A WOMAN'S VIEW ~ Lenore Buth

Caught in the "busy-ness trap?" Here's how to escape

Have you ever wanted to scream because you were so busy you felt your life was out of control and this time you might snap?

Me, too.

I've learned it has nothing to do with our age, or whether we're married or single, with children or none. Nor does it matter if we work for a salary or are a full-time homemaker.

It's all about being over-committed.

Usually by our own choice. 

One author, Christine Carter, labels it "the busy-ness trap."

Three words packed with meaning

We feel squeezed and squashed. We look through our lists for what to cut, but hardly make a dent. We are needed . . . everywhere. By everyone.

That's why it's so difficult to carve out pieces of our days for ourselves.

Yet our inner wail persists: I need some time marked "me." And if we don't take it--or make it--we become as dry as the Sahara.

Then we'll drudge through our days without heart, without joy--even when we're with the people we love most.

I know that desert territory. How about you? 

But isn't taking time for ourselves self-centered?

It feels shallow and selfish to say "No" to someone we care about or to refuse a worthwhile cause. Especially for Christians.

After all, Jesus told us that love means sharing. Serving others. Giving ourselves away. Putting others ahead of ourselves. Besides, if we've walked with Him for very long we know we can get through anything because He strengthens us.

So we pray and try harder. We push ourselves to the max, and give our all. Our bodies pump out adrenaline that enables us to meet the challenge and get through it.

To get through a crisis is one thing. By definition, a crisis has a beginning and an ending point. 

Some of us choose to live in crisis mode 24/7. For years on end.

Over time we'll pay the price in our mental and physical health

You probably know someone who is proud of being a multi-tasker. People like that often announce they're over-committed and may feel a sense of pride in their ability to cope.

One friend, "Elle," managed to hold it together as long as she kept to her packed schedule. Everyone who knew her said, "She's amazing!"

Then one morning Elle couldn't get out of bed and landed in the hospital. Test results were inconclusive so her long-time doctor wanted to keep her for observation. Elle promptly fell asleep--and stayed asleep until the next morning. 

She woke up hungry and realized she couldn't remember the last time she cared whether or not she ate a meal. 

Or anything else, for that matter. 

Coming back to life

"When I left the hospital it was as if I hadn't noticed before how bright the sky was and how green the grass," Elle said. "I heard the birds singing in my yard, as if for the first time. Something had to change."

I realized I was trying too hard to be all things to all people. I wanted to be a good mom and a good friend. I tried to be a good employee and do well in my career. And I wanted to be involved at my church.

"Every one of those is a good, worthwhile goal," Elle said, "so I agonized over how to change and set priorities. 

"But now I knew I needed to take care of myself, too, or I would fail on all fronts."

That's Priority A 

Elle finally faced the inescapable truth: None of us can do it all, all the time.

But we can pick and choose among the non-essentials. It's the only way to feel in charge of our lives.

It's the only way to take care of our bodies and our minds and be there for our loved ones.

Some worthwhile activities may need to go on the "Later" pile.

Antidote to the busy-ness trap

Author Christine Carter's big tip is to give ourselves frequent recesses.

• Take a break after every 60 to 90 minutes of work
• Schedule regular time with family and friends
• Allow yourself time alone to read a book or take a nap 
• Time to think and feel and pray
• Time to just be--and not feel guilty about it

Find what joys your heart, my friend, whether it's stopping for coffee or watching a sunset.   

Beloved, I pray that all may go well with you and that you may be in good health, as it goes well with your soul. --3 John 1:2  (ESV)

Still working on it,

Lenore

 

Be sure you don't miss the wonder of your life

Have you ever realized you walked through the previous 24 hours blind and deaf?

I have. Maybe you have, too.

Times I listen, but do not hear and look, but do not see.

Oh, I see the people and know there is beauty around me.

I almost always make it through the routines of the day, but here's the problem: My heart isn't in it.

This happens most often when I feel overwhelmed by some knotty issue I have to work through. Or when for whatever reason, life feels full of stress and I can't find calm.

Ever been there?  

Ways to recover sight and sound--and joy in living

Positive thinking and power statements aren't enough. Mindfulness and meditation are trendy, but their power doesn't last long. Here's what wakes up my senses and gets me back on track.

