Why would I say that? Because somebody, somewhere is watching you and listening in. Always.
That thought brings us up short, doesn't it?
Yet it's true, especially if we're a parent or if we spend much time around children and/or teens.
Young people are looking for clues and for role models as they try to figure out who they are.
Adolescents and teens will deny that's true, yet surveys of young people reach mostly the same conclusion: Mothers and/or fathers top the list as the most important influence on their thinking and actions.
Adult children take many of their cues from parents, too--even when they seem not to care.
Each of us influences other people--positively or negatively--more than we know.
If you doubt it, look back and recall the people who affected you and your thinking, perhaps by just a chance encounter.
Watch out for giving mixed messages
That comes about when we say one thing to one person and something else to another.
Picture the scene: A mom picks up her children from school and they stop for a snack. Mom runs into a friend so those two share a table while their kids occupy the table next to them.
Their youngsters do what kids always do: eavesdrop on adult conversation. Suppose the friend praises the latest edition of Oprah's magazine and Mom chimes in with, "Oh, what I'd give to have that woman's money! All those houses, all those people at her beck and call, what a life that would be!"
Later that day her middle-school age daughter begs for a bigger allowance.
Mom replies, "Your allowance is just fine. Remember, money isn't everything. You need to learn it can't buy happiness."
Will her daughter remember what Mom said about Oprah's big bucks or what she says to her kids?
It's crucial to watch what we say, but first we need to be clear on what we believe and what we stand for. Then we won't give mixed messages.
Because few kids are able to pick through and discern what's important to us, we need to talk about what's good and right and true in our everyday conversation.
For starters:
- We point out individuals who demonstrate integrity in small ways as well as big
- We stay alert to notice when one of our kids acts kindly or considerately, and hand out some praise
- We make sure to tell others about our child's positive acts and let them hear us
What about grades?
Keep them in perspective.
Kids may study hard and do their best, yet fall short of being tops in their class. Let that be enough--and say so.
(Isn't that what we tell them, that we only want them to study hard and do their best?)
When grades alone top the list, the pressure to cheat increases. So does the feeling of not measuring up.
Whether it's academics or deeds of kindness it's good to applaud the effort, whatever the results. "You worked hard, didn't you?" is music to the heart.
If we search out things we admire and speak of it, our words will encourage our kids to repeat them.
School is one thing, life is another
Every part of it gets easier when we have a personal cheering section, at any age. Words matter. So do hugs.
Remember these words from the Apostle Paul?
Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.--1 Thessalonians 5:11
Our kids need to know we love them, not when, not if, but as they are.
Children respond to that as a plant responds to sunshine. So do husbands and wives. And friends and parents. And all the people in our lives.
Everyone. Everywhere. In every situation.
Here's to shining the love of Jesus brightly in our lives. That's what makes the best kind of hero.
Lenore
