What do you need to give you a brighter outlook on life?
That's not a trick question, just something to consider. The answer may be closer than you think.
Sometimes we need eyes to see, said she who often failed to do that.
What did that lead to? Mostly a feeling of powerlessness. I let anything from a gray day to someone else's bad mood "make" me feel angry or turn my day sour.
Or when my sweet husband and I were on different tracks I might say, "You just don't understand me."
When our lovely but noisy children were being themselves too often I thought and sometimes said (yelled?) to them, "You're driving me crazy!"
Oh sure, I apologized. Profusely. Love covered over the moment and peace reigned again.
All the while I wished I had clamped my lips shut tight because my words caused pain in those I loved.
A random two-line quote opened my eyes
I don't know the source, but these simple words startled my thinking and spoke to my heart:
Two men looked out through prison bars. One saw the mud. The other saw stars.
At first I read that as a writer and thought, What eloquent writing! So much wisdom in so few words.
Before long the deeper meaning hit me in the gut. Every one of us, whatever our age or life situation, constantly makes choices. We--and we alone--decide that something or someone lifts us up or drags us down.
Turning that truth over in my mind made me cringe--and then pray. At long last (and about time!) I faced the fact: No one else makes me feel anything. Then and now my words and my moods are a do-it-yourself job.
What's more, whenever I tell myself that a situation or the words of another person "make" me mad, sad or depressed I surrender control over my emotions.
You might say that I put myself behind bars.
Can it be that simple?
Certainly it varies from person to person, but one thing is true for all of us:
Where we look and what we think colors every facet of our lives
Whether we see the best in life or the worst in life--and people--stems from where we fasten our attention and how we frame our thoughts. For example, do we believe (and say) that our marriage relationship is strong? Do we think (and say) that we have "good kids?" Do we customarily think that others treat us kindly?
Everything hinges on what we choose to see and how we choose to think. Will it be stars or mud?
Don't forget the sound track in your mind
We all have one and it plays continuously. Pay attention and be on the alert for echoes like these:
- Why doesn't he ... ?
- Why won't she ... ?
- Why must he always ... ?
- Will she ever get it through her head that ...
Take it from me, if that plays in our mind for long it spawns thoughts like these:
- If he loved me he would ...
- If she cared she wouldn't ...
- He knows that drives me crazy!
- She did that on purpose, like she always does ...
This attitude spreads to how we view our jobs, our bosses and co-workers, our neighbors, our child's teachers and everyone else.
My grandmother would have said,
"You're thinking yourself into a tizzy. Thoughts like that never lead to anything good."
Fine, but how do we make a new start?
Just resolving to do so won't change us because our usual ways of thinking are as comfortable as an old pair of slippers.
In effect, we need to "rewrite our software," that is, lay down new habits and hardest of all, stick with them.
The place to start is with the Manufacturer's Handbook, the Bible. (If it's new to you, start with one of the Gospels, the first four books of the New Testament.) Reading the Bible and talking to God in prayer helps us grow strong from within and implants new background music in our minds.
Any time is a good time to open up with God in prayer, no special script required. It's just being honest with him about what's in your heart. Some people prefer a set time of day while many of us carry on a running conversation throughout the day.
Always, God hears us. Why? Because Jesus came to earth and set us right with God.
For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. John 3:16-17
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he [or she] is a new creation. The old is gone, the new has come! 2 Corinthians 5:17 NIV
Day to day
When we're changed from the inside out the way we talk and relate to the people in our lives changes, too. We naturally start looking for strengths instead of reasons to complain and our outlook on life gets sunnier.
Here's a Bible verse that lays it out plainly:
Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things. Philippians 4:8 NIV
One thing we know for sure: We find what we look for.
Let's make this the time in our lives when we latch onto more reasons to smile and be thankful for the life we are living.
I'm praying for you--and for myself, as well,
Lenore
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