attention to how your mood changes over time and how your spouse reacts. Is there a new warmth between you?

As this becomes your habitual way of relating to each other, you won't want to give it up.

Modeling for the next generation 

Today most kids interact with peers whose parents have split. Often they fear their mom and dad will be next.

Here's how to add to their security, big -time. Youngsters who know their parents love each other deeply and put each other first experience a deep-down sense of peace and stability. 

                   You read that right: Parents who put each other first                                             give their children a solid, stable base for life.

Every day such parents provide life lessons on how to live as Christian marriage partners. That's more powerful than any words.

Looking for reliable guidelines?

Here are some which have stood the test of time. 

If I  speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal . . . Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful. It does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things . . . So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.                       --1 Corinthians 13:1, 4-7, 13  (ESV)

I never read those words without remembering the speaker who told us, "When you read those words, substitute your own name for the word 'love.'"

Ouch!

You know and I know not one of us can live up to that list perfectly, every day.

Nevertheless, it shows us what perfect love looks like. For me, at least, it helps guide me back to the way I want to love my husband. 

Still growing, 

Lenore

 

 

 

Lessons from the "miracle on the Hudson"

Life is fragile. 

Every breath we take is a gift.

That's the refrain that drummed in my mind when I saw the photos and heard the story of US Airways Flight 1549, the one that ended up in the Hudson River January 15, 2009.

Did you hear it, too?

But for the grace of God ... you or I could have been one of the people standing on a wing of that sinking US Airways jet. Or it could have been someone we love, icy water swirling around their legs and their lips turning blue. 

A couple members of our family fly often in connection with their work and all of us fly now and then. That day I knew every one of our family members was on the ground. I breathed a silent Thank You, Lord!, feeling a bit guilty for being so self-involved.

But for the grace of God ... that plane, bound from New York to Charlotte, N.C.,  would have been flying over mountainous terrain or a less-inhabited area, with rescue equipment miles away.

Instead ... they hit that huge flock of Canadian geese while they were still close to New York, which, since 9/11 has in place elaborate rescue plans and trained public employees for every type of emergency. 

But for the grace of God ... a less-experienced pilot would have been flying that plane.

Instead ... it was Capt. Chesley Sullenberger. "Sully" graduated from the Air Force Academy and flew eight years for the USAF as a combat pilot. He had studied how cockpit crews react in a crisis and is a certified glider pilot. 

By the grace of God ... Sullenberger made the right split-second decision. He turned the engineless plane around, gliding safely down over the Hudson River. Volunteers from boats that "happened" to be close by worked together with rescue personnel. 

Instead ... of drowning, passengers and crew were rescued within minutes. They're alive and, as one said when interviewed, "I will never take life for granted again."

By the grace of God ...

Every passenger and crew member on US Airways Flight 1549 survived.

I can't tell you what was in cartoonist Rex Babin's mind when he drew this cartoon. Could it have been this verse?

The eternal God is your refuge and underneath are the everlasting arms.  --Deuteronomy 33:27 

By the grace of God ... 

You and I woke up this morning.

    And the morning before this one.

        And the morning before that.

Not one of us possesses a guarantee we'll be here tomorrow, or even at the end of this day.

• So why waste our time focusing on the "if onlys" of life?
• Or get hung up on the woulda/shoulda/couldas?
• Why bother to nurse hurt feelings or grudges?

Rather, let's appreciate the people in our lives and the good things all around us. Let's make the most of who we are and of every day we're given. 

By the grace of God ... you and I live and move and have our being.

    Life is a gift.

    Every breath we take is a gift.

    The eternal God is our refuge and underneath are His everlasting arms.

For more, anytime you find yourself feeling fearful or all alone, turn to Psalm 139 and read the first eighteen verses. Let those beautiful words wash into your heart and your spirit. 

Peace to you, my friend, 

Lenore