A WOMAN'S VIEW ~ Lenore Buth

Did someone mess up your Camelot?

Some of us may be thinking that right now.

Camelot, the stuff dreams are made of.

Camelot, the mythical kingdom where the flowers always bloomed and the sun always shone. Perfection.

In that magical place no maiden ever felt a pang of distress for long because somehow, a brave knight always waited to rescue her--and just in time.

Ladies in elaborate gowns sipped tea and cakes--yet never had to boil or bake.

Never was heard an angry word and tranquility reigned, at least on the surface. 

Ah, Camelot. Or if you prefer, Downton Abbey.

Either one will do--provided it comes with a downstairs staff and Mr. Carson.

The problem is, you and I live in the real world

With real people. 

People we find hard to tolerate, not because they've harmed us but because, well, just because. Who needs more reason than that? 

People with whom we may disagree. Strongly. Yet here we are living in the same world, maybe right next door to each other.

Business associates and political leaders--whoever they are--probably will let us down and we will chafe at them even being allowed to hold power of any kind. 

On a personal level, sometimes even the best of us let each other down. Husbands fail wives and wives fail their husbands. Parents fail their children--and vice versa. Friends walk out of our lives and we don't know why.

All this is part of the human condition. If we expect any person in our lives to be perfect, it's a dream more elusive than Camelot.  

And we set ourselves up to be disappointed because we human beings are, well, human. That is, flawed.

The trick is to stop looking "out there" and focus on what's good 

Most of us can call to mind at least a few times we under-valued what we have. That's a waste. When we take it for granted we can forget we are blessed .  

How we live, how we treat the people in our lives and the choices we make are within our control. That's true whoever we are and whatever our life situation.

Even if everything is stripped away, we still decide our outlook on life.

Will we keep a running list of what we lack or will we open our eyes to ways we are blessed?  

It's our own four walls that spell home and warmth, not those stunning houses we see on HGTV.

It's the flesh-and-blood people in our lives who fill our hearts and give life meaning, not the "beautiful people" we may read about or admire on TV. 

It's our own bodies and health we need to care for, whatever our shape or size and whatever the state of our health.

God gifts us with each day and that alone is reason to celebrate.

Perhaps it's time for a turnaround in our thinking

First comes the knowing. Then comes the will to appreciate who we are and what we have.  

Can we change? Absolutely. We just need to take the Apostle Paul at his word.  

[This is what the LORD says] "Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?"  --Isaiah 43:18-19  NIV

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!  --2 Corinthians 5:17   NIV

In Jesus Christ, we are new, with new eyes. And we can turn to him as long as there's breath in our bodies. 

As for Camelot--or Downton Abbey--I'd love to visit sometime. But I wouldn't trade the joys and challenges of relating to real life and real people. 

(Still, it would be nice to have a downstairs staff, don't you think?)

Blessings,

Lenore

If you want a happier tomorrow, make today good

That sounds too simple to be life-changing, doesn't it?  

I thought so, too, until I made up my mind to try it. 

At the time I was a frazzled young mother. I never missed one syndicated column in our daily newspapers, "The Worry Clinic," written by a Dr. George Crane.

I knew nothing about "Dr. Crane" except what the tiny blurb at the bottom stated, that he was a licensed, professional counselor.

It impressed me that he avoided throwing around psychiatric and medical terminology. I didn't agree with everything he wrote, but often his column gave me insights and skills I needed.  

"Just for today"

One day Dr. Crane's column appeared as shown below with this plan to make each day better.

A plan. Yesss!

I dreamed of instant transformation, but this plan laid out one manageable step at a time. Simple enough, right?

I confess, like a toddler just learning to walk, I "fell down" often. 

I chose mornings as my proving ground. Each day I would be cheerful and lively, even on dark mornings when I yearned to go back to bed. 

Before long I realized by the time everyone got launched for the day what I felt inside matched the words I spoke and I felt good about life. 

Did I change? Yes. Could I see the effect it had on my family and people around me?  

Without a doubt.

Finding this reprint felt like finding a lost friend

Not long ago I was Googling for something else and this piece popped up.  

My mind flashed back to the first time I read these words in our newspaper--and reread it two or three times. Then I taped it to my kitchen cupboard door.

After that I read it at least once a day, always asking God to help me stick with it.

