A WOMAN'S VIEW ~ Lenore Buth

What does it take to have "the good life?"

"The good life." We all want it, but how do we get it?  

Because we're all individuals we won't give identical answers.  Still, some commonalities fit each of us. 

LOVE

As the song says, a lot of people are lookin' for love in all the wrong places.

What if we looked right where we are? And what if we gave love right where we are?

Love isn't found just in romance media. It becomes real in real life.

Love is what keeps a married couple true to the vows they made to each other, no matter how tempting any other person might be. And love is what enables one spouse to forgive the other for ... whatever. Sometimes Love also stands its ground because maintaining mutual trust is vital.

Love is what makes Grandpa's eyes light up when Grandma comes into the room. Love is what drives a parent to work long hours at a tough job and it's what brings a little child running when Dad or Mom come home from work. Love is what causes a mommy or a daddy to walk the floor with a fussy baby or a kind neighbor to take dinner to the lonely widower next door.

Love is giving and serving and laying down our lives for those we care about--and being lifted up by the doing.

Love is a gift that can't be bought and that won't endure without nurturing.  

Questions: How often do we tell the people we love that we love them and appreciate them for who they are? Do we listen well, so we know what they need and what they're concerned about? And if not, why not?

The certain knowledge we are loved provides warmth and enrichment for our hearts--and even as we crave it, we also can give it away. Over and over. Without running dry.

ENCOURAGEMENT 

If we're alive and breathing we crave encouragement--spoken or written--from people whose opinions we value. So do the people around us.

Even when we're in a good place, nothing is sweeter than someone saying they appreciate us and how we do our jobs or live our lives.

When we're having problems or in the midst of a hard time, sympathy is nice, but it's not enough. We need people to tell us they know we will have the strength to work it out and/or get through it.

For Christians, we don't need someone to "think good thoughts for us." We long for those who will gently remind us that God is faithful and he will not walk away from us. To hear, "I'm praying for you" brings peace to our hearts.

People like that help us remember who we are. They say the words we may be feeling too empty to say.

Questions: Why do we so often stay silent? Does anyone ever tire of hearing someone tell us, "Good job!" or "I know God will bring you through this"?

No matter how high we rate on the self-confidence scale it boosts our spirits and our confidence when someone says, "You're doing great," or "I believe in you."

HOPE 

Hope is in short supply around us. Had you noticed?

One certain place to find hope is by reading and thinking on God's Word and spending time with his people. Keeping relationships alive with our fellow Christians is a happy way to replenish our hope supply.

Right now it may require extra creativity. Some of us are tired of Zoom and Facetime calls and Bible study times, but think how much emptier life would feel through all this uncertainty and enforced aloneness without those options.   

We all have times of feeling empty and alone. The only lasting remedy is to know Jesus and to store up in our minds and hearts the promises in the Bible.

Question: If we don't keep refilling our own cup with the Truth, what will we have to give out to our family and friends?

Every one of us needs hope--as much as food and water--if we're to stay positive and be able to cope with what life throws at us. 

FAITH

Every living person lives by some sort of belief system. Atheists and cynics may loudly declare there is no God, but they live by faith, too, by a belief system they created. 

Some hold that opinion by choice, some by habit. Either way, at some point they may harbor some doubts but be afraid if they say so they might face ridicule. 

We can't see inside a person's heart and mind. We can't know when someone who seems as hard as granite may at some point be ready for a fresh start. May be ready to hear the Good News of Jesus. That's in God's hands, not ours.  

Questions: Are we strong enough to just listen if they open up to us, perhaps expressing anger or hurt? Are we willing to stay gentle and patient, even when we want to argue back? Can we keep praying for them and keep showing love and kindness just because that's who we are as God's people?

Christ's love, flowing through the words and actions of ordinary people like you and me can melt even hearts of stone--not because we're so great, but because HE is.

Living the good life does not imply life will be trouble-free

Write this on your heart: The only people who live trouble-free lives are the people we don't know.

