A WOMAN'S VIEW ~ Lenore Buth

Put some life back in your life

We've all been there, in one of those times when our life feels as flat as a soda that's lost its fizz.

The dark mood hangs on, even though nothing in our lives has changed. Our "glass" is as full today as it was yesterday. Last week. Last month.

Yet we see emptiness, not fullness.

That's because we call it as we see it at the moment, not as it is.

It's not helpful that we may do that with our family members and friends, too. We become blind to their good points and see only their faults.

We look at our lives and say, "Well, nobody's life is perfect, but ..."

Then that little voice inside asks, Couldn't my life be a bit, um, more? Couldn't that other person change just a little bit? If only ....

Trust me, it's risky to hang around too long in the land of "If only."

I know a woman, let's call her Ginny, and I doubt she ever goes there. She has a pile of problems, but you'd never guess. Ask her how she's doing and she usually replies, "Great! If my life got any better, I couldn't stand it!"

Ask her to elaborate and she'll say, "Well, I am breathing in and out--and that's a good thing. My arms and legs get me around, no help needed, and my mind works just fine. So do my eyes, even if I do need Coke-bottle eyeglasses to see well. I have a roof over my head and I eat regularly. I'm part of a church family, where we love the Lord and we love each other. Best of all, I know Jesus loves me and watches over me, so I see myself as rich." 

It took me awhile to understand that every time Ginny repeats all the reasons she has to be thankful it reinforces in her mind that she is blessed and it shifts her thinking to what's good and right and true.

Does that sounds too simple? Most great truths are.

What if you and I counted our blessings not just on Thanksgiving, but every day of the year?

Suppose we gave up harping on what's wrong and bemoaning what's missing and deliberately focused on what is good. Saying it out loud helps, too, even if there's no one else around.

Picture starting each day with, "Thank you, Lord, for this day and for every blessing in my life. Thank you for promising to be with me every minute. Guide me and use me, I pray, and get me through this day."

Think how that simple change could improve our marriages, our family relationships and our friendships.

Researchers say don't stop there

Don't take my word for it. A Texas Tech University study proved the value of counting our blessings and then counting them again. They divided study participants into two groups with similar life situations. 

This turned out to be a genius way to prove that even such a simple practice made a huge difference. The folks who frequently and deliberately took time to re-appreciate the good in their lives scored themselves as happier than those who didn't.

Researchers concluded that counting our blessings--over and over--reminds us of their value and helps us stay contented.

As the song says,

"Count your blessings, name them one by one . . .

"And it will surprise you what the Lord has done."

Our perception of life depends on where we look.

Most of all it helps if we take our eyes off the gifts and focus on the Giver. He is the real source of life in our life.

Here are some verses to help us get us started.

The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song.  Psalm 28:7

So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught and overflowing with thankfulness.                                         Colossians 2:6-7

Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.     1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Why not give it a try? 

This Thanksgiving and every day may you have blessings too numerous to count--and may you have eyes to see them!

Wishing you joy,

Lenore

A fresh take on "Love your neighbor"

Sometimes a slight twist of our perspective leads to major changes.

That happened to my husband and me the week our entire family went to summer camp on the shore of Lake Michigan.

At the time we lived on and operated a dairy and grain farm, with all the constant responsibility that implies, plus we had four lively children.

Between cows and crops and kids, both of us were running on fumes by July and needed a break.

Needed time.

Needed to find each other again.

Then we heard of a long-established, well-respected Christian family camp. We could drive there from our Illinois farm.

And, oh bliss! Every day would offer age-appropriate programs and daytime activities for kids and teens, all supervised by well-screened youth counselors and leaders.   

 No cooking. No cleaning. No kids during most of the day, with family free time in the evenings. What's not to like?

Heaven on earth, here we come!

We arrived on a Sunday afternoon 

Next morning we escorted our four girls to their age-appropriate activities, signed them in and walked away. They would be safe and have fun for the next 5 or 6 hours. Yippee!

