Have you ever said anything like this?
If only I meet the right person and fall in love, then all my dreams will come true.
If only we had better communication then our marriage would be perfect.
If only we had a baby then I know it would draw us closer.
If only I were a better mother . . .
If only he were a better father . . .
If only our kids went to better schools . . .
If only we earned more money . . .
If only we had a bigger/newer/nicer house in a nicer neighborhood, then life would be perfect . . .
If only our children finish school and get good jobs and marry the right people then I can stop worrying about them . . .
If only I had the body I used to have . . .
If only growing older weren't so scary . . .
If only . . . then . . .
If only . . .
If.
Each of us has our own list of if onlys and they vary over a lifetime.
Call it what it is: "Mythical thinking"
That's what mental health professionals call it. Mythical thinking keeps us dreaming of a place where everyone and everything is--or could be--perfect.
Um, sorry, there ain't no such place.
If we spend too much time daydreaming of Make Believe Land we'll inevitably fixate on what's wrong and miss what's right.
We put on blinders that shut out the sweet reality of our lives:
- The beauty all around us, God's intricate creation.
- The small, kind gestures of people in our lives. (Like the stranger who held the heavy door open when we were balancing shopping bags.)
- The fun of watching our children grow into themselves, little by little. (As when our "bossy" child let that "slow" kid go first in line.)
You and I weren't born with blinders. We choose them.
Our self-absorption cheats others and robs our lives of joy.
The thought and energy we invest into wishing goes missing from our family relationships and friendships.
Worst of all we fail to notice God's daily blessings to us, large and small. Then we fail to experience the joy and neglect to say, "Thank you, Lord."
The joy flows both ways when we bless the people around us with smiles and simple encouragement: "Thanks!" "Good for you!" "I'm so proud of you!"
Some of us are thinking, but this is me, this is how I am, I don't know how to change. What then?
First comes being willing to be willing to change. With choosing to live in the now and to love in the now.
Where do I start?
What God said to the Israelites applies to us, too. From Deuteronomy 30:19:
I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live.
Then we ask for help from the One who never takes His eyes off us.
God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. --Psalm 46:1 ESV
When we feel overwhelmed by past failings, we turn to the One who makes all things new.
If anyone is in Christ he (or she) is a new creation; the old has passed away; behold, the new has come. --2 Corinthians 5:17 ESV
How can we be "in Christ?"
By living in faith in Jesus Christ as Savior.
For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him. --John 3:16-17 ESV
That's the starting place and the ending place.
Will we find perfect peace on this earth? No. But life can be more satisfying and meaningful when we appreciate what is rather than yearn for what could/should be.
Yes, yes, a thousand times yes!
Still learning,
Lenore