One day at a time I kept at it and began to notice myself feeling more calm, more settled. More positive about my life, even though the lively family hubbub went on as usual.

Wisdom that still rings true

This is said to be a reprint of Dr. Crane's original piece, penned almost a century ago. Because of many requests it reappeared in his column periodically over the years. 

                                                  JUST FOR TODAY

Here are ten resolutions to make when you awake in the morning.

They are Just for One Day. Think of them not as a life task but as a day’s work.

These things will give you pleasure. Yet they require will power. You don’t need resolutions to do what is easy.

1. Just for Today, I will try to live through this day only, and not tackle my whole life-problem at once. I can do some things for twelve hours that would appall me if I felt I had to keep them up for a lifetime.

2. Just for Today, I will be Happy. This assumes that what Abraham Lincoln said is true, that “most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.” Happiness is from Within; it is not a matter of Externals.

3. Just for Today, I will Adjust myself to what Is, and not try to Adjust everything to my own desires. I will take my family, my business, and my luck as they come, and fit myself to them.

4. Just for Today, I will take care of my Body. I will exercise it, care for it, and nourish it, and not abuse it nor neglect it; so that it will be a perfect machine for my will.

5. Just for Today, I will try to strengthen my mind, I will study. I will learn something useful, I will not be a mental loafer all day. I will read something that requires effort, thought and concentration.

6. Just for Today, I will exercise my Soul. In three ways, to wit:

    (a) I will do somebody a good turn and not get found out. If anybody knows of it, it will not count.

    (b) I will do at least two things I don’t want to do, as William James suggests, just for exercise.

    (c) I will not show anyone that my feelings are hurt. They may be hurt, but Today I will not show it.

7. Just for To-day, I will be agreeable. I will look as well as I can, dress as becomingly as possible,  talk low, act courteously, be liberal with flattery, criticize not one bit  nor find fault with anything, and not try to regulate nor improve anybody.

8. Just for Today, I will have a Programme. I will write down just what I expect to do every hour. I may not follow it exactly, but I’ll have it. It will save me from the two pests, Hurry and Indecision.

9. Just for Today, I will have a quiet half hour, all by myself, and relax. During this half hour, some time, I will think of God, so as to get a little more perspective to my life.

10. Just for Today, I will be Unafraid. Especially I will not be afraid to be Happy, to enjoy what is Beautiful, to love and to believe that those I love love me.

                                                                        (Written by Dr. George Crane in 1921)

If I said I ever mastered this list I would be lying

Yet it still provides a checklist of how I want to live and look at life.

I suspect I'm not the only person who feels that way, or else why would his words still be around?

As always, we can find the same truths in the Bible, as in Psalm 118:24 (ESV.)

This is the day that the Lord has made;

let us rejoice and be glad in it. 

Rejoicing and being glad is where we start. Then as we add in Dr. Crane's principles, one by one, our tomorrows can't help being happier.

Growing, too,

Lenore

How to shed old messages that hold us back

Some of us are stuck in yesterday.

We still hear the critical voices of our parents or teachers or the taunts of childhood friends.  

In times of clear thinking we remind ourselves they belong in the past, but then logic fades. Old hurts and doubts resurface and hang around, so we must fight the battle all over again.

Sure, we know no one had a perfect childhood and all the rest.

But here we are, still weighed down a lot or a little by wrong messages from the past. Why?

And what can we do to live free of that load? Here's a place to start:

Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.  Psalm 118:24  NIV

Begin by recognizing painful words for what they are

This story is about our friend "Tim," but it could just as well be about "Tina".

Tim grew up with an alcoholic dad who delighted in bringing everyone else down. Especially his children.

When they came home excited because they got good grades or had won some award, their dad would laugh and ask, "Oh, getting the big head, are we?"

Every. Time.

The boy became the teenager became the adult. Everyone else considered Tim a success story.

Everyone but Tim.

Whenever things went his way at work or his wife told him she was proud of him, Tim heard his father's voice taunting him with the same hurtful question.

He felt hopeless. Would he--could he--ever be free? 

I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you.  Psalm 32:8  NIV

He started thinking differently during a meeting with his men's group from church  

The study included doing a self-assessment of their lives, starting with this question:  

So who am I now? Today?

Tim mentally ticked off how hard he worked and all the ways he had grown. He thought of his wife and their strong marriage and about the good life they were building together.  

