A WOMAN'S VIEW ~ Lenore Buth

How to find peace when you're feeling overwhelmed

It happens to all of us now and then. We reach our limits. Of patience. Or money. Or hope.

For whatever reason, life simply feels like too much to handle.

Worst of all, sometimes we feel distant from the Lord.

What do we do then?

It took me years to learn--and relearn--this basic lesson of life:

In every situation, we choose how we think.

I know now we can wrap ourselves up in our frustration and pain and fretting or we can change the way we look at our life.

I hear you saying, "Talk is cheap. You don't know how hard it is for me!"

No, I don't. But I know how hard it is for me to climb out if I let myself get stuck in that pit.

Call a halt

By now I recognize thoughts that lead me into treacherous territory. They come sounding harmless enough, just random thoughts that appeal to my pride or fears. Words like these:

• What if ____ ?
• Why doesn't he--or she-- ____ ?
• Why must I always ____ ?
• I don't have to put up with this!
• If ____, then what will happen?
• What has God done for me lately?

That kind of thinking pulls me down as surely as gravity makes the apple drop. When I recognize those red flag phrases I catch myself and say, "Stop!"

Then I deliberately retell myself what's true--or more true. I restate the situation in a more balanced way. If I'm alone I say it out loud or at least, whisper it to myself.

Thinking and saying the words aloud helps me the most.

Fill your reservoir with the Good Stuff

My best strategy is to make my mind switch over to what lifts my heart and eases that tension in my shoulders.

You hear it often, "Use positive affirmations."

That doesn't do it for me. I've tried it when I'm upset or angry, repeated phrases like, "I am at peace with the world," or "I am calm in every circumstance." 

Then I hear that little voice in my head arguing, "Oh yeah?"

Shift the focus off ourselves

What gives me strength is to repeat truths like these (all NIV:)

• God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear . . .    --Psalm 46:1a
  
  
• I am the LORD, the God of all mankind. Is anything too hard for me? --Jeremiah 32:27
  
  
• Cast all your anxiety upon him, because he cares for you. --1 Peter 5:7
  
  
• I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. --Philippians 4:13 
  
  
• But he (Jesus) said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." --2 Corinthians 12:9
  
  
• (Jesus said) "Do not let your heart be troubled. Trust in God, trust also in me . . . I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me."  --John 14:1, 6
  
  
• And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus. --Philippians 4:19

Switch 'em out

What to do when life knocks you around and you're reeling? When doubts fill your mind and you want to quit?

Only one thing works for me. Any time a Red Flag thought digs in, drive it out by repeating the Good Stuff. Gradually you'll feel the heaviness in your spirit melting away.

Even if nothing about your life situation changes, you will be changed. And that makes all the difference.

Always learning,

Lenore

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Take heart, Mom. You are your child's biggest "advantage" in life

Have you ever doubted your ability to give your children what they need? 

Most of us have. Then it's good to remind ourselves about individuals who overcame big challenges and reared solid families.

My favorite example is Sonya Carson. I've admired her ever since her younger son, Ben--yes, that Ben Carson--held our convention audience spellbound as he told of his growing-up years. 

Sonya coped with challenges most of us can't imagine. 

• She only completed Grade 3 in school
• At age 13 she married 28 year-old Robert Carson
• They moved to Detroit after he finished his U.S. Army service
• Son Curtis arrived when Sonya was 20 and Ben, two years later 
• Five years later she discovered her husband "forgot" to mention his other (first) wife and children--and still supported them
• Within two years Sonya and Robert separated, then she divorced him
• She and the boys moved in with relatives in Boston
• Two years later the Sonya and her boys moved back to Detroit and into subsidized housing

Sonya was determined to provide for her family

She took whatever honest low-skills, low-pay jobs she could find, working two or three at a time. She left before dawn and came home late, often finding her sons asleep in front of the television set. 

Each day the boys got themselves up, then walked along the railroad track to school. Classmates called fifth-grader Ben the dumbest kid in class and made jokes about him. 

Almost every Sunday the trio attended their church at least once.

One day he brought home a report card that changed his life 

His mother was not happy. "You're a smart boy, Bennie! I know you can do better! If you keep up like this, you'll end up sweeping floors or on skid row. That's not the kind of life I want for you--and neither does God."

Sonya turned to God, whom she calls her friend and partner, and asked for wisdom.

A day or so later she announced new rules and pledged her sons to honor them.

