A WOMAN'S VIEW ~ Lenore Buth

Don't let a string of "down days" get you down

Did you ever notice how reality can poke holes in our positive outlook on life?  

As when we're patting ourselves on the back for something and right away, our self-image takes a nose-dive.  

Maybe I drop a cup of coffee and have to clean up the mess. Or I hit the wrong key and delete a piece of writing I'd been working on. More often, it's my balky computer acting up. 

Small things, really. Just the drip, drip, drip of daily life.

Some days such "small things"--for no particular reason--feel like the proverbial straw the camel couldn't manage.

"Minor" can feel major when we're already maxed out on coping 

Think of someone you know who's been slogging through hard territory for awhile and they're worn out. Every day it takes all they've got just to keep going. They seldom complain, but you can see it in their eyes.

It's not that they lack faith or internal strength. They're simply exhausted from pushing themselves to keep going.  

It may be a person who every day deals with an illness or a health challenge that goes on and on. Or they may be the caregiver for a loved one.

If we pay careful attention we get glimpses of their inner struggles.

Just living our lives can take everything we've got

A lot of moms and dads feel weary to the bone. Some are able to work from home and thankful for that, but it's never easy in the midst of family life.  Dedicated parents who try to home-school their kids often feel maxed out on coping. 

Besides all that, the future feels uncertain, even in the best of times. 

Through it all, loving husbands and wives and moms and dads try to be all bright and shiny for their spouses and their children.  

In every situation we get to choose 

Are you facing a challenge right now and feel pushed to your limits?

We've all been there at some time in life. Some of us are good at lecturing ourselves to be courageous, to never show strain, etc. 

(That seldom helps, does it?)

I've come to realize that the quiet people who just keep doing what they have to do--whatever the reason--are the real heroes of life.

A couple of years ago I found this quote and it changed the way I thought about the meaning of strength. Perhaps it will speak to your heart, too.  

Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing to do; but to hold it together when everyone would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength.  -Unknown  

Always, it's the same question: Now what?

If that's our life, how are we to endure?

To paraphrase that old song, we "pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off and start all over again."

How do we do that? For me it's by making myself slow down so I open my eyes to what is, rather than bemoaning what's lost.

If we tune our hearts to see and hear we'll notice the small joys that punctuate every day.

Most of life consists of the ordinary and routine. If that sounds dull, turn the coin over and realize it's also comfortable and reassuring. 

The trick is to rejoice over what is

Don't stop there. Let's make the most of what we have while we have it. It's as the writer of Psalm 118 put it, in verse 24:

This is the day that the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.  

Every morning we can rejoice because God is with us another day. Then tomorrow, we do it all over again.  

Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. If you do this, you will experience God's peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.  --Philippians 4:6-7  LNT

That's the only way I know to have more "up" days and fewer of the other kind.  

(Working on living this, too,) 

Lenore

About being a parent--and how we look at our lives

Someone wise said the only people who know all about rearing kids are the ones who never had any.

I found that to be true and I'll bet you have, too.

Not long after we hold our first child any illusion that little ones effortlessly fit into our plans vanishes like a puff of smoke. Fact: Babies and children of any age change everything.

No wonder being a mom--or a dad--often feels like groping our way through a cave with barely a glimmer of light.

We stumble. We sweat fear. We pray, never quite sure we're on the right path. We never lose sight of the fact that the people we love most are depending on us.

So we carry on, loving our kids the best we can and coping the best way we know how.

Most of all we keep on praying.

It's a wonder-full, wearying way to live 

Forget those "experts" and celebrity parents on TV who ooze love and joy.  Somehow they conveniently forget to mention the size of their staff and how many nannies they employ.

Who hasn't watched one of those movies or TV shows where the nannies bring the oh-so-adored children in to join the the adults for a time, like 15 minutes or half an hour. (Betcha any one of us could be wise and joyful for limited time periods ...)

Real-life parents mostly make do on their own. And get tired. Exhausted, really. Tired of coping. Tired of putting everyone else first.

I remember when our girls were young. I found myself in a long gray spell and couldn't put my finger on the why of it or shed the heaviness that weighed me down.

Then I ran across a rhyme

Just two lines, but they shocked me into right thinking: 

Two men looked out through prison bars;

One saw mud, the other saw stars

That simple couplet spoke truth to my heart. As never before, I realized that what I "saw" and how I judged it came from inside me.

No matter what the situation, always, I choose what I focus on and how I call it. So do you.

At first I didn't like knowing that, but then I realized the power of it.

We all live our lives one moment at a time. How we see it and how we call it is up to us. 

So look up and take heart

Whatever problems you face right now, however overwhelmed you may feel, you never walk alone. Not in this moment. Not in any future moment--unless  you want to.

