A WOMAN'S VIEW ~ Lenore Buth

Take Another Look at the "Good Old Days"

Some people wish they lived in "simpler times." They picture themselves reclining on couches or sitting on cool wraparound porches, sipping cool lemonade. 

It must have been idyllic, they tell themselves. But was it?

Maybe not. Years ago our family visited a museum where I picked up a small souvenir parchment, an exact copy of one pioneer mother's laundry instructions to her soon-to-be-married daughter.  

Mama's Wash Receipt

1.  Bild a fire in back yard to heet kettle of rain rater.

2.  Set tubs so smoke won't blow in eyes if wind is pert.

3.  Shave one hole cake of lie sope in bilin water. 

4.  Sort things. Make three piles. 1 pile white, 1 pile cullord, 1 pile work britches and rags. 

5.  Stir flour in cold water to smooth, then thin down with bilin water. 

6.  Rub dirty spots on board, scrub hard, then bile. Rub cullord, but don't bile--just rench and starch.

7.  Take white things out of kettle with broom handle, then rench, blew and starch.

8.  Spred tee towels on grass.

9.  Hang old rags on the fence. 

10. Pore rench water on flower bed.  

11. Scrub porch with hot soapy water.

12. Turn tub upside down.

13. Go put on clean dress--smooth hair with side combs.

14. Brew cup of tea--set and rest and rock a spell and count yer blessings.

(Do you still want to swap your automatic washer and dryer for the "romance" of living long ago?)    

Let's not stop with laundry

A friend sent this to me, assorted random facts from 1910:

♦ Average life expectancy for men: 48 years

♦ Old Glory featured only 45 stars

♦ Crossword puzzles, canned beer, and iced tea had not been invented  

♦ Official Mother's Day or Father's Day? Not then

♦ The bra would not be patented until 1914 

♦ Two out of every 10 adults couldn't read or write and only 6 percent of all Americans had graduated from high school

♦ The process to flash-freeze food was patented in 1924 by Clarence Birdseye

♦ Only 14 percent of all U.S. homes had a bathtub

♦ Penicillin not discovered until 1928

♦ Just 8 percent of homes had a telephone

♦ The first voice and music signals heard were transmitted over radio waves in December 1906

♦ The ballpoint pen invented in 1944 

♦ There were only 8,000 cars and only 144 miles of paved roads in the USA

♦ The maximum speed limit in most places: 10 mph

♦ Tallest structure in the world: the Eiffel Tower

♦ Average US wage in 1910 only 22 cents per hour

♦ The average US worker earned between $200 and $400 per year

♦ The calculator invented in 1970 

♦ More than 95% of all births took place at home

♦ 90 percent of all doctors had no college education 

♦ Sugar cost about 4 cents per pound

♦ Eggs sold for about 14 cents a dozen

♦ Coffee was 15 cents a pound

♦ 18% percent of households had at least one full-time servant

♦ There were about 230 reported murders in the entire U.S.

♦ Most women washed their hair only once a month and used Borax or egg yolks for shampoo

♦ Underarm deodorant and toothpaste did not exist

♦ The five leading causes of death: 1. The flu, 2. Tuberculosis, 3. Diarrhea, 4. Heart disease, 5. Stroke

Obviously, there were no microwaves, no cell-phones, no internet, no social media. 

One centenarian's opinion

Over four decades ago my grandmother, who at the time lived in an assisted-living facility, celebrated her 100th birthday. (She lived to be 101.) The local small-town newspaper sent a female reporter to interview her. This proved a bit frustrating for the young woman.

It seems Grandma peppered her with questions about how she managed her life as a wife, the mother of two preschoolers, and also worked for the newspaper. Through all this the reporter kept asking, "I do enjoy talking with you, but please, won't you tell me about the good old days?"

Finally, Grandma replied. "Well, the good old days weren't so great. You wouldn't have liked 'em much."

Not a bad role model for living, I'd say

As you might guess, I love Grandma's answer and I think it's a good attitude for any of us to hang onto as the years pass. After all, don't the experts keep telling us we need to "live in the moment"?

So let's make the most of today, as the psalmist advised us in Psalm 118:24, here from the ESV:

This is the day that the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.

 Here's to loving the life we have in the day we are living!

