A WOMAN'S VIEW ~ Lenore Buth

A message for all times: "God. Don't. Make. No. Junk!"

Have you ever been stuck in a mindset that kept you feeling you were slogging through life?

Been there, done that.

That's where I was when I gave up a long-ago Saturday morning to go hear a speaker I knew nothing about except what the ad told me. (What's more, I paid for the privilege.)

Right on time this "famous expert on mental health" bounded to the front of the large hotel meeting room as the one-hundred or so of us, a mixed group of all ages, sat waiting for our promised "transformation". 

Our speaker bounded onstage with a smile and briefly introduced himself. Then he said, "I have great news for every one of you and here it is: "God. Don't. Make. No. Junk!"

(My first thought was, "What is this? Did I sign up for two hours of being yelled at?)

Then he switched techniques. He whispered, then spoke, then once again shouted these same five words at us, apparently to hammer home his point.

Every time he spoke on another facet of his theme, often including Bible verses, he would wind up with this: 

"God don't make no junk! Say it with me now: 'God. Don't. Make. No. Junk!'"

By the last time it seemed everyone in that auditorium was yelling it back at him

I long ago forgot his name, but I never forgot his five-word slogan.

After he finished I watched as the crowd thinned, curious to know what others thought about our intense morning. Their faces telegraphed that most of them shared my mood. I hadn't found our speaker particularly impressive, yet I felt lifted up and at peace.  

As I drove home I found myself repeating those five one-syllable words over and over: God. Don't. Make. No. Junk!

Sure, it was the mood of the moment. But I already believed the truth of those words before I walked into the place because I believe what Bible verses like this tell me.

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he [or she] is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.   -2 Corinthians 5:17

That includes every person who believes in Jesus Christ. Every person.

Sometimes we all feel like "junk," don't we?

Unworthy. Unlovable. Lonely.

It's not a new phenomenon that a lot of kids and teens suffer with this perception.  

We may assume that today's youngsters and teens are super self-assured and intelligent because they appear so confident. More often than we might guess that's a mask they put on around the rest of the world--even loving parents, teachers and friends.  

Inside they may feel like junk when they struggle in school or in personal relationships and be yearning for someone who will see them and love them.

Unfortunately, often we adults don't help much. We're inclined to nag about grades and homework. Especially with teens we keep asking how do they expect to make it into college if they don't get it together?

(Have we ever had a caring conversation and let them talk? Maybe they don't want to go to college ... )

We fall into the same trap with others we care about

We zero in on every little thing that isn't quite right--and point it out. Then we revisit the complaint(s) every chance we get. Too often we broaden out to remind them of every mistake they ever made, no matter how long ago.

We're like those radar-guided missiles that never deviate from their target. 

It's good to remember that hearing those same old, same old painful messages can quickly carve deep grooves in a person's self-esteem.

We're human, so we forget. That's why we need to remind ourselves that always, we get to choose.

You and I can't change the world, but we can make our own world better

A good place to start is by fastening our attention on what's right in the people around us--and telling them. Often.

Let's keep our eyes open for when they do something right, then say so.

This practice serves as great reinforcement with parenting and training our children, too. Catch them doing what's right and say so!  

The glow on their faces will tell us that speaking honest words of love and appreciation is what they want most. At any age.

Start small, even the smallest thing for which you can honestly give them a pat on the back. If you can't find anything, look harder.

Don't we all long for encouragement?

That's what it is when someone important to us gives us a pat on the back.

That's why these five words still make a good slogan. For any age. And for ourselves:

God. Don't. Make. No. Junk!

Anytime we're feeling "junky," it's easy to go back and read these glorious words:

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made ...     -Psalm 139:14

That's true even on our worst days, because God. Don't. Make. No. Junk!

Wishing you joy in living,

Lenore

One strategy to deal with the wail, "I am sooo bored!"

Every parent knows the tone of voice that goes along with that refrain.

It's about as thrilling as fingernails dragging across a blackboard. What to do?

Our quartet often gave moving performances that caused me either to stifle my laughter or--after awhile--wish for a quickie way to quiet the mob.

I had none, so out of desperation more than anything, I came up with a standard reply. "You're bored? Oh, that's too bad. Here's what you'll need to clean the bathroom sink(s.) Go make it shine!"

Or, "Here, this broom should be the right size for you to use as you sweep the porch and sidewalks."

Or, "I just heard the clothes dryer signal that the towels are dry. Please take the towels out of the dryer and fold them."

You get the idea. After a day or two of such suggestions nobody complained of being bored. 

I also discovered it boosts incentive to hold out the carrot of a reward when the chores are done. A trip to the park or ice cream treats can prove magical. Or try a family trip to your public library because kids still love being able to choose "their" books or whatever to bring home with them. 

Be sure they see you reading, too. Often.  

Creativity shines with enough free time

At our house we went for creativity more than toys and gadgets, so summer became a time when dreaming up concepts boomed. We always kept raw materials on hand like cardboard boxes of all sizes, assorted papers, crayons, colored pencils, markers, scraps of fabric, Mod Podge, glue, etc.

Trips to craft and discount stores and also yard sales yielded interesting cords and ribbon, pretty gift papers, paints, glitter, wooden boxes and frames, etc. 

Was it messy? Sure. After the first time I proclaimed that our kingdom had a new never-break-it rule. From then on NO doing anything until old newspapers or an old plastic tablecloth or something like that had been put down on the work surface. (Was I ready to help with this? You betcha.)

