Thoughts on Rearing Self-Confident Kids

You hear it all the time on TV talk shows and read it online and in print: It's essential to be generous with praise if we want to build a child's self-image.

Blog. Boy w Mom. 6.2024That's no longer universally acclaimed. More and more new/old thinkers tell us it's better to go easy on remarks like, "You're so adorable!" and, "Look at you! You're so smart!"

Choose instead to emphasize what the child or teen can feel pride in doing and being. That is, give your kids solid, individual reasons for self-esteem.

Compliment qualities you want to implant and expand. Here are some
examples.  

If your daughter helps empty the dishwasher or pitches in with other household chores: "You're such a good helper. I like knowing I can count on you."

Should your son give part of his cookie to a friend: "I like the way you share. You have a generous heart."

If your youngster is involved in sports and their team loses the game but your child manages to keep smiling: "You make me very proud. You played fair and you're a good sport."

Such comments help kids recognize and focus on their best qualities.

Words like that build a child's character 

Even at young ages kids figure out that they can decide what to do or not to do.

Parents naturally want them to choose whichever actions will make them stronger and help them stay out of trouble. Mom or Dad can influence their thinking in many ways, especially by how they speak.

Praise their appearance only and you'll grow an individual who measures their self-worth by looking in the mirror. Praise grades, test scores and sports scores and you risk developing young people who feel they are worth less if they fail to come out on top.

What matters more is to emphasize what builds their own sense of being a worthwhile person.

It all goes back to a major principle of child-rearing: Only reinforce--with words or applause--what you want to see repeated.

There's more to it, of course 

Many of us believe the true core of an individual's self-esteem lies even deeper. Karl Barth, a renowned thinker and theologian of the Twentieth Century put it this way, "The greatest theological insight I have ever had is this: 'Jesus loves me, this I know, for the Bible tells me so.'"

You may recognize that line from the song many kids learn in Sunday School or Children's Church. To plant the certainty of that first line in a child's mind gives them an "outside source"--separate from family members or other individuals--by which to gauge their self-worth. One who never changes.

Step into the shoes of any child or young person. They are trying to figure out who they are in a world that pulls them in all directions. Parents may urge one path, the child wants another.

Moms and dads worry because they see possible trouble ahead, trouble their children argue against.

Why? Why?

It helps to remember that children and teens only know what they have experienced so far. They often feel uncertain about everything and overwhelmed and well may have nothing to hang onto.

That's one reason they so often "drive their parents crazy." It's a waste of emotion to expect that they would--or could--look at life and the world around them as their mom or dad does.

Think what it would mean to know deep down that you have value every moment of every day. Not because you deserve it or earned it, but because Jesus loves you. The Bible backs up that statement. Year after year the Christian Bible is the best-selling book.

According to several reliable sources, about 20 million copies of the Holy Bible were sold last year, just in the United States.  

There must be a reason why  

The message that weaves throughout the Bible is that Jesus, true God and true man, lived and willingly died so that anyone who believes in him as their Savior and Lord, is set right with God. 

For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.  John 3:16

That's the basis for this children's song: 

"Jesus loves me, this I know, for the Bible tells me so ... "

It is simple, profound truth that brings unshakable certainty one is loved. No conditions. No exceptions.  

Children convinced of this will be better equipped to handle whatever may come into their lives. Their self-confidence will be strong and rest on a solid base.

Isn't that what you want for your children? And yourself?

Blessings to you,

Lenore


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