 Lenore

Don't miss the wonder of your life

Have you ever realized you walked blind and deaf through the day you just lived?

I have.  

Times I listen, but do not hear and look, but do not see.  

If you asked me I would reply, "Oh sure, of course I see the people and I know there is beauty all around me."

But that's a ho-hum response, isn't it?

Yes, I make it through the routines of the day, but here's the problem: My heart isn't in it.

This happens most often when I feel overwhelmed by some knotty issue I have to work through. Or some not-very-important choice between one thing and another and I can't make up my mind.

Whatever the reason, life feels full of stress and even though I know it makes no sense, I can't find calm.

Ever been there?   

Proven ways to recover sight and sound--and joy in living

I learned a long time ago that at least for me, positive thinking and power affirmations are not enough. Mindfulness and meditation are trendy, but their power doesn't last long. Only some form of a strategy like this wakes up my senses and gets me back on track.

• Realize the root cause almost always traces back to getting too wrapped up in myself and what I can do on my own. That usually follows a spell of neglecting to regularly spend time in the "Manufacturer's Handbook," aka, the Bible. 
      Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.  Psalm 119:105
   
• Remember who's really in charge of the future.
     For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."   Jeremiah 29:11   
  
  
• Remind myself Jesus walks with me through each day--and night.
      "... And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.”  Matthew 28:20   
  
  
• Recount God's blessings, past and present. Often.
      From the fullness of his grace we have all received one blessing after another.  John            1:16   

• Recall his promises. Daily.
     “Come to me, all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”  Matthew 11:28
  
  
• Relax because I know who He is and I know who I am in Jesus. 
      "I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that     bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing.”   John 15:5   

• Rejoice in the peace he gives.
      "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to      you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.”  John 14:27 
  
  
•  Revel in the magnificence of it all, including the world all around me.
      Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good, for his steadfast love endures forever.  Psalm     136:1 
   
      And God saw all that he had made, and behold, it was very good.   Genesis 1:31 
     
    “Be still and know that I am God.  Psalm 46:10  

This last verse is a good place to park my mind because it lays out the order of things.   

Recalling what’s true resets our perspective

It's as if we look at our life and our world from another angle and it opens our eyes and ears. As Grandma used to say, we “get our heads on straight.”

Don't expect instant breakthroughs or sudden insights that solve problems. Most of the time the people around us stay the same and our lives look the same from the outside.

Rather, this is an inside job. We see more clearly the wonder and the joy of living that God showers on us every single day. 

And that, my friends, makes all the difference.

Here’s to living life--fully,

Lenore

Take another look at your life

How do you see yourself?

Do you often think or say," Well, I've never done anything special. Probably never will. Makes me wonder sometimes what's the point of going on?" 

Just in case nobody's told you this lately, letting that mood hang on is like trying to camp out on quicksand.

Still, dealing with difficult family situations or health problems or simply growing older can feel like too much to bear at times. 

Or maybe your daily grind is grinding you down and you can't see a way out.

What's a person to do?

Why not try on a new perspective?

Some years ago Andy Andrews wrote a book, The Noticer, that became meaningful to masses of readers. Here's a brief summary of what the main character, Jones, tells a hopeless individual about the reasons why they are still living: 

1.  God has a purpose for every single person.

2.  You won't die until that purpose is fulfilled.

3.  If you are still alive, then you haven't completed what you were put on earth to do.

4.  If you haven't completed what you were put on earth to do, then your very purpose hasn't been fulfilled.

5.  If your purpose hasn't been fulfilled, then the most important part of your life is still ahead.

6.  You have yet to make your most important contribution.

(Chapter 6, pp. 83-85.)

You already meet this author's most important criteria

As long as you and I are still breathing we have not yet fulfilled our purpose, at least, not all of our purpose. This makes every day vitally important, doesn't it?

It doesn't matter if we look back on the past with yearning. It doesn't matter if we feel unsure about today or tomorrow. Our moods do not determine the value of our lives. Our down times do not cancel out the good we have done--and are doing. 

Those of us who are Christians see a larger purpose in what we're able to accomplish during our lifetimes, even when we're just being faithful to do what's expected of us and see no fine, lofty and lasting purpose in our days. It puts meaning into our days--and our deeds--when we remember what the Apostle Paul wrote in Ephesians 2:10:

For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.