• Remember who's really in charge of the future.
      "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and          not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  -Jeremiah 29:11  (NIV)
  
  
• Remind myself Jesus walks with me through each day--and night.
      “...And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.” –Matthew     28:20  (ESV)
  
• Recount God's blessings, past and present.
      From the fullness of his grace we have all received one blessing after another. –John          1:16  (NIV)

• Recall his promises.
     “Come to me, all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”  -Matthew 11:28      (NIV)

• Relax because I know who He is and who I am in Jesus. 
      "I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him,     he it is     that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing.”  -John 15:5  (ESV)

• Rejoice in the peace he gives.
      "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to     you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.” -John 14:27  (ESV)

• Revel in the magnificence of it all, including the world all around me.
      Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good, for his steadfast love endures forever. -Psalm     136:1  (ESV)
      And God saw all that he had made, and behold, it was very good.  -Genesis 1:31  (ESV)    
    “Be still and know that I am God. -Psalm 46:10  (ESV)

Recalling what’s true resets our perspective

It's as if we look at our life and our world from another angle and it opens our eyes and ears. As Grandma used to say, we “get our heads on straight.”

Don't expect breakthroughs or sudden insight that solves problems. Most of the time the people around us stay the same and our lives look the same from the outside.

Rather, this is an inside job. We see more clearly the wonder and the joy of living that God showers on us every single day. 

And that, my friends, makes all the difference.

Here’s to living life fully,

Lenore

How filtering our intake affects our outgo

Stop for a moment and pay attention to the sounds in your life.

They're all around us, whether in the background, on TV or beamed through our earbuds, and all of it registers in our minds--and in our subconscious.

I think of that when I'm in a store or restaurant and the prisoner of whatever is playing over the sound system. Often the lyrics are laments and complaints set to music, as if none of us have a reason to feel glad. About anything. Singer after singer moans there's no reason to go on. 

I asked a clerk whether listening to such tunes all day depresses her. She looked puzzled for a moment, then said, "Music? Oh, yeah, I guess it is playing, isn't it? Well, I never listen to it."

Can we remain unaffected by what's around us?

The experts say even when we deliberately try to tune it out, we hear it and it affects us. Colors our outlook on life. 

Think how many people spend their days and nights plugged in to news and "comedy" patter on TV and the Internet. Over and over performers and talking heads proclaim life is hopeless and the world is a terrible place. Frequent references to suicide, killings and what's-the-point-of-living are not hard to find.  

Since we know a steady diet of junk food leaves the body in poor health, lacking in energy and unable to function, couldn't mental and emotional junk food do the same for our minds and spirits?

If we feed on emptiness, it fuels emptiness.

If we fill up on the negative, that's what it produces.

Put the good stuff in

How would it affect us if we fed our inner selves with nourishing food?

We could make different choices and listen to happy songs like this oldie from Annie, Get Your Gun. It's a toe-tapper, for sure.

Got no diamond, got no pearl,

Still I think I'm a lucky girl,

I got the sun in the mornin' and the moon at night,

Got no mansion, got no yacht,

Still I'm happy with what I got,

I got the sun in the mornin' and the moon at night . . .

Sunlight gives me a lovely day,

Moonlight gives me the Milky Way,

Got no checkbook, got no banks,

Still, I'd like to express my thanks,

I got the sun in the mornin' and the moon at night,

And with the sun in the mornin' and the moon in the evenin,'

I'm all right.

--Irving Berlin, written in 1946

Available 24 hours a day: Find comfort and hope in the Bible

Always, we choose. What if we filled our minds with words of strength like these?

(Jesus said) "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."                      --John 14:27

Or these verses, from Ephesians 3:14-19. Paul wrote it to the Ephesians, but it applies to you and me, too.

For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom his whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge--that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

It's the better "filter" for what we let in to our minds

The more we take in the "Good Stuff" the more it lifts our minds and hearts.

Gradually we'll find it easier to remember we've got the sun in the morning and the moon in the evening and so many reasons to thank God.

That's the balance, the filter that keeps out what would turn our outlook dark. Taking in the Truth reminds us who we are in Christ and keeps us on track.

Still learning,

Lenore

Here's how to put some life back in your life

We've all been there, in one of those times when our life feels as flat as a soda that's lost its fizz.

The dark mood hangs on, even though nothing in our lives has changed. Our "glass" is as full today as it was yesterday. Last week. Last month.

Yet we see emptiness, not fullness.

That's because we call it as we see it at the moment, not as it is.

It's not helpful that we may do that with our family members and friends, too. We become blind to their good points and see only their faults.

We look at our lives and say, "Well, nobody's life is perfect, but . . ."

That little voice inside asks, Couldn't my life be a bit, um, more? Couldn't that other person change just a little bit? If only . . .