That first day we two decided to "try out" the adult Bible study led by a pastor from the Northwest.    

He started off with something like this. "Jesus told us to love our neighbors as ourselves. Let's think this through. Who is my closest neighbor?"   

Silence for a moment. 

Then he hooked us with these words. "Answer: Our families. Nobody is a closer neighbor than the people we live with and share a life with. Nobody more deserves to be treated kindly and considerately.

"After all, they're the ones who every day have to deal with us. Us, with our individual quirks and habits." (Laughter.)

Then he launched into lively personal examples. As always, I took notes. 

His first illustration made me squirm 

"Every morning when I'm ready to eat breakfast with my wife, I never know what to expect. Most of the time she's a sweetheart. But sometimes, blame it on PMS, or a dreary day or whatever, she sighs a lot, slams cupboard doors and bangs the dishes around. At our house, that's not a good sign."

(I didn't look at my husband and was glad he didn't give me the elbow.)

"So every morning I have a choice. Will I give back what she is giving out? Or will I, even on those mornings, remember that my call as a Christian is to love her? 

"To love her even when I know I'm in for another tough day at work. Even if I'm not sure whether we can cover all the bills this month.  

"My first call as a Christian husband is to love my wife. Period. And a Christian wife has the same call toward her husband."

You could have heard a pin drop in that packed auditorium 

His simple words shot down every excuse and self-justification I could think of. 

"You may wonder if this principle also applies to us as Christian parents," he said. "In one word: Yes.

"Parenting is hard!" (Applause all around the room.) "For those raising children on their own it's even harder, yet the challenge remains the same: To live out love unconditionally as best they can.  

"My three children often charm me, irritate me, baffle me, embarrass me, disappoint me, bring me to tears. But it doesn't matter. That's all part of rearing these gifts of God. 

"As their dad, my call is to keep on loving them through it all." 

Each day our teacher opened his heart and helped us look deeper into living out our Christian faith and pointed out the many places the Bible says the Holy Spirit is our Helper.

His words were water on our dry, dusty hearts

Our wilted spirits slowly revived and bloomed again. The invisible distance between us melted and our usual oneness returned.

Did my husband and I immediately morph into ideal spouses who never again got impatient with each other? Not likely.

But we gained new understanding and turned a corner in our thinking. The last afternoon we promised each other we would do our best to live out love every day. 

And over the years, we did, sometimes slipping and sliding along the way but hanging on.

Jesus knew we would find this a challenge    

He tells us to "Love your neighbor as yourself."

"AS yourself."

That's the "ouch factor" in those words, isn't it? The one that sets us coming up with "Yeah, buts."

It gets easier when we remember what that study leader at Camp stressed over and over:

"Love" is more than an emotion. To live out love means to do what's loving--and this we control.   

That surprised me then and it still does

Looking at love this way means we needn't first try to dredge up emotion from within ourselves. We don't have to feel loving to demonstrate love. To act in loving ways.

When we simply do what love calls for it's not long before our feelings match our actions.  

But that's the point, isn't it? When Jesus told us to love he did not mean to love when we're in the mood and the rest of the time, forget it.

Let's keep the order straight

Jesus sums it up in Mark 12:30-31:  

Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.   

After this comes:  

The second is this: Love your neighbor as yourself.   

We love because he [Jesus] first loved us.   1 John 4:19  NIV

Along the way, let's be kind to ourselves, too. Sometimes we will fail and need to start over, simply because we're human beings. That's a good time to remind ourselves of this truth: 

But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.   Romans 5:8  ESV

Our forgiveness in Christ means we are not condemned when we fall short of loving unconditionally. Instead, we are free to start over and go on, living our faith and growing stronger.

Best of all, we're not left on our own

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.   Romans 15:13   ESV

Let us rejoice and be glad!   

Lenore   

A question only you can answer: How is Life Treating You?

Perhaps the better question is, "How are you treating life?"

That is, what label do we paste on our days?