Let's take it a bit further

As Christians we're meant to look at life differently. Take worry, for example:

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.   --Philippians 4:6-7

How do we get through those days (and sometimes weeks, months, even years) when life seems more than we can handle?

Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.   --Isaiah 41:10

We believers can safely trust that we will have the strength to meet whatever challenges may come up. God says so, in Deuteronomy 33:25:

"As thy days, so shall thy strength be."  

What will tomorrow bring? None of us can say   

So if today is "one of those days" and we're at a low point, it's time to look up from the pits and look past our problems.

You are alive and so am I. We cannot know how God already is using us in someone's life. We cannot predict how He will use us tomorrow, but we can trust that He will.

Dear reader, I pray you may know the truth of Romans 15:3:

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.

Lenore

Put some life back in your life

We've all been there, in one of those times when our life feels as flat as a soda that's lost its fizz.

The dark mood hangs on, even though nothing in our lives has changed. Our "glass" is as full today as it was yesterday. Last week. Last month.

Yet we see emptiness, not fullness.

That's because we call it as we see it at the moment, not as it is.

It's not helpful that we may do that with our family members and friends, too. We become blind to their good points and see only their faults.

We look at our lives and say, "Well, nobody's life is perfect, but ..."

Then that little voice inside asks, Couldn't my life be a bit, um, more? Couldn't that other person change just a little bit? If only ....

Trust me, it's risky to hang around too long in the land of "If only."

I know a woman, let's call her Ginny, and I doubt she ever goes there. She has a pile of problems, but you'd never guess. Ask her how she's doing and she usually replies, "Great! If my life got any better, I couldn't stand it!"

Ask her to elaborate and she'll say, "Well, I am breathing in and out--and that's a good thing. My arms and legs get me around, no help needed, and my mind works just fine. So do my eyes, even if I do need Coke-bottle eyeglasses to see well. I have a roof over my head and I eat regularly. I'm part of a church family, where we love the Lord and we love each other. Best of all, I know Jesus loves me and watches over me, so I see myself as rich." 

It took me awhile to understand that every time Ginny repeats all the reasons she has to be thankful it reinforces in her mind that she is blessed and it shifts her thinking to what's good and right and true.

Does that sounds too simple? Most great truths are.

What if you and I counted our blessings not just on Thanksgiving, but every day of the year?

Suppose we gave up harping on what's wrong and bemoaning what's missing and deliberately focused on what is good. Saying it out loud helps, too, even if there's no one else around.

Picture starting each day with, "Thank you, Lord, for this day and for every blessing in my life. Thank you for promising to be with me every minute. Guide me and use me, I pray, and get me through this day."

Think how that simple change could improve our marriages, our family relationships and our friendships.

Researchers say don't stop there

Don't take my word for it. A Texas Tech University study proved the value of counting our blessings and then counting them again. They divided study participants into two groups with similar life situations. 

This turned out to be a genius way to prove that even such a simple practice made a huge difference. The folks who frequently and deliberately took time to re-appreciate the good in their lives scored themselves as happier than those who didn't.

Researchers concluded that counting our blessings--over and over--reminds us of their value and helps us stay contented.

As the song says,

"Count your blessings, name them one by one . . .

"And it will surprise you what the Lord has done."

Our perception of life depends on where we look.

Most of all it helps if we take our eyes off the gifts and focus on the Giver. He is the real source of life in our life.

Here are some verses to help us get us started.

The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song.  Psalm 28:7

So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught and overflowing with thankfulness.                                         Colossians 2:6-7

Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.     1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Why not give it a try? 

This Thanksgiving and every day may you have blessings too numerous to count--and may you have eyes to see them!

Wishing you joy,

Lenore

A fresh take on "Love your neighbor"

Sometimes a slight twist of our perspective leads to major changes.

That happened to my husband and me the week our entire family went to summer camp on the shore of Lake Michigan.

At the time we lived on and operated a dairy and grain farm, with all the constant responsibility that implies, plus we had four lively children.

Between cows and crops and kids, both of us were running on fumes by July and needed a break.

Needed time.

Needed to find each other again.

