They're all around us, the people who drag us down and leave us mired in their words. Or attitudes. Some of us call them turkeys--and don't ask me why.
It might be a neighbor or friend who harps on the same gripes, time after time. Or it could might be someone seated beside you and for whatever reason, you can't escape. It could even be (gasp!) someone in your family.
A number of turkeys have their own talk shows, either on radio or TV. We listen while doing other tasks and tell ourselves we're not really paying attention, so what difference could it make in how we look at life?
Answer: More than we think.
Held captive by a turkey
Several years ago I sat in a small hair salon and next to me, a turkey was holding forth. This woman held a low opinion of everybody and everything, which she delighted to proclaim--loudly--to everyone within listening range.
Spoke so loudly that the rest of us gave up trying to carry on conversations and just sat there, squirming and looking uncomfortable. I was mid-haircut, etc., so there was no escape.
The longer the turkey talked, the more excited she got. She actually glowed with excitement.
We all live with turkeys around us, so what can we do?
As I drove home, I thought how once again, I so quickly felt that downward pull and got stuck in someone else's bad mood. I've learned when that happens it's no time until we get stuck on the negatives, too, and forget what's good.
Maybe you live or work with someone like that woman in the salon. Or perhaps you fight that tendency in yourself.
A seminar speaker offered one explanation of the way this works. He explained it as a process somewhat like the force of gravity. We don't have to be able to explain everything about physics to know that gravity is real and it exerts a downward force on objects--and people.
This speaker's whole emphasis was that we "catch" one another's moods. Curiously, negativity and dark outlooks spread faster than positive moods. It's as if they become weights--or yokes--we carry around with us.
Staying "up" is possible
That speaker laid out an effective technique that can turn us around when we're feeling down. All that's required is a pen and paper and a few minutes of time to think as we make some lists.
People choose their own names for their lists. For example, "My gratitude list," "Things I'm thankful for," or "Things I'm happy about."
Write your choice(s) as a heading at the top. Then think of at least ten things that fit. For example, maybe you're in a hard place right now, but did you wake up this morning? Could you taste what you ate? See the colors in the landscape outside your window?
You get the idea. Use the same technique with people. Try making a list of your husband's good points--and write at least ten things, even if you have to dig for them.
One woman in the group asked, "Right now I'm so frustrated with that man I can't think of anything he does right except he rinses out the sink after he brushes his teeth. Does that count?"
Our speaker replied, "Absolutely. Start small. Don't be looking for big things like, 'My husband always shares his feelings with me' or you may never find ten things to be thankful for."
We all laughed, but he made a good point
Do the same for each child, even--or especially--the one who's giving you trouble right now.
The point of it all is that we fail to see individuals as they are. We forget to notice what's good in the people around us. Instead, we fixate on what annoys us and before long, we can't see the person's good qualities and kind actions.
It's time to take off the blinders. Prepare to be surprised, because listing reasons to be thankful will turn out to be fun and you'll be making more lists.
This pays a lovely dividend, too. Once we switch perspectives we become more aware of what's good and right and true. We appreciate the people in our lives more. When that happens, especially when we tell them so, they relax and appreciate us back.
Before long we take a fresh look at our world--and it's good
Before long we realize our "turkey" has a beauty we had shut our hearts to.
Sooner or later we come to understand that for awhile, we got stuck on this individual's minuses instead of pluses.
How do I know this works? More than once, I've seen how it works. Why not try it yourself? Betcha you'll like it!
Meanwhile, let's keep in mind that God creates individuals, not carbon copies
So why do we keep laying our expectations on each other?
Each of us is a mix. I've learned over the years that what I judge to be missing in a person often turns out to be a strength, a quality God can--and does--use in ways I never ever envisioned.
(This turns out to be true for each of us, even ourselves.)
Encouragement for your journey
If you're like me, you find it easier to work on a better outlook when you find the same or similar truths in the Bible. Let me share some reassurance from God's Book.
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11
For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them. Ephesians 2:10
(Jesus said) "I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him , he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing." John 15:5
P.S.
One more thing comes to mind. Years ago someone's turn of phrase caught my attention and stayed in my mind. I've found it to be true in every relationship, in every part of life. One thing never changes:
"What you look for is what you will find."
(I guess this means I need to take my own advice and that long-ago "turkey" in the hair salon probably was an otherwise-nice woman who just needed to talk ... )
Here's to looking for the good in people and in our lives,
Lenore