A WOMAN'S VIEW ~ Lenore Buth

Another Same Old, Same Old Day? Then Celebrate!

Have you ever said to yourself, "I wish something would happen!"

Consider that reckless thinking. That "something" may turn out to be scary.

Take the time I did my usual breast self-exam and felt a tiny lump the size of a BB. I didn't remember feeling anything before. Next came the mammogram, then the "maybe" verdict, then the biopsy.

Boy, did that un-bore me fast!

Thanks be, the final verdict pronounced it benign. 

Sometimes it's a phone call you never wanted to have

Like the morning one of our daughters, college age, called with a plaintive note in her voice, "Is Dad there? I need to talk to him... ."

If you've had young drivers of your own you can guess the reason why. This time another driver, uninsured, had rear-ended her car. That young man pushed her into the stopped car ahead of her at a busy Los Angeles intersection. Now she was scared and stranded because her car had been towed away.

Thank God that although she was shaken up, she was spared serious injuries. 

In the weeks of repair time that followed the rest of us were one car short. One "benefit"--nobody at our house was bored.  

More bad news came a couple of weeks later

A weighty, cream-colored envelope arrived. It bore the name and prestigious address of a Beverly Hills attorney. He wrote to inform us his firm was representing the other driver, someone with an unpronounceable name who was in the U.S. on a student visa. The bottom line of that letter? They intended to sue our daughter.

Can you imagine our outrage? Our daughter was panicked and we weren't far behind as we ran through all the what ifs that came to mind.

At last came common sense and we contacted our insurance company.

End of story.

Periods of fear and uncertainty can happen to us all

Those are the times we wish we could go back to yesterday or the day before.

Back to a day when if someone asked, "How was your day?" we could answer, "Oh, it's been just a normal day, kind of boring, really. Nothing much happened."

If we've had a lengthy string of days like that we may even feel a bit sorry for ourselves. After all, don't we deserve a bit of excitement of our own?

Been there, done that--and it never brings me joy to start going down that track.

Words to lift our spirits

I have no idea who Mary Jean Iron is, but I think her words pack a hefty meaning.  

Normal day, let me be aware of the treasure you are. Let me learn from you, love you, bless you before you depart. Let me not pass you by in quest of some rare and perfect tomorrow. 

In verse 24 of Psalm 118 we find the unshakable reason to consider every day a good day: 

This is the day that the LORD has made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it.

I'm thinking these two together amount to great advice because one fact is inescapable. This day is the only day we really have.

So whatever else is going on--or not going on in our days, let's rejoice that we're still breathing, still standing. Let's thank God we're alive and celebrate every minute of every day! 

Blessings and peace and joy,

Lenore

You Can Change Your Life If You Change Your Mindset

Have you noticed how someone's casual remark sometimes switches your mind into a new--and better--way of thinking? 

It happened to me when I ran into a friend I hadn't seen for months. After exchanging the usual pleasantries I asked, "How are things going for you lately?"                              

She lit up with a big smile and said, "Lately my life has been really, really good."

"Great! Has something changed?"

"Nope. I just learned what makes the difference between being happy and being frustrated. It's simple, really: I lowered my expectations. That made all the difference."

We each had places to rush off to, but our brief conversation replayed in my mind all week, probably because, um, I needed to hear it.

How about you?

Lower my expectations. Could it be that simple?

Ever had a conversation like this at your house? 

Me: "Well, I thought you would _____."

My husband: "How was I to know what you expected? You're just disappointed because I didn't live up to your expectations."  

He was right, of course. (Sigh.) 

I finally admitted to myself that too often I thought I knew how things "should" go. With neighbors, with our children, even with myself.  

I don't know about you, but I've never found this eased tensions.

A solid place to start

The more I thought about it, the more I understood how my friend's new attitude could change life for the better:

Expect less and rejoice over what IS, rather than stress over what isn't.

This sounds so basic it made me think well, any fool should be able to do that. 

Exactly. That's the point.

Plotting it out

You probably aren't a psychiatrist or a counselor. Neither am I. But I learned some simple changes that made a big difference in all of life. 

I found that first I had to lay aside my comfortable, customary habits. Then baby-step by baby-step, I needed to adjust my thinking and reacting. After awhile the new way of thinking felt more natural, more comfortable.   