Then we heard of a long-established, well-respected Christian family camp. We could drive there from our Illinois farm.

And, oh bliss! Every day would offer age-appropriate programs and daytime activities for kids and teens, all supervised by well-screened youth counselors and leaders.   

 No cooking. No cleaning. No kids during most of the day, with family free time in the evenings. What's not to like?

Heaven on earth, here we come!

We arrived on a Sunday afternoon 

Next morning we escorted our four girls to their age-appropriate activities, signed them in and walked away. They would be safe and have fun for the next 5 or 6 hours. Yippee!

That first day we two decided to "try out" the adult Bible study led by a pastor from the Northwest.    

He started off with something like this. "Jesus told us to love our neighbors as ourselves. Let's think this through. Who is my closest neighbor?"   

Silence for a moment. 

Then he hooked us with these words. "Answer: Our families. Nobody is a closer neighbor than the people we live with and share a life with. Nobody more deserves to be treated kindly and considerately.

"After all, they're the ones who every day have to deal with us. Us, with our individual quirks and habits." (Laughter.)

Then he launched into lively personal examples. As always, I took notes. 

His first illustration made me squirm 

"Every morning when I'm ready to eat breakfast with my wife, I never know what to expect. Most of the time she's a sweetheart. But sometimes, blame it on PMS, or a dreary day or whatever, she sighs a lot, slams cupboard doors and bangs the dishes around. At our house, that's not a good sign."

(I didn't look at my husband and was glad he didn't give me the elbow.)

"So every morning I have a choice. Will I give back what she is giving out? Or will I, even on those mornings, remember that my call as a Christian is to love her? 

"To love her even when I know I'm in for another tough day at work. Even if I'm not sure whether we can cover all the bills this month.  

"My first call as a Christian husband is to love my wife. Period. And a Christian wife has the same call toward her husband."

You could have heard a pin drop in that packed auditorium 

His simple words shot down every excuse and self-justification I could think of. 

"You may wonder if this principle also applies to us as Christian parents," he said. "In one word: Yes.

"Parenting is hard!" (Applause all around the room.) "For those raising children on their own it's even harder, yet the challenge remains the same: To live out love unconditionally as best they can.  

"My three children often charm me, irritate me, baffle me, embarrass me, disappoint me, bring me to tears. But it doesn't matter. That's all part of rearing these gifts of God. 

"As their dad, my call is to keep on loving them through it all." 

Each day our teacher opened his heart and helped us look deeper into living out our Christian faith and pointed out the many places the Bible says the Holy Spirit is our Helper.

His words were water on our dry, dusty hearts

Our wilted spirits slowly revived and bloomed again. The invisible distance between us melted and our usual oneness returned.

Did my husband and I immediately morph into ideal spouses who never again got impatient with each other? Not likely.

But we gained new understanding and turned a corner in our thinking. The last afternoon we promised each other we would do our best to live out love every day. 

And over the years, we did, sometimes slipping and sliding along the way but hanging on.

Jesus knew we would find this a challenge    

He tells us to "Love your neighbor as yourself."

"AS yourself."

That's the "ouch factor" in those words, isn't it? The one that sets us coming up with "Yeah, buts."

It gets easier when we remember what that study leader at Camp stressed over and over:

"Love" is more than an emotion. To live out love means to do what's loving--and this we control.   

That surprised me then and it still does

Looking at love this way means we needn't first try to dredge up emotion from within ourselves. We don't have to feel loving to demonstrate love. To act in loving ways.

When we simply do what love calls for it's not long before our feelings match our actions.  

But that's the point, isn't it? When Jesus told us to love he did not mean to love when we're in the mood and the rest of the time, forget it.

Let's keep the order straight

Jesus sums it up in Mark 12:30-31:  

Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.   

After this comes:  

The second is this: Love your neighbor as yourself.   

We love because he [Jesus] first loved us.   1 John 4:19  NIV

Along the way, let's be kind to ourselves, too. Sometimes we will fail and need to start over, simply because we're human beings. That's a good time to remind ourselves of this truth: 

But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.   Romans 5:8  ESV

Our forgiveness in Christ means we are not condemned when we fall short of loving unconditionally. Instead, we are free to start over and go on, living our faith and growing stronger.