• Come home home immediately after school
• No playing outside until after homework is done
• Be inside the apartment by sunset, with doors locked; Halls and public areas are dangerous
• Only two TV programs per week--after homework
• Each week read two books from the neighborhood public library and write a book report
• Mother will critique each book report 

The boys complained and friends criticized, but nothing swayed Sonya

She told them, "I know you boys have good minds. If you can read, you can learn just about anything you want to know. The doors of the world are open to people who can read."  

Before long the friendly public librarians knew both boys well. Each week Sonya Carson carefully read their book reports, asking questions and offering encouragement. (For years it didn't occur to her sons she might not understand every word she read.)

First Bennie read his way through the section on animals and then tackled books about rocks. The crushed rocks along the track now fascinated him. By the middle of his sixth grade, Benjamin led his class.

Ben's biggest challenge

All along Ben struggled with his violent temper, which led to frequent confrontations with classmates. The turning point came when he was 14 and stabbed a friend. Only that boy's heavy metal belt buckle saved his life.

Ben ran home and locked himself in the bathroom with his Bible. He stayed there for hours, asking God to help him deal with his temper. He found many verses about anger in the Book of Proverbs. Proverbs 16:32 pierced his heart:

"Better a patient man than a warrior, a man who controls his temper than one who takes a city." 

Ben vowed that with God's help, he would control his anger, rather than let his anger control him. After that his temper no longer troubled him.

Sonya's plan pays big dividends

From then on Ben poured himself into his studies, graduated high school, entered Yale in 1969, then went on to medical school. (Older brother Curtis, became an engineer and designed airplane parts.) At age 33, Benjamin Solomon Carson, M.D., became the director of pediatric neurosurgery at Johns Hopkins. He pioneered in separating co-joined (Siamese) twins. 

A committed Christian, he still reads from the Book of Proverbs, morning and evening.

Like Mother, like son

Ben discounts the lifetime effect of poverty and racial prejudice.

"The person who has the most to do with who you are and what you become is you." 

"My mother used to say, 'If you walk into an auditorium full of racist, bigoted people ... you don't have a problem, they have a problem ...'

His philosophy probably stems from from Sonya Carson's frequent admonition to her sons: 

"You do your best and God will do the rest."

She lived that principle herself. "My job was to prepare them. And I turned to God for help every inch of the way."

You are equipped to rear your kids

You'll have days you feel life is too hard or think you lack what it takes. If money is tight, you may fear you're shortchanging your children. 

Then call Sonya Carson and her courage to mind. Think of the rich gifts she gave her sons in that dismal setting! She spoke courage when she didn't know how she'd get through the week. She set limits for her children, always speaking faith and confidence. They grew strong from within--and so did she. 

Not once did she walk alone. Neither do you, if, like Sonya, God is your friend and your partner.

Blessings,

Lenore        

Are heroes born or made? You decide

"Ordinary" people who perform heroically usually amaze the rest of us, especially when they seem unimpressed with themselves. 

Here's one you won't forget. Meet Nico Calabria, age 20, a standout in every way.  

Photo by Carl Calabria

After Nico's birth doctors told his parents their son would never lead a normal life. 

Could never lead a normal life.

Yet at Concord-Carlisle (MA) High School he played on the varsity soccer team and the varsity wrestling team. 

As a 19-year old he was one of five amateur football (soccer) players featured in Powerade's 2014 FIFA World Cup ad campaign.

Even earlier, at age 13, he climbed Mount Kilimanjaro, the 19,341 ft. peak, set a world record and, by the way, raised $100,000 to provide free wheelchairs to needy people in Tanzania.       

He did it all on crutches.

Nico was born without a right hip or leg.  

His fascination with soccer balls started early

He first picked one up and played with it as a toddler. An unlikely toy? Sure, but his parents never discouraged him and Nico never viewed his disability as an excuse not to try. 

As he told interviewer Mihaela Husar of "Impresive" magazine, "It was hard sometimes, but my family always had a 'no excuse, tough love mentality' when it came to overcoming challenges."

That's easy to say, hard to carry out for any mom or dad, but especially when their child has a disability.

We get a glimpse of Nico growing up

The ad agency hired by PowerAde sports drink produced this heartwarming video about Nico's life when he was chosen to be a member of Team USA of the American Amputee Soccer Association which in 2014 competed in the World Cup. 

YouTube picked it up and it immediately went viral.  

 

For Nico it's all about doing what he loves

Nico tells his "Impresive" interviewer some people think he's trying to make a statement by playing soccer with able-bodied people. Not true. He says he never gave up because, "I just love playing soccer."

It helps that he has no hangups about what he can or cannot do.

"I look at disabilities as 'differences in ability.' There's an important distinction. The definition of 'disabled' is basically a long list of synonyms that don't describe me...like 'crippled' and 'weak'."