If you wonder how to start, think small. Manageable. Small twists on what you already know and the way you customarily behave.

And always, always, be patient with yourself and with others. 

Where to start? You get to choose. Here are some suggestions 

1. Put aside former notions and just accept each person as they are, rather than thinking "If only ... ." (Look on their differentness as a spice in life, rather than an irritant.)
   
   
2. Reaffirm what's worthy in people with a bit of praise now and then. (Hint: There's no better way to see more of it.)
    
3. Spend more time looking for what's good than hunting out what isn't. (Get ready to be surprised.)
   
   
4. Be glad and grateful for what is instead of wishing for what isn't. (Decide to view your glass as half-full, rather than half-empty.)
   
   
5. Look around at your own four walls with fresh eyes. (Instead of picking out flaws, let yourself breathe in the warmth of the home--the recharging station--you've created.) 
   
   
6. Learn to appreciate small everyday joys. (They're the stuff of daily life.)
   
   
7. Smile more. (Skin experts tell us this cuts down on wrinkles, too.)
   
   
8. Begin each day with, "Thank you, Lord, for my life and the people in it." (Watch how this simple practice brightens your day.) 

Three universal principles 

• We get back what we give out

If we long to hear praise we need to hand it out, too. (This means we open our eyes and actually see the people around us.)

Suppose you want your spouse to be more thoughtful and loving. Exaggerated sighs and nagging seldom pay off. Instead, make it your habit to give out what you want to receive. (Be patient as your new way of mutual giving develops.) 

• Be forgiving of flaws

Nobody's perfect, not even you or me. Aren't you glad? If we keep this thought front and center in our minds it smooths over a lot of life's stresses. 

• Give up chasing perfectionism and get real

Perhaps you, too, were raised on, "Anything worth doing is worth doing well."

Let it go. It's okay to think that good enough IS good enough. You hereby have my permission to relax. (I'm giving myself the same message.)

Contentment. A synonym for happiness?

The Apostle Paul wrote, "I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances."  (Philippians 4:11 NIV)

Think about that. Even the Apostle Paul had to learn to be content, so let's not give up on ourselves as we take two steps forward and one step back. Over and over. (Two steps forward and one step back is still one step forward, isn't it?)

We are, after all, only human. Through God's grace in Jesus Christ we who believe are forgiven sinners, but here on earth we'll remain flawed. 

That truth makes it easier to lower our expectations and be glad for what is. Be thankful for the good qualities in your family and the people around you. 

After all, don't we want the people we love and the people around us to accept us as we are? So let's be glad and thank God for what is. 

Now, can we all breathe a big sigh of relief?

Learning, too, 

Lenore

Keep Your Eyes Open Or You Might Miss What Matters Most

Some often-told stories speak to every one of us. Like this one:

Picture the new teacher who comes into a new classroom. Truth is, even veteran teachers each year come into the unknown. Each one faces a sea of eager (or bored) students, mostly strangers to them. 

Suppose the new teacher, for whatever reason, believes students assigned to his or her classroom are super-bright. What a privilege it will be to teach these high-achievers and give them the kind of instruction they deserve! 

Those kids respond and blossom and turn in exceptionally good work. Teacher is happy and students are happy.

Peace reigns, day after day. 

Near the end of the school year this teacher discovers the truth 

These kids were not "gifted." Just the opposite. Everyone from the principal on down considered them to be chronic behavior problems. "Somehow" they all ended up with the new teacher.  

Long-time teachers secretly rejoiced that somebody else got stuck with these "troubled learners." They knew how these kids struggled in class and got sent to the principal's office on a regular basis. Every teacher and faculty member who tried to help ended up frustrated. None would admit it out loud, but these kids simply were being moved on through the system.

Small wonder the old guard laughed when the newbie teacher treated these youngsters as if they were high-achievers. After awhile they stopped being amused. Wonder of wonders, those "loser" students began to live up to their teacher's expectations--and then some.

In real life it never works out this neatly, of course.

But what if it could? What if it did?

Perhaps we need to take a fresh look at the people in our lives. Our spouses. Our children. Our friends and extended families. The people we work with and interact with in our everyday activities.