If today you need a shot of encouragement, many of us Christians especially love this Bible verse because we know by experience this promise is true:  

Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.        Isaiah 41:10

So take a deep breath, smile and put on your "God-Glasses." The last chapter of your life--and your children's lives, whatever their ages--has yet to be written. 

Why not choose to see what's good and focus on His mighty power within you--and them? And don't forget to thank the Giver.

Trust me, that small adjustment can make a big difference--for you personally and for your family. I know this is true because I've lived it--and it's still my daily goal. 

I'm thankful for you, dear reader. Thanks for stopping by!  

Lenore          

 

Tired of the "Same Old, Same Old" Day After Day?

Maybe it's just me, but I sometimes feel ho-hum about life, even without specific complaints. How about you?

Perking up would not be hard, that is, if I got serious and dug in.  

But within a week or so I always sink back into my comfortable rut and life goes on as before.

    (Sigh.)

Then a simple way to make big changes dropped into my lap

One January Sunday our pastor surprised us all. After ending his sermon he asked the ushers to pass out the blank index cards he'd given them earlier, one for each person present.

Then he said, "It's time we all set priorities for the year ahead. But don't worry, I'll keep it simple.

"First number your cards, 1, 2, 3, no more. Then in 15 words or less write not what you hope will happen or what you want to happen, but what you will do to make this a better year. Use action words so you can remember. Got it? Okay, you have five minutes. Go!"

 About minute four, I scribbled:

1. See the good
2. Speak the good
3. Do the good

(Yes, I know that's not good grammar.)

When the timer beeped he said, "Stop! Take your card home and tape it up at eye level where you can't help seeing it. Then whenever you see that card, read your words aloud and ask God's help to carry them out.

"Now let's pray: Lord, we cannot change on our own. Inspire each of us to put into action what you just planted in our minds. Make us faithful and bless our efforts, we pray. Amen."

Later that day I taped my card on "my side" of our bathroom wall mirror, all the while thinking, End of story, I'll bet. 

Or maybe not

I decided to at least try, so over the next weeks every time I looked in the mirror I read my words again and prayed, "Lord, help me, please."

I didn't expect much, but God surprised me. I could not shake those words. I heard them when another driver took the parking space I just spotted.

Would I fuss and fume or would I see the good? After all, I had a few minutes to spare and a car to drive, thank God. Another parking place would open up, so why get bent out of shape?

Those ten words drummed in my mind with relationships, too, as when my friend forgot we had arranged to meet for coffee and good talk. 

When she called to apologize I could play the victim or I could see the good (she simply forgot.) I could speak the good ("Oh, it's all right. I know you have a lot on your mind right now.") I could do the good by setting another time to meet and telling her how much our friendship meant to me. 

I found those simple phrases even affected chance encounters, as when a clerk seemed snippy.

I could walk out angry, muttering my frustration. Or I could see the good, understanding the clerk might be distracted because of serious personal issues. I could do the good by smiling and speak the good by thanking her for her help.

I left that card on the mirror all year because it reminded me how I wanted to live my life.

And little by little, with God's help, I did change.

Here we are with fresh new calendars for a fresh new year. How will we choose to live it? 

Each of us will carry different burdens as we journey on and tough times may arise, but we are never alone. When we trust in Jesus He  promises to be with us, every moment of every day. 

This year I want to remember words of strength like these:

• Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.  --1 Peter 5:7
  
• So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.  --Isaiah 41:10
  
• I can do everything through him who gives me strength. --Philippians 4:13

Why not try my simple "formula" for yourself?

I'm no expert, but I pass on this "off the cuff" formula for one reason only. I know it can work if we take it to heart. (And I'm considering this a reminder/refresher for myself, too.)

1. See the good
2. Speak the good
3. Do the good

Wishing you all the best, dear readers, as we keep learning and growing together, 

Lenore

Can We Give Thanks Even When Life Is Hard?

It's that time again. Time to think and to thank

Time to count up all the reasons we have to be thankful.

Even now. Even though. Even if our personal story is full of pain.  

Like one young man I read about. I only have a few sentences of fact about his brief encounter with a friend, but here's how I imagine it have gone.  

"Joel" suffered a freak accident that shattered his life in an instant. This once-strapping young man became a paraplegic for life. 

When his best friend since childhood, "Kev," saw him for the first time he tried not to stare as he took in the finality of his buddy's situation. Joel would never walk again. 

Then Kev heard himself blurt, "Isn't it strange how one day can color a whole life?" 

"Yeah," Joel said and nodded. A moment later he flashed his old smile and said, "But I thank God that I still get to choose the colors."

So do you and I. Thanks-living is a matter of the mind and heart. Our every-day attitude.

Once we plug in that perspective it changes our view of life. And us. We stop bemoaning what's missing and start being glad for what is.  

