Helicopter Kids take awhile to develop. Years.
All their lives they've known they could count on their loving parents to be there for them.
Some might say their parents hovered.
That makes it no surprise that children of such parents learn to depend on Mom and Dad for support.
In everything.
Over time these youngsters became uneasy about making a decision or working out issue(s) without first checking with their parents.
That sounds kinda sweet, right?
What mother or father of an adolescent or teen wouldn't be thrilled if their kids asked their opinion(s) or advice before instead of after?
But there's a downside.
When/how will these young people become able to make decisions on their own? Or work out problems on their own?
And how else can they be ready to live on their own?
Vigilance starts in the early years
Loving, informed parents keep watch over their little ones. That's why they clutch their young child's hand and won't let go while in a store or in the mall. If they momentarily lose sight of their children, they panic.
Many over-worry about who or what lurks "out there"--or in their own front yards.
Early on they tell their kids, "Now, you be careful! Don't you ever go off with a stranger! If a stranger--or anybody else--ever bothers you, scream as loud as you can, you hear me?"
Their children grow up on a daily diet of such warnings.
At school they get more cautions and talk of danger. Because of school shootings that come out of nowhere, educators try to prepare students for the real possibility of danger. Today's youngsters live with classroom evacuation drills, metal detectors and school lock-downs as part of their normal routine.
No wonder they're afraid.
No wonder their parents want to protect them.
Do cell phones send the right or the wrong message?
Giving students cell phones has become a way to quiet fears on all sides.
- Cell phones come with parental instructions to always return calls from Mom or Dad at once.
- Parents and kids can stay in touch at all times.
- Youngsters can check in with their working parent(s) after school.
Peace, it's wonderful. Parents assume they'll always know where their children are and their kids can reach them at any time they have a problem.
It sounds like a good strategy, doesn't it?
Maybe not. Listen to one behavioral pediatrician
Tim Jordan, M.D., counsels school kids in the Chesterfield, MO, area. He says cell phones too often cause children to be more dependent.
"Some kids are raised to need their parents for everything: problem solving, resolving conflicts with siblings and friends, handling adversity and challenges. College students text their parents for help and reassurance. . . It's hard to cut that wireless umbilical cord."
Jordan thinks the same need to connect is what compels young people to text and Facebook their friends constantly. Think of it as another kind of hovering.
Simply put, these youngsters are uneasy when they're not connected. Adults frequently tell them they need to turn off their devices and just be quiet. Think. Reflect.
That doesn't feel right to these young people. They need to be in touch, need to feel connected at all times.
Hovering interferes with practicing for life
Dr. Jordan believes we're rearing a generation of hovering helicopter children and young adults. "It is not preparing them to enter their adult lives with confidence and the skills to be responsible, successful and resilient. Grounding their 'choppers' will take a shift in our thinking as parents and as a culture."
Here's the enduring truth. Every human being learns and grows by trying and failing. By learning from mistakes and experiencing pain.
Children have the right to fail--and learn
Kids deserve the opportunity to learn this as they're growing up, while Mom and Dad are around to pick them up, give 'em a hug and encourage them to try again.
If they're beyond that stage, there's still time. Start now, where you are.
Support them, yes. Love them, yes. Encourage them, always. But let them work things through on their own.
Unless we allow our children to make decisions and work out problems on their own--allow them to fail--we cheat them.
Cheat them because they won't grow in self-confidence and the feeling of being able to handle life. Lacking that they'll be likely to stay where it's safe.
With Mom and Dad. For life.
Still learning, too,
Lenore
