A WOMAN'S VIEW ~ Lenore Buth

So where is God? How can I know he is FOR me?

Many of us aren't sure about the answer. 

You know the kind of questions I mean.

"Okay, if there really is a God, why would I think he cares about me?"

"From what I know of God, he is more about Dos and Don'ts than about caring for ordinary people like me."

"Don't talk to me about God. Not when innocent people get shot while walking down the street or riding their bikes. Not with little kids getting abused and the world at risk because of climate change."

"You say God is good and he's all about love. Well, how can a good God allow all this bad stuff to go on and on? Sorry, that makes no sense to me."

"Listen, I depend on myself and I know very well I can count on myself, so why do I need God?" 

And then there's the fear that stalks us  

It's not so much an outright terror. It's more a low-level anxiety that sneaks out around the edges of our lives and whispers What Ifs? at 2 a.m. 

We're never too old or too young to be tormented by this unwelcome visitor. 

"I live in fear my cancer will come back," one woman says to another.  "I never sleep soundly now. And I panic every time I have to go for another round of blood tests or I have a new twinge. I am so afraid they'll find some new cancer. Then what will I do?"

A middle-schooler whispers to a buddy, "I hear my mom and dad fighting after I go to bed. If they get a divorce I'll have to live with one or the other. Where will that be? Will I be able to stay in my same school?"

"I can't keep up with the tech skills of recent grads," says the frowning fifty-something. "If I lose this job I don't know where I can find another one that will pay the bills." 

And so it goes. Life is messy and life is scary.

Especially when we try to get through each day on our own strength and live by our own smarts.

The Bible makes it clear: We are never alone

Is God for us? 

God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way, though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea . . .  The Lord of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress.   --Psalm 46:1-2, 11  ESV

Is God with us?

Jesus answered him, "If anyone loves me, he will keep my word, and my Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him.  --John 14:23  ESV

Does God love us even when we fail, even when we mess up?

But you are a God ready to forgive, gracious and merciful, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love ...  --Nehemiah 9:17b  ESV

For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. --John 3:16  ESV

How can we know this is true?

But God showed his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. --Romans 5:8 ESV

For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast.--and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God.  --Ephesians 2:8-9 ESV

And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them.  --1 John 4:16

Jesus came. For you. For me. To be our Savior and to set us right with God. 

Jesus came to be our Friend. Our best Friend, who will never, ever leave us on our own.

Because Jesus came all of us who believe in him as our Savior now live in the smile of God. His forever smile.

Be at peace, my friend, and let yourself feel His joy!

Lenore

Here's a simple way to change your life for the better

A lot of us are tired of life the way it is--or has been.

A lot of us are tired of feeling powerless. 

Here's the good news: Getting unstuck appears much more complicated than it really is. Here's the three-word formula: 

 Change. Your. Thoughts.

I know, I know, that sounds too simple. I might not believe it, either, if I hadn't lived it.

It started when our children were young and I realized I needed to find a better way to live. Always before I kind of lived by circumstances. My mood for the day might hinge on whether I got up with a headache. Or whether skies were gray and it was raining. Or whether the baby wouldn't stop wailing or my husband seemed anxious about goodness-knows-what.

I'm ashamed to admit I found it easy to blame my tiresome approach to life on the little things of any ordinary day.  

I had another bad habit, too. Yes, I apologized, always offering the same well-worn lament: "Sorry, Hon, I can't help it. That's just the way I've always been."

But then the truth hit me. That statement had become my excuse. I knew it was time for a turnaround. But how?

Enter "The Worry Clinic"

Our daily newspaper began running a syndicated column by the late Dr. George Crane three times a week. His way of conveying mental health tips immediately spoke to me, so I devoured every word. All the while I carried on a running argument with him in my mind.

Dr. Crane, a trained psychologist and a physician, described his advice as "old-fashioned horse sense."

Which it was, I suppose. Here's a statement he repeated often:

Act the way you want to feel and soon you'll feel the way you act.

The first time I read that it made no sense to me, but it opened my mind a crack. As time went on I began to see the truth of his words:

Our emotions flow out of what we think.

Here's how Dr. Crane explained the process: 

You can change your thoughts as easily as you change stations on your radios or channels on your television sets. Deliberately switching your mind to another topic can be learned. 

All it takes is practice.

That bumped me up against an uncomfortable fact about myself: I kind of liked being able to excuse myself with, "I can't help it. That's who I am."

When I finally grasped the truth I cringed. I didn't much like my new (honest) view of myself.

What shocked me more was to understand my moods rubbed off on our four young daughters. They had become star copycats of their mournful mom.  

And my sweet husband, loving us, lived patiently with all five of us. 

I resolved to change

Dr. Crane primed readers not to expect an overnight transformation. He explained the captain of an ocean liner cannot turn the huge ship 180 degrees all at once. Therefore, he said, neither should we expect to do a 180 all at once. 

The only way to do it, Dr. Crane advised, was to deliberately master one degree at a time and then repeat that maneuver 180 times.

Would it take awhile? Yes.

Would it be worth it? Yes!

Always before, I prayed for God to change me, then waited for change to happen. Now I understood I also needed to act in faith.