All this costs almost nothing, but it's a great way for kids to experiment and have fun together.  

Why bother, when cell phones and computers can keep kids occupied for hours?

Technology may be everywhere, but human nature--and kid nature--hasn't changed that much.

Creating still brings more satisfaction than consuming an endless stream of "stuff" on screens, some of it questionable. Besides, people still matter more than things. Don't your favorite family memories feature times when you did nothing much and just enjoyed being together?

This requires free time, which may require planning.

Scheduling each child for some activity every minute of every day eats up free time. Too much time watching TV, being on computers and cell phones does the same. We all need time to "just be."

That's why limiting time on phones and computers and enforcing time limits are important.  (Yes, this inconveniences Mom and Dad, too, because as you no doubt discovered early on, we have to live what we preach or nobody pays attention to our words.)

Note: This will not earn you the title of "Miss Popularity."

Remember who you are

God gave you these children and you are in charge.

Yes, it's a lot of responsibility, but it's also a privilege. You're helping shape the way these young human beings develop and grow.

Even if each child is a bona fide genius, you know better than they what counts most in getting them ready for life as well-rounded individuals. 

As radical as it sounds in our times, research has shown that sometimes sports and various "enrichment" activities are not what each child in your family--or you, for that matter--needs most. They've been created one of a kind, remember?

Give each family member--and yourself--a gift. Look for ways to nurture their individual talents and skills. 

Maybe what each family member needs most is some unprogrammed time to let down. At any age, reading a book or lying under a tree just for the sake of looking up at the sky is not "wasted time."

I promise you the world will not stop.

Being unscheduled is not the same as being bored

Summer offers a defined opportunity to try new things. Later you can decide what comes next. Or doesn't. Think of it as time to refuel and rediscover.

Both your children and you may be surprised to find that in the midst of "nothing happening," a lot of personal growth occurred--and none of you were bored.

For now, go with the rhythm of your days. Be quiet and rest. For right now, just be.

Better is a handful of quietness than two hands full of toil and a striving after wind.  Ecclesiastes 4:6  ESV

In quietness and in trust shall be your strength.   Isaiah 30:15  ESV 

Learning, too,

Lenore

You can find real freedom in any situation

It's the time of year when flags and fireworks and patriotic songs remind us we live in a free country. 

It's a good time to ask: How about you and me? Are we living free?

Each of us will answer that question differently. 

And real freedom has very little to do with the circumstances of our lives. Keep that in mind as you read these words from a man diagnosed with cancer:  

    "I'm a forward-looking person but also a living-in-the-moment     person So I wake up every day expecting to have a good day. It     may sound trite ... but life as you get older is about 20 percent of     what happens to you and about 80 percent how you react to it."                                                                                   --Nick Charles

You've probably heard that sort of thing said before. I have, too, but never with more power. 

Nick Charles said it when he was close to death--and knew it

Whether he was a Christian I don't know, but he spoke truth that applies to every one of us:

How we react to what happens to us determines our lives.

It's like that old advertising slogan: "It's what inside that counts." How we react and respond flows out of what's inside us, in the core of our being. 

I confess it took me way too long to really grasp this truth, but I gained a new understanding when I read an old book, Man's Search for Meaning, by the late Viktor Frankl, M.D., Ph.D.

Before World War II, Frankl, his wife and his parents lived the good life in Vienna, Austria. Then the Nazis invaded and like almost six million other Jews, they were sent to a Nazi concentration camp and immediately separated.

Viktor Frankl never saw any of them again

Right away the Nazis took away everyone he loved and all Frankl's possessions, even his wedding ring. At losing that precious reminder of his "before" life, he thought for awhile he could not go on.

Then as if a light bulb went on in his mind (a gift he later felt came from God) a great truth became clear to him and from that moment on, Viktor Frankl knew he would survive Auschwitz.  

Although he remained a prisoner, Frankl realized that no matter how the cruel guards mistreated him, only he possessed--and would possess as long as he breathed--the power to control his thoughts.  

He summed it up in this statement 

"Everything can be taken from a man or a woman but one thing: the last of human freedoms, to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way."    

Viktor Frankl in a death camp. Nick Charles close to death from cancer. Both of them very much in crisis mode, yet both expressed the same point:

We cannot control everything in our lives, but we do control what we think about it.

What we think about the circumstances of our lives dictates how we respond to what comes our way and to the people in our lives.

Knowing that gave them new courage to face what came next.

As usual, the Bible said it first 

For as a man thinks in his heart, so is he ....   Proverbs 23:7  KJV

You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you.    Isaiah 26:3  ESV

For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.       2 Timothy 1:7  ESV       

Reread those verses and think what God gives to each believer to empower them to live fully and live free. 

It's a bit sobering to realize what that means

It takes just three words to sum up this principle: It's our choice. 

WE hang the labels on what happens to us.

WE choose to park our minds in a lousy place or in a good place.

WE decide how we will respond to what comes into our lives and to the people in our lives.

It doesn't matter whether we are young or old, rich or poor, in or out of crisis. Once we know this and really believe it is true, it can change our life.

As Viktor Frankl put it, it's the one freedom no one can take from us. It's the way each of us can "live free," unhampered by the idea that we are prisoners of circumstance.

And for those of us blessed to be living in the Land of the Free it's like the icing on the cake.

May God bless America, our beloved Country, now and in the future!

Praying, always,

Lenore