Troubles are part of life, but life can still be good!

It all depends on where we focus. We can experience joy in the midst of whatever comes if we keep our hearts and minds filled with Truths like these. 

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for wholeness and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.   Jeremiah 29:11  ESV

[Jesus said] "I came that they may have life and have it abundantly." John 10:10  ESV

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.   Romans 15:13  ESV 

Since we have all this--and all the other promises in the Bible--going for us, how could we have anything but "the good life?"

Still learning,

Lenore

How to raise your happiness level right where you are

Are you tired of the same old, same old and looking for a lift?

That feeling comes easy in times like this, when we're weary of uncertainty and warnings day after day and restrictions about this and that. 

It's tempting to fixate on what's wrong with our lives. Or our spouse. Or our kids. Our jobs--or lack of same. The four walls we live in.

Right away we post those faults front-and-center on the bulletin boards of our minds and we check it frequently. This gives us a handy reference when we're looking for something or someone to blame for our down moods.

Any time we think of something new--and we will--we pencil it in at the bottom of the list.

It's way too easy to go down that track. Trust me, a person could get stuck in that groove on the road to nowhere. 

Molehills grow into mountains in no time. 

Stick with the better way            

Instead of a gripe list, what if we looked for reasons to be thankful instead of reasons to complain?

Call it a Happiness List or maybe, a Blessings List. Or use a title such as, "What I love about about ____."

Start with the ones you love most. Write their name at the top of a plain sheet of paper and list at least ten good things. Don't look for something huge like "Leaps tall buildings."

It's okay to start with simple things of daily life like brushing one's teeth and throwing dirty socks in the hamper. If necessary, put on your rose-colored glasses. For example, if this one never praises the cook, do they gulp down their meals without complaint? Then write that down on your list. (Eating without comment is way better than eating with complaints, isn't it?)

Do the same for each child--whatever their age--and in-law kids, if you have them. Ditto for individuals in your life who seem a problem. Look past troublesome areas and focus on their good points.  

This may feel artificial, but remember your goal: You want to replace stinkin' thinkin' with the good stuff.

Post your list(s) where you can't help seeing them. Read them at least once a day, sometimes out loud and always thoughtfully. Before long you'll find worthy qualities you overlooked before.

Once we start focusing on what's good, we'll find more. This can't help but work positive change in relationships. 

Put on your wider focus

It's disturbingly easy to develop tunnel vision and get all wrapped up in ourselves and our wants and needs.

The hard fact is we may not know what our loved ones are feeling. Sometimes it's because we're married to someone who bottles up feelings. Or perhaps we spend our days apart from each other and simply don't know the challenges the others face and what they deal with.

It's likely the people we love don't know our deepest thoughts and concerns, either.

It's possible to feel like a stranger with one's husband or wife, or while surrounded by one's family. 

That makes every day time to talk

Talk. Talk from the heart. That can feel awkward if it's not your everyday way of relating. 

What's proven helpful for many is to do "Highs and Lows" each day.

Don't fret about the "how-to." What matters is that each one feels comfortable and accepted so sharing doesn't feel risky. 

First off, make it a ground rule that each person is allowed to feel what they feel--without teasing or criticism. Then while everyone is together around the dinner table:

• Each family member shares the high point of their day.
• Next, each one relates what felt to them like a low point that day--while the others listen.
• (Keep it to "I messages," as in, "This is how it feels to me.") 
• Wind up with each one speaking a blessing to the others.

The answers we hear may alter our outlook a little or a lot. A Canadian proverb says it well.

"Walk a mile in my moccasins to learn where they pinch." 

Big changes often start with something small

By now you may be thinking this gesture is too minor and undramatic to make any difference. Au contraire, my friends. 

Gazing at the world through the perspective of people we love helps draw us closer. We become less critical because we are more aware of how they think and feel--and they of us. As we better understand what they deal with our prayers become more real and in-touch.