We seldom realize that's what we're doing, but it's true--and it becomes a habit.

A bad habit, because it gets easier and easier to fixate on what's "wrong" and subsequently miss what's right. (Or am I the only one who ever does that?)

This colors how we look at everything, maybe most of all, the people in our lives.

Finding fault and complaining starts early. Think how siblings squabble and wail, "It's my turn." 

Nobody has to teach kids that annoying practice. Isn't it odd how that kind of attitude seems to lurk within each of us? 

The angst of the younger generation ramps up in the teenage years, with endless complaints to parents: "You always ..." or "You never ... "

During those years children and teens could not fathom the internal struggles a mother or father feels. All along they live with uncertainty, nobody ever certain they are "doing it right."

Labeling saves time

Think about it. Once we label a person we don't have to think. We just plug in what we always "knew" about them--or thought we did.

Those old impressions lodge in our minds and too often we won't let go. It's more comfortable to hang onto old thinking than to take a fresh look. At ourselves.

This same pitfall dogs married couples. The person we fell in love with and married turns out to have a few faults. Yet that's the one who stays and keeps on loving us through all the highs and lows, the good times and the hard times--which happen to everyone, by the way.

Even those we judge to "have it all together."

Cause for celebration  

If we're honest, at times any one of us is not that easy to live with--even in a strong marriage. True?

But do we celebrate? Nope. More often we nag and nit-pick about small habits that bug us. We whine that we don't feel appreciated for who we are and how much we give and we are the ones who deserve to be celebrated. 

(How do I know this? Do you need to ask?)

We may exhibit selective sight with our adult children, as well. We focus on all the ways they need to change but remain blind to their strengths and good points. As for praise, forget about it, because we know they could do better. 

Often our Inner Critic carries that over into all of life  

We pick out things we wish were different and easily ignore what's good. We look "over there" for happiness and forget to look at what and who is right there in front of us.

Most of all we forget to look within ourselves.

Too often I would have to plead guilty. How about you?

But hey, old habits are hard to break. Right?

Time for a change

I've never forgotten one sermon that jolted me out of that rut.

Our pastor had the ushers hand out index cards and told us that he had found a short formula to be helpful in his life because it opened the eyes of his heart. That Sunday he decided to pass it on to us.

He suggested an experiment. Starting that day each of us was to promise ourselves to make this our personal practice. No questions would be asked. No reports of progress or lack thereof. This was to be personal.

His "formula" stuck in my memory because it's uncomplicated and short. I wrote it on an index card and taped it to my bathroom mirror as a reminder.

Did it bless my life? Yes it did, although I confess sometimes I slipped up often and some days didn't remember to try. 

Here's the simple formula:

1.  Leave the past at the cross of Jesus Christ, once and for all.

2.  See the good.

3.  Speak the good.

4. Ask God to develop this attitude within me.

U-turn required

Whatever the date and time or stage of life we're in right now, it's worth giving it a fair trial, don't you think? 

According to the news and the "experts" it sounds as if everything is up for grabs. Some of us feel we're floundering and just hanging on from day to day.

This simple formula sorts out what matters most in making a good life. It reveals the emptiness of the flotsam we're flooded with every day, on every side. It reminds us to stay on track by fixing our attention on what we as individuals can control.

This list serves us in the same way a level serves a carpenter: It helps us stay balanced, today and in the future.

You and I cannot change the world, but we change our world

Living by that pastor's formula takes us a long way toward that goal.

For specifics, many people hold up the Proverbs 31 woman as an example of how we should live. I believe most of those principles apply to both sexes in a general way. 

If the criteria in that chapter sound too daunting, focus on verse 26 for starters. 

She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.

Doesn't that make a worthy checklist for both women and men?  

It's not hard to see how speaking kindness and appreciation would add life and light to our lives--and the lives of our spouse, our children and the people around us. This is doable for any of us. 

Whatever our age or life situation, one truth applies to every one of us: 

God gives us life. It's up to us how we live it.

