It took me too long to realize I was holding myself to standards that weren't my own.
It traced back to childhood, when grownups in my life had a favorite line, always delivered in you-need-to-remember-this tones:
"Anything worth doing is worth doing well."
I took it seriously. Too seriously. That saying caused me to act, well, a bit irrational at times.
I say "irrational" because I never qualified for the title of Neat Freak. Like most mothers of several kids (we have four) it took all I had to sort of keep up with things.
Yet when I cleaned, by George, I cleaned.
Did anyone care? Did anyone even notice those sparkling corners?
Nope. I can't remember a single time when family members--or a guest--walked in and said, "Your place is immaculate! You are amazing!"
That's life
Once I became a wife and then a mom I discovered the people I loved mostly took me for granted. I hated it, of course. I remember a few choice "discussions" my husband and I had about that very thing.
I forgot to look at the other side, the good side. Later, I came to understand that in a marriage, within a family, taking each other for granted usually means we feel secure with each other. We should be celebrating, shouldn't we?
Such ease with each other becomes dangerous only if we forget to be grateful for what each one says and does to show love and make life happier for the other(s.)
(Never for a minute think I'm saying we forget about saying, "please" and "thank you" to each other.)
The question to be asking ourselves is, "How am I showing my love?"
Relax, there are no "right" answers. Each marriage and each family is unique because God created people to be one-of-a-kind. What matters is that we demonstrate our love and contribute to our marriage in our own way. Plants require regular care and feeding. So do marriages.
And--just as important--we need to see and hear each one as an individual.
A family is like a chemical formula. Each family member is an essential element. They won't know that unless we say so. Often.
Love=Accepting and applauding individuality
To appreciate another's differentness may call on us to stretch our understanding.
Husbands and wives, well, you know the cliche: We marry our opposites. Marriage naturally allows us everyday opportunities to observe "the other" up close and personal. We need to look for strengths. Life together as marriage partners requires us to let each other grow as individuals, too.
As parents it's not long before we realize each child is an individual. Understanding them and being glad for who they are can be a challenge that goes on for years.
For example, a dad I know is built like a linebacker and exudes physical strength. His young son digs ballet. Think maybe that dad felt out of his comfort zone as he watched his son dance? Even so, he did it and came to see the beauty of ballet.
The mom who fought to achieve in her career discovers her daughter who excelled in math and science cares nothing at all for a college education and just wants to "find her own way."
For all of us, maintaining a loving marriage and rearing our children takes all we have--and more--because every human being keeps growing and changing over a lifetime.
That's why it's so worthwhile to pray for eyes that truly see and ears that truly hear each other.
The heart connection
However we contribute to keep our marriage or family thriving, what matters most is that we give with our whole heart.
And with good cheer. Grudging gifts and gestures of love benefit no one and don't look or feel much like love.
Let's concentrate on what strengthens our family, what matters most for life and what feeds our spirit. Now, that's worth doing--and doing it well. (Trust me, whether every corner of your home sparkles is irrelevant.)
If we're to sum up what matters most in a word, it's this: Love. Do that well and all the rest will come together.
And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect harmony. --Colossians 3:14 NIV
Still learning,
Lenore