By the way, this is never a one-time-for-always-and-done thing. Keeping a loving, positive outlook is a daily battle within our minds. And hearts.

By no coincidence that's where we're most likely to hit quicksand.

If we're stuck in the muck, we need help to climb out

I don't know about you, but I often stumble in my walk of faith. That's why I rejoice that changing my outlook is not all up to me. When we believe in Jesus as our Savior we can be strong, even when we feel weak. He is our Helper, remember?

Here are some Bible verses to help us as we grow: 

Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me.  --Psalm 51:10

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.  --2 Corinthians 5:17 

So, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.  --Colossians 3:12-14

Our call is to start where we are and trust God to help us. As we stick with our new resolve and keep on nurturing our relationships with love, keep on growing in faith, we will change--and our happiness level will keep rising. 

Learning, too,

Lenore

 

Who or what makes us who we are?

   More is caught than taught.

The first time I heard this catchy phrase the truth of it grabbed me. I thought immediately of parents and children.

Sorry, that's too easy. This phrase applies to all of us. At any age and any stage of life.  

Let's face it, each of us is a sponge. Without even thinking about it we soak up the moods and attitudes of people we spend time with.

If that's true for adults, think how much more that applies to children and teens.

Certainly they are less-experienced and therefore, likely to be more gullible. In the usual school situation, they spend their days absorbing what teachers and textbooks tell them is true.  

All the while, multiple choices of social media are as close as their fingertips--and many of them are downright dangerous. Any time of day or night they can easily connect with information they assume comes from "people who know." 

Are we adults any better?

How often do we check our cell phones? Or the Internet? Some of us stay glued to the Internet or TV from waking to bedtime every day. Media stars, books, newspapers and magazines color our opinions, too.

Celebrities rave--for pay--about certain products. Talk show hosts with time slots to fill interview authors of books sent to them (free) by publishers. And we take it all in, often without much thought about what we just saw and heard.

Then you or I or the people next door just "happen" to buy said product or book.

Our children take their cues from us 

Almost from the moment our kids pop onto the scene we become their main role models. I wasn't ready for that. Were you? 

In no time I learned that little ones are all eyes and ears--and they don't miss a thing. Especially our bad habits.

In their early years youngsters want to be "just like Mommy" or "just like Daddy." That's why they galumph around the house wearing our way-too-big shoes.

It's one of life's mysteries how a youngster can go straight from that stage (it seems) to adolescence, when they announce the last thing they want is to be like either parent. 

What do we do then? Ron Taffel, described as "a child-rearing expert," nails it:

Even as kids reach adolescence, they need more than ever for us to watch over them. Adolescence is not about letting go. It's about hanging on during a very bumpy ride.

Still watching us 

I used to think once our kids were grown we would have no influence on them. Not true.

Even when they're adults who live perfectly fine lives on their own, our children unconsciously look to us as role models.

In some instances that sounds contradictory, especially if a son or daughter seems bent on doing everything they can to be different from us.

Think of it this way. They may keep an eye on what we do and say to track whether the standards we preached while they were growing up were just for them or for us, too. 

When family tales are good for a laugh

The bride was preparing a huge dinner for the couple's extended family. She planned to serve a baked ham and cut off the end of it before she put it in the baking pan. When her husband asked why, she answered, "Because Mom always did."

When feast day arrived the young hostess asked, "Mom, I cut off the end of the ham like you always do and Jason asked why. I didn't know. Why did you always do that?"

Her mother thought a bit. "I guess because Grandma always whacked off the end of the ham. Let's ask her."

After Grandma stopped laughing she said, "Well, I had to. My only pan was too small for a big ham."

That, my friends, is one of the ways lifestyles and funny little quirks can live on for generations.

Every one of us is somebody's child

We, too, carry around pluses and minuses we "caught" from our parents and childhood relationships. Sometimes it can take years before we understand that and see clearly. That makes it worth every once in awhile asking ourselves:

How many traits and foibles of my parents do I still hang onto?

