A lot of people sincerely believe that staying married runs counter to human nature
Don't fall into that trap.
Think back to how God set up marriage in the beginning, when Adam said Eve was "bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh." (Genesis 2)
Does that sound like an arrangement meant to last only for awhile?
Building a lifetime marriage starts with first believing--and continuing to believe--that staying married for life is possible.
This is not "magical thinking," ignoring the difficulties of real life.
- It's keeping your eyes on your spouse and your day-to-day life together.
- Focusing on your mutual goal(s)--and letting petty annoyances go.
- Fixing in your mind the picture of the marriage you want to live in.
What's worthwhile takes effort--and brings joy
Our story started long ago when my husband and I were young and clueless. He smiled at me and my heart did flip-flops.
Then we knew we were lucky--and blessed--to find each other.Now we know we are lucky--and blessed--to still have each other.
That February day we vowed to love each other for life--and had no doubts our marriage would last, convinced we had something special between us. (Still do.)
Later on we saw how our unquestioning mindset helped us get through the inevitable ups and downs of making a life together.
Over and over our pledge of love for a lifetime bridged us back to feeling close and in love again.
Truths gleaned over a lot of years
- It's not up to our husband--or wife--to make us happy
Despite the stuff of romance novels and movies, our happiness is up to us. - Making our spouse feel good about who they are costs us nothing except thoughtfulness
Besides, isn't that what each of us wants for the one we love? And from the one we love? - News flash: Males and females think differently
This naturally colors the way we view people and situations. Get past "Why can't he ... ?" or "Why can't she ... ?" and respect each other's right to an individual viewpoint. Only then can you talk over issues without heat. - Learning to communicate--and really listen to each other--takes time--but it's worth it
Be real and be honest, but also be kind. My husband and I don't always look at life through the same glasses but we came to understand that's a strength. Together we are more than either of us on our own. - Mutual trust is like gold
Trust takes a long time to build and can be lost in a careless instant, so guard it carefully. Besides, if we're not on each other's side, who will be? - Relationships thrive on authenticity
Being one way in public and another at home, whether in words or actions, destroys from the inside. Sarcasm does the same, so resist the temptation to put each other down, even with "humor." - Simple kindness makes life better for both
We adjust and make allowances for our friends without getting upset. With friends we easily say, "Oh, you know how he or she is" and let it go. When we learn to do the same for our spouse we bless their lives--and our own. - Marriage relationships can wither, even die, unless they're nourished
Keep priorities straight. Except in emergencies or with infants, Mom and Dad's relationship needs to come before The Children. (Kids feel secure because they don't fear their parents might split up.) - A life built on shared faith in God helps a couple withstand life's storms
Faith provides a "why" to hang onto and helps because we know we don't have to flounder through life on our own strength. God is love and helps us keep on loving through whatever comes. (Even if we're spiritually single, our faith helps us establish a solid foundation for living.)
Most of the time we get back what we give out
There will be times you feel inadequate or overwhelmed. That's the time to talk to God and to each other and to remember Philippians 4:13:
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. NKJV
If you need more help, ask your pastor to recommend one or more trustworthy counselors. (Yes, you risk being vulnerable, but hanging onto pride makes for an empty victory.)
Now take a deep breath and recommit. You married for life, remember?
Praying for you,
Lenore
