A WOMAN'S VIEW ~ Lenore Buth

Learning about love from strangers in an airport

As I waited in the long check-in line I couldn't help overhearing the interchange between a thirty-something couple just ahead.

The petite wife sobbed as she pushed back an errant strand of her long dark hair. Then she wiped her eyes with the back of her hand and said, "I just don't want to  leave this place. My mom is here and all my friends." 

"I know, I know," her husband said gently, then wrapped his burly arms around her and pulled her close.

He stared off in the distance, then said, "Sweetheart, we've talked this over so many times and we agreed we can't pass up this opportunity. This will give us a so much brighter future. Remember?"

She nodded, tears still streaking her cheeks.

"It'll be okay, Hon, I know it will. Can't we just go and try to be happy?"

At that moment the airline clerk beckoned them forward.

Meeting up again

When we got to our gate, there they were. Their conversation was sparse, mostly the husband methodically pointing out why their upcoming move would be good. She bit her quivering lip and nodded her head. 

I could have written the script for their exchanges, since my husband and I have lived it a time or two. 

Soon the wife headed toward the restroom.

That's when I glimpsed the young husband's heart. His eyes, filled with love, were glued to her departing back. Once she was out of sight his shoulders sagged. Now his face betrayed his pain, his mouth working, and he wiped his eyes a time or two.

As soon as she reappeared he pasted on a big smile and sat up straighter.

Perhaps she looked over and judged him to be a man who put opportunity first. Maybe she thought him filled with confidence. She might even have supposed he didn't much care about what mattered to her.

This couple kept me thinking all the way to my destination 

I couldn't escape the sense they communicated a lot about love and marriage.

We females more often wear our feelings openly. When our husbands don't respond with equal emotion we may think them cold, uncaring, even selfish. All the while they may be holding back their own emotions.

Could that be because we say we want them to be strong? Disciplined? Responsible? 

The young husband's dejected look and stance the minute his wife walked away telegraphed his personal struggle. But he never let his wife see that. She needed to believe that he believed their plan was wise and good--and swallow any reservations of his own. 

How often hasn't my husband done that for me?

I suspect the answer would be more often than I ever guessed.

Bringing their story home   

I don't know what happened to those two, but I'm grateful I was able to peek inside their life for those few minutes.

They caused me to look within. I confess I didn't much like what I saw.

How often have I been so full of my own emotion I was blind to my husband's feelings?

God gave me a gift that day, another personal object lesson. A reminder to look--and judge--with my heart, not just my eyes. Otherwise it's making the world all about ME.

Jesus spoke of another kind of love

 “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another."  --John 13:34-35 (NIV)

Not one of us can live up to that standard, but we can be careful to value the opinions and emotions of our husband--or wife--and other family members as much as our own.

That love and respect is like soothing oil on an aching wound, especially in situations when we can't quite get on the same page.  

Isn't it a wonder how again and again God surprises us with flashes of insight in unexpected ways . . . if we open the eyes of our hearts.

Still learning, 

Lenore

 

What good are dads in a child's life?

Those of us in touch with the times know that kids do fine in any kind of family.

The Experts have declared it so.

They say it makes no difference if a youngster has two parents or one. Married or unmarried. Straight or gay. Whatever ... it's all the same.

Agree or disagree? 

That's become a loaded question in our time. 

I happen to believe fathers bring balance to a child's life 

Picture the preschooler trying to go down a slide, but frozen by fear. Mommy says, "Oh, Honey, if you don't want to go down this time, I'll come help you get down. You can try another time."

Daddy says, "Aw, c'mon. I know you can do it! Just shut your eyes and let go. I'll be here to catch you at the bottom."

If the child comes down and bumps at the bottom, there'll be crying. Mommy rushes in with hugs and coos, "There, there, Sweetie, you'll be okay. You don't have to try that again until you're ready."

But Daddy says, "Hey, that's a good start! Now just go up there and try again. You'll be so proud of yourself! Then we'll go celebrate with ice cream."

And so it goes, all through life

I think children benefit from both the soft, warm, nurturing comfort of Mom and the encouraging prods from Dad. 

When I think of my dad I can't remember any deep, wise sayings. All I knew was he loved me. He loved my three sisters. And he loved my mom.

My mom and dad often looked at each other as though there were no one else in the world. Early on I didn't understand it but I sensed that somehow it was wonderful.

Now I realize their steadfast love blessed me and my sisters. 

Love that lasts

I never saw that love fail, not even through the last hard three years of my mother's life after she was diagnosed with A.L.S., otherwise known as Lou Gehrig's Disease. Mom died at age 54. 

By then I had married and moved away, so I only saw them every couple of months. As my mother's condition slowly deteriorated I watched them cope with simple acceptance and quiet faith. 

The same way they lived through all the years of their marriage.

My dad cared for Mom and held life together as best he could for my two teenage sisters. All the while he continued to pastor the congregation of wonderful Christians he was called to serve.

How did he manage it? I'm sure Dad would have said what the Apostle Paul said in Philippians 4:13:

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.  -NKJV

Dad trusted Jesus and sought to live by the Bible he regularly taught and preached.

That was who he was. I knew it then as more of a concept. Now I know by experience how Paul's words can put steel into a spine.

In praise of imperfect fathers

My dad wasn't perfect. Most of us can think of ways our fathers could be--or could have been--"better."

Here's the thing: Being imperfect comes with being human. Imperfect is what we are, all of us. 

You and I so easily fixate on what's missing. We forget that to simply be there adds stability to a youngster's life.

If a father is someone his kids can look up to and count on he gives them a lifetime gift.

Can we not rejoice over what is rather than bemoan what's missing?

Can single parents raise strong, stable children? Absolutely. Especially if a mother makes sure her children spend time around good dads or father figures. (And vice versa, if it's a single dad.) It's tough to be a single parent, but many do a fantastic job. 

Reason to celebrate

Our perception of what our parents lived through is hazy, so our understanding is limited.

It's time to forget their failures and thank God for what they did right. Every father who loves his children and offers a solid base they can count on is a blessing. (Ditto for every mother who does the same.)

Be grateful--and say so--while you still can.

Look for the joy, my friend, always,

Lenore

 

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