Are they helping me or dragging me down?

Which one(s) do I need to leave behind?

If you want to shed some old thinking but you don't know how to change, don't give up. Here's the Good News: You don't have to do it on your own. You have Jesus on your side.

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold the new has come.  --2 Corinthians 5:17  ESV

For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.  --Philippians 4:13  NLT

Start now, with baby steps. One at a time. Keep your eyes always focused on the One who makes all things new. 

Best of all is when we can hang on to what was good in our growing-up years and combine it with what the Lord has taught us in our adult lives. 

Learning and growing never stop--and aren't you glad of that?

Lenore

Find peace when you're feeling overwhelmed

What to do when life knocks you around and you're reeling? When doubts fill your mind and you want to quit?

It can happen to any of us at any time. We reach our limits. Of patience. Or money. Or hope.

"I don't know what's wrong with me," we may say to a friend. 

Or to ourselves. Or God.

Our life may be good, at least from the outside, but disquiet nibbles away at our hearts.  

That's a lonely place to be.

Sometimes we also feel distant from God. We can't seem to pray or feel connected to the Lord we love, whom we know loves us.

Then we have two choices: Wrap ourselves up in our frustration and fretting--OR change the way we look at our life.

I hear you saying, "Talk is cheap. You don't know how hard it is for me!"

No, I don't. But I know how hard it is for me to climb out anytime I let myself get mired in that pit. Then I have to relearn this basic lesson of life:

In every situation, we choose how we think.

Call a halt

By now I easily spot the red flag thinking that leads me into risky territory. It comes sounding harmless enough, just random phrases that stoke my fears or my pride, words like these:

What if ____ ?

Why doesn't he--or she-- ____ ?

Why must I always ____ ?

How long must I put up with this? 

Where is God in all this?

Thoughts or words like this pull us down as surely as gravity makes the apple drop.

Finally, I know what helps. I've learned to catch myself and say, "Stop!"  

How does this work? 

Here's a listen to my (now) typical self-talk:  

Q: What if?   A: Why spend my time and energy worrying about  something that may or may not happen?  If or when something happens, deal with it then. 

Q: Why don't they care?   A: Maybe they do. Each individual may be speaking and acting in ways that feel right to them.

Q: Why must I always ___?   A: Stop with the "poor me" stuff. Is it really always? Think of times this other person gave in or came through, even when it cost them. Did I discount that simply because they didn't react as I would?  

Q: How long must I put up with this?   A: Am I really the only one "putting up with this"? Or does it work both ways? What's a mutually fair way to handle the situation? 

Q: Where is God in all this?   A: He's right here with me, always, keeping me alive and safe from day-to-day. Even those times I feel far from him, I can know that in Jesus Christ I am forgiven for all my mistakes and failures and I have eternal life.

Even if I'm the only one who hears it, restating the situation in a more balanced way calms me and helps me think straight. 

Fill your mental reservoir with the Good Stuff

I freely admit it took years of reading and praying--and trying and failing--before this finally became my way of thinking. I know now to make my mind switch over to what lifts my heart and eases the tension in my shoulders.

Many people advise using positive affirmations, but that doesn't do it for me. I've tried repeating phrases like, "I am at peace with the world," or "I am calm in every circumstance." 

Before long my inner nag taunts me with, "Oh yeah?"

Real peace comes when we connect with the Source:  

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.   John 14:27

Other Bible verses to lift us up   

When we feel swamped, it helps to repeat truths like these:

God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear ...    --Psalm 46:1a

I am the LORD, the God of all mankind. Is anything too hard for me?   --Jeremiah 32:27

Cast all your anxiety upon him, because he cares for you. --1 Peter 5:7

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. --Philippians 4:13 

Put the Good Stuff in and gradually you'll feel the heaviness in your spirit melting away.

Even if everything about your life situation stays the same, you will be changed. And trust me, that makes all the difference.

Still learning,

Lenore