Have we fitted them neatly into a box because we "know" their capabilities or lack of same?

Have we given them labels based on the past instead of on who they are today?

It's disturbingly easy to get stuck in what they--and we--used to be. It helps to pretend you've just met and ask yourself, "Who is this person?"

You may be surprised at what you find.

Sometimes we do the same thing with ourselves

Every now and then it's good to ask ourselves, Who am I today?  

If that sounds like a strange thing to do, just pause and think how often you say, "I never," or, "I always."

Maybe that phrase once was true, but is it an accurate description today?

Probably more than we realize, what we expect is what will happen, over and over--with others and with ourselves.

We all know the saying, "What you see is what you get."

The truth of those words apply in so many areas of living, especially in our relationships. People tend to live up to our expectations. So do you and I in our self-appraisal of who we are and what we can do. 

The Apostle Paul tells us how to get a new outlook on ourselves and on other people--in 2 Corinthians 5:17 and in Ephesians 4:32:

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here! 

Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God has forgiven you.

That's the Good News of the Christian faith if we put our trust in Jesus Christ as our Savior. That's true no matter how many times we failed. It's not about how great we are or all we've been able to accomplish. HE is the one who makes us new. All we need to do is believe this is true.

Our outlook on other people changes, too. We're able to stop thinking they should live up to how we view them. Because of these same promises we can let go of old hurts and expectations. 

As usual, it starts with the eyes of our heart and how we choose to see others and ourselves. Here's to looking--and seeing--with new eyes.

Still learning, too,

Lenore

Find a Lift for Your Day--and Your Heart--Here

If you're like me, you long to hear someone in the media look on the bright side of life.  

You know, spend more time on what is good and right and true, if just for the novelty effect.

Since that seems unlikely, let's help ourselves. It's still good advice to once in awhile stop and take a slow, deep breath, then exhale. Do it again. Feel your shoulders drop and your spirit rise? Good. 

Now take another deep breath and thank God for something or someone in your life that gives you joy. From now on, keep your mind tuned to what is right in your life, rather than what's wrong.

Past generations managed to get through hard times, whether national or personal--without falling apart, even when life was hard. How? Part of the credit goes to entertainers of the time. They kept everyone's morale up. 

Here's one example from 1944, when it seemed World War II would never end

Bing Crosby croons a song that caught on instantly--and still carries a useful message for us today.     

Johnny Mercer wrote "Accentuate the Positive" in 1944, when Americans were bone-weary of World War II. With its upbeat rhythms and happy lyrics, this tune quickly proved to be a morale-booster.

The song's instructions lay down a good track to follow  

• 
  Accentuate the positive
• Eliminate the negative
• Latch on to the affirmative
• Spread joy up to the maximum
• Bring gloom down to the minimum

Perhaps this sounds like too much. Besides, where are we supposed to find the energy? 

I've only found one Source that never lets me down and that's God. He won't let you down, either.

The One who knows us best and even numbers the hairs on our heads is always there, waiting for us to turn to Him and ask for what we need.

How would "accentuate the positive" play out in everyday life?

Here are some starters:

Give up keeping track of what's missing in your husband or wife, or your children or employer. (Or anyone else, for that matter.) Instead, look for what is worthwhile in them and what they do right, then talk about that.

Let go of nagging kids over poor grades or annoying habits. Instead, point out to them their good temperament qualities--like kindness--and evidences of strong character, like follow-through and keeping promises.

Stop replaying how tight finances are and bemoaning all the restrictions and things you can't afford. Instead, remind yourself what you are able to do and thank God for that.  

At first it may seem no one notices, but don't quit. Little by little, your deliberate new outlook will catch on with the people in your life, especially your family. 

Think what a difference that could make inside your own four walls.

Always, we decide what we will emphasize

"Accentuate the positive" means we focus on what's good and right and true in people and in our world. 

For example, if everyone depends on us and it weighs us down, how will we view it? We can call it a burden. Or we can regard it as the privilege it is.

Privilege? Yes, especially for parents. Moms and dads set the tone for their families. Children constantly listen and learn, wanting to know how they are to look at life and people. Happy parents make for happy kids who feel confident about life--and themselves.

