Have you noticed how easily we overlook individuals who don't have a lot of flash and dash?
We applaud those who show great bravery at times of danger and disaster--and we should. They're easy to spot.
But we often miss the soft-spoken people who serve in the background and keep on doing it. People like "Marian," a woman I met at a convention when we ended up next to each other at lunch.
We talked about the morning's spiritual growth workshop. Marian said, "I always think maybe this time I'll figure out what I'm equipped to do for the Lord, but I still don't know.
"It's not because I haven't tried, but I just can't find my place, like in my church. I get tongue-tied in front of a group. Can't play an instrument, can't even carry a tune.
"I've tried teaching, but the problem is I never want to be up front."
She sighed as she got up to leave and said, "I think when the good Lord was giving out gifts, He just passed me by."
Later that day I met "Kate"
She said, "I saw you talking to Marian. Years ago she belonged to my little church.
"We don't have enough members to have lots of committees and boards and meetings. When something needs doing, we all just pitch in to get it done. This works real well for us most of the time. Or it did for a long time.
"Then one Sunday Fred had to run to the convenience store and buy coffee before he could get the coffeepot going. After church we regulars drank our coffee and talked, like we always do.
"Fred told us about the empty supply cupboard. Doris said she couldn't find any cleaning supplies when it was her turn to clean. That never happened before. Then Joe said, 'The last few Sundays I got here early, like always, and had to sweep off the church steps and sidewalks. Never had to do that before.'
"Marge said, 'Sounds like things are falling apart around here. What's changed?'"
The rest of the story
Kate shifted in her chair. "Then my husband said, 'Only one change I can think of: Marian moved away.'"
"We looked at each other and it was like that Bible verse about scales falling from our eyes. Marian never missed church and always sat in the same pew. A nice, quiet lady who always served food at potlucks and then washed up dishes afterwards.
"Somehow we never guessed that on her own she stocked us up on supplies and swept the walks--and who knows what else? George said he'd been treasurer for years and Marian never turned in a bill.
"We all felt terrible," Kate said. "We wrote letters to her and all that, but how do you make up for never noticing, never saying 'Thanks' while she was with us?
"I'm ashamed to say we never really saw Marian for who she was."
Don't we all do that, even with people we love?
For instance, we parents sometimes fall into that trap with our children.
We assume our "good kid," the one who almost never worries us and always finishes homework and chores--doesn't need our attention or our praise.
On the other hand, our child who struggles, the one who keeps us frustrated--and praying--gets extra time and we're ready to applaud every little accomplishment. We tell ourselves that one needs it more.
That's understandable, sure, but is it fair?
It can happen in a marriage, too
It's easy for a husband and wife to get used to their couple style and just bump around in the same life hardly noticing each other. Over time that can rob a marriage of its sparkle.
Or one spouse may under-value the fact their mate has a faithful, giving heart full of love and say, "Oh well, that's just how he (or she) is."
Words like that make it sound as if it costs nothing to be loving and to be one who can be counted on because "that's just how they are."
In marriage--and in life--it's way too easy to take a person's love and support for granted, as we do having air to breathe.
The one who feels unappreciated may think, Why bother?
Always, love is an action verb
The good, quiet people live in the same world as everyone else. They face pressures and get tired and sometimes want to quit, too.
But they don't. They stay.
They keep doing what needs doing and what they're supposed to do, without reminders. Without being noticed. All the while they're living out love.
Do we see them? (And cherish them if we live with them?)
Do we tell them we appreciate them and their generous hearts?
Do we let them know they are loved?
A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in a setting of silver. Proverbs 25:11 ESV
I thank my God in all my remembrance of you. Philippians 1:3 ESV
A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. John 13:34 ESV
This Thanksgiving season let's express what we feel
Let's resolve to say "Thank you" more often. Let's say that word, write that note, make that call now.
Who do you know that's a hero who keeps on keepin' on and could use a verbal pat on the back?
Who do you know that needs your good words?
Still learning, always,
Lenore