PowerAde's global communication manager says Nico redefines our outlook on challenges.  "Having one leg was his reality, so he chose to view it as an asset rather than a hindrance. ... That's what we loved about him."

Here's life according to Nico at age 18: "I've got one leg. You get one life. I'm not going to let the hand I was dealt in life dictate what my life is going to be."

What holds the rest of us back?

It took me way too long to understand the basic, obvious fact that everything hinges on how we think and what we think. 

Whatever the circumstances of our life may be, what we think is most important.

That's just as true for you and me as it is for Nico Calabria.

I need to keep reminding myself of that truth, so I collect quotes. Here are some favorites. Each one has at times been on a sticky note on my bathroom mirror or tacked to the bulletin board above my computer. 

• Life is 10 percent what you make it and 90 percent how you take it.  --Irving Berlin
  
  
• Whether you think you can, or you think you can't, you're right.  --Henry Ford
  
  
• Never, never, never give up!  --Winston Churchill

The bottom line for us as Christians

You and I face different challenges, but each one of us has difficulties to overcome. How we look at our lives makes all the difference.

For as he thinks in his heart, so is he.  --Proverbs 23:7  NLT

For God gave us a spirit not of fear, but of power and love and self-control. --2 Tim. 1:7  ESV

We know we're not alone. For us, it's God who gives us the right spirit and supplies what we need to live the life He has given us.

That certainty will carry us through each day, each challenge. Count on it.

Still learning,

Lenore

 

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Mom, you can plant a "can do" attitude, even if you're living in a "can't do" world

I hesitated to write this post because I avoid the subject of politics in this blog.

I decided to go ahead because I want to tell the story of Benjamin Carson's incredible mother, Sonya.

He is a candidate for President, so he's in the news. What about his early life?

Most of us know Ben Carson, M. D., became director of pediatric neurosurgery at Johns Hopkins Hospital in Baltimore at age 33 and was the first surgeon anywhere to successfully separate twins conjoined at the head. He retired from surgery in 2013.

Years ago my husband and I heard Ben Carson speak on how to overcome odds and achieve personal goals. For almost an hour he held our group of conventioneers spellbound.

No one moved.

No one coughed or cleared their throats or headed for the restrooms.

What impressed me most was hearing of his mother's remarkable strength. I've since read more about her and I still marvel. 

Ben Carson probably grew up in privilege, right?  

His doting parents spared him from struggle and discouragement. Right?

Wrong on both counts.

But Ben Carson had a mother who never stopped believing in him--or in God.

Over and over she told her sons, "Learn to do your best and God will do the rest."

Sonya Carson spoke encouragement to her sons out of faith, not personal experience 

She dropped out of school in Tennessee when she was in third grade. Sonja married at age 13 and became a mother at 18. The family lived in Detroit.

When Ben was 8 and his brother, Curtis, was 10, Sonja discovered her husband was a bigamist. She took the boys and moved in with her sister in Boston, then divorced her husband. 

Two years later Sonya, Curtis and Bennie moved back to Detroit and into a ghetto high-rise, all they could afford. 

To support them Sonya cleaned houses for wealthy homeowners, resolved she would do the best cleaning job her employers ever had. She often left home before sunrise and returned around 11 p.m.

To dress the family she patched and darned clothes from Goodwill. In summer she and the boys picked fruits and vegetables for local farmers, then took home their share so Sonja could preserve what they picked.  

Somehow she managed to pay expenses and says with pride, "I took food stamps only one time, for a few months." 

Everyday life in the high-rise  

Not surprisingly, the Carson boys did what their friends did. After school they played outside, then came in and watched TV.

They struggled in school, especially Ben. His mother told him, "Bennie, you have to work harder. You have to use that good brain God gave you. Do you understand me?"

Still, when other kids jeered that he was the dumbest kid in the world, he began to believe it. Before long Bennie brought home a report card full of Fs.

Sonya knew it was a crisis, so she prayed. "Lord, if You can take nothing and make a world out of it, You can take my situation and make it work--for the boys' sake."

It wasn't long before she knew exactly what to do.

Sonja's plan

Soon she announced new, strict rules. Her sons could watch only two TV programs per week, chosen in advance.

Each week they must read two books from their neighborhood library, then write a one-page book report on each one and give it to her.

As Bennie started hanging out at the library one librarian took an interest and began pointing out books he might like. Soon he developed an interest in rocks and science. 

