A WOMAN'S VIEW ~ Lenore Buth: Valentine's Day

February can be risky territory, especially for husbands

Especially for my husband, because this is the month in which we were married. So he has two opportunities to fall flat.

It wouldn't be so bad if it weren't for all the ads that run this time of year, all touting, "Show your love how much you care!"

All a guy has to do, say the advertisers, is buy what they're peddling. Flowers, diamonds, chocolate-dipped strawberries, sexy lingerie, even footed all-in-one pajamas. (Can Chia Hearts be far behind?)

It's advertising hype, pure and simple, and I know it. But I'm a romantic--isn't that part of being female?--so I fantasize.

Over the years I wasted too many "Big Days" in February because my sweet husband, being a guy, didn't show up with something. He'd say, "Oh, Honey, I forgot. I'm sorry!" And he was.

I'd mouth the words, "That's okay," and paste on a phony smile, telling myself to grow up.

Enter The Big Chill. Poor me thinking. Frequent sighs. You know the drill.

Years of living together taught me a greater truth

My perspective changed. Now I know:

Any Valentine's Day, anniversary or birthday is less important than the other 364 days of the year.

What matters most is how love plays out day-after-day.

Love eats his bride's latest kitchen experiment and pronounces the strange-looking mixture, "Delicious."
Love holds his extremely pregnant wife while she wails, "I'm huge! And I can't get any shoes on except flip-flops!" Love replies, "I think you've never been more beautiful, Sweetheart."
Love says, "I'll take care of the kids over the weekend. You go to that getaway with your friends. We'll be just fine."
Love says, "No, no, no. You're the one who deserves a new coat. Mine's good for another winter."
Love puts the coffee on because he knows she needs a cup to get going in the morning.
Love thinks his receding hairline is "sexy" and love handles are comfy.
Love overlooks her stretch marks and mastectomy scars and her tendency to lose track of time.
Love sees the girl he married even when she walks stooped-over and with a cane.
Love sees her sweetheart, even when he sometimes can't remember her name.
And vice versa.

I've learned--sometimes the hard way--that mutual loving kindness and consideration nourish a marriage, just as regular feeding and watering help a rosebush bloom and thrive.

Let's rejoice in what is

Today I know what matters most to me is the enduring love between my husband and me. I count that more precious than all the diamonds in South African mines.

When it comes to special days like Valentine's Day and anniversaries, let's not miss an amazing, humbling point:

You and I hold the power to make every day a special day for the one we love--and ourselves.

Maybe that sounds too simplistic, but it's true.

So let's Keep It Simple, Sweeties!

An anytime checklist

Many of us are familiar with 1 Corinthians 13, which often is spoken at weddings.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking. It is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs ... It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails ... And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. (vv. 4-8, 13 NIV)

Think of these verses as a sort of plumb line to live by. Can we do that, day after day? No, because we're sinners, unable to live perfect lives.

But know this: When we make that our aim, love and joy will grow, right where we are. Guaranteed.

Still learning, too,

Lenore