Some of us are stuck in yesterday.
We still hear the critical voices of our parents or teachers or the taunts of childhood friends.
In times of clear thinking we remind ourselves they belong in the past, but then logic fades. Old hurts and doubts resurface and hang around, so we must fight the battle all over again.
Sure, we know no one had a perfect childhood and all the rest.
But here we are, still weighed down a lot or a little by wrong messages from the past. Why?
And what can we do to live free of that load? Here's a place to start:
Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. Psalm 118:24 NIV
Begin by recognizing painful words for what they are
This story is about our friend "Tim," but it could just as well be about "Tina".
Tim grew up with an alcoholic dad who delighted in bringing everyone else down. Especially his children.
When they came home excited because they got good grades or had won some award, their dad would laugh and ask, "Oh, getting the big head, are we?"
Every. Time.
The boy became the teenager became the adult. Everyone else considered Tim a success story.
Everyone but Tim.
Whenever things went his way at work or his wife told him she was proud of him, Tim heard his father's voice taunting him with the same hurtful question.
He felt hopeless. Would he--could he--ever be free?
I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you. Psalm 32:8 NIV
He started thinking differently during a meeting with his men's group from church
The study included doing a self-assessment of their lives, starting with this question:
So who am I now? Today?
Tim mentally ticked off how hard he worked and all the ways he had grown. He thought of his wife and their strong marriage and about the good life they were building together.
Their three children brimmed with health and earned good grades consistently. He liked his job and considered it more than just a paycheck. He enjoyed his friends at work.
His next thought surprised him:
This is my life today, my present reality--and it is good! I have a lot to be thankful for!
Then Tim thought of the sad little boy who grew up believing he could never measure up and wished he could give him a big hug.
At last he felt proud of his younger self. New faith insights showed him how he survived those years:
But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." 2 Corinthians 12:9 ESV
Seeing clearly at last
"For perhaps the first time, I added up the many ways my dad was a walking disaster back then. Constantly putting all of us down made him feel better about his own messed-up life.
"Once I understood that, I could let it go.
"Now and then I still hear Dad's critical voice in my head. When I do, I answer it with today's truth, which is that I like my life and what I've become. Sometimes my answers remind me I'm getting off track and that's good, too.
"It's strange, but now Dad's old question feels like a friend who asks hard questions and reminds me what I'm about."
(The Lord says:) "Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?" Isaiah 43:18-19 ESV
Old truths endure
Long ago I found a quote which at the time brought me up short because I needed to hear its truth. It comes from Epictetus, a Greek philosopher who lived from 55 A.D. until 135 A.D.
"It's not what happens to you but how you react to it that matters."
At first reading that ancient wisdom may sound harsh, but take another look. Its timeless truth can move us out from being stuck in false assumptions of the past.
Think of it as a power statement that fits each of us, at any stage of life.
The only thing we have within our power to control is how we think about what comes into our lives.
I don't know about you, but I'm forever relearning that principle.
By the way, the Greek philosopher did not originate this wisdom
Take a look at Proverbs 23:7:
For as he thinks in his heart, so is he. NKJV
Lasting truths, ours for the taking.
Whether we're troubled by painful memories from the past or by uneasiness over present reality, this one-liner covers it. When we change our thinking, we change our lives.
Warmly,
Lenore