It helps to think about that original Thanksgiving   

Start with The Mayflower. Forget modern ocean liners. This merchant ship measured only 64 feet long, about the distance from a baseball pitcher's mound to home plate. It traversed the Atlantic at a sizzling two miles an hour.  

Those 102 Pilgrims were packed into the cargo hold, an area about half the size of a basketball court. Ceilings measured less than five feet high. Their group included 18 married couples and their children. Two wives were pregnant and one delivered her baby during the voyage.

For 66 days and nights they endured limited space, little privacy, poor ventilation and scanty meals because they feared running out of food..

At last, on November 11, 1620, the captain spotted Cape Cod and dropped anchor offshore in the New World.  

No inns with warm rooms and cushy beds awaited them

They had only The Mayflower to provide shelter from the endless unknown that stretched before them when they looked toward land. Fear stalked them but they dare not give in. 

Because The Mayflower would sail back to England in spring, the men had no choice but to row to shore every day, whatever the weather. There they worked together to build basic shelter for their group, as well as for the chickens and pigs they brought with them.   

They dug graves, too. Lots of them. By that first Thanksgiving only 50 of the 102 Pilgrims who left England remained alive. Only three of the 18 married couples still had both spouses.  

Let that sink in. Imagine their heavy hearts as the survivors gathered to  celebrated their first harvest. They resolved to set aside their grief and together, thank God, the Giver. 

He gives strength to the weary, and to him who lacks might, He increases power.  Isaiah 40:29

Do we have what it takes to do the same?

Not one of us has or will have a perfect life. You and I, too, survive because God enables us to keep breathing and gives strength for each day.

Let's be on the alert for the good in life and be ready to acknowledge it. In people. In family members. It's always there, even in hard times. 

In every situation we still get to choose our outlook and to speak the good word. No eloquence required, just the doing.

Therefore, encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.  1 Thessalonians 5:11  

Let's share our lessons learned

Some of us never speak of our mistakes, as if we've skated along through life with never a rough spot. This may protect our egos, but it cheats our children and grandchildren.

We can bless them by gently telling stories about our ups and downs and lessons learned--and how God brought us through. Were there times we "feasted" on Spam because we couldn't afford turkey? Pass on such tales, if only to show it's possible to rejoice and to laugh, even when life's not perfect.  

Most importantly, as we share our stories, let's point to the Giver. 

Oh give thanks to the Lord, for he is good, for his steadfast love endures forever!   Psalm 107:1

When we thank God it reminds us we're not alone--and we never were

Neither were the Pilgrims. Like us, they anguished over their pain and their losses, but they didn't camp there. They chose instead to focus on God's faithfulness through it all. 

Can't we do the same?

Start with "ordinary" things like the myriad colors in trees and plants and flowers. We take all that for granted, but what if our Creator had colored all of Nature in shades of grey?

For each of us, if we truly take in what we see around us we'll understand why we can be thankful and can praise God.

Even when life disappoints us and sadness won't lift. Even when time drags on and we can't see an end to the waiting. Even then. 

For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.  John 3:16

Therefore, as you received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk in him, rooted and built up in him and established in the faith, just as you were taught, abounding in thanksgiving.  Colossians 2:6-7 

Every day, let's hone in on the joy of what is, rather than to waste time yearning for "perfect."

And let's remember that you and I "choose the colors" of our lives, too, every single day.

Thanking God for you, dear unseen friend!

Lenore

Can we still speak hope when the unthinkable happens?

When a large part of our inner sense of security crumbles--as it did after 9/11, what are we to do? 

Or when a family or relationship problem shakes our personal world to the core?

How do we cope? What do we tell our kids?

We may feel a gaping emptiness inside and long for comfort for ourselves, but feel we have nowhere to turn.    

Even in the day-to-day of life we may have people we care about who regularly (and more so in a crisis) look to us for reassurance and for clues on how to deal with life. 

All the while we may be thinking, I have nothing left to give.  

That's when we do what moms and wives--and dads and husbands--have done since the beginning of time. We give anyway. 

We take our thoughts off what was lost and focus on what is left.

Although we feel drained dry, still we can speak the hope that comes from beyond ourselves. Hope that's based on more than what we see and think and feel. Based on faith in God and the deep-down conviction that when we trust in Jesus as our Savior, "hope" becomes 100 percent guaranteed certainty.

That's because it rests in the One who promised to be with us, no matter what, no matter where and to be our strength, even when we have none left within ourselves.

How do we protect our children in this scary world?

We can't, not really. We can hold their hands so tightly it cuts off their circulation and follow them around like bird dogs, but there's no way to absolutely ensure they will never hurt, never be disappointed.

We watch over them, of course. We hug them and comfort them and speak the love we feel because nobody ever gets too much love and encouragement.