When her sons handed over their book reports their mother took them seriously. Sonya went over them with a red pencil and asked questions with a thoroughness that did not telegraph her own lack of education. (Ben said it was a couple of years before he realized his mother, with her background, wouldn't have understood some of the words they used.) 

Before long Bennie surprised classmates and his teacher by answering questions with right answers. By the end of the school year he was one of the best students in class.

Like Mother, like sons

Learn to do your best and God will do the rest.

Sonya Carson lived by that principle herself. As a result, no client ever wanted anyone else to clean their homes.

Her sons heard those words so often the principle became their indelible mindset, too. Both excelled in school, even though they lived in a high-rise where going out into the halls after dark could mean risking your life. 

Curtis, the older son, became an engineer.

Benjamin became a pediatric neurosurgeon, internationally known, who brought hope to parents who had given up hope.  

This former "F" student also became one who debated famous proponents of evolution and atheism.

Benjamin Carson , M. D., in 2001 was named one of 89 Library of Congress "living legends." He now has authored of six books and had a movie--"Gifted Hands"--made of his life.  

Eventually Sonya earned her GED, took college classes and became a successful interior decorator.

This would be an unbelievable story

Except that Sonya so clearly relied on God all along. 

Few of us will live her story, but the Bible tells us we have access to the same Power Source. 

It's as Jesus told His followers in Matthew 19:26:

   " . . . with God all things are possible."

I can do everything through him who gives me strength.                                                             --Philippians 4:13

He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.                                                 --Isaiah 40:29

Like Sonja, we can know God will hear us when we ask--and then faithfully trust.

Lovingly,

Lenore

Your comments? 

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This is a story about overcoming BIG obstacles.      

This little charmer was born in 1987, to a mother and father who walked away from the hospital and left her behind.

Permanently.

Enter Sharon and Gerald Bricker, two "ordinary" people who live in tiny Hardinville, IL.

They already had three sons, but Sharon always yearned for a daughter. She told a reporter, "I prayed, 'God give me a little girl that needs a family as bad as I need a little girl.'" 

He did.

When the couple learned this 3-month old baby girl was available for adoption they were ready to jump at the chance.

There was just one little thing: She was born without legs. 

No matter, they decided. The Brickers quickly applied to adopt, signed all the paperwork, took her home and named her Jennifer.

These two knew from the beginning that their new daughter would require all the love they could give her. 

Meet Jennifer Bricker today, champion acrobat and aerialist 

She and her parents tell their story on an unforgettable YouTube, titled: "Never say can't."   www.youtube.com/watch?v=ho9M6r5RF4A

I've watched it several times and one word comes through to me: Courage.

Courage for Jennifer, of course, but also for Sharon and Gerald, all the way through.

They come across as two good people, solid and strong, who stepped out in faith.

These two non-experts simply loved their child and believed in her. Because of Sharon's earlier remarks, it's safe to say they prayed, probably every minute of every day.

I consider these parents as amazing as their daughter. 

In the Bricker family, the same rule applied to everyone

Jennifer traces her attitude to the one simple rule her parents gave her:  "Never say 'can't.'"

She remembers them telling her again and again, "'Can't' is not part of your vocabulary. If you just put your mind to it, you can do it."

"If you're never given limits," she says, "then you think, 'I can do anything!'"

So this little "handicapped" girl decided she could be a tumbler, a gymnast and nothing would stop her. 

Finding courage to go on

When I imagine Sharon and Gerald Bricker's life. I think how easy and loving and "right" it would have seemed to tell their daughter, "Honey, I'm sorry. You can't be a tumbler because you have no legs . . . You can't play basketball because without legs you couldn't be fast enough . . . You can't play baseball because how could you run the bases?"

And all their friends and neighbors would have said, "You did the right thing. It's a shame, but in her situation how could little Jennifer even think such a thing?"

It took courage to let their daughter try and keep on trying and experience the disappointment and pain until she mastered the skills.

Suppose we, too, adopted "Never say can't" as our motto

What if we removed "can't" from our vocabulary? Or refused to allow it as an excuse within our family?

It sounds almost counter-cultural, doesn't it? 

Whatever age we are, it takes courage to murder the word, "can't," and push ourselves to grow stronger and to persevere when it's hard.

Maybe it sounds too simple, but as Christians we know where to find strength and courage to go on. Here are a couple of verses that remind us we are never alone: 

Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.  --Isaiah 41:10

I can do all things through him who strengthens me. --Philippians 4:13 

Still learning, too,

Lenore

Note: Because Jennifer Bricker was interviewed on "Family Life Today" on July 15, 2015, it seemed worthwhile to re-post this. She makes us believe we can handle anything, doesn't she?

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