Their three children brimmed with health and earned good grades consistently. He liked his job and considered it more than just a paycheck. He enjoyed his friends at work.  

His next thought surprised him:

This is my life today, my present reality--and it is good! I have a lot to be thankful for!  

Then Tim thought of the sad little boy who grew up believing he could never measure up and wished he could give him a big hug.

At last he felt proud of his younger self. New faith insights showed him how he survived those years:  

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."  2 Corinthians 12:9  ESV

Seeing clearly at last

"For perhaps the first time, I added up the many ways my dad was a walking disaster back then. Constantly putting all of us down made him feel better about his own messed-up life.

"Once I understood that, I could let it go.

"Now and then I still hear Dad's critical voice in my head. When I do, I answer it with today's truth, which is that I like my life and what I've become. Sometimes my answers remind me I'm getting off track and that's good, too.

"It's strange, but now Dad's old question feels like a friend who asks hard questions and reminds me what I'm about." 

 (The Lord says:) "Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?"  Isaiah 43:18-19  ESV

Old truths endure

Long ago I found a quote which at the time brought me up short because I needed to hear its truth. It comes from Epictetus, a Greek philosopher who lived from 55 A.D. until 135 A.D. 

"It's not what happens to you but how you react to it that matters."

At first reading that ancient wisdom may sound harsh, but take another look. Its timeless truth can move us out from being stuck in false assumptions of the past.

Think of it as a power statement that fits each of us, at any stage of life.

The only thing we have within our power to control is how we think about what comes into our lives.

I don't know about you, but I'm forever relearning that principle. 

By the way, the Greek philosopher did not originate this wisdom

Take a look at Proverbs 23:7:

For as he thinks in his heart, so is he.  NKJV

Lasting truths, ours for the taking.

Whether we're troubled by painful memories from the past or by uneasiness over present reality, this one-liner covers it. When we change our thinking, we change our lives.

Warmly,

Lenore                                   

Feeling bored? Maybe it's a blessing in disguise

By now most of us are tired of our "new normal."

Many of us feel like that little kid who moans, "Nothing ever happens around here. I am sooo bored." 

 

It took me a long time to learn to be thankful for every nothing-happens, boring day.

Over the years I've known a number of people who suddenly found themselves wishing they could go back a day or a week or a year to before.

Before those medical tests.

Before that pink slip.

Before that stroke.

Before that "whatever" that changed everything. 

Before life turned upside-down in an instant

Sometimes we look back and say, "Well, sure, I wanted change, but not this!"

I know--and you probably do, too--how life can change in a finger-snap. Right away we view our lives through different eyes.

Who wouldn't? Who doesn't? 

A procession of "what ifs" and "if onlys" nag at us, day and night.

We struggle to make sense of it all, trying to find some hidden meaning, but come up empty-handed. 

Do struggles ever have a purpose?

You've probably heard this story, but its message never grows stale.

One day a youngster burst into his home with excitement and rushed to show his mother his latest discovery. "What's this, Mom?"  

"That's a cocoon, Son. It's a butterfly-in-the-making. This outer shell protects it until it's ready to come out."

The boy watched and waited. Finally, one day the cocoon started moving. After awhile the boy said to himself, "That poor little butterfly needs help!"

So he found a pair of scissors and carefully cut away the hard brown shell. He cried, "Fly! Fly!" But the creature never did.

He called his mom and said, "I tried to make it easier for the butterfly to get out, but it just won't fly. Why not?" 

She hugged him and said, "You tried to help, but God created the butterfly so that when it's just about ready it wants out. It kicks and it pushes against the cocoon's walls, over and over.

"Sometimes it takes a long time, but every kick and every push helps the butterfly get stronger. Finally it's strong enough to break free of the shell and fly. 

"You see, Hon, the butterfly needs every one of those struggles to make its wings strong enough to lift it off the ground." 

Consider our drab, down days, our boring days as part of the growth process  

Every day is a gift, remember?

When times are good, be happy; but when times are bad, consider: God has made the one as well as the other.  Ecclesiastes  7:14

I once heard a Bible teacher say, "No experience is ever wasted in the life of a Christian" and I thought, well, that's nice.

Now I've lived long enough to know it's true because I've seen it in my life and in people I love.

God works for us, for our good, even in our struggles. We develop inner strength so we can soar.

Good concept, but what does that mean in real life?