Here's to being good learners,

Lenore

Find your place in the crowd

If you sometimes feel lonely in a group of people, I'm right there with you.

During my growing-up years our family moved several times so I often was "the new kid" at school--and I hated it. Since my favorite things to do were reading a book or singing a song I didn't exactly attract a crowd of new friends.

Every single time I ached to fit in, to be noticed, to be known--and liked--just because I was me. If you're thinking that was all in my mind, you could be right. Still, I remember the sadness of so often feeling on the outside looking in. 

It's been said that every human being wears an invisible sign that reads, "Please love me."

Isn't that what we all want?

Feeling accepted goes beyond winning a prize or promotion and speaks to our value as human beings--individuals worth knowing just because we're us.   

Yet many of us feel no more distinctive than one fir tree in a thick forest of look-alike fir trees. If we took the time and studied that evergreen more closely we would discover that tree is unique in some way.

So are we.

Why do we so easily forget that?

God made us one-of-a-kind for a reason

Our individual temperaments and personalities, our natural talents and abilities distinctively flavor our family, our church, our school, our workplace, our community.

Perhaps we think what we add is insignificant, but it's not. Imagine trying to make a pumpkin pie without that "insignificant" quarter-teaspoon of cloves.

It's as if you are cloves, she is nutmeg and I am cinnamon. Leave out any one of those and your pumpkin pie will still be edible and might even look the same. But it won't taste the same.

That's how it is in families, in a church, in any gathering of old friends or on the job. Something is missing when this one or that one isn't present.

You and I may never be able to identify which "spice" we sprinkle into the mix. But if we tell ourselves, "Well, I'm nothing special," we deny the obvious.

No one else can be you and no one else can be me

No one else can replicate our individual presence or share the gift(s) within each one of us.

I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.  Psalm 139:14

It helps to repeat this truth to ourselves however many times a day it takes until we believe it. And we need to plant that message deep within each child, whether our own or the one(s) we teach or care for.

Are we perfect? Of course not. We're only human, after all. A few of us may reach the heights, but most of us will go on day after day, simply being faithful in doing what's before us and showing up when someone is counting on us.

That's no small thing, in case you hadn't noticed. Ask anyone who longs for a friend or spouse they can count on, even when the going gets tough.

Instead of counting up what we lack, why not keep track of our pluses?

It's not bragging to simply recognize our strengths. Even better, keep a running list. Wind down your day by giving yourself a hand for the time(s) when you know you did something right. Or demonstrated strength in a trying situation. This simple step nourishes our inner selves, depleted by the day, and reminds us of our worth. 

The logical next step is to thank God. First, for enabling us, but also for instilling within us what we needed to do what we did.   

For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.  Ephesians 2:10

"God's workmanship." That means even though some of us may feel--in our younger years or now--that we're a bit "odd," eventually we will begin to understand how the pieces fit together. 

If you're having trouble identifying your particular "good works," here's a surprise

Think of those things you "just feel like doing." Or examine the choices you make in what you do every day, or your work or what you volunteer for because "it sounds interesting." 

The late Frederick Buechner sheds some light on how we can figure out who we are: 

Thus, when you wake up in the morning, called by God to be a self again, if you want to know who you are, watch your feet. Because where your feet take you, that is who you are.   

For me at least, those two sentences help me clarify my thoughts and clear away confusion about where I belong.

It's okay for you to be you and me to be me

We are different, you and I, yet in our own way we each "stand out in the crowd."

Whether we've known it or not, what we do and where we are is no accident.

At the same time we can be excited, because who knows what God has lined up for us next?

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."   Jeremiah 29:11

He knows. Knows the reasons why. Knows the where and knows the when. Each day becomes our personal "voyage of discovery."

Whatever lies ahead, He's got it all covered. Not to worry.

Why not choose to live each day at peace and with joy?

Lenore

The surefire secret to having only good days

This sounds like the impossible dream, doesn't it?  

I used to think so, too. Then one day what I considered an inconvenience turned out to be pure blessing.     