Wives and husbands probably won't label it as such, but each one supports their spouse emotionally, remembering it is who they are, not what they do. Every time they smile and hug--the more, the better--each one feels appreciated. Somehow that lessens the weight of worries and problems for each of them.  

Good friends can do that, too, because we are meant to encourage each other.

Even if we live alone, we set the tone for our lives. We can start our mornings by thanking God for another day. Or we can fixate on the constant news broadcasts and talk shows. When we choose the latter, it's easy to get caught up in thinking and talking about the evil in the world and in people.

As usual and as always, it's our choice.

Before that song came the Apostle Paul  

I have no proof, but it may seem logical to think Johnny Mercer took his inspiration from Philippians 4:8:

Finally, brothers--and sisters--whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.

Doesn't that sound a lot like "Accentuate the positive, Eliminate the negative, Latch on to the affirmative"?

Doubts and fears still may surface now and then

I've found it helps to go back to God's promises, for example:

By day the LORD commands his steadfast love, and at night his song is with me, a prayer to the God of my life.  Psalm 42:8  ESV

God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth gives way and the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea.  Psalm 46:1-2 ESV

In peace I will both lie down and sleep; for you alone, O LORD, make me dwell in safety.  --Psalm 4:8 ESV

Over the years I've learned I need to be watchful over my moods and to deliberately pick out what's good in life and to thank God for it. 

The ancient wisdom still holds: A thankful heart is good medicine.

Wishing you joy!

Lenore 

Here's the simple secret to having only good days

That sounds impossible, doesn't it?  

I used to think so, too. Then one day what I considered an inconvenience turned out to be pure blessing.     

There I was, stuck in a line of shoppers waiting to check out at a local warehouse store. As usual, the place teemed with shoppers. Most of us were scowling and fidgety, checking our phones as we remained parked in line.

Not the petite older woman ahead of me. She seemed to have all the time in the world and looked around with a half-smile, as if she were slightly amused. 

Finally she reached the checkout stand and the checker suppressed a yawn before saying, "Hello! Hope you're in the middle of a good day."

She smiled, then said, "Yes, of course I'm having a good day. I always have a good day."

"Really! How do you manage that?"

"Oh, it's easy. I decided a long time ago that I was done with having bad days. They're nothing more than a huge waste of time.

"I told myself that from then on I would have only good days--and I do, I really do. It took a little practice but now I refuse to get upset, no matter what happens."

The checker looked a bit flummoxed at that, but then said, "Um, that's great. You make it sound really simple."

"Well, I look at it this way: I'm the one in one in charge of my mind, nobody else."

As she put away her wallet and prepared to walk away she said, "I'm not handing that control over to anyone else."

She pointed upward

"Besides," she said, "I know who's watching over me, so I just figure one way or another, whatever happens HE will make everything work out okay." 

By then all three of us were smiling.

The checker said, "Thanks, I needed that reminder today. When I get uptight I make myself take a few deep breaths. Then I shrug my shoulders a few times and try to relax."     

As the little lady started to walk away, the checker said, "I like your way better. You decide beforehand your day will be good. I think I'll try that myself."

Our "teacher" flashed a parting smile and said, "You do that! Bet you'll be glad you did!"

I watched her while waiting for the checker to finish my order 

She looked to be an oasis of serenity as she strolled through the crowd of hurrying people, many of them texting or talking on their phones while shushing their kids. 

Her body language communicated that she possessed what I wanted for myself: A calm spirit. Inner peace. Smiles instead of frowns.

As I walked to my car I knew I would remember that encounter. My fellow shopper reminded me of what I had believed all my life, that yes, God is still in control and yes, I do have a will and and I choose how I look at life.

Before I even drove home I promised myself I would follow her example--and why couldn't I? She obviously drew her strength from the same Power Source I relied on, the One who never fails us. 

I stuck with that resolution and began learning all over again to remember that each day is a gift from God. My call is to regard every day as a good day even before I began it.

She was right. I like this way much better, too.

