Those three words sound wrong to our modern ears, don't they? Experts tell us over and over that parents and teachers and coaches must plant only positive thoughts.
I don't know about you, but that's not what I heard while growing up.
My parents were kind and loving, but obviously uninformed because they often said, "If you expect life to be easy, you're in for a big let-down."
When my groom and I married, both raised with that teaching, we knew our parents spoke out of their experience. But hey, we were crazy in love. Besides, times were different now, We just knew our life together would be pure joy.
A few years later life handed us an object lesson
That freezing Midwestern New Year's Day it was nearly bedtime
when a neighbor called and said, "Look out your side window."
All we saw was orange sky and flames blazing from the roof of our old wooden barn. The cows! Can we get the cows out in time?
We grabbed coats and boots and skittered down the ice-coated drive area to the barn. Flames already were bursting through between the boards of the barn's side walls. The cows! Somehow we managed to push our terrified animals out the door in time.
Then we drove them into a fenced area alongside the burning barn. Cows and calves stood huddled together in a sad clump, mooing and bawling in fear.
My husband led me to a place out of the wind and we stood there, shaking with cold as we watched our picturesque old red barn burn. Five minutes later the engine of the volunteer Fire Department from the nearest town arrived. The firefighters kept watch until the fire burned itself out.
Several times I had run to the house and checked on our sleeping little girls, so I knew they slumbered through all the sirens and shouts. A blessing, for sure.
About 2 a.m. everyone finally left. Quiet descended like a shroud.
We staggered back to the house, numb with exhaustion and cold. The two of us sat at our kitchen table holding hands. We both fought back tears as we replayed the scary night just lived and prayed for guidance.
What do we do now?
First light revealed the pile of rubble where our barn used to be. Next to it stood our shivering herd of Holsteins--and it was milking time.
Dairy cows can't be put off. They had to be milked. Both cows and calves had to be fed, but all the feed, hay and straw stored in that old barn--with its old, probably faulty wiring--was lost.
What were we to do?
The phone rang. The same neighbor who alerted us to the fire now kindly offered the use of an empty shed to shelter our cows from the weather and hay until we could locate a supply to purchase. Thank God!
After a hasty breakfast my husband and a helper herded the animals the almost one-quarter mile up the road to that farm. My husband, always good at improvising, figured out how to set up the milking equipment he rescued from fire. He and our neighbor agreed on the rent we would pay for as long as we needed his shed.
That's when we knew we could make it.
Finding blessing in the loss
It sounds strange, but later we came to understand we had a built-in advantage when tragedy struck. Precisely because our parents harped on "Life is hard," the fire didn't destroy us. We viewed the fire more as, "Well, that sort of thing happens in life," and coped with the needs as they arose.
It took everything we had, but as we rebuilt over the challenging months that followed we grew stronger, individually and as a couple. We saw clearly how God guided us and gave us strength, so our faith grew, too.
Now we took a softer view of our parents, the "crepe-hangers." Before, we assumed they simply didn't understand that with a good attitude and overflowing love and by using our brains, we could fend off crises. After the fire we understood they spoke timeless truth. They were trying to ensure we would not be crushed by life's ups and downs.
What do youngsters need to survive?
Today we're all about "love," believing that's the way to build strength and self-confidence into children and teens. Many grow up hearing, "Look at you!" "You are amazing!" "You are so smart!" "You deserve to be happy!" "When you find your bliss, success will come easy." Etc.
The trouble is, even "bliss" can be boring at times. And the best of times come with discouragement sprinkled here and there. Even finding THE perfect love comes with adjustments and the need to each put the other one first--which no one finds easy.
Truth is, life is hard and nobody's life is trouble-free. People sometimes let us down because imperfect people are all there is.
Now I know it's not a bad thing for children and teens to understand that life comes with joy and pain. Best of all is when they also know deep-down the saving love of Jesus and that he will enable them to survive what comes. That's a solid base for building a life.
Hard times and problems have been the making of many an individual. Those who hang in there grow--and their inner strength grows. The writer of the book of James knew all about that, writing in James 1:2-4.
Consider it pure joy, my brothers [and sisters,] whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
Those verses pretty much say it all, don't they?
Here's to joy in the midst of whatever comes!
Lenore
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