I got stuck in a line of shoppers waiting to check out at a local warehouse store. As usual, the place teemed with shoppers, most of us scowling and fidgety and checking our phones as we remained parked in line.

Not the woman just ahead of me. She seemed to have all the time in the world and looked around with a half-smile, as if she were slightly amused. 

When at last she reached the checkout stand, the tired checker asked, "Well, how are you doing? Hope you're in the middle of a good day."

She smiled, then said, "Yes, of course I'm having a good day. I always have a good day."

"Really! How do you manage that?"

"Oh, it's easy," she said. "I decided a long time ago that I was done with having bad days because they're nothing more than a huge waste of time.

"I told myself that from then on I would have only good days--and I do, I really do. It took a little practice but now, no matter what happens, I refuse to get upset."

The nice guy at the cash register looked a bit flummoxed at that, but after awhile he said, "Um, that's great. You make it sound really simple."

She smiled a wide smile and said, "Well, I look at it this way: I'm the one in one in charge of my mind, nobody else."

As she put away her billfold and prepared to walk away she said, "I'm not handing that control over to anyone else."

She pointed upward

Just as she was walking away, she said over her shoulder, "Besides, I know who's watching over me, so I just hang loose. I figure one way or another, whatever happens He'll make everything work out okay." 

By then all three of us were smiling.

The checker said, "Thanks for the reminder. I needed that today. Usually I can feel the tension rising for awhile before I make myself take a few deep breaths. Then I shrug my shoulders and let it go."  

As the woman started to walk away, the checker said, "I like your way better. You decide beforehand your day will be good. I think I'll try that myself."

She flashed a parting smile and said, "You do that! Bet you'll be glad you did!"

That smiling little lady walked away with unhurried pace

She seemed like an oasis of serenity, especially because she was surrounded by crowds of people texting and talking on their phones and shushing their kids.  

If her body language meant anything, she possessed what I want for myself: A calm spirit. Inner peace. Smiles instead of frowns.

Overhearing that conversation reminded me what I had believed all my life, that yes, God is still in control and yes, I do have a will and and I choose how I look at life.

I wanted what she had, a predictably calm outlook, so I promised myself to follow her example. After all, she draws her strength from the same Power Source I rely on, the One who never fails us. 

From that day on, I learned all over again to regard every day as a good day--and remember that each day is a gift from God.

And she was right. I do like this way much better.

Need some backup? 

Here are a few Bible verses we can hang onto as we grow.

This is the day the Lord has made; We will rejoice and be glad in it.                                                        Psalm 118:24  NKJV

For as he thinks in his heart, so is he.     Proverbs 23:7  NKJV

You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, whose thoughts are fixed on you!                        Isaiah 26:3  NLT

I'll warn you this may be a two steps forward, one step back process, but that's no reason to quit. After all, that's still one step forward.

I've found the goal is too worthwhile to let it go because my nameless friend was right. It does make all the difference to decide beforehand that our day(s) will be good because it changes us and how we relate to the people in our lives.

Then before long we can pass on this "secret" from experience, rather than theory.

And won't that be a happy day?

Lenore

Forget the old definitions: There are no small jobs

Remember when we were little and we proudly declared, "I'm gonna do something important when I grow up!"

Most of us lost that certainty and we toned it down as the years went by. Besides, our definition of "important" changed--and that's a good thing.

Some people have a mental pecking order when it comes to jobs. Sorry to tell you, but that's an outdated concept.  

Sometimes a job is much more than it seems 

Mitzi works in a child care center. She earns little more than minimum wage, but she loves kids.

Some days the babies cry all day and toddlers cling. On those days sometimes she would like to turn around, walk out the door and never come back.

But she stays, knowing she's "security" for the little ones in her charge. 

The moms and dads love her because it's plain to see that Mitzi loves their children. They often confide in her because she always lets them talk. What's more, she takes time to listen. Mitzi raised three children of her own, so she often passes on practical tips from her own parenting.  

