Is having a happy marriage still possible?

Many people likely would answer a flat, "No. Not in today's world."                                      

The rest of us might say, "I guess so," or "I hope so."

How about you?

We can count on it if we consider our marriage as a living thing. Like any living thing, it requires regular feeding and watering--with love and forgiveness.  

Always, the mutual goal is keeping love alive and maintaining the joy of two becoming one. 

We make "we, us and our" more important than "I, me and mine."

We treat our marriage with the same tender love we show to our young children.

Finding the balance 

Even after many years of marriage, the challenge remains the same:

Every marriage consists of two individuals, two distinct personalities, two sets of priorities and preferences.

Suppose one is a loner and the other is a people person. They're attracted to each other precisely because each one "fills in what's missing" in the other. They feel complete in each other.

Too often our human nature gets in the way. We set about trying to change our spouse and make them more like we are.

Most of the time we don't know we're doing it.

Here's the clue. How often do we say, "Why can't you ever ... ?" or, "Why must you always . . . ?"

A steady drip, drip, drip of criticism and dissatisfaction slowly poisons a marriage relationship. 

The choice and the secret 

Suppose we allow each other to be who we are. Two unique individuals created by God, each one influenced by all the years and people in our lives beforehand.

Two halves of the whole, each one adding richness to the other's life. Each one appreciating the other's differentness.

The secret to a happy marriage may be as simple as being kind to each other.

Don't we instinctively feel more loving toward people who act and speak kindly to us?

How kindness plays out in the everyday

Webster's gives several definitions of the word "kindness." Here are two:  

• the capacity for feeling for another's unhappiness or misfortune
• sympathetic concern for the well-being of others.

Those qualities build closeness in a marriage. When one spouse hurts, the other feels it, too, and offers warmth and love. The bond between them deepens. 

Kindness in marriage means that instead of focusing on what's wrong with our spouse, we fasten on what's right with each other.   

Isn't that what we do with our friends? Think how casually we say, "Oh well, that's just the way she is."

Can't we be just as considerate toward the one we married?

Over time this becomes our everyday way of living together

Another way of saying this is, we respect our spouse and our children.  Mutual respect makes it natural to treat each other with consideration even when no one else is around. We speak to each other and our children in the tone of voice we want them to use with us. 

We watch what we say, too, because we know words can bless or deeply scar those who love us.

To live that way is not being subservient, but rather, demonstrating strength and self-control. It's what love looks like.

Remember, you're never alone 

Because we're (flawed) human beings, we inevitably let each other down at times. We mess up and start over. Again. Sometimes we'll become discouraged because we're not there yet.   

                                That's not the time to give up!

Take it as a reminder that Jesus died for all our failures and sins and start again. By faith we are forgiven and set right with God. That means we can forgive each other and trust that he will strengthen us and guide us.  

I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my eye upon you.   -Psalm 32:8

Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.   -Ephesians 4:32

And this is the confidence that we have toward him, that if we ask anything according to his will he hears us.   -1 John 5:14

P. S. 

Kindness nourishes any marriage relationship. Is it worth the effort?

From the bottom of my heart I can answer, "Oh, yes!""

God bless your marriage, my unseen friend, 

Lenore