Trust me, it's risky to hang around too long in the land of "If only."

My friend, Ginny, never goes there. She has a pile of problems, but you'd never guess. Ask her how she's doing and she usually replies, "Great! If my life got any better, I couldn't stand it!"

Ask her to elaborate and she'll say, "Well, I'm still breathing in and out. I can get around on my own steam and my mind still works. I can see, even if I do need Coke-bottle eyeglasses to do it. I have a roof over my head and I eat pretty regularly. I'm part of a church family, where we love the Lord and we love each other. Best of all, I know Jesus loves me and watches over me, so I am rich." 

It took me awhile to understand that every time Ginny repeats all the reasons she has to be thankful it reinforces in her mind that she's blessed and shifts her thinking to what's good and right and true.

Does that sounds too simple? Most great truths are.

What if you and I counted our blessings not just on Thanksgiving, but every day of the year?

Suppose we gave up harping on what's wrong and bemoaning what's missing and deliberately focused on what's good.

Picture starting each day with, "Thank you, Lord, for this day and for every blessing. Thank you for promising to be with me every minute. Guide me and use me, I pray."

Think how it could affect our marriages, our family relationships and friendships.

Researchers say don't stop there

Don't take my word for it. A Texas Tech University study proved the value of counting our blessings and then counting them again. They divided study participants into two groups with similar life situations. 

That simple practice made a huge difference. The folks who frequently and deliberately took time to re-appreciate the good in their lives scored themselves as happier than those who didn't.

Researchers concluded that counting our blessings--over and over--reminds us of their value and helps us stay contented.

As the song says,

"Count your blessings, name them one by one . . .

"And it will surprise you what the Lord has done."

Our perception of life depends on where we look.

Most of all it helps if we take our eyes off the gifts and focus on the Giver. He's the real source of life in our life.

Here are some verses to help us get us started.

The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song.     Psalm 28:7

So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught and overflowing with thankfulness.                                         --Colossians 2:6-7

Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.                      --1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Why not give it a try? 

This Thanksgiving and every day may you have blessings too numerous to count--and eyes to see them!

Wishing you joy,

Lenore

Three simple steps to living more happily

Life is a continuous learning channel, have you noticed?

By now I know that some "little" things can make big changes in our lives. Here are three:

1.    Get real.

2.    Get focused.

3.    Get thankful.

Curious? Read on.

1.  Get real

My husband is great, truly. That doesn't mean we're always on the same wave length. Or that we never talk past each other.

Take the day I gave one of those "poor little me" remarks and he replied, "You're only disappointed because you expected me to do that and I didn't. But you never asked or even hinted. How was I supposed to know what you wanted?"

After I got over being annoyed I realized my practical guy was right. Like many women I value spontaneous gestures and like most men, he's not wired that way.

Common sense tells me flowery gestures come cheap--and can be empty. A marriage thrives on honesty, faithfulness and loving through whatever comes. My husband lives that, so I know I'm blessed. I wouldn't trade him for anything.

Getting real means steering clear of comparisons and if onlys, too. It helps to watch out for distractions like TV shows and social media, because they can be enticing traps. We look at our imperfect lives and get depressed.

We forget that we see only what they want us to see.

2.  Get focused

Whether we realize it or not, we constantly telegraph messages by what we focus on.

I saw that played out at lunchtime one day. At the next table a dad and his little girl, maybe four years old, were having lunch. Throughout their meal Daddy talked with his daughter and she talked back, with lots of smiles and giggles. He picked her up when they finished and she buried her face in his neck.

All around them sat other couples and other families with everyone engrossed in their smart phones or electronic gadgets and grabbing bites. Nobody talked to anybody, at least not any live person sitting at the same table. 

The contrast was painful. Even more, one focus built family strength and love. The other satisfied a moment's curiosity.

This is important because what we focus on also dictates our moods and how we view our lives.

3.  Get thankful

I've learned it makes a huge difference in my day if I start by thanking God for what is and ask His strength and blessing for the day.

At bedtime I wrap up the day by thanking Him for the good stuff and saying a simple, "Thank you," to the Giver. Then I commit people I'm concerned about and whatever happens to trouble me to God. Most of the time that helps me drift off to sleep with a smile.  

As usual, the Apostle Paul sums it up, in Philippians 4:8:

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

Once we fix our thoughts on what's real and what's right in our lives and the people we love, living happily comes natural. Instead of scowling at what's wrong with the world we can fasten on God's goodness and smile.

(Besides, they say smiling helps stave off wrinkles.)

Still learning,

Lenore