A WOMAN'S VIEW ~ Lenore Buth: Depression

Beware Making Happiness Your Number One Goal

Picture a person who constantly takes a reading on their state of happiness.

From what I've seen it's not a peaceful way to live. The individual who keeps wanting more can never relax.

How could they? Their self-examination goes on 24/7:

Am I happy today?

Am I as happy as I could be? If not, why not? Is it his fault? Her fault?

Something must be wrong, or I would be happy all the time.

I must be depressed. Maybe I need to see someone so I can get over my depression.

All I really want in life is to be happy!

A University of Denver study reached what seems an implausible conclusion: The more a person wants to be happy the more likely it is that the person will be unhappy.

Now here's the real shocker. Those with the highest desire to be happy and the least amount of stress in their lives almost always rated themselves more unhappy in every measure.

That doesn't sound right, does it?

These researchers finally concluded that people who every day deal with lots of stress and difficulty do not expect to be happy in the moment. Therefore, these folks are not disappointed when they are not.

Probably the reason why comes down to simple logic. When getting through each day takes all our energy, both physical and emotional, asking ourselves Am I happy today? can feel irrelevant.

Here's another surprising finding: Those who care for others and do more for others rate themselves higher on the happiness scale than those who don't.

I suspect you and I are not so different from those who participated in that study

When things are going well and we have more leisure, we have time to wonder how we look and how we'll make that payment and how can we get our husbands--or wives--to be more romantic.

Simply put, we have time to focus on our own flaws--and everyone else's deficiencies, too. Real or imagined, such thoughts are like gnats at a picnic. They prevent us from relaxing and enjoying what's spread in front of us.

That's when we begin to wonder if we're "really happy."

Some thoughts from a marriage and family counselor in private practice

This professional noticed a trend in her clients. On their first appointment right away many new clients announce to her they are depressed.

When she asks how they know that's true, they answer, "Because I want to be happy more than anything else--and I should be, because there's nothing really wrong with my life.

"But some days I'm just not happy, so that must mean something is wrong. I must be depressed and need counseling. I probably need medication, too."

This counselor said usually the hardest thing is getting clients to understand that nobody lives a life that's 100 percent happy, 365 days a year. Once they accept that fact, they suddenly see more good in their lives.

Don't misunderstand. True depression is serious and it can be debilitating and hard to treat. There are as many variations of this illness as there are people. All that is true.

This counselor's comments point to an important truth for parents

It's a fact of life that for every human being that some days are good, some not so much. That's life. For every human being.

This means we do our children no favors when we frequently ask, "Are you happy?" Or when we tell them they should be happy.

Letting our children and teens gain experience in dealing with disappointment and failures during their growing-up years helps them be ready to one day live on their own. They learn how to adjust and how to cope with life without sinking under the load.

It's fair to say we give our kids a lifetime gift when we help them understand this truth and learn to take each day for what it is. Teaching them to search out the good in each day, whether it's judged "good" or "bad."

The writer of Ecclesiastes capsulized that truth in 7:14 and it's still worth pondering--for all of us:

When times are good, be happy; but when times are bad, consider: God has made the one as well as the other.

This we know, whatever the situation:

Whatever comes into our lives, God is with us in the midst of it and we never walk alone--unless we insist upon it.

Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7

Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4

Here's the bottom line. Plain-speaking Abraham Lincoln said this long ago and no one has said it better:

"Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be."

The question for you and me, the question that's applicable every day, whatever our age or life situation is this: What will I choose to think?

Lovingly,

Lenore

January 08, 2015

Are you a S.A.D. sack?

Even though I live in California, winter's dark mornings and short afternoons drag me down.

Forgive me, all you Midwesterners and Easterners who deal with REAL winter. I admit it, I'm a wimp.

When the days start getting shorter my energy levels drop and I gradually notice that I feel less cheery. I hear hot cocoa and a crackling fire calling my name.

Once people called it "the winter blues."

Now it's known as "SAD."

How about you?

If your days feel gray, too, the experts tell us we might have SAD. - Seasonal Affective Disorder. The farther we live from the Equator, the shorter our daylight hours and the more likely it is that we have S.A.D.

That may sound like a fake condition, but here's what the Mayo Clinic website says about how shorter daylight hours affect our bodies:

The specific cause of seasonal affective disorder remains unknown. Some factors that may come into play include:

Your biological clock (circadian rhythm). The reduced level of sunlight in fall and winter may cause winter-onset SAD. This decrease in sunlight may disrupt your body's internal clock and lead to feelings of depression.

Serotonin levels. A drop in serotonin, a brain chemical (neurotransmitter) that affects mood, might play a role in SAD. Reduced sunlight can cause a drop in serotonin that may trigger depression.

Melatonin levels. The change in season can disrupt the balance of the body's level of melatonin, which plays a role in sleep patterns and mood.

If you want to read more about SAD go to http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/seasonal-affective-disorder/basics/causes/con-20021047

Avoiding the downward slide

The problem is when we feel down, our thoughts are, well, less positive.

And have you noticed how one dark thought begets another? I like the way that brilliant poet, "Anonymous," puts it.

Your mind is a garden,

your thoughts are the seeds.

You can grow flowers or you can grow weeds.

All day long, with no conscious effort we drop "seeds"--random thoughts that come and go--into our minds.

Those fleeting thoughts become the background noise of our lives

We tell ourselves we pay no attention to street noise, for example, except we do. We can't help but register it at some level.

I've found it takes a lot of discipline and prayer to overcome letting my mood go dark.

It helps to keep telling myself what I know is true:

Whether we think we're happy or not depends on what we ask ourselves. And tell ourselves.

Whatever our situation--and whatever the season--our thoughts determine how we live and relate to the people around us.

Dealing with down days

Let's face it, some days we're in the pits--even in the midst of summer.

It helps me to write Bible verses that lift my heart on sticky notes and post them around the house. Storing verses in smartphones and tablets allow instant access, too, as do index cards tucked in a pocket or purse.

For starters, here are verses that speak to me:

"I am the LORD, the God of all mankind. Is anything too hard for me?" --Jeremiah 32:27
Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go. --Joshua 1:9
He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak . . . those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not faint. --Isaiah 40:29, 31
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he [or she] is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! --2 Corinthians 5:17
Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen. --Ephesians 3:20-21