Television interviews and articles on marriage can plant the belief if two people are right for each other, their marriage will be perfect.
Consider that an example of faulty reasoning.
Or buying into someone else's notion of what a marriage should be.
Proceed carefully to avoid getting stuck in that patch of quicksand.
Substitute this foundation truth instead, whether you're single or married, rich or perpetually cash-strapped:
Nobody's life is perfect.
No marriage is perfect.
How could it be when no living human being is perfect?
What's true is this: There's no one like you--or your spouse
Whomever one marries comes equipped with:
- a distinct personality
- unique strengths and weaknesses
- an individual outlook on life
- beliefs that may differ
Instead of viewing this as a problem, what if we saw it as a strength?
Such differences can mean that together, the couple is stronger, more complete than either one is on their own.
Still, meshing two lives--even when wife and husband are well-matched--can be a long, delicate process.
Patience and good humor go a long way to smooth out the inevitable bumps and rough spots.
Marriage in real life
There's no prescribed pattern to what makes for a happy marriage. Marriages are as different as the people in them.
Even the strongest marriages usually display a pattern of happy periods interspersed with times when the relationship is a bit strained and needs special attention.
It's no accident that the traditional marriage vows contain the phrase, "as long as we both shall live." In one's marriage relationship and as individuals, we keep growing and changing over a lifetime.
If we obsess over the troublesome patches in our marriage relationship we too often cheat ourselves out of what could be happy times.
Wisdom from a pro
I heard a counselor speak--sorry, I forgot his name--who works with married couples. He advises couples to picture their marriage relationship as a living thing the two of them created. Together.
A living thing as much in need of tender, watchful care as an infant.
Then he asks, "How would you keep this living thing healthy?" and "How would you care for it if it were ailing?"
Here are two of his main points:
Every living thing needs regular tending and nurturing to keep it alive. So does a marriage.
Think of regularly spending time together and really listening to each other as the "water" and "food" your marriage needs to stay healthy and thrive.
Can we keep it simple?
Absolutely. For starters, make it a priority to ask each other, "How's it going for you?" at least once a day.
Then be sure to listen to the answer. Try to make this a daily practice, free of distractions like cell phones and the TV.
If you think this couldn't make a difference, ask the couples (and families) who live by this. Most find it pays rich dividends and nourishes love because each one knows the other(s) cares.
Taking this small amount of consideration as an essential part of every day proves to the other person that you value them and love them. Not if. Not when. But now.
Plug in to the power
Life is complicated! How can we find the right focus for our days?
Many think these verses sum up the essentials for a happy life and a happy marriage:
Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things. --Philippians 4:8 NIV
And now just as you trusted Christ to save you, trust Him, too, for each day's problems; live in vital union with Him. Let your roots grow down into Him and draw up nourishment from Him. See that you go on growing in the Lord, and become strong and vigorous in the truth you were taught. Let your lives overflow with joy and thanksgiving for all He has done. --Colossians 2:6-7 TLB
It's been true since the beginning: As we think in our hearts, so are we.
That's good news! It means we can choose to think rightly and concentrate on building a strong, growing marriage--and life.
And that makes all the difference.
With love,
Lenore