More than one young mom has said to her, "I don't know what I'd do without you, Mitzi. I'm just flying by the seat of my pants as a mom and I don't have anyone else to ask. You are a lifesaver!"

George is "just a janitor" in a middle school.

He has a small cubbyhole "office" where he eats his sack lunch and puts his feet up between chores.

Each year at the beginning of the school year he makes sure to spread the word to students just coming in that he wants to be helpful. He lets everyone know it's okay to stop by his office and if he can help them, he will.  

There might as well be a sign that reads "Counselor" over the door to his tiny room. Every day one or a few kids stop by. They talk and he listens. Sometimes he asks leading questions that turn their thoughts in a new direction. He takes the time, even if they still hang around after the end of a long school day.  

Always, George takes care that his door stays open. 

When a student finishes talking it out George usually assures them that he can tell they are strong and that he knows they will work it out. Most of the time that's all they need.

Sometimes he advises them to talk to a particular teacher or counselor. If he spots a youngster who seems deeply troubled, he quietly alerts faculty members who could come alongside.

Every now and then a kid will tell him, "You're my best friend in all the world, George. Nobody else cares."

Sandy worked behind the counter of a roller skating rink

On weekends and vacation times that rink also served as a hangout for middle- and high-schoolers with too much time on their hands. Her official job was to check everyone in and hand out skates.

Sandy didn't stop with that. She also settled arguments, usually by listening to both sides and then helping the kids get a better perspective. Her clear eyes saw everything, including young couples who couldn't keep their hands off each other.

"They're good kids, most of 'em," she said, "but a few have no one at home because their parents work late. That's why they hang around here--and why they talk to me. Some of their questions are 'lulus,' let me tell you! Everything from faith to sex to fear their parents might be getting a divorce."

That's when Sandy smiled, her face alight with real affection. "They need someone they can talk to. That makes me glad I can be here and that I have time to listen. I give out lots of hugs and I get hugged back. I guess for some of those kids I'm like another mom--and it's good for me to be needed, too."

Let's drop the word "just" when talking about what we do

You're not "just" a mom or a dad. You are raising the next generation. What could be more important than that? You are the one(s) in charge of your family's life and almost certainly, you set the tone for the atmosphere in your home.

You're not "just" a senior with time on your hands. You can use that extra time in so many ways, with your family, in your church and/or in your community. You are available and that enables you to be a blessing in ways that weren't possible earlier in your life.

You're not "just" a caregiver for a loved one. You are the one who--probably more than you know--makes it possible for that family member to feel still loved and valued, in spite of needing care.

You're not "just" a nurse or nurse's aide. You are the one who has the most direct contact with patients. You care for them--and probably with a smile that doesn't quit. You speak hope when they are depressed and encourage them.  

You're not "just" the employee who keeps the business or restaurant tidy, including the restrooms. Because of your quiet work in the background, customers relax and feel confidence that things are done as they should be. 

The list goes on and on. Endlessly.

Adding value to what we do as individuals

However we spend our days we can make life better for ourselves and others without much extra effort, often with words alone. 

It's as the writer of Proverbs says in 25:11 (ESV):

A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in a setting of silver.  

A friend suggested the other day that instead of the cliche, "Have a nice day," we Christians easily could say, "May God give you a good day."

Or when someone asks, "How are you?" we could do better than reply with our standard "I'm fine." We could answer with something like, "I'm blessed and thankful, and I hope you are, too."

Suppose we took the words of the Apostle Paul seriously

Finally, brothers [and sisters,] whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.   Philippians 4:8  ESV

What if you and I made it our "job" to live out those words? Whatever else we do each day, we could embody these truths and let it come through in our ordinary conversations and our everyday responsibilities. Think how that could change our days--and every interaction with other people.

This may sound small and unimportant, but trust me: The results(s) could be mighty.

Best of all, whatever our age or life situation, every one of can do this "small job, right now, wherever we are. 

Ready, set, go!

Lenore