Through it all, good times or not-so-good, every day we commit our loved ones to God's protection, asking Him to watch over them.

How do we model living in faith?

I used to think at some point I would arrive at a more, um, exalted state of being. That I would somehow "graduate," that is, to be always at peace.  

Perhaps you've wished and prayed for that, too. Let's face the (humbling) truth: We are human beings living with never-ending announcements of yet another reason to feel shaky. That's the world we live in, yet we need not cringe in fear. 

My help comes from the LORD, who made the heavens and the earth! He will not let you stumble and fall; the one who watches over you will not sleep.  Psalm 121:2-3  NLT

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.   Jeremiah 29:11

Come to think of it, isn't that more than enough?

Always, there is help available and it's as close as our nearest Bible.

I've found when I'm running on "empty," the best way to recharge and refuel is to spend time in the Word and in prayer.

Sounds good, but where do I start?

Answers may vary--and that's okay, because each of us is an individual. Like many others, I find it helpful to mark Bible verses so I can find them more easily. 

Verses like these, which I've had marked in my Bible for years:

God is my refuge and strength, an ever present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the sea . . . The LORD Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress.      Psalm 46:1, 11

The LORD gives strength to his people; the LORD blesses his people with peace.   Psalm 29:11

The LORD is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble. Those who know your name will trust in you, for you, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek you.    Psalm 9:9-10

Living in the world

You and I can't stop the evil in the world--and yes, there is evil in the world. Every year the 9/11 remembrances proves the point.  

It didn't stop with 9/11--and it won't. Ever since Eden, the power of Satan--evil--is with us. 

Evil will always keep trying, but it will never win. In Jesus, the battle is already won. 

Our best strategy for survival--for enduring--is to stay planted in the Lord and keep filling our minds with truths from God's written Word. 

Then when our loved ones turn to us, we'll be ready with love and with strength that comes from the Lord, who will never turn away from us.

My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth.   Psalm 121:2  

Whatever the disaster, little or large, in Jesus Christ we find the strength and stability to not only make it through, but also to speak peace and hope to those around us.

All this comes not because of who we are or because of our great internal spiritual resources, but always, only because of the One who lives within us.

Trusting, too,

Lenore

Another Same Old, Same Old Day? Then Celebrate!

Have you ever said to yourself, "I wish something would happen!"

Consider that reckless thinking. That "something" may turn out to be scary.

Take the time I did my usual breast self-exam and felt a tiny lump the size of a BB. I didn't remember feeling anything before. Next came the mammogram, then the "maybe" verdict, then the biopsy.

Boy, did that un-bore me fast!

Thanks be, the final verdict pronounced it benign. 

Sometimes it's a phone call you never wanted to have

Like the morning one of our daughters, college age, called with a plaintive note in her voice, "Is Dad there? I need to talk to him... ."

If you've had young drivers of your own you can guess the reason why. This time another driver, uninsured, had rear-ended her car. That young man pushed her into the stopped car ahead of her at a busy Los Angeles intersection. Now she was scared and stranded because her car had been towed away.

Thank God that although she was shaken up, she was spared serious injuries. 

In the weeks of repair time that followed the rest of us were one car short. One "benefit"--nobody at our house was bored.  

More bad news came a couple of weeks later

A weighty, cream-colored envelope arrived. It bore the name and prestigious address of a Beverly Hills attorney. He wrote to inform us his firm was representing the other driver, someone with an unpronounceable name who was in the U.S. on a student visa. The bottom line of that letter? They intended to sue our daughter.

Can you imagine our outrage? Our daughter was panicked and we weren't far behind as we ran through all the what ifs that came to mind.

At last came common sense and we contacted our insurance company.

End of story.

Periods of fear and uncertainty can happen to us all

Those are the times we wish we could go back to yesterday or the day before.

Back to a day when if someone asked, "How was your day?" we could answer, "Oh, it's been just a normal day, kind of boring, really. Nothing much happened."

If we've had a lengthy string of days like that we may even feel a bit sorry for ourselves. After all, don't we deserve a bit of excitement of our own?

Been there, done that--and it never brings me joy to start going down that track.

Words to lift our spirits

I have no idea who Mary Jean Iron is, but I think her words pack a hefty meaning.  

Normal day, let me be aware of the treasure you are. Let me learn from you, love you, bless you before you depart. Let me not pass you by in quest of some rare and perfect tomorrow. 

In verse 24 of Psalm 118 we find the unshakable reason to consider every day a good day: 

This is the day that the LORD has made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it.

I'm thinking these two together amount to great advice because one fact is inescapable. This day is the only day we really have.

So whatever else is going on--or not going on in our days, let's rejoice that we're still breathing, still standing. Let's thank God we're alive and celebrate every minute of every day! 

Blessings and peace and joy,

Lenore