That is, I needed to pray and trust, yes, but also behave as if God already answered my prayer and changed me--and act that way. As time went on these actions began to feel "natural."

Over time these small, incremental moves paid off. Our home became a happier place.

For all six of us.

Branching out 

As a Christian it reassured me to read this remark of Dr. Crane, who was an M.D. and also a doctor of psychology and psychiatry:  

"I gleaned more practical psychology and psychiatry from the Bible than from all other books!"

By now I wanted to learn more and read more, but I didn't want to lose my way. I knew I needed a solid understanding what the Bible says if I wanted to be able to evaluate what I read or saw in the media. That motivated me to become more serious about reading the Bible. I scribbled notes and underlined verses that spoke to me.

In those pre-Internet days--an era mostly pre-paperback books, too--I dug into the shelves of our public library and frequently brought home stacks of books on personal growth, marriage and parenting. When something "hit me and fit me," I wrote it down. 

Older books, newer books, it didn't matter. I devised my own criteria.

• Did the principles in this book conflict with what I believed as a Christian or with my personal values? (If so I set it aside.)
• Did the author sound in touch with real people or rely on jargon?

I picked up bits of knowledge and wise advice from a host of good, qualified authors. Each one helped me grow.

After years of reading and living, here's what I know is true

1. It's not the circumstances of our lives that determine our mindset. What matters most happens between our ears.
2. We can manage our emotions because they flow out of what we feed our minds, just as Dr. Crane said. 
3. Sound thinking is not enough. We also must invest our time and our will to make the changes we need.
4. It's not uncommon to have the "want to," but think we're not making progress in changing our habits. If you struggle with trying to change, talk to your pastor or a trustworthy professional counselor.

 Whatever bit of progress we make is still a win.

Two Bible verses to help us stay on track

What helped me was to focus on the fact that my Helper is always with those of us who trust in Jesus. It made all the difference when I focused on Him, not myself. 

I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.  Philippians 4:13

For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.  2 Timothy 1:7

You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you.  Isaiah 26:3

With Him on our side, how can we fail?

Enjoy the journey!

Lenore 

What we can learn from the oyster

This may sound a bit outlandish, but hang in there and read on. I promise there's a logical connection.

Did you ever notice how quickly we pick up on it when someone criticizes us or seems to judge us negatively?

Praise may inhabit the same sentences, but we miss that.

In one effortless leap, we pounce on the negative and camp out. 

The thought lingers like pesky grains of beach sand that refuse to rub off or wash off.  

I wonder what she meant by that?   

How can he expect me to ...?    

Who does she think she is?

We brush the offender away, but it returns in the middle of the night, unbidden.

Always, we choose what to do with it

We can keep it, nurse it and turn it into a pet. 

We can blow it up until it blots out the rest of our otherwise good life.

If we take either path, this thing will grow into hardness of heart and that becomes as unyielding as a chunk of granite.

Before long we develop a worrisome habit and find intentional slights and hurts lurking in every conversation. It doesn't matter whether anyone else agrees. We know what that speaker meant.  

Good advice from a wise friend for how to handle times like this

A Bible teacher once laid out some strategies about this topic to our group.

• Hold your perception up to the light and examine it as objectively as you can. Discard what you know is false.
  
• Pluck out any truth you find and weigh its worth. If you need to, swallow hard and face it. 
  
• Consider carefully before you speak up, knowing you have no power to change another person's mind.
  
• State the facts calmly, without heat. Without argument.
  
• Apologize when you know you need to, even if it doesn't feel comfortable. Do it for your own clear conscience and your peace of mind.
  
• Decide to leave your wounded pride at the cross--and don't pick it up again.
  
• Pray for a heart of love toward the one(s) who hurt you.

Let's learn from the oyster

Oysters that take in pieces of grit may form pearls of incredible luster over time.  Similarly, irritating experiences can produce something beautiful in us.

If we let them.

All it takes is letting go of our pain and leaving it behind at the cross. (Yes, I know that's hard.)

Listen to what Jesus told his followers in John 10:10:

"I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full."

The full life. Peace of mind and heart. Joy down deep, where it lasts and where it matters.

Speaking of Jesus ... 

It's not that long since Christians all over the world celebrated Easter. Why do we mark this wonderful event every year? Here's why, in a nutshell:

Jesus came. He lived and died, really died. Three days later He burst out of his grave, fully alive, and in his human body He walked and talked to many people. He ate with His friends. By His life and death Jesus made peace between us and God. He came to make us new and set us free from the power of sin in our lives. That's what Easter is all about--and Jesus came for all people.

And that's why we can be at peace, with no need to take offense when someone else sounds critical of us. It doesn't matter and our self-esteem need not be diminished one bit. We have all we need in Jesus.

For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whosoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him.   John 3:16-17  ESV

That's why we Christians rejoice over Easter.

That's why we can forgive others when they unintentionally--or even intentionally--speak thoughtless words that hurt us. In Jesus we can let it go and pay no attention..

Life is too precious to waste on hurt feelings. Let's "grow pearls" instead.

Learning, too,

Lenore