Stop a minute and pay attention, maybe even check for yourself: You still have a pulse and you're still breathing.

So am I.

That means God still has something for us to do.   

For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.  Ephesians 2:10  

As your days, so shall your strength be.  Deuteronomy 33:25

For it is God who is at work in you, both to will and to work for His good pleasure.  Philippians 2:13

Whatever comes, we're not on our own  

When trouble comes I'm reminded again that life is fragile and it stops me short. Do I pray? You betcha, with all my heart.

Good day or not-so-good, I pray to appreciate each day while I am living it.  

Years ago I tacked these words by Mary Jean Iron to my bulletin board. Maybe they will speak to your heart as they do to mine.

Normal day, let me be aware of the treasure you are . . . 

Let me not pass you by in quest of some rare and perfect Tomorrow.

One day I shall dig my nails into the earth, or bury my face in my pillow, or stretch myself taut, or raise my hands to the sky and want, more than all the world, your return.

Here's to living each day as if it were God's precious gift to us--because it is. Even the ones we label "boring." 

Peace and JOY,

Lenore

Strategies to make every day better

"Strategies to make every day better." It sounds too simple, doesn't it?

I hear you saying, "If I'm having 'one of those days,' how on earth can I make it better?"

But you can, I can, we all can.

If we choose to grab hold of the power. Here's how. 

1.  Decide to make it a good day

When I was a young mom I read a book that challenged my thinking.

The author maintained that more than any other factor, our thoughts dictate the happiness level of our lives. Each day we decide it will be a "good" day or a "bad" day and then act accordingly. 

Could that be true? I thanked God our life was good and I wanted to be a happy mama, but most days I was more of a dreary mama.

The next day I woke up in a lousy mood, then remembered what the author said. (Insert groan.) Okay, I would try it for myself. I would fake smiles and act cheerful and not expect much in return.    

Surprise. My husband smiled back and kissed me more enthusiastically before he left the house. All day our children squabbled less and seemed happier. When problems arose instead of awfulizing and complaining to God, I murmured, "Lord, help me."

And one way or another, He did. 

Looking around the dinner table each family member seemed more contented, including me. At bedtime even our balkiest child trotted upstairs without argument.

As for me, instead of my usual rundown of "what ifs" I fell asleep quickly.

The next morning I tested that far-out theory again, with the same pleasing results. I promised myself that every day I would decide to have a good day. 

Over time that simple practice bore a lovely crop of good fruit in our marriage and our kids.  

Did I slip up now and then? Sure. Then I would start over again, asking the Lord's ever-present help.  

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.  --Isaiah 41:10  NIV

2.  Believe you are--or will be--well and strong

At first this strategy made no sense. If I'm feeling achy or have an actual health problem, that's beyond my control. Right?

Not necessarily.  

Chalk it up to how suggestible we all are. Healthy or not, any time we ask ourselves, "Where do I hurt?" we can find some area or body part that doesn't feel quite right.

Then we begin to wonder what it means, maybe even spend time on Google trying to figure it out.

That line of thinking guarantees we'll feel worse.

Even if we have chronic health problems, our thoughts make us feel better or worse.

Every time it helps to concentrate on, "I know God is with me and He will never leave me."  

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.  --Philippians 4:6-7  NIV 

3.  Choose to live love  

Love is all about emotion. We're "in love" as long as we feel love toward another person.

Isn't that what we all believe and read and watch on the screen? (That's fiction, remember?)

To build something more lasting we do well to consider a basic principle of Marriage Encounter. It runs contrary to popular thought:

"Love is a daily decision."

Not a feeling. Not a mood. Not an emotion.  

Every day we decide all over again to love. To speak and act in loving ways and work to strengthen our relationship.  

We decide today to love the person our spouse is today. 

If that sounds artificial, think back to before marriage. Didn't we take care to speak love and show love even on our bad days?  

In every stage of life we can pick out what's good or fixate on what's missing. Whichever we choose will affect how we treat each other.

Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other's faults because of your love. Make every effort to keep yourselves united in the Spirit, binding yourselves together with peace.   --Ephesians 4:2-3  NLT

It's not rocket science   

I wouldn't pretend I've lived these strategies perfectly and I'm not much for "programs." All I know is these principles changed me and changed my life for the better.

Whatever your situation, why not give it a try?

Lovingly,

Lenore