Those of us in touch with the times know that kids do fine in any kind of family.
The Experts have declared it so.
They say it makes no difference if a youngster has two parents or one. Married or unmarried. Straight or gay. Whatever ... it's all the same.
Agree or disagree?
That's become a loaded question in our time.
I happen to believe fathers bring balance to a child's life
Picture the preschooler trying to go down a slide, but frozen by fear. Mommy says, "Oh, Honey, if you don't want to go down this time, I'll come help you get down. You can try another time."
Daddy says, "Aw, c'mon. I know you can do it! Just shut your eyes and let go. I'll be here to catch you at the bottom."
If the child comes down and bumps at the bottom, there'll be crying. Mommy rushes in with hugs and coos, "There, there, Sweetie, you'll be okay. You don't have to try that again until you're ready."
But Daddy says, "Hey, that's a good start! Now just go up there and try again. You'll be so proud of yourself! Then we'll go celebrate with ice cream."
And so it goes, all through life
I think children benefit from both the soft, warm, nurturing comfort of Mom and the encouraging prods from Dad.
When I think of my dad I can't remember any deep, wise sayings. All I knew was he loved me. He loved my three sisters. And he loved my mom.
My mom and dad often looked at each other as though there were no one else in the world. Early on I didn't understand it but I sensed that somehow it was wonderful.
Now I realize their steadfast love blessed me and my sisters.
Love that lasts
I never saw that love fail, not even through the last hard three years of my mother's life after she was diagnosed with A.L.S., otherwise known as Lou Gehrig's Disease. Mom died at age 54.
By then I had married and moved away, so I only saw them every couple of months. As my mother's condition slowly deteriorated I watched them cope with simple acceptance and quiet faith.
The same way they lived through all the years of their marriage.
My dad cared for Mom and held life together as best he could for my two teenage sisters. All the while he continued to pastor the congregation of wonderful Christians he was called to serve.
How did he manage it? I'm sure Dad would have said what the Apostle Paul said in Philippians 4:13:
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. -NKJV
Dad trusted Jesus and sought to live by the Bible he regularly taught and preached.
That was who he was. I knew it then as more of a concept. Now I know by experience how Paul's words can put steel into a spine.
In praise of imperfect fathers
My dad wasn't perfect. Most of us can think of ways our fathers could be--or could have been--"better."
Here's the thing: Being imperfect comes with being human. Imperfect is what we are, all of us.
You and I so easily fixate on what's missing. We forget that to simply be there adds stability to a youngster's life.
If a father is someone his kids can look up to and count on he gives them a lifetime gift.
Can we not rejoice over what is rather than bemoan what's missing?
Can single parents raise strong, stable children? Absolutely. Especially if a mother makes sure her children spend time around good dads or father figures. (And vice versa, if it's a single dad.) It's tough to be a single parent, but many do a fantastic job.
Reason to celebrate
Our perception of what our parents lived through is hazy, so our understanding is limited.
It's time to forget their failures and thank God for what they did right. Every father who loves his children and offers a solid base they can count on is a blessing. (Ditto for every mother who does the same.)
Be grateful--and say so--while you still can.
Look for the joy, my friend, always,
Lenore