Strength for the journey, especially on those "Who cares?" days

The Bible is filled with verses we can use as hand-holds whenever the climb feels too steep. Verses such as these: 

This is the day the Lord has made; We will rejoice and be glad in it.  Psalm 118:24  

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God.   Philippians 4:6

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid."   John 14:27

"I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world."   John 16:33

Growth can take awhile

For me it often feels like a two steps forward, one step back process. I came to understand that's okay because I still move one step closer to my goal.

I have learned over time that my nameless friend spoke deep truth that day. It makes all the difference to decide beforehand that our day(s) will be good  That simple move changes us, changes how we see ourselves and our life situation.

Inevitably, how we relate to the people around us changes, too--and that can bring the sweetest reward of all. Every day of every year.

Blessings to you and yours,

Lenore

Do you live under a dark cloud?

Most of us know at least one person who believes others get all the luck and they don't have much of a chance to be happy or successful. 

I think of my friend "Ellie," whom I've known for years. Whenever life disappoints her she says something like, "Well, that's the way it goes for me. It's that old black cloud that's been parked over my head since I was born."  

Where she got that idea I don't know, but no one has been able to convince her she's wrong. 

Ellie remains convinced she's unlucky. Therefore, everything turns out less well for her than for people around her. End of discussion.

I've come to think she feels a perverse kind of satisfaction when she can say, "See there? I told you everything happens to me and nothing ever works out right!"  

Maybe Ellie's mindset isn't far from from our own, just a little bit. Or even a lotta bit.

Our outlook defines the "world" we live in

Christians are not immune to this way of thinking. 

Most of us would confess we've asked God at times, "Why?" "How?" "When will this be over?"

Even as people who know and trust our Lord, it's still true that how we see determines what we see and yes, it often takes courage and strength to look on the bright side. 

Maybe that's because it takes less energy to look down than up.  

Negativity is rather like gravity. It exerts an invisible pull that drags us down. 

Always, we get to choose

A favorite pastor who always seemed to be looking up, not down, said the first thing he did every morning was say, "Thank you, Lord, for another day. This is the day You have made. I will rejoice and be glad in it."

Next he took a few moments and ran through his reasons to thank God.  

I knew him well enough to know he had his share of troubles and sorrows in his life, yet he deliberately turned his attention toward God's goodness and power.  

That changes things, doesn't it?

We can keep our eyes on ourselves--on our problems and our limited abilities--and panic.

Or we can remind ourselves that as believers in Jesus, the Lord of heaven and earth is on our side, which shrinks our challenges down to their rightful size. 

Christians, too, can hit one of those times when everything appears to us to be unsolvable and we're drifting toward hopelessness. That's the time to remind ourselves Who has the last word: 

"I am the LORD, the God of all mankind. Is anything too hard for me?"  --Jeremiah 32:27  NIV

Always, we find what we look for 

Even in the worst times we still have a choice: We can fixate on what's wrong or we can remind ourselves what we know is right and good and true.  

The Apostle Paul knew all about that. For years he traveled far and wide to tell people about Jesus and repeatedly experienced the worst kind of hardships, including beatings and imprisonments. Even then, he wrote to the Philippians:

Finally, brothers [and sisters,] whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things.  --Philippians 4:8  NIV

In those few words Paul shows us how to shed our own "black cloud": 

Always asking God's help, we resolve to day after day fasten our thoughts on what is good. When we do that, over time the darkness of everyday life will lose its pull on us. 

It's our mindset that matters most

Chuck Swindoll summed it up well: "We have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for the day. Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it. Our attitude is everything."

As always, the Bible stated this same truth centuries before Swindoll: 

For as he thinks in his heart, so is he ... .   --Proverbs 23:7  NKJV

Perhaps you, too, know this and believe it, but still must keep relearning this truth again and again. (Me, too.) The good news is we can start over tomorrow. And the tomorrow after that every day of our lives. Today's failure is never final.

As Swindoll said, it's all about how we react to what happens to us. (Or doesn't.) That leaves us with no one to blame, but isn't that a good thing? 

Doesn't this mean we get to decide whether we will walk in sunshine or live under a "dark cloud"?  

Let's head our daily checklist with these two questions to think about: 

• What am I thinking in my heart?
• How happy/contented/hopeful have I decided to be? 

Only you (and I) can come up with answers for ourselves. Think of that as the ultimate power statement.

Thankful for each new start,

Lenore