Best of all, we're not left on our own

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.   Romans 15:13   ESV

Let us rejoice and be glad!   

Lenore   

A question only you can answer: How is Life Treating You?

Perhaps the better question is, "How are you treating life?"

That is, what label do we paste on our days?

We seldom realize that's what we're doing, but it's true--and it becomes a habit.

A bad habit, because it gets easier and easier to fixate on what's "wrong" and subsequently miss what's right. (Or am I the only one who ever does that?)

This colors how we look at everything, maybe most of all, the people in our lives.

Finding fault and complaining starts early. Think how siblings squabble and wail, "It's my turn." 

Nobody has to teach kids that annoying practice. Isn't it odd how that kind of attitude seems to lurk within each of us? 

The angst of the younger generation ramps up in the teenage years, with endless complaints to parents: "You always ..." or "You never ... "

During those years children and teens could not fathom the internal struggles a mother or father feels. All along they live with uncertainty, nobody ever certain they are "doing it right."

Labeling saves time

Think about it. Once we label a person we don't have to think. We just plug in what we always "knew" about them--or thought we did.

Those old impressions lodge in our minds and too often we won't let go. It's more comfortable to hang onto old thinking than to take a fresh look. At ourselves.

This same pitfall dogs married couples. The person we fell in love with and married turns out to have a few faults. Yet that's the one who stays and keeps on loving us through all the highs and lows, the good times and the hard times--which happen to everyone, by the way.

Even those we judge to "have it all together."

Cause for celebration  

If we're honest, at times any one of us is not that easy to live with--even in a strong marriage. True?

But do we celebrate? Nope. More often we nag and nit-pick about small habits that bug us. We whine that we don't feel appreciated for who we are and how much we give and we are the ones who deserve to be celebrated. 

(How do I know this? Do you need to ask?)

We may exhibit selective sight with our adult children, as well. We focus on all the ways they need to change but remain blind to their strengths and good points. As for praise, forget about it, because we know they could do better. 

Often our Inner Critic carries that over into all of life  

We pick out things we wish were different and easily ignore what's good. We look "over there" for happiness and forget to look at what and who is right there in front of us.

Most of all we forget to look within ourselves.

Too often I would have to plead guilty. How about you?

But hey, old habits are hard to break. Right?

Time for a change

I've never forgotten one sermon that jolted me out of that rut.

Our pastor had the ushers hand out index cards and told us that he had found a short formula to be helpful in his life because it opened the eyes of his heart. That Sunday he decided to pass it on to us.

He suggested an experiment. Starting that day each of us was to promise ourselves to make this our personal practice. No questions would be asked. No reports of progress or lack thereof. This was to be personal.

His "formula" stuck in my memory because it's uncomplicated and short. I wrote it on an index card and taped it to my bathroom mirror as a reminder.

Did it bless my life? Yes it did, although I confess sometimes I slipped up often and some days didn't remember to try. 

Here's the simple formula:

1.  Leave the past at the cross of Jesus Christ, once and for all.

2.  See the good.

3.  Speak the good.

4. Ask God to develop this attitude within me.

U-turn required

Whatever the date and time or stage of life we're in right now, it's worth giving it a fair trial, don't you think? 

According to the news and the "experts" it sounds as if everything is up for grabs. Some of us feel we're floundering and just hanging on from day to day.

This simple formula sorts out what matters most in making a good life. It reveals the emptiness of the flotsam we're flooded with every day, on every side. It reminds us to stay on track by fixing our attention on what we as individuals can control.

This list serves us in the same way a level serves a carpenter: It helps us stay balanced, today and in the future.

You and I cannot change the world, but we change our world

Living by that pastor's formula takes us a long way toward that goal.

For specifics, many people hold up the Proverbs 31 woman as an example of how we should live. I believe most of those principles apply to both sexes in a general way. 

If the criteria in that chapter sound too daunting, focus on verse 26 for starters. 

She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.

Doesn't that make a worthy checklist for both women and men?  

It's not hard to see how speaking kindness and appreciation would add life and light to our lives--and the lives of our spouse, our children and the people around us. This is doable for any of us. 

Whatever our age or life situation, one truth applies to every one of us: 

God gives us life. It's up to us how we live it.

Here's to being good learners,

Lenore